SOB…..TV Land Will Never Be The Same. No More Dukes Of Hazzard.

flag3

TV Land, the network that gives you stuff from TV land that you’ve seen a gazillion times over but watch it because you like watching stuff you’ve already seen a gazillion times over, and can’t get enough of watching things a gazillion times over, and because the rest of TV programming sucks big time, decided for us TV addicted people that the “Dukes of  Hazzard” should not be watched a gazillion times over by everyone in the Yew United States because….(gasp) that “General Lee” car is verrrrry offensive.flag8

YES! The car…(gasp) bears the (gasp) Confederate flag on its roof and as we all have learned the past week or so the flag is bad, bad, bad, and therefore and forsooth should be banned as well. And if it’s on a car, like the (gasp) General Lee, even more reason to ban it.

Um….the flag as well as the car AND the TV show reruns of  The Dukes of Hazzard.

Maybe even General Lee himself.flag2

But let’s take a long look at this. Eons, if not more and more eons TV Land has aired the Dukes of Hazzard. Did it bother them that the Confederate flag was on top of the General Lee THEN? Nope.

So now that idiot kid who took the lives of innocent people was seen in a photograph with the Confederate flag, all of a sudden….SHAZAM! Ban the flag. Yes….the giant crusade to ban the flag has gone ballistic.

Why….well not only because he was pictured with the flag, which, as we all know, may have caused him to commit that horrible crime, (so say those who are hell-bent on banning the flag) but because it’s the “politically correct” thing to do.

You find something that YOU think makes sense, like blaming a flag, and run with it. Yep….the flag was the reason that idiot committed that horrible crime.

Not because he was already filled with hatred and was most likely unbalanced or something else may have influenced him, but only because of the flag.

Hey, perfect opportunity to finally once and for all get rid of that flag before it contributes to more crimes.

Or another TV show with THAT horrible disgusting flag.

Oh yeah, by the way, that photo also show the kid with some plants. Shouldn’t we be inquiring as to what kind of plants those were and banning those as well. Suppose one of them was a Venus Flytrap. You know what those plants are capable of.flag4

Now I completely understand how that flag is linked to racism. I also completely understand that young Confederate soldiers died for that flag whether or not they believed in “racism” or simply because that’s what they were told to fight for.

Maybe a lot of them didn’t have a choice. But either way, they still fought and died for what they believed in. Many of them are buried at Arlington National Cemetary. Should we move them out because they fought and died in the name of that flag?

History is history.You can’t erase the past. As many would love to do.

So is the flag to blame for that horrible crime? NO! The kid is.

Cripes, I’m not alone on this issue. Agree or disagree with my stand. Or agree or disagree with the CNN poll that found 57% of Americans feel the flag is a symbol of southern pride, while 33% feel it is a symbol of racism. Pick your side folks.

But consider this before you think TV Land was correct in dumping the Dukes.

There are over 250 Confederate soldiers buried in a special section of Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia which originally was the place where Confederate General Robert E. Lee resided. The government confiscated his estate and created the cemetery.

Confederate Memorial Day 2014 at Arlington national Cemetery

Confederate Memorial Day 2014 at Arlington National Cemetery

There are 2 Italian POW’s buried there along with 1 German POW and 60 foreign nationals who were allies.

Confederate graves at Arlington

Confederate graves at Arlington

Erase history? Deny those who gave their lives for what THEY believed in by banning the Confederate flag? IT’S A FLAG FOR CRIPES SAKE!

I’d be willing to guarantee you that there are collector stores where you can buy a damn Nazi flag. Now THERE’S one that should be destroyed. Yet we make movies like “Inglorious Bastards, ” “The Monuments Men” and Hollywood profits over THAT history.

But TV Land……..oh yeah….a feather in their cap for banning the Dukes of Hazzard. Gimmie a break.  REALLY! Over a flag on a car named the General Lee.? Really!

Ok…ya wanna take it down from the State house. Fine.

But would you deny the relatives at Arlington the right to place the Confederate flag on their ancestors who fought for…….WHAT “THEY” BELIEVED IN?

AGAIN……IT’S ONLY A FLAG FOLKS.

FLAGS DON’T KILL PEOPLE. DERANGED PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE. HISTORY IS HISTORY, MOVE ON. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS THE FLAG UPSETS YOU? FINE, IGNORE IT. JUST LIKE I IGNORE RACISTS, BIGOTS, AND STUPID POLITICIANS AND MEDIA WHO JUMP ON STUPID ISSUES LIKE HOW A FLAG CAUSED THIS KID TO KILL PEOPLE.

In conclusion…..look at this idiots photo. Look reallllll close.

mmmmmm

Dylann Roof

Shall we identify those plants that surround them and say they are a symbol of his hatred?

Ok……that’s it….I’m officially cancelling my subscription to “Better Homes and Gardens” magazine.

Hey…if it’s good for TV Land, it’s good for me too.

Just sayin.’

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Yawn………I’m Soooooo Bored I Can’t Sleep. Huh? (Part 2)

Damn! How the hell can he sleep when I'm sooooo bored?

Damn! How the hell can he sleep when I’m sooooo bored?

(NOTE) I wrote this blog back on July 14, 2014. Ironically someone commented on it today, almost one year later. Which proves I am most likely in a time warp.

Anyhow, also, “ironically,” once again my other half  kept me awake until 2am. Must be a “July” thing or something.

This time it was noises from the incinerator across the street that kept her awake. I was fine….until she poked me and said, “Hey, do ya hear that…WTF is it?”

Of course I was just about asleep, considering I could actually sleep anywhere, anytime, or anyplace. Point: I once fell asleep standing up while on guard duty while in the U.S. Army.

So, once again my brain, for the second July in a year, is mush. Read last year’s blog and you’ll understand why.

(Reprise from July 2014)

Some days when it comes to writing this blog, it’s rather difficult due to the fact that I live with a woman who defies logic. And, I’m sure most men will agree with me that attempting to use logic with ANY woman is a lost cause.

Now let me explain to you why, on this Monday morning, my brain is total mush.

BECAUSE I CAN’T GET A FREAKIN’ GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is also a reason for my inability to get any sleep

This is also a reason for my inability to get any sleep

It went like this last night. We both turned in around 11PM and, as usual, discussed our day just to unwind before zonking off.

You know, important stuff like how many times one of the cats barfed. How come those yahoos across the street at the local bar feel it necessary to yell at each other while carrying on a conversation. Why, at the same bar, all motorcyclists upon leaving the establishment at 1am feel it necessary to rev their engines 200  times before leaving…..stuff like that.

Oh yeah, and our usual nightly discussion of why is it the Red Sox suck big time this year. Which we both agree is due to the fact that nobody on that team gives a rats ass because their owner John Henry is too busy fooling around with his new toy, “The Boston Globe” and has more interest in soccer than baseball.

mmmmm

The inevitable

Soooo, after about 15 minutes, once she gets into all the things I should be doing around the house that need repairing, I’m ready to zone out.

So, I roll over and go into my fantasy about being alone on a desert island with Sofia Vergara, and a years supply of canned SPAM, (every mans dream fantasy) and jussssst as I’m about to pounce on Sofia, after eating my SPAM sandwich, she, (my other half and not Sofia) begins flopping around in bed.

A sure sign that she can’t sleep…..which is the norm 365 nights a year.

OK honeeee. I've go the Lite beer, you break open a can of SPAM

OK honeeee. I’ve got the Lite beer, you break open a can of SPAM

Soooo, I ask her a logical question.

“Dear, why can’t you sleep for cripes sake!”

“I’m bored.” she replies.

“BORED!!!! BORED!!! WTF!

“WHAT! Ya wanna be entertained so you can go to sleep or somethin?”

mmmmm

Now, to me, never having to be entertained so that I can go to sleep, her response seemed totally illogical to me. In fact….kinda stupid. I mean, who the f**k thinks about being bored when they’re trying to go to sleep?

Sleep is sleep. Which is what you’re supposed to do when ya get in bed for the night. Not worry about being so bored you can’t go to sleep. Ya wanna be un bored, stay up for cripes sake and let ME sleep. Which, on many occasions she does do.

Which usually amounts to her getting outta bed and sitting in the kitchen playing solitaire. Talk about boring.

If “I” got outta bed at 1am because “I” was bored and went to play solitaire in the kitchen that’s exactly where you’d find me at 6am with my head on the table and a playing card stuck between my bloodshot eyeballs.

MMMM

Other things she does

Meanwhile, because SHE was bored, and I’m laying there trying to understand the logic of all this, she once again heads out to the kitchen to get un bored playing that stupid card game.

However, this guy might be on to something

However, this guy might be on to something

Which is ok with me because then I can peacefully roll over, once again summon up my images of Sofia and my case of SPAM, and FINALLY fall asleep. Of course by then its way past 2am and I know that the next day my brain will be mush……as it is now…….and I’m writing this inane blog.

But ya know the worst part of all this insomnia/bored stuff. I help create it.

Yep, I’m responsible, just like Obama is responsible for EVERYTHING that goes wrong, for creating this insomniac monster.

WHY?

Well, ya see, she not only is bored at night but also hears things that go bump in the night. And, of course has to wake me to tell me that she hears things.

BUT….do ya think she heard anything the night my truck was broken into? Noooooooooo!  Snorked like a champ THAT night.

So, what do I do….yep, installed sensor lights in my driveway to scare away any zombies, werewolves, and truck thieves.

Not thinking that if a stray skunk, raccoon, cat or flying moth trip the senor the 1,000,0000 watt lights would come on. Which then sends my other half into a panic, at which point she wakes me up, (usually 4 out of five nights) and I have to investigate the scene………and never discover any band of roaming thieves looting and pillaging my truck.

Sometime, after checking for thieves late at night, I never make it back into the house

Sometimes, after checking for thieves late at night, I never make it back into the house

So I’ve, on a number of occasions, I attempted to explain to her that unless she hears noises and the cats are running around looking out the windows when the lights go on, she should not panic. Do ya think that “logic” works? Of course not.

So that’s why you have this stupid useless non sensical  blog today. Which also explains why I could never write the great American novel.

Unless it was entitled, “Mystery At Midnight: The Solitaire Card Murder Case.”

Hmmmmm.

Might be on to something here.

The opening scene……………………husband2

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Days You Should Be Celebrating In July….or not.

july35

Cripes….there were sooooooo many days in July that I’d personally want to celebrate I needed three days just to write this crap….um…..wonderful stuff.

For instance, besides the days, the entire month is………..National Blueberry Month. (Play Fats Domino’s recording of “Blueberry Hill)

National Anti-Boredom Month. (yawn)

Unlucky Month For Weddings Month. (sooooo, get married then file for a divorce)

National Cell Phone Courtesy Month. (Hey…call me again you $#@!&%$@ and I’m gonna rip your balls off…..oh, and have a nice day)

National Hot Dog Month. (note, there’s also a National Hot Dog Day….on the 23rd, jusssst in case you get tired of eating dogs all month and want to celebrate on just one day)

Same goes for the 19th which is National Ice Cream Day. (me thinkith Oscar Meyer and Hood paid off people to get coverage all month long for hot dogs and ice cream)

July 1st is “Canada Day.” Which reminds me of this stupid joke.

My uncle saw a sign that said, “Drink Canada Dry.” So he went up there and tried.

mmmm

Ok…ok….lame joke…eh

But, ya gotta cut me some slack on that as the 1st is also “International Joke Day.”

mmmm

And you thought MY joke was bad

The 2nd is “I Forgot Day.” The only day men can get out of getting yelled at for not doing chores around the house by legally saying, “I forgot.” (I believe this is in the original Bill of Rights)

mmmmm

Works for elephants too

July 2nd is “World UFO Day.”  Seems logical considering the number of verrrrry strange Republicans running for the presidency.

mmmmmm

The 3rd is “Compliment Your Mirror Day” and the day that you can stand in front of your mirror and compliment it for showing you just how great you look every day. Be careful, mirrors break very easily.

mmmmm

It was soon after the mirror met its untimely demise

Of course, not to mention, but I will anyway, the 4th is (DUH) “Independence Day.” and has nothing to do with not wearing your Depends.

mmmm

Ok…Ok….grandma….but did you actually paint your Depends like the American flag?

After you’ve gotten over your nausea from seeing granny’s boobs, you can celebrate “National Country Music Day,” also on the 4th with the most nauseating country music song I could find.  Um….also one of my favorites. You can thank me later.

mmm

Sniff….I’m deeply touched

July 5th is “Build A Scarecrow Day.” Or……just take one of your wife’s dresses out and stick it on a pole……if you have a death wish.

mmm

Heh heh…was to me dear….and it works….

As if you didn’t have enough to do, you do not wanna miss out on “National Fried Chicken Day”  on the 6th. If you’re a chicken…..soreeeeee.

RUN Chicken Little....RUN!!!!!

RUN Chicken Little….RUN!!!!!

 

Everyone’s favorite day is July 7th which is “Chocolate Day.” But, always check your chocolates because……………………..

mm

Oops……..

July 11th is “Cheer Up The Lonely Day.” Which gives me an excuse to slip in another oldie but goodie. Sorry….it’s a sickness from being a DJ.

mmm

Hey…I resemble those remarks!

On the 12th is one of the most weirdest days in July is “Different Colored Eyes Day.” WTF! Who thought of THIS one. An optomotrist I’ll bet ya.

mmmmm

Um…..do I get an award for having different colored fur too?

As long as we’re on weird days, might as well mention July 13th which is, “Embrace Your Geekness Day.” I personally will help the cause by taping my glasses with duct tape in the middle and wearing a pen holder in my pocket with a few leaky pens. Doing my part to honor all geeks.

mmmmm

Bet ya know someone like this

Let’s see, different colored eyes, geeks,……hmmmm, lest we forget “Fool’s Paradise Day” on the 13th. Bet there’s a lot of them out there too.

mmmm

Figures………...

July 14th is one day I’m almost positive all of us have celebrated not only in the 14th, but a lot of other days as well. “Pandemonium Day.” Actually, living with my other half, EVERY DAY is pandemonium day around here.

mmmm

Look familiar……

Being the demented person that I am, and so sez my other half, I WILL celebrate “National Nude Day” on the 14th. Which WILL cause a lot of “pandemonium” around the MisfitWisdom household. Hey…ever see a naked senior citizen. NOT a pretty sight.

The origin of National Naked Day

The origin of National Nude Day

The 15th is “Cow Appreciation Day.” You KNEW I was gonna throw this line in……..udderly wonderful that we honor cows on this day.

mmm

OMFG!!!!!

“National Ice Cream Day” is on July 19th. As if any of us needed a day to find an excuse to eat ice cream 24/7/365

mmmm

Eat Me!

The 20th is “National Lollipop Day.”  Which gives me yet another excuse to slip in another oldie. Lollipop little girl…heh, heh.

Yes honey, unless they're wearing heavy overcoats, dark glasses and ask you if you wanna see their ducky

Yes honey, unless they’re wearing heavy overcoats, dark glasses and ask you if you wanna see their ducky

The 20th is “Ugly Truck Day.” I thought MY truck was ugly, now I don’t feel so bad after seeing this one.

Yep....gets my vote

Yep….gets my vote. The Dodge Ox 1500

Another one of Misfit’s favorite days is on the 21st, “National Junk Food day.” YES!!!!!

Bring it on baybeeeeee.

mmm

Can’t think of a better reason to pig out on junk food….can you?

“Ratcatcher’s Day” is celebrated on July 22nd. Oh joy.

CSI Mouseville

CSI Mouseville

The 23rd is “National Hot Dog Day.” I’m tellin’ ya, those hot dog people bought off somebody to have not only National Hot Dog Month but National Hot Dog day too. Cripes, what’s next, National Hot Dog Week, Year, Decade, Century….WTF!

MMMM

Yes dear, a Trojan Katsup one

Ever just felt like saying, “f**k it, I’m gonna take my pants for a walk. Well you’re in luck pal because July 27th is “Take Your Pants For a Walk Day.” Um….you have the option of wearing them while you’re walking or pushing them in a stroller. You’re choice.

mmm

Yet another favorite of mine is July 30th, “National Cheesecake Day.”

mmmm

Yum………….

Oh…sorrrreeeee, I meant the other kind of cheesecake. But…….ya gotta admit, both are worth celebrating on the 30th.

mmmm

Yum…….

Well, (whew) what’s all folks. Now you’ve got your hands full deciding what the hell days you’re gonna celebrate. Lots of tough choices here.

But, like myself, I’ll be celebrating two days on the same day. The 4th of July and “National Hot Dog Day.”

And watching the fireworks.

mm

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I Think I’m a Figment Of My Own Imagination

fig1

Yep….it’s true…I’ve decided I really don’t exist. All this time I’ve been a figment of my own imagination.

How did I come to determine this?

I’ll tell ya.

Now first of all, anyone who reads this stuff knows that I tend to go ballistic over things that a normal person wouldn’t go ballistic over. Only because I consider myself a logical person, and, when something doesn’t seem logical to me, I question it, and, for the most part, get stupid or no logical responses.

Hmmmm. Can't be any worse than pissing off the people I've already pissed off

Hmmmm. Can’t be any worse than pissing off the people I’ve already pissed off

Like my other half who always responds to my questions about why she says or thinks things with this response. “Because.”

So I’ve resigned myself to the fact that any logical question I ask her, and expect a logical answer to, will be answered with, “because.”fig3

But, that said, which I just did, that’s NOT one of the ballistic things that drives me nutso. It’s when I make a comment by writing a letter to the editor of my local paper, (“The New London Day”) and they don’t publish it. Or when I send a letter to the “Mohegan Sun Casino” and they don’t respond. Or when I send a e-mail and a letter to my town selectman, and he doesn’t respond.fig5

So, I figured, after all that, I must be a figment of my own imagination. After all, if I weren’t, surely all three of those letters and e-mails I sent would have received some response.

Like, “Dear Mr. Misfit. We received your letter, but we consider it bullshit, so f**k off and quit sending us stupid letters.”

Or, “Dear Mr. Misfit. We here at “The New London Day” value your opinion and greatly appreciate you taking the time to send us a letter to the editor. However, your letter made a great point, but, it doesn’t agree with our own opinions, so, we decided to file your letter in our circular file under, “bullshit.” Sorry, but we have the final say here even though we ask you to send letters in to the editor.”

I KNEW IT!!!!!!

I KNEW IT!!!!!!

And, “Dear Mr. Misfit. The “Mohegan Sun Casino” values your opinions regarding our promotions and perks for casino patrons. However, considering you only play penny machines and suck up our free coffee and snacks we could give a rats ass about what TF you think. There ARE other casinos around you know. Why don’t you go there instead of being a pain in the ass and sending us these stupid letters.”

***********UPDATE************6/30/15

Today I received a call from the President, (Not Obama) of Mohegan Sun Casino in response to the letter I sent a week ago. We discussed my concerns and some issues were resolved. So, at least I know I DO exist in their eyes. I expressed my deep appreciation to him for his response. I suggest if anyone has a legitimate issue regarding the casino, you might want to consider sending them a letter as well. Be respectful, state your concerns, and by all means, have some facts to support your reason for contacting them.

 

OMG! I won 50 cents!!!!!

OMG! I won 50 cents!!!!!

And finally. “Dear Mr. Misfit. I received your laughable letter here at the town hall and my entire staff really had a great time showing it to everyone. Your suggestion about giving tax breaks to senior citizens was really stupid. Do you really think we here at the town hall are gonna give you or anyone else a tax break? Are you freakin’ nuts. Look pal, my job as first selectman is to get as much money as we can from everybody in this town. So quit with the letters and just enjoy the privilege of living here. Oh yeah, and don’t forget, taxes are due in July.”

A future town selectperson

A future town selectman

But, I never even got ANY response from any of those people. At least if they wrote back I’d have known I actually exist.

Even a f**k off a**hole would have even been comforting. At least I would have known they got my letters and that I do exist.

I even went so far as to go on Facebook chat and asked my neighbor if she could see me on chat. Just to see if I DID exist. She responded and confirmed that I existed.

So, what the hell is the problem then?fig8

Unless……..unless……..I only exist in a cyber world. You know, like on WordPress, Facebook, Twitter and the rest of those social media sites. That might be it.

I ALWAYS get responses on those sites. You know, comments on this inane blog, on Facebook, and Twitter, and occasionally on WordPress.

Ok…Ok……one person on WordPress. Katy Anders……which proves, because she lives in Texas, which is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay far away, that I exist.

Then again, no one EVER donates to this blog for creative effort, and Katy is the only one for the most part that comments, and my next door neighbor and our friend Sharon Joy see me on chat, so that could mean we’re all  also figments of our imaginations too.

OMFG!!!!!

WAIT!

Maybe I’m just imagining all of this stuff and blowing everything out of proportion.

Ten again, I'm not the only one blowing things out of proportion

Then again, I’m not the only one blowing things out of proportion

Yeah, that’s it. I’m just getting ballistic over no one responding to me because that’s a figment of my imagination too. I feel much better now that I’ve though this all out.

“Honeeee. Do YOU think I’m a figment of my imagination?”

“No Dear.”

“Why….I need a really good answer so I’ll feel a helluva lot better.”

“Because.”

“Oh…..um…..ok.”

Because..............

Because…………..

(sigh)

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Donald Trump For President? Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha……..um…soreeeeeee.

trump2

Donald Trump for president……..OMFG!

Oops…sorry God, I know you’ve had a hand in creating job presidents as The Donald sez….so…..I’m soreeee.

sorry1OK…..OK…….the dog’s right. I’m NOT sorry. Maybe The Donald IS right. After all, with his bucks he probably has an IN with God and he DID say this:
“I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.” –Donald Trump, announcing his campaign for president.”

mmmm

Wanna bet……..

The greatest gift of all, was Donald announcing his candidacy for the presidency. Oh Gawd….thank yew. Thank yew.

Donald Trump, 2016 Campaign, cartoonists, political cartoon

Thank Yew….Thank Yew…Oh Gawd….Thank Yew soooooooooo much

Soooo, I went (gleefully) to the place everyone goes to find stupid stuff, (The Internet) and came up with these quote gems from Donald Duck. Um….sorry, I meant Donald Trump. Hey….hard to tell those two apart sometimes.

So let us begin.  Next, more words of wisdom from The Donald:

“When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let’s say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time.” –Donald Trump, on his diplomacy skills

“Yeah, I beats dem all da time. Screw dem Chinese. I know dis Chinese guy and when we play chess I beats him all da time…um….that’s what I really meant.”

mmmmm

Cue in the Cowsills……………

Onward……………

“Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people.”

Huh? Must be talking about trading comic books. Like I did when I was a kid. Cause I only traded them with dumb people so I got the best comics in the deal.

“We need a leader that wrote The Art of the Deal.” –Donald Trump, plugging his book in his presidential campaign announcement.

Hmmmm…….anybody wanna ask me who wrote that book? Anybody….somebody…..any takers?trump3

“I have people that have been studying [Obama’s birth certificate] and they cannot believe what they’re finding… I would like to have him show his birth certificate, and can I be honest with you, I hope he can. Because if he can’t, if he can’t, if he wasn’t born in this country, which is a real possibility…then he has pulled one of the great cons in the history of politics.” –Donald Trump, three weeks before Obama released his long-form birth certificate in 2011

What are the odds that Donald was born in Transylvania and his father’s name was Frank N. Stein. HEY!  Have ya seen photos of his hair for cripes sake!

“Let me tell you, I’m a really smart guy. I was a really good student at the best school in the country. The reason I have a little doubt, just a little, is because he grew up and nobody knew him.” –Donald Trump, on why he thought Obama wasn’t born in the United States

Yeah! Good point Donald. I, personally NEVER saw Obama, anywhere! I didn’t know him. NEVER saw him in a Wal-Mart, Dunkin Donuts, McDonald’s, soooooo, how TF do we actually know if he’s smart or not or actually ever was in the United States. Everybody knows that ya have to have at least been seen in one of those places to be smart and born here.

And yet more on da birth issue…………………

“We have to look at it, we have to see is it real, is it proper, what’s on it, but I hope it checks out beautifully. I am really proud, I am really honored.” –Donald Trump, on President Obama releasing his long-form birth certificate.

Yeah! But is it on parchment paper for one?

Proof that the Donald WAS born.

Proof that the Donald WAS born.

And this profound quote on Donald’s view on gay marriage.

“It’s like in golf. A lot of people — I don’t want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.” – Donald Trump telling the New York Times why he opposes gay marriage

Hmmm. Let me see if I understand this correctly. If you’re a golfer with a long putter this somehow has something to do with gay marriage?

“I don’t like the crying.” –Donald Trump, on House Speaker John Boehner

Unless……um….I lose the presidential nomination.

“These are stupid people that say, `Oh didn’t Trump declare bankruptcy? Didn’t he go bankrupt?’ I didn’t go bankrupt.” –Donald Trump, on filing for bankruptcy on parts of his various businesses

Just sayin'

Just sayin’

“The man that wrote the second book … didn’t write the first book. The difference was like chicken salad and chicken s**t.” -Donald Trump, on President Obama’s books

Personally, given the choice, I’d opt for the chicken salad.

“I will build you … one of the great ballrooms of the world.” –Donald Trump, on building a $100 million ballroom at the White House

Yeah, and den ahm gonna have the biggest casino in Washington, D.C. Um…lets see……um….yeah, “Trump White House Casino.”

“I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.” –Donald Trump, while teasing a presidential run in 2000

Let’s see….there was Ivana…………

Ivana Trump: Hey, honest my ass....the jerk divorced me. WHAT! My boobs wern't big enough?

Ivana Trump: Hey, honest my ass….the jerk divorced me. WHAT! My boobs weren’t big enough?

And Marla………………..trump6

“I’ll tell you, it’s Big Business. If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it’s Big Business. Or two words – Big Business.” –Donald Trump

Or…maybe three words. Um, Big Business Casinos. Hey, maybe even four words…I dunno.

“You know, it really doesn`t matter what [the media] write as long as you`ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.” –Donald Trump

Spoken like a true presidential candidate. Who resembles and possibly is speaking of this ass…………….

You talkin' about me Donald baybeeee?

You talkin’ about me Donald baybeeee?

“All of the women on ‘The Apprentice’ flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.” –Donald Trump

Most likely unconscious or on drugs.

“She really has become a monster … I mean monster in the most positive way.” –Donald Trump, on his pregnant wife Melania

Hang in there Ivana and Marla, you may have company verrrry soon.

mmmm

Available at Amazon.com

“You know the funny thing, I don’t get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people.” –Donald Trump

Yep……all the middle class slugs who work for me and kiss my ass.

“My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body.” –Donald Trump

Which I’ve noticed on many occasions while masturbating.

“I’m not a schmuck. Even if the world goes to hell in a handbasket, I won’t lose a penny.” –Donald Trump

Cause only schmucks go to my casinos and blow their money as I rake it in. See….I ain’t no freakin’ schmuck.

mmmmm

Bastards…………

“The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.” –Donald Trump

Which is the only reason I have those beautiful women clinging to me. Hey, do ya really think I could attract any decent looking woman with this hair and my grapefruit sucking lips for cripes sake!

I rest my case......

I rest my case……

So…….considering you’ve just read some of The Donald’s most intelligent remarks, would YOU vote for him for president?

Not me………..

If I’m gonna vote for anyone named “Donald” it’s gonna be this guy………………d duck1

At least he’s brave enough to campaign without wearing any pants……………..now THAT’S honesty.

mmmmm

Ok….that explains things

Just sayin.’

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MW Chimes in On The Confederate Flag Controversy

polc14

I can understand why the Confederate flag riles some people. And rightly so. But, that said, I personally feel that this has become a media and political politically correct football.

A flag! Really! A flag that’s been around for years is making everyone ballistic! Really!

Now being a Northerner all of my life, I can’t really say that the flag ever registered with me as being a symbol of racism. I would assume that most Northerners, when seeing the Confederate flag thought of the war between the North and the South.

The North had their flag and the South theirs.

But……ITS A FLAG!!!!!!!!polc17

So, now after that horrible shooting in South Carolina the flag has become a politically correct issue.

Now don’t get me wrong here. I understand the feelings of African-Americans when it comes to that flag. Just as I understand the feelings of the young men who fought for that flag. So, it’s a double-edged sword as far as I see it.

So which stand is correct? Ban the flag because it is associated with slavery? Or keep the flag because it is part of America’s history?

Again, I think this has more to do with politicians seizing an opportunity to further their cause more than it has to do with the flag itself. The media on the other hand jumped on the anti-flag bandwagon as well, for the ratings of course.

But is this flag the real reason that kid walked into a church and took innocent lives? Suppose he had been photographed holding one of those violent video games. Would there be a call to ban those?

Worse….suppose he was holding a banana…OMG!!! Ban bananas!!!!! We all know what one thinks of when it comes to bananas…….pol15

Suppose, for the sake of argument, he was holding a British flag. Would we be banning British flags in WalMart because perhaps he sympathized with the British who killed how many colonists?

Suppose he was holding a photo of the president. Would we all be blaming Obama for this monster?

Kind of off beat comparisons, but, you get my point.

I think this has more to do with political correctiveness than anything else.

Here’s some examples in the name of being politically correct.polc1

We should all be required to have compassion for our favorite cartoon characters by their afflictions rather than being insensitive and laughing at them.polc2

And if you’re gonna have a race, for Gawd’s sake include EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!polc4

Might as well purge our libraries lest we offend anyone.polc6

And would you feel less offended if you were going to be eaten by a “homovore?”polc8

Hey, while we’re at it, you know all the movies, TV shows, photographs and other stuff with people smoking…OMFG!!!pol7

And it’s about time someone FINALLY corrected THIS……………polc9Oh yeah……the CORRECT way a Thanksgiving play should be presented.

polc11

Of course there ARE some safe non verbal ways of expressing yourself……polc12

And these words of wisdom……………polc3

And MY thinking……………………..polc5

So, by now I think you’ve grasped my logic. Unless, you’re one of those politically correct people who think that the entire world should think as you do.

Here’s a clue for ya…………………………WE DON’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We, believe it or not, have what you most likely do not. A BRAIN! Which allows us to sort out the bullshit from the logic.

If you had your way, THIS is what all those cartoons I posted would look like….

polc13

And when America finally gets to this point…………………..polc10

We’ll all be back to the Planet of the Apes.

Oops……was I politically incorrect with the apes reference?

Ah…….f**k it………………DILLIGARA!

Which means………….rats ass

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The “Going Bra-Less Movement.” FINALLY!!!!! A Cause Worth Joining.

Now here’s my kinda movement. Whatever political party or candidate steps forward to promote THIS cause, I’m voting for him….or her.

It’s “The Going Bra-Less Movement.” Or, as reporter Emily Shire from the “Daily Beast” entitled it in her recent article,

“Cast Off That Double-D Cup: Why Going Bra-Less Feels So Good”

Emily Shire. Unfortunately with an "above the boob line" photo

Emily Shire. Unfortunately with an “above the boob line” photo

Emily’s article opens with, “Suddenly going without a bra and risking a nip-slip or a side-boob is socially acceptable. But it shouldn’t be a luxury reserved for only those with small boobs.”

Um….Emily, ya had us men at “nip-slip” and “side-boob.”

She goes on to say that it was “nothing short of vindication when I saw a photo of Colbie Smulders, (How I Met Your Mother) strolling through New York City sans bra. Here was a fellow bra-less warrior in arms, I thought, who was giving a good face, and even better tatas, to the good fight.”

As a public service I searched the wonderful world of Disney, um….sorry, I meant the wonderful world of the Internet and found what might be the outfit Emily was referring to:

Colby Smuthers. Nip-slip? Maybeee.....Side-boob.....definitely

Colby Smulders. Nip-slip? Maybeee…..Side-boob…..definitely

Now ask ANY red-blooded alive and breathing male if he would object to women going bra-less and what do ya think his response would be……boob3

Cept for this idiot.......

Cept for this idiot…….but we took care of him……

Continuing on, Emily sez………..

“It was refreshing to see praise for the bra-less look. I’ve long been a proponent of ditching the bra, but I do so less than I would like out of fear of being branded at best a hippie and at worst trashy or, more realistically, slutty.”

Emily……..Emily………….for cripes sake, who in their right mind would EVER brand you as a hippie, or trashy, or slutty for ditching your bra?

Ok....I stand corrected

Ok….I stand corrected

“Showing your nipples is the trend of summer 2015,” a co-worker tells me when she hears I am working on an article about going bra-less. “Just walk around Brooklyn.”

Ya gotta love this woman guys. Sniff……brings a tear to my eyes. To think, a woman all for going bra-less. Further proof there IS a GOD.

Now personally, speaking as a male of course, I see nothing wrong with freedom for the girls.  Let me clarify that with this………………….

Thanks Maxine

Thanks Maxine

Ya see, it’s my thinking that, other than the extra skin, women’s boobs are no different from men’s boobs. So whats the big deal?

YEAH!!! Ya made my point Steven Tyler

YEAH!!! Ya made my point Steven Tyler. BTW…..nice pair of “moobs.”

“The rise of the hippie counter-culture did a lot for women to step away from constricting clothes,” Patricia Mears, the Deputy Director at the Fashion Institute of Technology’s Museum, told the Daily Beast. “Not only going bra-less, but seeing breasts was something you saw on the runways.”

On runways? Ya mean at airports? Geez….the things ya learn on The Internet.

Oh….WAIT! I think I may be wrong on that one. Soreeeee. I think it refers to the runways models walk on at fashion shows.

Example of a model on a "runway." Um....and I guess a "side-boob, nipple-slip and the whole ball of wax...so to speak

Example of a model on a “runway.” Um….and I guess a “side-boob, nipple-slip and the whole ball of wax…so to speak

And more from Emily’s article quoting Patricia Mears……………..

“Yves Saint Laurent was experimenting in the 1970s with going bra-less and exposing the nipple,” said Mears. “He was young and had his finger on the pulse. He surrounded himself with cool, hip young women who were part of larger social changes, pushing the envelope.”

“Saint Laurent, as well as Halston, specifically designed dresses where women couldn’t wear bras and purposefully exposed the nipple, said Mears.”

Heyyyyyyyyyy. Let’s hear it for Saint Laurent! As she said, “he was young and had his finger on the pulse”……and I betcha a few other things as well. My guess anyhow.

And it was “pointed” out that if you look back at that famous poster of Farrah Fawcett you can (gasp) clearly (gasp again) clearly see her (OMFG) breasts and nipples.

mmmm

OMFG!!!!!! I’m scarred for life!!!!!

Now according to this article, “Yet, despite four decades of political and social changes, the bra-less trend of today appears to largely follow one of the 1970s pre-requisites for the look: the bra-less breasts have got to be perky—and as a result, relatively small—to pull it off.”

Um….okay……like how small and perky?

Um.....ya mean like "Twiggy?"

Um…..ya mean like “Twiggy?”

Yep….Twiggy  could pull off the bra-less look. Or…”I knew I should have eaten my green peas when my mom told me to.”

But, small boobs aside, the article states that some women with bigger boobs can also pull it off without being small and perky. Noted was Scout Willis. (no relation or association with the Girl Scouts of America)

OK...points....um....point taken.

OK…points….um….point taken.

Emily continues…………..
“If 2015 is the summer where we (re)embrace the bra-less trend, it’s about time we make it acceptable for all women.”

“That may make me sound like the hippie I was once accused of being, but there is something innately liberating about not wearing a brassiere.”

“Physically, it is certainly more comfortable, but it is also a bit of a “screw you” to pervasive norms about how a woman is supposed to shape or censor her body.”

GO GIRL! You’re right. It’s far time we ditched the bras. It’s 2015 for cripes sake. I, for one, support, (as in bra support) you 100%.  Free the girls. If it’s ok for Steven Tyler to walk around topless, hey, rock star or not, go for it.

And in conclusion, I leave you with these words of wisdom from Emily.

“I call on my sisters of all breast shapes and sizes, throw off your bras. As Karl Marx would have said, had he ever had to entomb his tatas on a hot summer’s day: You have nothing to lose but the chains of your 36DD bra.”

(sigh) A woman after my own heart.

Thanks Emily…..for bringing hope to every mans ultimate fantasy. Unrestricted boobs.

And, I, will leave you with this………..

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