I must admit that as a humor writer I tend to subscribe to a lot of off the wall sites because I obviously, on many occasions, find something humorous to write about.
This of course excludes the mainstream media sites, which, on occasion, also gives me something humorous to write about. Like the 2016 election. But, today I am NOT GOING THERE.
Um……ok….just this one time……I promise……
Besides, I’m getting low on my tranquilizers so I don’t wanna waste any by going on a political tirade.
Sooooooo, I went with a story from “The Express” from London today by Sean Martin which caught my eye and seems safe to comment on without anyone going ballistic. I think.
This was the headline that got my attention…….only because scientists are a bunch of wild and crazy guys and I love what they spend time on researching.
Here’s the headline………….
“Some patients reported an out-of-body experience but just 2 percent said their experience was consistent with the feeling of an outer body experience – where one feels completely aware and can hear and see what’s going on around them after death.”
(which is more good news if you happen to say something bad about the deceased in those few minutes he or she is clinically dead. Like, “Boy was that guy a real a**hole.”)
BUT….yes, there’s always a damn but.
“However, the most significant finding of the study is that of a 57 year-old man who is perhaps the first confirmed outer body experience in a patient.”
(wait for it)
“The man was able to recall with eerie accuracy what was going on around him after he had died temporarily.
(um….scrap that last part about saying something bad about someone if you’re near them when they croak)
Now this particular guy they’re referring to had been floating around in limbo, (my guess….the limbo part) for close to three minutes with no heartbeat.
And the researchers stated, “This is paradoxical, since the brain typically ceases functioning within 2 -30 seconds of the heart stopping and doesn’t resume again until the heart has been restarted.” (using jumper cables I would assume)
Or perhaps, “Hey, this guy is supposed to be dead, is Gawd f**king with us?”
Or, “Hey pal, considering you were clinically dead, and you like were hovering over your body, did ya happen to catch a glimpse of tomorrows lottery number?”
Worth a shot……..can’t hurt.
So, once again scientists are screwing around with our brains to the point that all of us are gonna become paranoid about hovering over our cold dead bodies for a few minutes after we’ve been pronounced dead. Thanks a lot you brainiacs.
As if we don’t have enough to worry about as it is. Now we gotta worry about worrying about WTF is going on during those last few minutes while we’re hovering between life and death.
I would assume 98 percent of those hovering over their bodies and wondering if they’ll be resuscitated or not would be thinking, “Cripes, zap me with that dam defibrillator guys….NOW!!!!!”
Mine, on the other hand, (thinking the same thing) would be, “F**k…..did I ever delete all those porno photos on my computer….DAMN!”
Just a thought there guys.
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