“Um, Igor, Hand Me That Head Over There.”

mmmmmm

Sorry…..my brain wasn’t in there…….spaghetti

Most people who read this blog know by now that my brain does not function like normal people’s brains. How do I know this? Because when something really strange is in the news, who do ya think gets a heads up about it? Yep……yours truly.

As evidenced by fellow blogger John Roycroft who sent me a “heads up” alert on something he knew I wouldn’t be able to resist writing a blog about. Kinda like dangling a carrot in front of a rabbit.

Hereeeee Misfit......comeon boy.....comeon.....

Hereeeee Misfit……comeon boy…..comeon…..

BUT, I may be brain deficient, (and like carrots)  but keep in mind that HE read the story as well.

Here was John’s Facebook post:

“So I read an article that says we are only a couple of years away from successful human head transplants. I just can’t seem to get my mind around why we need to do that. What possible reason would there be to get a head replacement? I suppose it could be an option for those transgender people. Give them a normal thinking head. Although why waste a perfectly good head on someone with a mental disorder? After all, then you get stuck with a head that has a mental disorder and just who the hell would want that? Which leaves the question of what do you do with all the heads that got swapped out? Head shops?!
Hey Richard Vittorioso (aka Misfit) There’s a hell of a blog idea for you. You’re welcome”

Geez…..thanks John. Why just the other day I said to myself, “Cripes, I wish I could get a head transplant.”

I wasn’t thinking about the one sitting on my shoulders if ya catch my drift.

Sorry…..couldn’t resist that one.

Always check with "Angie's List" first before having a head transplant

Always check with “Angie’s List” first before having a head transplant

Alas, the “head transplants” we’re gonna talk about today are the ones that hold your eyeballs….among other things.

Enter Italian scientist Sergio Canavero, (obviously very high on olive oil or something) who works, or whatever, at the “Turin Advanced Neuromodulation Group” …….(don’t EVEN ask, I have no freakin’ idea what the hell “neuromodulation” means) who sez, “his “Gemini” spinal fusion protocol could be used to extend the lives of patients suffering from progressive muscle and nerve diseases and terminal cancer.”

mmmmm

YES!!!!!!!!!!!! We can finish our Scrabble game!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And is there a catch here…like..um….what’s up doc? What’s this new and groundbreaking idea that ya got that might extend patients lives?”

Wellll…….Sergio sez that he believes head transplants in humans are possible and that the first could occur as early as 2017.

Hang in there Bill O’Reilly…….help is on the way.

mmmm

Yeah…..me neither

But……..most of his colleagues in the medical world are skeptical about the potential for this freaky surgery.

Geez……..go figure. Scientists think his idea for head transplant surgery is freaky?  Obviously none of his colleagues have ever seen the movie “Young Frankenstein.” Duh.

Easy Doc.....Have ya lloed at his face? He may need a plastic surgeon

Great job with the head transplant doc, but not so great on your choice of faces

Sooooo. What’s Dr. Franken….um…..sorry, I meant, Dr. Canavero presently doing to accomplish his goal and get a “head start” on any possible competition?

First of all he sez if he were ever to actually conduct the procedure, his first challenge would be to identify the right patients. One would need to be the recipient, a person who is mentally well but who has a body that is failing.

My first thought doc……………….

mmmm

#!&#@!# Not funny Misfit

Which is very good news considering in those Frankenstein movies ya always have to go out on a dark night with your creepy assistant Igor, dig up a dead body, and drag it back to the lab. Verrrry messy.

So how does Sergio propose getting around that Digger O’Dell stuff in the dead of night?

Well, simple. The suitable donor body would need to come from a brain-dead patent. (For his first try, Canavero plans to use two brain-dead patients.)

Any volunteers? Suggestions? Anybody you know personally that may be presently brain-dead. Ex wives….bosses….a politician perhaps…….or MY first thought…………..

In this instance, dump the head

In this instance, dump the head…..save the body…….maybeeeeee

Sooooooooooo, exactly what does this procedure involve? (not for the squeamish)

To quote the article by Jessica Firger of CBS News: 

“Both the recipient’s head and the donor’s body would need to be cooled sufficiently to allow more time for the cells to survive without an oxygen supply. The recipient’s head would then be connected to the donor’s body. The two ends of the spinal cords are then fused together by flushing the area with polyethylene glycol. Studies have shown that this chemical can help promote regrowth of cells that make up the spinal cord.”

I think I’m gonna barf……………………….

“The muscles and blood supply would then be joined and the patient kept in a coma for three to four weeks to prevent movements. Implanted electrodes would be used to stimulate the spinal cord in order to encourage the body to strengthen new nerve connections. He says fusion could also be achieved by injecting stem sells or olfactory ensheathing cells, which make up the linking of the nose and brain.”

Why is it images of Walt Disney’s head comes to mind? Anybody know if he’s still on ice somewhere?

Guess that answers that question

Guess that answers that question

Ok…..so the Doc goes on to say that he’s got most of the details nailed. Or glued. Or whatever he’s gonna use to securely attach a head.

He went on to explain it further:

“The type of surgical knife could make the difference between a head transplant that’s a success or failure because there is a risk of damaging the spinal cords attached to both the body and head. “A specially fashioned diamond microtomic snare-blade is one option; a nanoknife made of a thin layer of silicon nitride with a nanometer sharp cutting edge is another alternative,” Canavero writes in his paper. “Notably, the mechanical strength of silicon is superior to that of steel.”

Um, so much for trying this at home. Unless you have one of those really neat but expensive knife sets.

Hmmmm.....might work

Hmmmm…..might work

However, as always, there’s always someone standing in the wings ready to put a damper on things. Step front and center Patricia Scripko, (no relation to the people who make Scripto pens) who is a neurologist and bioethicist at the Salinas Valley Memorial Healthcare System in California who, again from the article, thinks many in the medical community fear this surgery could eventually be used for the wrong reasons.

“If a head transplant were ever to take place, it would be very rare. It’s not going to happen because someone says ‘I’m getting older, I’m arthritic, maybe I should get a body that works better and looks better.”

Damn! So much for any of us thinking we could dump our old run down bodies and just slap our present heads on. Or, dump our old heads and slap a new body on.

Um….wait…..I don’t think I’d opt for that last one there. Hmmmm.

This DOES require some thought here. Don’t wanna screw up like my friend Irwin did on his  transplant………………

mmmmm

This is soooo confusing. If I opt to dump my body and have my present head transplanted on to a new body, um, do I get to pick out which body I want? Do I have a choice of genders? (not that “I’d” opt to switch genders but  there are a lot of pervs out there who ARE thinking that)

And just so you don’t think this is a  lot of baloney, or salami, (your choice of meat here) more quotes from the article:

“In 1950s, a scientist in the Soviet Union, Vladimir Petrovich Demikhov, was the first to try out a version of head transplant surgery on dogs when he created a two-headed canine. Demikhov fused the head and hind legs of a puppy to a larger canine. Both dogs died a few days later from immune system rejection.”

“A story published in Time magazine in 1955 described the scene as the researchers presented the animal at meeting of the Moscow Surgical Society: “On the platform close to the guests of honor stood a large white dog, wagging its tail. From one side of its neck protruded the head of a small brown puppy. As the surgeons watched, the puppy’s head bit the nearest white ear. The white head snarled.”

mmmmmm

Which could also explain why the white-headed dog snarled

Moral: Never bite the hand that transplants your head. Or something to that effect.

Me….I’m not really into thinking about having a head transplant. Unless it’s that “other” head I mentioned earlier in this blog. And only because I figure if they can, (thinking of the Lorena Bobbitt episode) successfully transplant THAT head at least my present head, (the one on my shoulders) will still remember what the old “head” couldn’t do and how much more the “new head” will be able to do.

And don’t EVEN think that “I” was the only guy thinking that. Including you John Roycroft.

Just sayin,’

P.S. My apologies for the length of this blog….I lost my head.

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Another Edition Of: “Days You Should Be Celebrating In March.”

march1 March, of course, is best noted for people telling you to f**k off and go fly a freakin’ kite. KITE FRANKLIN

As well as St. Patrick’s Day. And we all know the Irish will be celebrating in pubs all across the land this month in honor of St. Patrick’s Day, along with every month in the course of a year. The Irish motto: “I’ll drink to THAT!” Which is why the Irish are continually celebrating. But, just a bit more on St. Paddy’s Day.

irish2 But besides St. Patrick’s Day, there are many more days to celebrate, as well as having an excuse to belt down a few drinks. So, let’s begin with some of the ones I found interesting for the month of March.

1st: National Pig Day

UM....no.....soreeeee.

UM….no…..soreeeee.

Unless you’re into that stuff. But I don’t think that’s what they’re referring to when it comes to national Pig day.

YES! This one.....

YES! This one…..

1st: Peanut Butter Lovers Day. You could either celebrate the day by taking an elephant to lunch or simply play a game entitled, “How much peanut butter can I stuff into my mouth and then try to talk to someone and make sense.”

How peanuts are made

How peanuts are made

3rd: If Pets Had Thumbs Day

mmmmmm

But, it does come in handy for hitchhiking if ya don’t care which direction you’re going in

3rd: If You Want To Be Happy Day

mmmmm

If I only had all of them

5th: Multiple Personality Day

mmmmm

As well as oink, hiss and buzz

8th: Be Nasty Day.

You can start with using the “F” word wherever you go. Or, if you’re already using that word in abundance, try not to use it on this day and then people who know you’re a nasty son-of-a-bitch will ask you WTF is wrong with you, THEN, you can tell them to f**k off.

mmmmmm

Never have a personal relationship with a squirrel especially on Be Nasty Day

9th: Panic Day

OMG!!!! OMG!!! OMG!!! We’re allll gonna die…OMG!! Um…er…..wait! Sorry, that’s not till the 9th. Neverrrrrrr mind.

mmmmm

Why men go outside to smoke. PANIC! PANIC!

11th: Johnny Appleseed Day

mmmm

Sooooo, what else was Johnny planting? Hmmmm……Johnny Pothead….if ya catch my drift

12th: Girl Scouts Day

mmmm

Why Boy Scouts were unsuccessful selling cookies like the Girl Scouts

17th: St. Patrick’s Day

mmmm

In which lifetime?

18th: Goddess of Fertility Day

That's the bad news. But the good news is....

That’s the bad news. But the good news is….you’re gonna have lots of kids

20th: Extraterrestrial Day

mmmmm

OMG….humans are sooooo frightening

22nd: National Goof Off Day

mmmmm

Can also be celebrated each and every month on any day of your choice

24th: Chocolate Covered Raisin Day

mmmmm

Or…..Writing A Stupid Blog day

26th: Make Up Your Own Holiday Day

mmmmmmmm

Hmmm. THIS requires some thought……give me a few minutes here

27th: National Joe Day. Yes, we all know “Joes” that deserve recognition on this special day. Joe Blow, Average Joe, G.I. Joe, Joe Cool, (Snoopy) and the ever popular, “Cup of Joe.” However, personally, there’s one Joe I’d like to forget.

Me thinkith so would John McCain

Me thinkith so would John McCain

28th: Something On A Stick Day

mmmmm

Not this time honeeee…..I took 8 Viagra pills….heh, heh

29th: Smoke and Mirrors Day

mmmm

DON’T ANSWER THAT!!!!! She’ll dock you for sure pal

31st: National Clam on A Half Shell Day

mmmmm

How fried clams become fried clams

Well, there ya have it folks. All kinds of ways to celebrate the month of March. Now just pick out which one you’d like to celebrate and enjoy.

Me….I’m going to celebrate that one on the 26th of March, “Make up Your Own Holiday Day.”

Which is this one I made up up. And hope it catches on. Which is, “National Avoid Women With PMS Day.”

Works for me.........

Works for me………

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Lobster CSI: Subtitled: “Oceans Six.” Or…….”Lobstergate.”

mmmmm

I think you’re on to something Agent Lobsterstokes

*************(UPDATE)***********The lobsterman mentioned in today’s blog, Justin Maderia will not face charges for dating, um, sorry, for catching undersized lobsters. A judge declared a mistrial after a jury told the court it was unable to reach a unanimous decision**********************************************

I see a new movie coming down the pike….”Oceans Six,” starring George Clooney as an errant lobsterman run afoul of the law. Or, a new CSI TV spinoff……”CSI Lobster.”

YES! We have a major lobster crime taking place as we speak, or, um, as I write today’s breaking news about lobster crime here in Connecticut. Horrible I tell ya….horrible. The despicable things people do to poor innocent underaged lobsters. Even the Mafia isn’t this bad.

mmmm

Ok…OK…..so maybe they are

But this crime involves short lobsters.

And, being short myself, five feet, four inches, I can relate to this story.

In case you’ve been under a reef or something, let me drag you into this net of intrigue with a big claw.

mmmmmm

Or a biggggg knife

 

According to an article in “The New London Day” newspaper, it seems that a Stonington, Connecticut lobsterman, Justin Maderia, is accused of, (gasp) harvesting undersized lobsters in January of 2014.

Which, I guess is something like dating a woman who is not of age but you thought she was of age because she damn well looked older, although she was short, but you figured, what the hell, maybe she really is older.

mmmmm

Even if they are of age

Justin and his brother Travis operate the fishing boat “Lindy” and are charged with being in possession of four lobsters short of the 3 3/8 inch state minimum. Which I would assume, in their defense, is very hard to determine if you’re hauling in gazillions of lobsters, they all look the same, and ya can’t whip out a tape measure and measure each one.

AND….sure as hell, no undersized lobster is gonna come out and raise their claw and say, “Hey, I’m undersized ya damn jerk, throw me back.”

mmmmm

Obviously this applies to Connecticut lobstermen as well

Which causes a dilemma. Because then the brothers sold the lobsters to a local business and it’s against the law to sell undersized lobsters…..knowingly. However, they argue that their lobsters were mixed in with other lobsters so, basically, as I see it, and I suppose they do too, who TF knows whose lobsters are whose?

But, as lobstergate continues in a court of law, I found it amusing that this whole story involved lobsters caught in what the “Department of Energy and Environmental Protection, ” (DEEP) call “Area 6″ which is part of Long Island Sound and part of Block Island, R.I., that conservation officer Gregory Ulkus testified that he received information that a local business was illegally buying those undersized lobsters, soooooo, he………in his own words…..

“Watched the Lindy coming into Stonington harbor and then followed Maderia in an unmarked car, (most likely one of those NCIS souped up Dodge Chargers) and watched him go into the business, “Seafood Etc,” and observed Justin and Travis (gasp) placing lobsters from a tote into a tank.” OMFG!!!

mmmmmm

Um….I’m not quite sure if this is the tank in question

To quote Ulkus:   “As I began looking at them, (the lobsters) I immediately noticed a couple of them were going to be short.. I began measuring all of them.”

His conclusion. At least (gasp) four were shorter that the legal length. Kinda like being at a carnival, wanting to go on a ride, but the sign says you have to be this tall.

Now I said I found this amusing. Not that the Maderia’s are in deep water, (pun) for allegedly selling undersized lobsters, but that this guy who’s a conservation officer drives an unmarked car so that guys catching lobsters won’t suspect they’re being watched.

Now if you were a fisherman would YOU be on the lookout for an unmarked car? Probably not. Maybe lobsters staging a protest, but surely not someone spying on you in an unmarked car.lobster9

It’s not like you were involved in a major crime here. True, if you were selling marijuana to undersized lobsters, or, at the least giving lobsters steroids to make them bulk up, I could see the need for an undercover operation possibly involving lobster SWAT teams, NCIS, (the water factor) and maybe even the “American Civil Liberties Union” for discrimination against short lobsters.”

Hmmm. Wonder what unmarked cars owned by lobster inspectors look like?

Well....it "IS" unmarked.....kinda

Well….it “IS” unmarked…..kinda

Anyhow, it remains to be seen how this will all turn out. Presently Justin Maderia’s fate will be determined by a six-member lobster jury and if found guilty of fraternizing with short lobsters could face a year in prison.

So, you ask yourselves, why is this such a big deal for the government?

Because, as David Simpson, director of marine fisheries for DEEP, (no relation to the TV Simpsons) pointed out, “We do have an ongoing very serious problem in Long Island Sound. A resource collapse. (lobsters) It’s really our worse nightmare. The concern is if we slip much more, we may not be able to rebuild the stock.”

Which means basically that lobsters need to be able to reproduce. Which I guess means that they have to grow to full size in order to get it on with other lobsters and if ya catch them before they are full size they never get to experience sex with other lobsters and therefore can’t reproduce.

Not being an expert on lobster sex, BUT, being short myself, I don’t quite understand why lobsters who are short can’t have sex.

But, who TF am I to question at what age or size lobsters can get it on with other lobsters. Must be yet another government department with unmarked cars, or submarines who study lobster reproduction that know all that stuff.

mmmm

No good rotten ratfinks

Gawd…..the things ya learn on the Internet.

Excuse me….I’m going to the seafood store to buy some scallops. BUT……first I’m checking to see if an unmarked government scallop car is following me and I’m bringing a measuring tape with me jussssst in case.

Oh yeah……you knew THIS was coming……….   http://youtu.be/n4QSYx4wVQg

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Geez…..It’s Been Over 24 Hours Since A Politician Said Something Stupid. WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG!!!!

It’s not too often that I get to award the prestigious MisfitWisdom “Flying Fickle Finger Feather Award” to a local politician, but, today’s honor goes to (Ta Da) Representative Antonio Guererra, D-Rocky Hill,  Connecticut for outstanding stupidity above and beyond the realm of stupidity.

(Applause)

mmmmm

Presented to Rep. Antonio Guererra

First of all, let me clarify this a bit. I’m NOT saying the honorable Representative is “stupid.” I’m saying what HE said was stupid. So, form your own conclusion as to where you’d like to place him.

Now the facts. Which as I always say, tend to cloud up the issue.

In a front page article in the “New London Day” newspaper on February 26th entitled, “Pros and Cons of Tolls Debated,” which is about the state of Connecticut debating the return of toll booths, Representative Guererra said that he would love an alternative to tolls if there is one out there.

Hmmmmm. Alternative to tolls if one is out there? Hmmmm.

Eureka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mmmm

Just space these properly at the state lines and ANY out-of-state motorist would be more than happy to contribute

He went on to say…………..

“But I haven’t seen it and we keep kicking the can down the road. I’m tired that people traveling through our state don’t pay. They ruin our roads and everyone in this room foots the bill. I can’t understand why people don’t understand this.”

His comments were made before the General Assembly’s Transportation Committee which he is the Co-Chairman.

mmmmm

Now, “I,” speaking for myself, may be stoopid. Not having anything to do with politics, and taking part in ruining those roads myself, BUT, how do ya figure out-of-staters who travel on Connecticut roads are ruining them in comparison to all the residents in Connecticut who also do their fair share of ruining the state’s roads as well.

Is there something we don’t know about people from out-of-state who drive on our roads that cause them to ruin our roads more than the state’s residents?

Like do they drive heavier cars or something? Or drive slower when they enter Connecticut and ruin our roads because residents driving cars have to speed up to pass them thereby causing wear and tear on the asphalt?

mmmm

Not to mention snail drivers screwing up our highways with snail slime

Or are there just waaaay to many people traveling through Connecticut so we locals can’t get on our own roads and ruin them ourselves?

Beats the f**k outta me.

For example, traveling on Interstate 95 today I took note of all of the out-of-state vehicles using the road as I was just cruising at my normal speed of 85 mph doing my share of ruining Connecticut’s roads.  Every time I saw an out-of-state vehicle, I said to myself, “Bastard, why the hell don’t ya stay in your own state and ruin your own freakin’ roads instead of comin’ here and ruining ours.”

Good thing I was driving my specially designed car so they’d get the message.

Yep.....I bought one of these

Yep…..I bought one of these

So, according to Representative Guererra, the best way to solve this road ruination problem by out-of-staters is to make them son of a bitches pay. Ya wanna drive on our roads, do ya punks. Well pay up!

Of course we all know where this is going. First of all, state residents will be all pissed off because we’ll have to go back to avoiding those tolls booths, if enacted, by sneaking around those back roads to get where we’re going. Meaning we’ll be ruining more and more of those back roads as well. While, of course, the out-of-staters get to ruin the major highways.

But, the state can repair them from the cash they’ll get from the tolls. So, I guess it’s a win win situation. Unless you’re an out-of-stater.

Now, as I see it, considering Rep. Guererra said he’d love to see an alternative to tolls, there is another option. Stop these people coming into Connecticut and ruining our roads by giving them a reason not to come into Connecticut.

Hmmm.....might work

Hmmm…..might work

How simple is that!

Now for instance. When the state allowed the construction of two major casinos, Mohegan Sun and Foxwoods, legislators jumped for joy at the prospect of gazillions and trillions of dollars going into state coffers thanks to the deal they cut where casinos have to give a share of their revenues to the state.

Same thing I also do on occasion.

“Oh joy…oh joy….oh joy….money money money……happeeeeee days are here again. All our budget problems are solved. Oh joy……”

Fast forward some years later, like today, and the battle cry is, “Oh woe are us……we’re running out of money….gloom, doom, budget crisis, roads falling apart, and those bastards from out-of-state coming to the casino are ruining our roads even more. Bastards!”

So, here’s my plan Rep. Guererra. As I said, give them SOB’s a reason not to come into Connecticut and ruin our roads. No ruined roads, no need for toll booths.

mmmmm

THIS was my first choice, but I have some better ideas below…..

How do ya do that ya ask? Simple. Stop all tourism advertising so that people will not want to come to Connecticut and ruin our roads. Do not allow either casino to advertise that they exist thereby forcing all those out-of-state gamblers to go to New York and New Jersey where they can ruin their own roads. Close down all tourist attractions, museums, theaters, rest areas, and any other place a tourist would want to visit.

Cripes….just closing down rest areas would do it for me if I were a  tourist. Can’t pee or poop driving through Connecticut would stop me from ruining roads. Maybe not good for the environment considering if I really wanted to come into Connecticut if I were a tourist I’d be inclined to say screw it and pee and poop in the woods.

Although there may be some problems with peeing and pooping in the woods

Although there may be some problems with peeing and pooping in the woods

So, as I said, how simple a plan is that! No tourists from out-of-state, no damn out-of-state tourists ruining our roads.

Now as for the rest of us who live in Connecticut, who have no choice but to use the roads here, short of catapulting ourselves to wherever we want to go, give us all a free pass to continue driving on our state’s roads without initiating toll booths.

HEY! Works for cats!

HEY! Works for cats!

Why? Because if you DO insist on “erecting” those toll booths, you’re gonna get, as Linette Beaumont says on those Viagra commercials, a bigggggg “erection” for erecting them because no state resident is gonna go thru them.

Hi honeeeeee. Got a four hour erection from sitting at a toll booth do ya....

Hi honeeeeee. Got a four hour erection from sitting at a toll booth do ya….

Again, we’re not stoopid ya know.

We know the back roads and how to avoid tolls you damn idiots.

So what’s it gonna be, (to quote Clint Eastwood) PUNK?

mmmm

For those of you who don’t remember…… this scene from “Dirty Harry.”

Make out-of-staters pay for ruining our roads, because we state residents are completely innocent of ruining our own roads, and have all those back roads get ruined by people avoiding tolls….OR………..

A completely insane idea.

Stop spending money foolishly on other things and use some of those casino and tourism dollars to keep up our highway infrastructure.

WAIT!

That was too logical.

(sigh) I guess I really am stoopid.

mmmm

A selfie

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Josie The Cat: 2/25/2015 In Memoriam

Josie

Josie

It’s never easy losing a pet. I think we’ve all been there.

Recently friends of ours had to make that tough decision all pet owners face when it comes to letting your pet go. This one about Josie, their cat of 15 years. And, if you’ve ever been put in that difficult position of deciding that it’s time to let them go, it can be heartbreaking.

Both my other half and myself have been there many times. And it never gets any easier. Part of you wants to hold on to them as long as possible, while deep inside of your soul, you know you have to let go.

While I am of the mind-set that once a pet starts to decline in health, it’s time to make that difficult decision to say goodbye, my other half tends to wait until the very last moment. Which I can understand, but disagree with.

My theory is that all pets eventually return. Kinda like I believe that humans are recycled and come back. It’s called, reincarnation. Of course I can’t be absolutely sure in which form a pet, or human comes back as, but hopefully it’s the same form that you left in.

If not, I personally want to come back as a seagull, a squirrel, or a woman. That last one only so I can finally understand women’s logic.

mmmm

OK Josie….two more to go

All cats have different personalities, as did Josie. She was a very independent cat as evidenced by the number of times I attempted to pet her while babysitting her when her parents were gone and she accepted the treats I gave her, then, immediately took a swipe at me.

Kinda like her saying, “OK pal……I’ll take those snacks but don’t EVEN try to cozy up to me or ya get the claw.” Which I did.

Susan and Rocky, Josie’s parents, (yes, pets are our children and we are their parents…and you have to own one to understand that logic) had many wonderful years pampering Josie. How many cats do YOU know that get to have shrimp for lunch. Cripes, I can’t even afford shrimp.

mmmmm

In shrimp alone!!!!

But, when your cat is your pride and joy (sorry Rocky, you come second) you give them whatever they want.

Hmmm. Ya know, on second thought, maybe I might want to come back as a cat. Shrimp doesn’t sound bad at all. Or a scallop or two. HEY! Beats a lot of that Fancy Feast food my three cats thumb their noses up at.

And no…I will not let them read this memorial blog because once they find out Josie got shrimp, I’m screwed.

As I said earlier, I am convinced pets do come back.

mmmmmm

As an example, a few years ago we lost Rhett, our pure white cat, and he too was quite up there in years. So, I kept telling my other half Rhett would come back eventually. (with soooo many cats God has his hands full as ya know….so it takes a bit of time, and I’m sure those cat lines are quite long)

Anyhow, lo and behold, what appears in our backyard one summer day. Yep, a white kitty belonging to our next door neighbors who is the spitting image, as spitting images go, of Rhett.

Of course “Buddy,” the next door cat, does not have the same disposition as Rhett did, as he likes to sneak up on me when I’m in the yard and not only scare the bejesus outta me, but give me the ol claw if I attempt to pet him.

I figure it WAS Rhett reincarnated and he’s pissed off at me because I paid more attention to one of the other cats.

Yes…..cats have attitudes. Want proof? Take a look at the attitude Clint Eastwood’s cat has………

mmmmm

Feel lucky…do ya punk….

So in conclusion, our sympathies go out to Sue and Rocky for their loss, but with a bit of comfort as well, knowing that in some time and place Josie will return. As soon as God clears up that cat waiting list.

Better keep those shrimp you have in the fridge in the freezer guys……ya never know.nine13

From Misfit, Ms. Misfit, Cassie, Olivia and Spencer.

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OMG!!! God Is A Woman!!!! Boy Are We Guys In Serious Trouble.

Catholic Priest Who Died for 48 Minutes Claims That God Is Actually A Female

(photo) Father John Michael O’Neal claims God is a woman

First of all the story line I stumbled upon while surfing the Internet from a site called, “The Controversial Files.”

(excerpts from their article are in quotes. These > “” things)

(my comments are the stupid ones NOT in quotes…..cept for one)

“A Catholic priest from Massachusetts was officially declared dead for around 48 minutes before a medical team were able to revive his heart with the help of a high-tech machine called LUCAS 2 made headlines as he claims that he got the chance to see the Almighty God and what makes his claim controversial is due to his statement that God is actually a female.”

mmmmm

Um…not yet….a few more millenniums

This basically spells trouble for all us guys who thought for sure God was one of us when we prayed for stuff. Like when we were in a bar, spotted a hot babe, and said, “Oh puleeeese Gawd, let me score one here.”

If we struck out…..NOW we know the reason why.

“Meet Father John Micheal O’Neal, he was declared dead for 48 minutes but good thing that the doctors  managed to revive his heart to a normal rhythm. The only concern that time was the huge possibility that he might suffer brain damage from the incident. But a miracle did happen as Father O’Neal woke up less than 48 minutes later and showed signs that he had perfectly recovered from the incident.”

BUT…..while he was up there did he get his parking ticket validated?

“The 71-year-old priest claims that during his 48 minutes of being dead, he had the chance to go to heaven and actually met God. People were shocked as O’Neal described God as a warm and comforting motherly figure.”

mmmmm

Hmmm. Might prove the guy was actually there

According to reports:

“The elderly man claims that he has clear and vivid memories of what happened to him while he was dead. He describes a strange out-of-body experience, experiencing an intense feeling of unconditional love and acceptance, as well as being surrounded by an overwhelming light.”

Kinda like ya feel when you’re just getting those drugs they give you when you’re about to have a colonoscopy and the last thing you remember is that damn bright light over your head.

mmmmm

Like a longgggggggggg colonoscopy tube for cripes sake!!!!

“He claims that at that point in his experience, he went to Heaven and encountered God, which he described as a feminine, mother-like “Being of Light.”

OK….I’m still going with the colonoscopy theory. Only because I myself recall, shortly after the drugs started to take effect, some really hot looking nurse standing over me, and, me thinking to myself, “Boy does she look hot under those bright lights and wow……I can, with those bright lights, almost see through her dress.” Then I think I zoned out.

mmmmm

OK…..I’m screwed

“The declarations of the cleric caused quite a stir in the Catholic clergy of the archdiocese over the last few days, causing the Archbishop to summon a press conference to try to calm the rumors”

Ok…look folks, just try and calm down here. We can’t prove that Father O’Neal actually saw God as he has reported. And, it’s not like we can call God and ask him..or…um…her…um….whatever, to verify that he was actually there.

Unless he actually did get his parking ticket validated.

But, just to be on the safe side till we’re able to clear things up, you men out there might wanna just cool it a bit when you go to confession….if ya catch my drift. Oh yeah, you women reporters in the crowd, stop that damn snickering.

“Despite the disapproval of his superiors, Father O’Neal says that he will continue dedicating his life to God and spread the word of  the “Holy Mother.”

Hey…..when in doubt….might as well cover all your bases. Jusssssst in case God really is a woman and this guy is right. Can’t hurt.

mmmmm

Now I might wanna go with the God is a woman theory

“The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Boston cannot confirm yet if they will allow Father O’Neal to resume his preaching practices in his former parish in South Boston.”

“I wish to continue preaching, I would like to share my new knowledge of the Mother, the Son and the Holy Ghost with all catholics and even all Christians. God is great and almighty despite being a woman…” – Father John Micheal O’Neal

mmmmm

If Fox News had been in a coma and had a chance to talk to God


Soooooo. As  I see it, the story, and not God as a woman, how can anyone be sure he saw what he saw or if he just imagined it because of his clerical background?

Me….I’m leaning towards him imagining he saw God, woman or not, because he’s devoted to the Catholic church and, my guess, being a holy man, obviously, when dreaming, or near death, or having a colonoscopy, would dream holy things. Makes sense to me.

I base my theory on the fact that when I, never having been near death, but dreaming and having had several colonoscopies, have had some pretty weird recollections myself. None of which have had anything to do with seeing God.

Most likely because I’m not in the clergy.

As I recall, most of my recollections have been seeing lots of numbers scroll over my head which, when I awaken, remember, then run out and play those numbers on lottery tickets. None of which have ever come in.

If only.................

If only……………..

Which may prove one thing.

That both Father O’Neal and I saw what we wanted to see. His while near death and mine while under some really great drugs.

However, not being able to prove he was right or wrong in his claim that God is a woman, there might be a bit of credibility to his claim.

I only say this because after playing those lottery numbers I always see, as I said, they never come in.

So, considering Father O’Neal’s holy stature, and mine, lusting after women, (Italian blood) me thinkith the odds are in his favor considering the odds were not in my favor playing those numbers I saw because maybe….jusssst maybe he’s right and God IS a woman and she’s pissed off at me.

mmmm

Oops…….

Just sayin.’………………….Amen.

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The Oscars: I Wanna Thank My Mother, My Mother’s Mother, My Grandmother, and…and…and…and….

mmmm

Um…I’d like to thank Comcast, my utility company………..

Can ya tell I’m not a big fan of the Oscars. Actually I’m not a big fan of ANY awards show. PERIOD!

I’ll tell ya why. The entertainment industry by far is the only industry that annually pats itself on the back for doing a job well done. Well done for giving all of us slugs such great movies and superstars.

Like no one else on the face of the earth deserves to receive an annual award on national TV where we can all thank as many people as we can before they signal us to get off the freakin’ stage or we’re gonna get the hook.

Soreeeee pal....we got more important stuff to present awards to

Soreeeee pal….we got more important stuff to present awards to

And besides sucking a lot of brain-dead TV viewers into watching the Oscars, they first subject us, (not me) into hours of agony watching people we’ve never heard of, like film editors, producers, directors, animation people, film splicers, special effects people, the caterer, sound man, along with cartoon characters, and, the only part of the show that is worth watching, remembering those who have passed on.

Some of whom they forgot, Joan Rivers, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Jan Hooks, to name a few.

BUT…….they DID remember all the behind the scenes people. Go figure.

What this all boils down to is conceit.

“Heyyyyyyyyyy. Look at us. We gave you this movie. Aren’t we Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“OMFG  we are sooooooooooooo talented.

Thnx to Brian & Greg Walker....we think alike

Thnx to Brian & Greg Walker….we think alike

AND……….you get to watch all of us on TV pat each other on the back for giving you all these great movies that WE decide which are great and deserve to get an Oscar. Only because you low life regular people who watch our movies don’t have enough intelligence to be trusted with voting what you think is a great movie.

Which is why you see us voting on what movie is great even BEFORE you slugs get to see it in a movie theater. After all, we should know what movies are great….we made them. WTF do YOU people know for Gawds sake.

mmmmmm

Do you know why a lot of people watch those award shows?

To ogle the stars. Which we, as movie goers and DVD renters of movies make millions of dollars for. WE the public made them what they are.

BUT….try and meet one. Or send one a letter. Maybe just pick up the phone and say, “Hey…..Benedict Cumberbatch, how ya doin.’ Yeah, I wuz just watchin’ yer movie and wanted to tell ya that………..huh……..you’re the doorman at Ben’s apartment building. Um, can I talk to him?”

Which is just about as far as you’ll get. Or close to.

Personally I didn’t know who TF Benedict Cumberwhatever was until they started advertising that movie “The Imitation Game.” Didn’t give a f**k either.

But there he was with just about anybody who’s nobody sitting there in the audience applauding each other and thinking to themselves, “Motherf**ker….why didn’t I get that damn Oscar. Bastards!”

mmmmm

“Silent Movie.”….um…ok……it’s ok to talk thru this one

In my own demented opinion the Oscars, along with every other pat ourselves on the back for a job well done show, should be relegated to a half hour and only shown on “Demand TV.” Best actor, actress, supporting actor and actress and best movie. What TF more do we need to know? DUH!

That way the rest of us can watch regular brain-dead mindless TV without having our normal prime time TV shows preempted to watch that crap.

Now you might think I have a chip on my shoulder. Actually several.

You’d be correct.

Why?

Because, as I stated, it’s Hollywood thanking themselves for one. Secondly, because these people , other than the gazillions they rake in from their movies, could give a big rats ass about you and I as long as we pay to see their movies and they can make a buck. Thirdly, because…..I refer back to……my “rats ass” theory.”rats ass

Yes, I have a few chips on my shoulder. Ya know, if I take the time to bang out a letter to someone, say like my friend Nicholas Bellantoni, Archeologist at the University of Connecticut, author, researcher, and well-known world wide……the guy responds. He doesn’t think he’s way above everyone else. That’s my kinda “personality.”

But, when writing my last novel, “The Covert Chamber,” I sent FREE copies to a number of directors and producers, who I shall not name because I don’t want to embarrass them, (Steven Spielberg, Ron Howard) only to get my package back unopened and refused.covert chamber

Now if “I” take the time to mail out a FREE book, ($6.95 USPS) ya think someone there would at least have opened up the package clearly marked, “BOOK.” But noooooooo.

“Hey Ron, some guy from Connecticut sent us what appears to be a book hoping that we’ll, ha, ah, ah, ha, read it and might be interested in making a movie out of it.”

“WHAT! Is that guy freakin’ nuts. Doesn’t he know WE decide what movies to make, not some slug who thinks he’s got a great book. F**k him…..just mark it refused and send it back. That’ll teach the a**hole.”laugh1

Wanna know how bright these idiots are? Take a look at these books that were “rejected” by the know it alls, or they never bothered to open a packaged marked “book,” like Spielberg and Howard and the rest that made it to the bestseller list and some of which were made into movies and…yes…..they, (the movie industry) made gazillions off of.

“The Diary of a Young Girl,” Anne Frank; “Valley of the Dolls,” Jacqueline Susann; “Animal Farm,” George Orwell; “Harry Potter,” J. K. Rowling; “Chicken Soup For The Soul,” Jack Canfield and Mark Victor, “Lolita,” Vladimir Nabokov; and “Jonathan Livingston Seagull,” Richard Bach.

So do they know what next great novel or movie could be in a package they receive? NO!

mmmm

SEEEEE,,,,,,,they could have missed this one

WHY! Because they’re too busy patting themselves on the back for what they’ve done rather for what they could be doing. Discovering NEW ideas for movies that maybe all of us want to see. By perhaps unknown writers and artists, some of whom may work in menial every day jobs, who never get any recognition or an award, but are just as talented as those conceited individuals who parade across the stage and thank everybody for making them a biggggggg success.

So the next time you watch an awards show, remember what you won’t hear.

“I’d like to thank (insert your name here) for writing this great book while (he/she) toiled away every day working at (insert job here) making $8.50 and hour so that one day (he/she) would be discovered, their book made into this wonderful movie, and I was able to receive this award.”

BUT…..what you WILL hear…………………..

“I’d like to thank the Academy, my producer Roger Grosnick, my director, Ralph Fernsdork, my writers Harvey and Seymour Gigglestein, my hair stylist, Buster Zifferman, my wardrobe consultant, Maggie Slabonsky, my personal chef, Fatso Babaloni, my mother, bless her heart, Martha, thanks mom, my dad, Melvin, my cat Fluffy, my limo driver Sam, and um…did I forget anybody…um…er…….

Eh....WAIT doc.....I ain't done thankin' everybody yet.....

Eh….WAIT doc…..I ain’t done thankin’ everybody yet…..

Just sayin.’

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