Reprise Sunday: Another Look At Thanksgiving


So here’s a reprise of my Thanksgiving blog from 2013.

Thanksgiving 2013………A Lighthearted Look At Turkeys, The Holiday, Tradition and Eating.


Well here we are. Another Thanksgiving and another day we can really pig out and not have anyone getting on our case about it. Until the following day when its leftover time.

This year I thought I’d highlight some of the lighter things about Thanksgiving with a few well chosen cartoons. Only because if I start really getting into writing most of you will have fallen asleep by the second paragraph. Has something to do with turkey tryptophan or something. Although, if that’s the case, why is it turkeys aren’t sleeping all of the time.

I personally think that is a myth. My theory is that turkey farmers, being of a compassionate nature, drug their turkeys with a few tranquilizers before they hack their heads off. Thereby transferring the tranquilizers effects to us….who then eat the turkey. My theory anyhow.

Hey! Can you come up with anything better?




And these days one always has to be careful when establishing a relationship with a turkey.

Edward Snowden Turkey

Because we men are basically a bunch of perverts and have only one thing on our mind, “boobs,” this actually makes sense to me.


However, keep in mind if life is ever discovered on other planets, pray it’s not inhabited by turkeys.


And, pause for a moment of silence for the dearly departed on this day.


In Arnold Schwarzenegger’s house at Thanksgiving there was always a problem.


You may recall that Mitt Romney wanted to get rid of Big Bird. It finally happened.


On the very first Thanksgiving, football was invented. Which leads me to conclude that the first football was made out of turkey skin. Just a guess. BUT…seems kinda logical to me.


And of course one of the deleted scenes from The Wizard of Oz.


Some of us less fortunate people sometimes have minor screw ups cooking our Thanksgiving turkey. But, nothing to fret about.


This day is also a day where you should remember that your loyal pets are a part of the family as well. Please share with them…..before they attack you and run off with a drumstick.


As I mentioned earlier, pray that turkeys do not inhabit other planets.


Naturally football is on the agenda today.


Then there’s the endless days of leftovers until it comes outta your ears. Unless, as in the MisfitWisdom household, where there’s only myself and my other half, we simply go to the city every year, trap a plump city bird, (pigeon) and serve that sucker up on Thanksgiving. Nooooooooooooooooooooo leftovers.


And for the first time in a sixty million gazillion years Thanksgiving and Hanukkah are being celebrated for the first time together. Aptly dubbed, “Thanksgivingkah.” Oy vey.


And for the rest of you turkeys who have demented minds…………………


So, that’s it folks. Hope your Thanksgiving Day is filled with warmth and happiness.

To all the turkeys who gave their lives…………..(a moment of silence)

Ok….lets eat!



Copyright 2013/2017 MisfitWisdom RLV


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Reprise Sunday: Do We Really Need All These Statues?

I went back to September 2013 and dug up this blog I wrote on statues. BEFORE statues became a political  football since The Donald became president. Then again, EVERYTHING has become a political football since he became president……even football. (sigh)

Sooooooo, everybody’s all up in arms, and legs, and other various body parts about Confederate statues. And, as we all know, tearing them down will make a better world. As well as denying that the war between the states ever existed or that any Confederate soldier, private to  General ever existed.

Hmmm…….has anyone thought about burning any books relating to that conflict as well?

Oops….just gave some wingnut an idea. Damn.

Anyhow, while the anti-statue movement continues to grow, other statues of note that may, or may not offend, are completely accepted.

Take a look……………………

Do We Really Need All These Statues

Must have been a boring day at the Associated Press this week. Reporter Charles Babington babbles on about the excessive number of statues there are all over the place. Like, all ya have to do is become somewhat of a celebrity or historic figure, and SHAZAM! someone wants to put up a statue of you.


So I was kinda curious as to what kind of statues were out there that perhaps the AP missed.

They did mention that all summer long at the mother lode of statuism, Washington, D.C., thousands of visitors take a gander at the endless statues in the Nation’s Capitol that honor the nation’s founders, leaders and legends.

Such as George Washington, father of his country. Thomas Jefferson, father of Sally Hemmings. Abraham Lincoln, preserver of the union. Jimmy Hoffa, head of a bunch of unions, and still missing, most likely buried in a field in Union, New Jersey. (no statue there honoring him or that particular spot however) And John Gorrie, inventor of the ice machine.

Yep, John Gorrie.

Why you ask, as I did. Because Mr. Gorrie, as the AP points out,  made an important contribution to history by inventing that ice machine. Not only because he invented it as a means of helping malaria patients by producing cool air, but because a guy named Willis Carrier took it a step further and invented the air conditioner based on Gorrie’s invention. Go figure.


So ya see, it doesn’t take much to have a statue erected in your honor if you are smart enough to invent a milestone invention to help all of mankind, or are a historic figure or even a celebrity.

The AP goes on to name a few more honorees such as King Kamehameha of Hawaii. James Paul Clarke, a governor and senator from Arkansas. Jeannette Rankin of Montana the first woman elected to the House. And James Z. George, (no relation to Boy George) of “Mississippi who was the Father of the Agriculture Department.”


All well deserving I might add. I think.

But, let’s take a look at what other statues there are out there that might be borderline questionable.

For instance:


Tripping along………….


Oh Yeah…..take this buddy…………..


Sooooo, how long you been waitin’ in line?


Be proud the next time someone calls YOU a blockhead.


Is it me, or does anyone immediately think of the Hollie’s song, “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother?”


Frightening memories of my last trip to the ENT docs office.


Oops….sorry honeeee, but when ya gotta go, ya gotta go.


Soon to be the next Playboy Magazine “Playmate of the Year.” Eat your heart out Hugh Hefner.


From that horror movie, “The Vagina That Ate Chicago.”


Um, take two aspirin and call me in the morning.


Anybody wanna fork around?


Don’t get too close, I have a severe case of gas pains.


Sorry folks, please don’t be too HARD on me for posting this one.


So there ya have it. A collection of notable statues that the AP may have missed and that I’m sure will be on everyone’s to visit list.

But, in conclusion, lest we forget the most notable statue of all, the Statue of Liberty……expressing her feelings about all of these other noteworthy statues…..


Just sayin.’


Copyright 2013/2017 MisfitWisdom RLV


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Reprise Sunday: The Fantastic MisfitWisdom Oldies Show

Reprise Sunday: The Fantastic MisfitWisdom Oldies Show.



From September 2012 a reprise of one of my favorite MisfitWisdom blogs. Back to the days of Top 40 radio and those good old oldies. And, being somewhat of an “oldie” myself it’s comforting to take a break from today’s ballistic news and listen to some of these songs.


Well, um….it’s fantastic to me. Only because every now and then I like to take a break from the usual nonsense that I write about, and take a well deserved breather by recalling the great days of radio broadcasting and oldie music stations that played top 40 music. Which I was a part of from the early 60’s to the late 80’s. Years….not my age.

I decided to write this because I came across Jackie DeShannon’s post on Facebook a few days ago indicating that she would be appearing on a TV show. (the interview link with Jackie is below)

See me on KTTV Good Day LA’s Tribute to Buddy Holly,

After watching the interview I was catapulted back in time to a specific Jackie DeShannon song that did not make it into the “Top 40” charts, but, which I personally thought was a great song. In fact, there were two specific DeShannon songs that I thought were great, but, both did not hit the top charts. Either I have very bad taste in music, or, everyone else does. Here’s Jackie doing, “The Prince” and “Vanilla O’Lay.”




















































I might add that Jackie, as you can tell by the interview, is still quite attractive and is still in the music business with a new CD available.

When I was a disc jockey, part of a disc jockeys job at some stations was to listen to new releases and pick one that we thought would make it to the top. It was a weekly ritual at some radio stations. Having a weird taste in music, meaning that I did not necessarily go bonkers over the Beatles, Presley etc, I always looked for something unusual. How unusual?  Well, this next video of Barry Ryan singing “Eloise,” might give ya a clue.

(I chose this French video of Barry performing because he still does it exactly as it sounded on the original record and, because the French seem to appreciate him more than we did)























I always say to myself, which I do on many occasions when no one else will listen to me, “Misfit, if you ever come into a gazillion dollars you’re going to find all these obscure recording artists and book them in a concert.” Of course I’ll never come into a gazillion dollars, so the chances of me putting on a concert are nil……..which is why I have to do it in here.

So, the next recording is one that D.J’s had a lot of fun with. It’s by a group called the “Starlites” and was recorded back in 1960. It’s the old girl dumps boy story but with a lot of wailing and crying by the lead singer towards the end of the song. They used a lot of Kleenex tissues recording this one. Lot of nose blowing too. I think.




















Can ya tell I liked really off the wall stuff.

Buddy Holly and the Crickets had huge hits back in late 50’s and early 60’s. Of course we all know the tragic fate of Buddy in a 1959 plane crash along with the “Big Bopper,” (J. P. Richardson) and Ritchie Valens. But, of all the Buddy Holly and Crickets songs that were recorded, one stands out in particular and is still being performed today by a member of the original group, Jerry “Ivan” Allison.  The song, which many of you might not be aware of, unless you’re really into Buddy Holly music is, “Real Wild Child,” performed here live by Jerry Allison who used the name “Ivan” on the record label.


















One of my picks to be a hit was this next song by a group of three girls who called themselves, “Reparata and the Delrons.” singing, “Whenever A Teenager Cries.” (1964)  It really didn’t make it to the “Top 40,” only reaching mid way through the charts. But, it was a great song if you were a teenager and cried a lot. Lots of crying going on in records in those days.















Of course the Everly Brothers had many blockbuster hits during their years which spanned many years, from their first hit, “Bye Bye love” in 1957 to their last charted hit,”Bowling Green,” which only made it to number 40 on the top charts. My favorite, “Gone, Gone, Gone” performed live:













As you can tell by now, I was a bit off the main stream when it came to rock and roll music. Well, at least some mainstream songs, not artists. For instance, the Four Seasons. Yes, they had many great songs and Frankie Valli, the lead signer, still does concerts today. But, again, one of my favorite songs you’ve probably never heard or, if you did, most likely never bought it, was called “Idaho.” It wasn’t a hit. In fact, I don’t think it even appeared on a chart anywhere or if they even perform it in any of their concerts. Probably because they’re trying to forget they recorded it. After listening to this song, you might understand why. But, I love it. Maybe a few people in Idaho do too.











Now, you might be asking yourselves, how did I ever get such an off the wall taste in music. Well, being an only child, my best friend was my dog, and, for those of you who were brought up in the 50’s, you may recall there were only 2 or 3 TV stations to choose from, and, prior to Dick Clark’s “American Bandstand,” I was relegated to secluding myself in my parent’s basement and entertaining myself with old 78 RPM records using a wind up phonograph player. Which is how me and the dog spent our time. He eventually left, totally bored out of his mind from the music I was playing. Damn dog.

So, what influenced my musical tastes? This very first record. From this point on, after listening to Phil Harris and “The Thing,” it was downhill for me. I would always gravitate towards the unusual and mostly “one hit wonder” type hit songs.







I always wanted to record a song myself, but never had the opportunity. However, my old friend and recording artist “Willie Loco Alexander” did record a song about our childhood lives on one of his albums, “The Dragons Are Still Out,” entitled, “Me and Dick V.” Which is the closest I will ever come to being imortalized……at least on vinyl.

So, hope you enjoyed today’s “MisfitWisdom Fantasic Oldies Show.” And, like all oldie shows, they obviously have to all end with a final goodnight, or, goodbye song. So I’m closing today’s blog with my favorite emotional goodby song. Because I’m staying here, to write tomorrow’s blog, but you’re leaving. You’re moving out!  Honors go to Lynda Carter.




As Arte Johnson would say on “Laugh In:” “Verrrrry interesthing….but….schtoopid!”I decided to add one more song to this blog that was not in the original post. Why? Because if further proves my original point. Which is, either I have no taste in music, or you don’t……….

AND……I STILL play this song “Prisencolinensinainciusol” by Adrian Celentano while driving my truck today. Um….but not with my other half in the truck. Drives her nuts.




Copyright 2012/2017 MisfitWisdom RLV

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Meow…..Or F**K Off…Or….Other Things Your Cat Is Trying To Tell You

cats4Welcome to reprise Sunday. (subtitled, “I Was Too Lazy To Write A Blog”)

Today’s blog is from 2013 and still relevant today because MY cats still drive me nuts doing the same thing they did in 2013. So in case you missed this one, enjoy.

Frustrated cat people, today’s blog is just for you. Personally, Ah feel your pain. Because I have 3 cats and can’t figure out half the time what the hell they’re up to, other than driving me outta my ever lovin’ tree.

However, help is on the way. The good folks at Yahoo’s “Shine” and Sarah B. Weir have given us a video by cat person Nicky Trevorrow explaining just what the hell cats are up to when they do certain things.


Cat training school: $5,ooo

First, let’s take a look at the video by Nicky who apparently has cats all figured out. (video courtesy of “catsprotectionuk.”)

OK…if you watched that video you have obviously figured out what “meow” means and will no longer have any problems communicating with your cat. However…….suppose Nicky is wrong.

For instance, she said that if your cat is walking around with its tail up it’s greeting you. Because, as we all know, cats cannot shake your hand. BUT….suppose a cat who has their tail up is actually experiencing a case of gas. Hey….you know how difficult it is to let one rip while you’re sitting on your butt without leaning off to one side. So why shouldn’t it be any different for cats. Gotta let a cat fart out….simple….lift your tail. Makes sense to me.cats1

Cat rubbing. Yep, we’ve all seen cats rubbing their bodies all over everything and according to the video, they’re marking territory with their scents. Wouldn’t using magic markers make more sense? My theory is that cats do that rubbing stuff because they’re horny. Men do it….so why not cats.cats2

That “slow blink” that Nicky says is responding to you and that you should slow blink them back. Now how the hell does she know that? Suppose the cat has an eyesight problem or something in its eye. Not much credibility in that explanation. Just to be on the safe side however, ya might wanna take your cat to a certified catthalmologist

When cats have a flattened body, excluding getting run over by a semi in the road, it supposedly means they are stressed. Oh sure Nicky. Do ya see me laying flat all over the place because I’M stressed. Of course not. Most likely cats laying in a flattened body position means cats wanna lay flat in flattened body position. It’s either that or just stand around looking stupid.cats11

Ok, so now another theory that when cats slide and slither they want their tummies rubbed. I can actually agree with Nicky on this one. On many occasions while lying in bed at night I tend to slide and slither when I want MY tummy rubbed. Usually all I ever get is a head bump……from the cat.


Similar to a three dog night. (Not the rock group)

If a cat is licking their lips it’s supposed to be a sign of stress. Or…..(my theory) they just devoured a tasty mouse and you should NOT let them lick you under any circumstances. This also applies to shortly after you see a cat in the “L” position.” (licking its butt)

This next one is a “no brainer.” Purring means that a cat is content. I agree with this deduction 100%. Unless of course the cat is a mountain lion you come across when you’re on a hiking trip and it appears that it has not had anything to eat for a while. In that case….run like hell.cats9

Now, as some of you may recall, I have on occasion mentioned that I have cats. Three to be exact. So I watched Nicky’s video with interest. Only because, after spending many years with these cats, I still have no freakin’ clue what the hell they’re up to.

Yes, I DO understand certain things. Spencer the tuxedo meows when I open the fridge. Why? Because that’s where the eggs are stored and he knows, open fridge = meow = egg. He absolutely loves raw beaten eggs. Which is why we had to buy him a chicken and teach him to get his own damn eggs.cats5

Cassie, the Calico you just cannot shut up. It’s constant meow, meow, meow, meow regardless of what the hell you’re doing. Talk to her, and she responds with more meows. If she were a human, she’d be on “The View” doing interviews.


Cassie annoying the hell outta me

The last of the three, Olivia, is just a plain old Tabby and somewhat of a social butterfly. She loves men and will rub her body all over any male who so much as touches one hair on her body. I’m convinced she’d be a hooker if she were human.


Obviously this would be Olivia

All three actually at one point or another do a lot of the stuff in Nicky’s video. Which for the most part I just ignore because that’s what cats do and why should I give a rats ass why they do what they do. Like…duh…I’ve got other things to do other than trying to figure out what the hell a cat is trying to tell me.

Well, at least ME. As for my other half, that’s another story.


However in our house…….(see below)

She worries about EVERYTHING that the cats are doing. “OMG, did the cat barf on the rug?” “Hey…is that a bug Olivia’s eating?” ‘Did you leave the toilet seat up, you know they love to play in water.” “Honeee, I’m worried, I didn’t find much cat poop in the litter box today?” “Oh look, Spencer is licking himself, how cute, hope he doesn’t cough up a fur ball.” And my favorite…….”Dear, I haven’t seen any of the cats in over an hour, do ya think we should check on them?” (our cats are indoor cats, do NOT know how to open doors, sleep 18 hours a freakin’ day, and she’s worried that she hasn’t seen a damn cat)cats12

My theory to all of this why cats do what they do is this.


If “because” is a good enough reason for a woman to use when a man asks a question then it’s good enough to explain why cats do what they do.

Just sayin.’







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Love Playing Slot Machines? Want to Increase Your Odds At Winning? FINALLY! Some Really Good Advice. Honest!


Look folks, I’ve been playing slot machines for eons. Yes, I’ve won and I’ve lost. BUT……in the past few weeks I FINALLY realized why I’ve been winning more than losing.

It was a DUH! moment. And I can’t believe I never noticed what I was doing wrong before today.

First of all, I’ll share this with you BUT….yes, always a but. It’ll cost ya $20.

WHY! Because obviously this is great information and if others are selling their slot strategy books for $$$$$ why shouldn’t I at least get paid for some good advice. $20 bucks will not break your bank. And if you had some good info wouldn’t YOU at least want to be compensated for sharing it?

BUT……..because this isn’t a guaranteed win plan but an “increase your odds plan” you obviously can take it or leave it. Doesn’t matter to me. It worked for me on many occasions and I sure as hell hope it works for you if you opt to spend the $20 bucks and give it a shot.

Yeah, if you opt in, thanks. AND….if it works for you PLEASE send me a “selfie” with you in front of the slot machine you won on and I’ll post it in this blog. I’d post my selfie here but then you’d know which “3” slot machines I’ve hit on for 1. Playing differently than I normally used to. 2. Being persistent, and 3. Staying on that one machine and NEVER jumping around from machine to machine.

My companion, Lei, hates the fact that I play these three machines and stay there till I win or lose. Why? Because she wants a quick hit or she gets antsy or bored. Me…I’m patient and when I finally hit a machine, SHAZAM! there she is to take half of the winnings. honest!

You WILL NOT win all the time, BUT you WILL play longer thereby increasing your odds and playing much longer than if you played other machines like pennies and dollars. THIS IS A FACT which I’ve learned in the past few weeks. Damn I’m pissed I didn’t do this sooner. I just was not paying attention.

This past Thursday 8/17/17 I hit it for $600. Not a big hit, but I’ll take it doing what I discovered when it comes to these 3 machines. AND….I only started with $30. YES $30.

Finally, I’m retired, on a fixed income and DO NOT have a lot of spare cash to spend on slots. Which is another reason I’m asking for $20. Yep…….for my info and obviously to play more slots. So, your call.

I will be going back to the casino Monday because they offer us old geezers free slot play. A whopping $10. But I WILL be playing one of those 3 machines I mentioned.

So here’s the deal. My PayPal link is below. Should you wish to know everything and take a chance just click on the link, key in your $20 amount and I’ll send you the information via e-mail “personally” because I want you to know I’m not some big company trying to scam you. In fact, if you go into my archives you’ll see I’ve been here on WordPress for many years. AND….here’s my “personal” e-mail so you can ask any questions you want as well as contact me after you’ve bought into my information using Pay Pal.

Remember, this is NOT a guarantee but a way to increase your odds of winning by playing longer. Works for me.

Here is the PayPal link:


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Reprise Sunday: Funny Thing About Death…It’s Soooooo Final. But…………..


After, and STILL recovering from a Gawd awful life threatening surgery I, of course, thought about dying and all that morbid stuff because that’s what ya do when you think you might not make it.

But, much to the dismay of a few of my enemies, I DID survive, (take that you sick bastards) and will be recovering for the next 8 or so months.

BUT……I still think about when the day comes and I DO buy the farm which led me to think of this blog I wrote back in 2014. Sooooooo, jusssst in case you’re going through the same thing as I am, here’s some important information you might be interested in regarding places like the Digger O’Dell Funeral home and the like.



BUT….it’s not as scary as what I read about funeral directors on the site “” that some of you may have read as well. And the only reason I read it was their catchy title to their article which was titled, “Five Terrifying Things About Funeral Homes You Didn’t Know.”

Which is then when I asked myself, “Um, do I REALLY wanna know?”

But, being the inquisitive type, I went ahead and read the article anyhow. Now I’m “dead” set against dying. Let alone dying and going to a funeral home. As I’m sure most of us are and have been since the beginning of time.


I think my choice would be to be a middle-aged schmuck rather than being a “dead “middle-aged schmuck

I mean it’s bad enough I don’t get any respect now, but not getting it even after I buy the farm is a bit too much.

So what are those five terrifying things that we should all be afraid of?  AND….do YOU really wanna know?

Oops, too late….you’re gonna read them anyway aren’t you.

OK….but ya might wanna do as I did after reading this stuff. Which was to instruct my other half to, upon my untimely demise, to drag my cold dead ass out to the backyard, drape me over the grill on the patio, fire that sucker up, and let it roar. Ain’t no damn stinkin’ funeral home gettin’ my body and doing the things they do with dead bodies. Bastards.

I also instructed her to cook up a few hamburgers while the fire was going. No sense wasting some good propane.

Or a chicken

Or a chicken

Anyhow, here’s what got me spooked.

First of all, according to the article, they pointed out that funeral homes are a business. Which, I guess falls into the same category as Mitt Romney saying, “Funeral Homes Are People Too.” (damn that line never gets old)

So, being a business, and you being dead, they’re gonna try to make a buck…, let me clarify that a bit, a “big buck” off of your cold dead ass. How? By convincing your next of kin that you should really be laid out in one of their most expensive caskets. Yep, the ones with all the bells and whistles. Anything to entice you to spend more money.fun6

Which I think includes real nice comfy pillows, satin looking interior, top of the line metal or wood casket, and perhaps guaranteed cell phone reception….jussssst in case you were zoned out on some really good weed and everyone just assumed you were dead.


Yet another casket option…..waste not, want not

So, beware of them trying to make a big buck off of you by convincing you to buy a top of the line casket. Remember….it’s going into the freakin’ ground. So, tell them to f**k off and that you want something nice but economical. Like a cardboard box or a really big Tupperware container.


A subsidy of “IKEA.”

Next, those sneaky bastards will try to sell you a casket that’s hermetically sealed and leak proof.

Now look at this logically. If you’re dead, or the person you’re burying is dead, which seems logical if you’re shopping for a casket, why in the hell would you care if it’s hermetically sealed or leak proof? Like “I’m” gonna care if I get wet when I’m dead! Cripes, I walk outside in the rain now, so why should I give a rats ass when I’m dead.

Ok, next is the cost of embalming your butt. Which is also a waste of freakin’ money that you could be using to go to a casino or something. Because embalming only lasts for a few weeks, and death lasts like FOREVER! So, you’re paying for fighting the effects of decomposing for what? A few weeks! Who cares if ya decompose. My garbage decomposes do ya think I should embalm that too!!!!


Unless of course you can really find a great deal on embalming fluid

Now here’s something interesting. Morbid, but nonetheless interesting. Did you know that funeral directors have to compensate for things that are a bit askew when they get a body. Because, as the article so eloquently pointed out, they, “receive male bodies with swollen penises and scrotums” which is caused by bacteria.

I know, you were thinking they died from an overdose of Viagra or Cialis. Perverts.

So, at your request, the funeral parlor will adjust said parts to make you appear normal. If being dead can be considered normal I guess. Then again, who TF is gonna know, other than the funeral director, if you have a swollen penis or scrotum?

Or your money, or....body part refunded

Or your money, or….body part refunded

“Um, Mrs. Faversham, my deepest condolences on the passing of Mr.Faversham. I know this might not be the right time to bring this up but, speaking of “up,” your late husband still has a huge erection and we’re having some problems fitting him into his casket. Did he always have this problem with erections?”

“Oh nooooo. Never. I can’t understand why he would have one. We never had sex ever since I turned 50 and hair started to grow on my face,”

“Ah yes, quite understandable. Um, perhaps you could do me a favor then. Could you just stand over the casket naked and perhaps that might make the erection go down.”

And don’t fall for that other stuff funeral homes try to sell ya. Like prosthetic limbs, make up, hats and strategic lighting techniques. Unless your deceased was a clown for the circus and ya just want to make him or her go out in style.clown1

And the last thing the article tells us is that when funeral directors go to your house they wanna get in and out as quickly as possible while you’re still slobbering over your loved one.

“OMG! Elmer….(sob) Elmer….(sniff) I can’t believe you’re…..(honk) DEAD!”

“Yeah he’s freakin dead as a doornail lady, but we’re alive and it’s almost break time so ya wanna let go of him so we can get the hell outta here.”

Like the article stated….it’s a “business.” And, as in all businesses, time is money.

Sooooooooooo many dead bodies, soooooooooooo little time.


Ok, which one of you idiots used a stapler instead of a nail and hammer?

My deepest appreciation to “” for all this very informative information. I feel much more at ease now knowing all that stuff I really didn’t wanna know.

So much at ease that I’m running out to Home Depot to buy the mother of all grills that my other half will be able to fit my cold dead body in.

I’ll be damned if those money hungry motherf**kers are gonna make a buck off of me.

Oh yeah, and a case of hamburgers too. No sense, as I said, wasting some good propane and a great fire.

Just sayin.’

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Reprise Sunday: The 4th of July……which for some odd reason always falls on the 4th.

Tuesday is the 4th of July which is one of the few holidays that can’t be moved to a Monday so that all of us can have a long weekend. Makes sense to me. So, do ya have the weekend off, then go to work on Monday and then have Tuesday off? Or does everybody just say f**k, it I’m callin’ in sick on Monday. Which I’m sure every employer will believe.

Screw it….call in sick anyhow.

Anyhow, here’s a reprise of my 4th of July blog from 2012 with some little known 4th facts.



It’s The 4th of July!!! Sooooo, um….what happened on this day?

Besides keeping track of all the hotdogs and hamburgers I’ve eaten on this day, a lot more important things happened. For one, the signing of the lease for Independence Hall in Philadelphia that those independent guys were renting so that they could all meet for their weekly poker game and discuss, among other things, how to free themselves from Britain charging outrageous rental fees for a silly brick building in Philadelphia.

I think they were a bit pissed off that Britain was also taxing them, (the colonists I think) without getting any representation. Meaning that the British wanted money from the colonists but were not willing to ante up any money to join in those weekly poker games.

Eventually, some rebel rousers, Tommy Jefferson, (who got a job on Harry’s Law) Johnny Adams, Sammy Adams, (who went on to make some really good beer) and Johnny Hancock, (who was famous for signing a lot of things) decided that they had enough. So, along with a bunch of other rowdys, they declared their independence by signing a long piece of paper stating that they were declaring their independence and decided to call it, “The Declaration of Independence.”

Originally, they wanted to call it, “The Declaration Sticking It To Britain,” but Jefferson thought that it was rather harsh thinking that it might really tick off the British and he might have his English passport pulled and then not be able to visit his girlfriend back in England.

There are a lot of interesting facts, other than the ones I just told you about, when it comes to the 4th of July. Foremost, that ironically, the 4th of July always falls on the 4th of July.

When horses were the only means of transportation back in the olden days, which I personally do not remember, it was the most miserable day for horses due to kids setting off firecrackers which scared the horses out of their gourds which led to a lot of horse crap in the streets which led to the invention of the automobile by Henry Ford who was sick and tired of stepping in horse crap.

Ironically on the 4th of July in 1826, both Thomas Jefferson and John Adams died on the same day. I do not believe that either of the two men had planned it that way. But, considering there were no CSI investigative teams in 1826 to see if the British were involved, (revenge) it still seems rather odd to me.

There are 30 places nationwide with the word “Liberty” in their name. Liberty, Missouri is one of them with the highest population. Contrary to opinion, there is no town named “Liberty Valence,” although there might be some sort of monument in honor of the guy who shot Liberty Valence. John Wayne I think.

(pause) A moment for you to pay tribute to the man who shot Liberty Valence:

john wayne1

How ya doin’ Pilgrim……

There are five places named, “Freedom.” one is Freedom, California. One place named “Patriot,” which is in Indiana. And there are 5 places named America. The most populated of which is American Fork, Utah. Yes, I know, Independence, Missouri too. In West Virginia there’s a town called “Big Ugly” which I think may have been in honor of one really unnamed ugly guy who signed the Declaration of Independence.

Ben Franklin, who as we all know spent a lot of time flying kites, took some time off to meet with Jefferson and Adams to discuss what the national animal should be. Franklin wanted the turkey to be the symbol, and when Jefferson and Adams regained their composure from uncontrollable laughing at such a stupid idea, they threw him out during a violent thunderstorm that night and both decided that the national symbol should be a bald eagle.

It was on that night that Franklin discovered electricity with his kite flying stuff.ben franklin 1

The oldest 4th of July continuous parade is held each year in Bristol, Rhode Island. Because the state is so small and the parade is really long, it begins in Massachusetts and ends in Connecticut. (not really but it seems that way)

Famous people born on the 4th. Malia Obama, George Steinbrenner, Neil Simon, Ron Kovic and Calvin Coolidge. If you only recognized Steinbrenner’s name, you’re a damn Yankee fan and think Malia Obama is short for Michelle Obama, that Neil Simon is either Carly Simon’s brother or Simple’s twin, that Ron Kovic was Archie Bunker’s son-in-law and that  Coolidge is the last name of “Calvin” in the comics.

Henry David Thoreau moved into his shack on Walden’s Pond on July 4th 1845. He was given a discount on his rent due to the holiday and the fact that he moved in on the 4th, thereby saving 3 days extra rent.

In 1964, and THIS is monumental, the number one song on the 4th of July was, “I Get Around” by the Beach Boys. Considering most of the Beach Boys are well into their 60’s, and STILL able to “get around” doing concerts, THAT is monumental.beach boys

41 million Americans spend the 4th at other people’s houses.  Meanwhile, 41 million house burglars are breaking into those people’s house because they know they’re not at home because they’re at other people’s houses.

Finally, when it comes to food on the 4th. 700 million chickens are purchased on this day. Which is quite an unlucky day for chickens, which is why chickens do not celebrate the 4th. And, 150 million hot dogs are cooked on grills. For some odd reason I could not find any statistics on hamburgers. This could be due to the fact that because McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King cook so many hamburgers, along with those cooked on backyard grills on the 4th, there isn’t a calculator powerful enough to figure it all out. Or anyone really interested in finding out. Or…..the makers of hot dogs and chickens paid off the people who add things up to suppress the hamburger stats to make hamburgers really look bad.

So, there ya have it. What really happened on the 4th of July.

As for the 5th of July………

Who gives a rats ass. (which I don’t think anyone cooks on the 4th)


Copyright 2012/2017 MisfitWisdom RLV

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