I’m suffering from “Internet Overload” today. There’s just way too much stuff that caught my attention on the World Wide Spider web today to concentrate on just one thing. I feel like I should take my “Dirt Devil” vacuum and attach the suction device to my brain in an attempt to clear out all of this stuff.
Not being able to locate the proper attachment to do that, I opted to simply get it all out of my brain by writing about it on today’s blog in the hope that, once I write all this stuff, I’ll be free of it. It’s either that or seek the help of an exorcist. You DO know the Catholic Church still has those guys on their payroll don’t ya? Hmmmm. Wonder if they take Visa or MasterCard?
Ok….think I’ll just purge my brain by letting it all out here.
First. “Waffle House,” a restaurant that obviously serves waffles, is embroiled in a scandal. A “sex” scandal.” Geez….is there any other kind?
Waffle House’s chairman, Joseph Rogers Jr., no relation to Roy Rogers, Mr. Rogers, Ginger Rogers, Rogers & Hart, Kenny Rogers, Buck Rogers, or Roger Rabbit, (whew) is being accused of sexual harassment. In deference to regular ordinary harassment….without sex. Which no one really cares about.
His housekeeper said that Rogers allegedly demanded that she perform sexual acts on him in order to keep her job. No sex acts with waffles were involved, as far as I know at this point. Rogers claims that he had a “series of infrequent consensual sexual encounters” with the woman, but claims he was a victim of blackmail.
His comments: “I am a victim of my own stupidity, but I am not going to be a victim of a crime….extortion. That was wrong of me and I am very sorry for the pain and embarrassment I’ve caused my wife and family. There is no excuse for what I have done.”
No charges have been filed against Rogers and police are investigating the matter to see if there actually might have been any abuse involving waffles, pancakes or underage sausages.
WAIT! WAIT! Find out if those aliens are Republicans or Democrats first!
Next. Rats. Yes. Rats. Not the kind the Mafia likes to get rid of, but the kind that officials in the Galapagos Islands want to get rid of. Lots and lots of stinkin’ no good rotten dirty low down rats. 180 million of them to be exact.
In order to preserve the habitat of various birds and species on the Galapagos Islands, officials have ordered a massive rat kill. So how do ya kill 180 million rats? Simple. Drop 22 tons of poison on them. Which is only supposed to be fatal to the rats, but, how can ya really be absolutely sure?
My theory is this. If you’re planning to visit the Galapagos Islands this year, ya might want to put off that trip until the 22 tons of rat poison has had a chance to dissipate. Along with the dead bodies of those 180 million rats. Which raises yet another burning question. Who’s gonna go around picking up dead rats and where are they gonna dispose of them? Unless they import 180 million cats. Just sayin.’
Onward:
Of course the election is still festering in people’s minds. Fester, fester, fester. So we have two election stories to cover today.
Foist….um…sorry….first how some people have reacted to Obama’s reelection. (so far no reports of “hari kari” incidents) Or Drew Carey incidents. Yet. Here’s a few of them.
Robert Murray, CEO of the coal company “Murray Energy,” displayed his dissatisfaction with the election by reading a prayer to his employees and then laying off 50 of them.
“Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. You let Obama get reelected, shame, shame, shame. Amen. Ok, you 50 employees over there in mine shaft number 3, you’re being laid off. Just as a token of my displeasure with the election. Um….nothing personal mind you.”
“Does this mean you’re giving us the bird?”
“Um….no….it died.”
“Papa John’s Pizza” CEO John Schnatter, a big donor to Mitt Romney’s campaign, schnatterized his employees by cutting their hours in order to pay for the president’s health care law. Saving himself some dough. Um, is this the same guy who gave away two million pizzas in a recent NFL promotion? Oops…..hey, ya gotta make up for the cost of those free pizzas someplace ya know.
Food for thought. (Thnx Kimberley A. Johnson)
(Another idiot, feeling somwhat left out, also decided to stick it to his customers for Obama’s election victory. John Metz, a franchisee owner of a West Palm Beach, Florida “Dennys” will now be adding a 5% surcharge on all ordered at his Dennys to cover the cost of “Obamacare.” Florida…..Florida…..puleeeeese. Secede now and take that Dennys restaurant with you)
“Pssssst. Don’t worry……I’ll find a way to make up for the loss.”
John Burke, a New Jersey financial strategist has a good plan for the impending disaster because Obama was elected. He’s thinking of turning all of his assets into gold and then burying the gold in multiple places on his ranch. Which, I think, has prompted a number of local Home Depot and Lowe’s stores in New Jersey to stock up on a really good supply of metal detectors. With a free pair of night goggles included.
Oops….sorry….wrong kind of gold digger. I told ya I was kinda confused today!
An unnamed GOP official in Texas last week called on his state to separate from the rest of the country and the “maggots” who helped elect Obama. An affront to all self-respecting maggots who, as we all know, are perfectly contented working on CSI programs and are not really allowed to vote. The Governor, Rick, (remember me) Perry, (R) and RedState founder Erick Erickson, no relation to Leif Ericson, (some Norse guy) called on secessionists to stop all this bulls**t. Well, they didn’t say it that way, but kinda. It was more like, “If you do, good luck with that, but this is not the place for you.”
I personally can think of a few places, but they’re only in my mind.
Oh yeah…..and an “unnamed GOP official.”
Finally. Mitt Romney made a comment on the news this week saying that the only reason Obama won the election is that he gave a bunch of gifts to voters. Namely, blacks, Hispanics and young voters. And, as far as I can determine, this might have been unfair considering Christmas, and gift giving, is still a good month away,. Not fair, not fair at all.
I can state unequivocally that I personally never received any gifts from Obama. Not even a freakin’ engraved with a White House insignia swizzle stick or somethin.’ WTF!
Then again, I do not fall into the black, Hispanic, or young voter category. Old, feeble senile, and on Social Security category perhaps. But Damn! I voted. Don’t I deserve a freakin’ gift too?
One more reason my day started out wrong.
Um….WAIT!
Come to think of it I did get a free “I Voted” sticker.
Hey Mitt! Does that count as a free gift?
OK….I’m done. I feel much better getting all of that outta my system now.
Except for this last one. Why is it comedians keep linking Senator Mitch McConnell and turtles together?
I don’t get it?
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