Nefertiti, (Neffy for short) Is Still Missing. Egypt Puts Out A Neffy Alert.

Jusssst in case you have no clue as to who Queen Nefertiti Nefereferuaten, (Gesundheit) was, I’ll enlighten you.

But, first, a photo of what she looked like.’s not a photo. It’s a bust of Nef from ancient Egypt. (no one had camera back then (13 hundreds BC)

Oops....soreeee, this isn't the one. I think this may be Nef's mother-in-law

Oops….soreeee, this isn’t the one. I think this may be Nef’s mother-in-law, this is NOT the bust of Nef that's in a museum

Um….er….sorry, this is NOT the bust of Nef that’s in a museum either

The bust of Nefertiti from the Agyptisches Museum nBerlin

THIS is the bust of Nefertiti from the Agyptisches Museum Berlin

Hot lookin’ babe wasn’t she.

Anyhow, Nef was an Egyptian Queen and the wife of Akhenaten, (I guess Ack for short) who was an Egyptian Pharaoh. (no relation to Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs)

So not giving much thought to Nef or Ack, because who in their right mind thinks about ancient stuff other than archaeologists and seniors, I, of course, didn’t as well.

Until…..until I came across a news item that caught my attention.

The headline read, “Egypt Pledges Fast Work Amid Search for Nefertitti’s Tomb.”

Where Nefertiti's tomb is located

Where Nefertiti’s tomb is located

So, being the inquisitive type, I said to myself, “Self, WTF is the rush to find Nefertiti’s tomb when she’s been dead for a gazillion years?”

I mean, ya think Egypt would have rushed to find her tomb eons ago. Why now? And, what’s the “rush” all about?

Well, apparently no one in Egypt was in any rush to find Nef’s tomb until some smart ass British Egyptologist (real word) Nicholas Reeves speculated that King Tut, who died at the age of 19, may have been rushed into an outer chamber of what was originally Nefertiti’s tomb.

So basically what this may mean is that Tut and Nef were in the same tomb doing Gawd knows what, and at some point archaeologists may have missed that point and overlooked the fact that perhaps Nef may still be in that very same tomb in what may be a hidden chamber.


Yes….Nef’s cat may be buried with her

Sooooo, now Egypt is hauling in some new radar equipment so that they can search for Nef’s tomb back at the same place where Tut used to hang out, um, I mean was laid out.

For years archaeologists have been searching for Nefertiti’s tomb because, obviously they haven’t found it, which makes complete sense to me, and also because she was so popular and according to records, (not the 45 rpm type) she was a stunning woman. Maybe even more stunning than Sofia Vergara.'s a toss up

Ok…Ok…it’s a toss up

Consider that in her time, Nef was so popular she had many different titles which include, “Hereditary Princess,”  “Great of Praises,”  “Lady of Grace,”  “Lady of the Two Lands,”  “Main King’s Wife,”  “Lady of all Woman,”  and “Mistress of Upper and Lower Egypt.”

Why she had all these aliases is beyond me. Cept for the “Main King’s Wife” one. Perhaps her husband, that Ack guy gave her that one figuring that if anybody tried to mess around with her they’d better know she was the “main kings wife” and if caught fooling around with Nef, off to a cozy chamber in a pyramid with no exits.nef9

What made Nefertiti famous, besides all those aliases and her association with King Tut and her marriage to Akhenaten was her beauty which, as shown in that bust figure earlier, is one of the most copied works of ancient Egypt.

Probably because anytime you see a photo, or in most cases, a drawing of an Egyptian woman from back then they all have pointy noses and no boobs. But Nefertitti was a hot lookin’ woman so it stands to reason why she was the most popular. Then again, being the Queen, she most likely had access to Egyptian plastic surgeons who fixed her nose and enhanced her boobs. My guess anyhow.

And, if ya think I’m kidding about how hot looking she was, take a look at this limestone figure of Nef also in the Agyptisches Museum.



So, looking at that statue, ya can’t tell me those ancient Egyptians weren’t into ogling naked woman and stuff. There were pervs back then too ya know.nef6

Wanna know how those pyramids got built? I’ll tell ya. Anyone caught ogling Nef because she was so irresistible was sent to the desert where they were assigned to build those pyramids and then, unlucky for them, when it was finished, were given permanent rooms with no exits.

So what actually happened to Nefertiti?

According to Egyptological theories, (which means they guessed) Neferitti vanished from historical records around year 12 of her husband’s Akhenaten’s reign with no word of her thereafter.

Speculation by whoever is that she may have suffered a sudden death from the plague that was sweeping through the area at that time, or succumbed from some other natural death. Possibly pneumonia from being half-naked all the time. My guess.

There’s also speculation that she fell into disgrace and just disappeared. Kinda like Monica Lewinsky. In any case, no one really knows.

OR….she may have just decided to retire and be a regular homemaker. Who knows.

Yet another theory

Yet another theory

But, there are quite a few theories regarding her death and burial but to date the mummy, (not Nef’s mother but Nef herself) has not been found.

BUT……yes BUT…..this year an archaeologist, Nicholas reeves, who we mentioned earlier, and is no relation to George Reeves who played Superman in the movies, announced that he discovered evidence in high-resolution scans of Tutankhamun’s tomb of “indications of two previously unknown doorways, one set within a larger partition wall and both seemingly untouched since antiquity.”

Why archeologists have such a hard time decipering ancient Egyptian hygrogliphics

Why archaeologists have such a hard time deciphering ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics

Which could mean in layman’s terms, “SHAZAM!…..Queen Nefertitti could be in there behind one of those doors guys!!!”  Which is why all of a sudden Egypt is pledging fast work to find out if indeed Nef is in there.

Me thinkith if one of the major TV networks could get Monty Hall  to host a Nef search when they locate those “unknown doorways” in that tomb would THAT be the reality show of all reality shows or what!

Soooooooo Professor Fersnock, what’s it gonna be, door number one, door number two, or door number three?”

“Um…er…….geesh…er……ok…..door number 3”

“Ohhhhhhh, I’m sorry professor, door number three contains the remains of 15 dead pyramid builders. BUT… a consolation prize, you get this miniature naked statue of Queen Nefertiti.”

DAM! Wrong freakin' door!!!!

DAM! Wrong freakin’ door!!!!

So, in conclusion, it remains to be seen what Egyptian researchers using sophisticated radar will find. My guess……bones.


That’s the 24 million bartering system question folks. (Egyptians had no money back then and had to barter for things using gold, silver and other metals)

Which also explains why there were no toll booths in the desert back then.

Just sayin.’

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OR……you can now purchase my book “Forgotten” at by keying in the title and my alias, Richard L. Vittorioso with all proceeds from the book going towards the memorial fund to erect a permanent memorial for the two pilots killed in 1944

Copyright 2015 MisfitWisdom RLV


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Days You Should Be Celebrating In October.


Yes, once again it’s time to look at yet another month, October, and see the many days we have to choose from to make our otherwise boring and dull lives more boring and dull. Unless it doesn’t take much to excite you, and if that’s the case, boy are you gonna have a lot of days to celebrate this month.

But first, the entire month of October is “Adopt A Shelter Pet Month.”adopt animal

“Cookie Month.”cookies1

“National Pizza Month.”pizza


“Sarcastic Month.”sarcasim1

And one of the most important of the month, “Breast Cancer Awareness Month.”breast1

The 2nd of October is “Name Your Car Day.” If you’ve been on a tight budget for most of your life and could never afford a new car and you had to rely on buying used cars you most likely named most of your vehicles after a favorite fruit……evil lemon

And for those of you who have a special attachment to your vehicles, there are these……


I guess, being Italian, I’d be driving that car Guido

October 3rd is “Virus Appreciation Day.” Only because a lot of us really don’t give any virus the respect they deserve. Or, this day was thought up by the makers of Thera-flu.


Better safe than sorry

“World Teacher’s Day” is celebrated on October 5th.  Stock up on apples kids.


The 9th is “Leif Erickson Day.” The day we celebrate Leif for bringing to our attention that it’s time we should all begin the task of raking leaves.


“It’s My Party Day” on the 11th can be celebrated by either throwing a big party, inviting a lot of people over to your place to help you celebrate, or, if you’re a loner, hate parties, and rather just celebrate it alone, you could always just download Lesley Gore’s song, “It’s My Party” and dance with your giant inflatable doll.


Gotta be careful at these wild parties

The 11th is “Take Your Teddy Bear To Work Day.” Now, if you’re also like the person above who is a loner, this can work for you as well by simply substituting a giant inflatable doll with a teddy bear and playing Elvis’s song “Let me be Your Teddy Bear.”

In both instances people will think you’re a nut job, but, WTF, if you’re already a loner, who gives a rats ass.


“Columbus Day,” celebrated on the second Monday of the month, because Columbus first discovered Columbus, Ohio on the second Monday of the month, then went on to discover the rest of America once he had enough credit to buy more ships and was able to discover more things on other days of the month besides Monday’s.


“Old Farmer’s Day” is celebrated on October 12th. E I E I O……………….


The 14th is “Be Bald and Free Day.” I’m taking a wild guess and assuming that this is celebrated by men only. However, if you happen to be a woman and are bald, hell, join in on the celebration.


The 16th is “Dictionary Day.” If you rely on spell check on your computer and have no idea what a dictionary is, skip this next cartoon.


With two motherfucking Splenda’s too….please

“Here’s a special day for those of you that it doesn’t take much to hold your attention. Yep, you can spend the entire 21st of the month celebrating “Count Your Buttons Day.” No…..belly buttons do not count.


Each one says “Eat Me.”

“National Nut Day” allows you to go nuts by celebrating it on the 22nd. Sooooo many nuts, sooooo little time. (your choice of which nuts you want to celebrate)


Wanna cherry?

On the 23rd is “National Mole Day.” I wasn’t sure if they were talking about mole moles, like those small creatures that burrow under your lawn, or moles that people have on their bodies. But……I figured who the hell would celebrate moles on bodies, so I went with the furry ones.

Then again, they DO celebrate Count Your Buttons ay. Go figure.

Mafia moles

Mafia moles

October 24th is “National Bologna Day.” OK…OK……what’s with all this baloney. It’s either spelled “bologna” or “baloney.” Either way, who ever thought of spelling it two different ways is fill of baloney….or bologna.


In person Kemo Sabe

Every married guy’s favorite day in the month of October is, “Mother-In-Law Day” on the 25th. Last year I gave my mother-in-law a nice chair. This year I’m going to electrify it.

Crimp the hose Ralph!!! Crimp the hose!!!!

Crimp the hose Ralph!!! Crimp the hose!!!!

One day that I always take time to celebrate is on the 29th, which is “National Frankenstein Day,” also followed by “Frankenstein Friday” on the 30th. It took God almost a week to create the Earth and Doc Frankenstein just two nights to make Frankenstein. Then with that success, he attempted to make


a Frankenwoman.


OK…OK….so he fucked up on the face. But, like Ben Franklin used to say, “All cats are gray in the dark.”

As we all know, October 31st is “Halloween.” (you can skip the “hollow-weenie” jokes ya damn pervs)


Wanna bet someone is gonna try this on Halloween

And finally, also on the 31st, “Increase Your Psychic Powers Day.”

Happens when I dial 911 all the time

Happens when I dial 911 all the time

Hmmmm. Let me see if I can be psychic.


I predict this blog will end NOW!!!!

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Copyright 2015 MisfitWisdom RLV


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Bees, Bugs, Baseball and a Bunch of Other Nonsense.

garden gnome

Soooo, it was kind of a slow day around the MisfitWisdom estate.

HEY….it’s an estate to me for cripes sake. Why do ya think realtors deal in “real estate.” Ya buy a house, its real “estate,” so technically I DO have an estate ya dummy.

Anyhow, with heavy rain and a tropical storm approaching I was basically safe from having to do man type things in the yard. So I figured I’d venture down to the basement and sort out my workshop. Pretty much safe from women’s “honey do” requests when you’re in the “man room” with all those tools. As any guy will attest to.


AND….I’m always prepared

BUT……in my house if I’m missing for more than 10 minutes, my other half panics. So, she comes wandering into the “man room” (I could feel all the power tools shuddering) and sez…….”Hey, think I’ll replace those artificial flowers in the flower box on the shed with Winter artificial flowers.”

You DO NOT talk flowery stuff in MY man room.

And, as we all know, ya can’t go past September without replacing Summer artificial flowers with Winter artificial flowers. Federal law.

Soooooooooo. In she comes with the “Summer” artificial flowers and proceeds to pull them out of the styrofoam holder and then screams……”Bee, Bee, Bee, Bee.!!!!”

The angry bee

The angry bee

I’m like thinking to myself, “Bee? Why TF would a bee bee…um…”be” in an artificial flower?”

Then again, if bees are that dumb that they make a nest in an artificial flower, then THAT explains why we have a problem with a decline in the bee population.

The extremely realistic looking artificial flower. Enough to fool any bee

The extremely realistic looking artificial flower. Enough to fool any bee

So, after I gag her, (didn’t want the bees going into a state of panic) I advised her to hold open a big plastic bag while I carefully deposited the artificial flowers, along with the bees (two) and carried them outside. I set them down next to the shed and explained to them that the flower I was pointing to on the far side of the yard was what they should be hanging out at.

Then I ran. Bees aren’t very hospitable. Or, they just hate it when you make fools out of them.

So later on that evening as I sat in my chair watching the Red Sox kick Yankees ass, (at least in the first inning) I hear the wail of sirens which abruptly stops across the street from us.

Being the inquisitive type, I venture out, spot the neighbors across the street, and we chat, as we normally do when an accident or rescue vehicle responds anywhere in the neighborhood. It’s our only form of excitement and entertainment in this small town.

Other than the lounge lizards leaving the local cafe and attempting to speak English after several drinks.

Soooo, my neighbor Vickie and Tom ask me if I have a problem with stink bugs. Which, are bugs that stink if ya step on them. Kind of like their final act of defiance when ya kill them.

Same defiant theory

Same defiant theory

I told them we really didn’t have a problem with the stinkers and I try to avoid stepping on them, but, if it becomes a necessity I simply roll some deodorant on their little armpits and then kill them and they therefore don’t stink.

Some problems are very easy to solve.stink bug1

So my day and evening consisted of bees, bugs and baseball. All of which will be departing very soon as Winter sets in.

That said, I’m not sure which one I’ll miss the most considering the Red Sox sucked this year, the bees in my yard are really dumb, and those stink bugs still stink.


I think I’ll miss working under my truck as I did most of the Summer.


It’s the only place my other half can’t find me.


The key is blending in

Guys….trust me on this one. NEVER say where you’re going when you say you’re going out to the yard to do some work. They NEVER question that! Then crawl under your vehicle, fix those odds and ends, and if you hear a woman coming, lie verrry still and don’t make any noise.

Works every time.

Get some really good Z’s under there too.

And… occasional stink bug.

Just sayin.’

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Total Eclipse of the Heart………WAIT!!!! I Meant Moon!


Soreeeee. I was thinking of Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of The Heart” song. Which almost is as long in playing time as I spent outdoors last night watching the total eclipse and hoping that a stray skunk didn’t have the same idea.

Anyhow, like a gazillion other people who don’t have lives to speak of, my other half and I ventured out into the darkness to watch the spectacular event. Well, at least SHE thought it was spectacular

I kinda ho hummed the event as the following photos is what my $4.99 cent camera was able to capture.

Considering we’re only a mere 238,900 miles from the moon, as the crow flys, I think I got my $4.99 cents worth.
First pic the early stages of the eclipse:


Ho hum………….
Second pic, the moon starts to disappear.moon3
Ho hum….not fast enough if ya ask me. Too bad some brainiac couldn’t have figured out a way to insert commercials during this event. Hell, aren’t there commercials everywhere!
Third pic, and my final one, the so-called, “blood moon” when it’s just about all covered, it’s realllllll dark, and muggers and pervs come out and beat the livin’ crap outta you. Hence the term, “blood moon.”moon4

So, was I impressed?  Well, not really considering it’s not like you could get up real close to see things. Like sitting in the nose bleed section of an arena watching a concert.

BUT…….then it happened, I DID see something in last night’s eclipse that really impressed me. So it was all worth it?

Yep….the crack of the moon during the final phase of the lunar eclipse.

The moon mooning everyone

The moon mooning everyone

Which strengthens my theory that there IS a man in the moon….or, a woman. WAS a woman.....

OK…it WAS a woman…..

Just sayin.’

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It’s not over yet!


Reposting this for my friend in Vienna, Tina

Originally posted on Everyday life in Vienna:


In fact, it’s just getting started. I went to Hauptbahnhof this weekend to donate the stuff I had that might be useful in the coming season, as the refugees are not really dressed for colder days. The picture shows some of the storage of clothes and all at the far end of the train station. There is an acute need for clothes and supplies all things warm, especially men’s clothing. If you want to check out what is needed at the train stations in Austria at any time, go to

The interest in the media might be fading, but the situation has not changed. There are still thousands of refugees arriving every day, and supplies are needed. It was really strange going to Hauptbahnhof… It gives you an almost apocalyptic feeling. There are people everywhere, on the ground, tents have been put up all over, people are sleeping on…

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Auto Repair Jobs……Do It Yourself? Nooooooo Problem.


All men know this following scenario.

Your vehicle breaks down and you say to yourself, “Self, I KNOW this is gonna cost me a fortune to fix.”

So, this is the part where you also say to yourself, “Hey, how hard can it be to fix it myself?”

This should have been a sign not to attempt to fix my vehicle...but....did I listen? Nooooo.

This should have been a sign not to attempt to fix my vehicle…but….did I listen? Nooooo.

Now, not having a fortune to pay for a repair on my truck, I foolishly listened to my brain, which apparently is directly connected to my ass, and went ahead and attempted to fix my truck by myself.

After all, all ya have to do is pull up “How to repair anything,” on YouTube, and SHAZAM! you’re an instant mechanic.

And how freakin’ hard can it be to 1. Drop my gas tank, replace a fuel sending unit, and strap that mother back up. 2. Replace a inner and outer tie-rod that’s been on my truck since Noah got off the Ark. 3. Replace a headlight bulb.

Yep, those were my pressing mechanical issue this week. Did I mention my gas tank was falling off as well? No……well, that too.

Soooooo. I check with my mechanic Joe, and he sez, he’s going racing for a few days so he won’t be able to get to my truck till maybe next week. Maybe.


Joe! Joe! Are ya here? um….oh….oops….soreeeee.

Again, if you’re a guy, you really don’t wanna wait one week or longer to get your vehicle back.

Next option. Do it yourself. Geez….how hard can it be. Again…YouTube. Noooooooo problem. I mean, think of the bucks I’ll save.


Been there….paid that

Sooooo. I thought I’d start with something simple. Changing the headlight bulb.

20 minutes later and two band aids, I gave up. Why? Ya can’t pull out the bulb because the battery shelf holding the battery (duh) abuts the portal for the bulb to come out and you have to be verrrry precise to get the bulb out or you’re screwed.

One of the things on the bulb package state, ” DO NOT TOUCH TIP OF BULB!!!!” So, I figured with such a tight space, f**k it, I’ll let my mechanic do it at some point. Minor problem. After all, who the hell knows what happens if you touch the tip of that bulb. Might catch some dreaded light bulb disease or infection, or worse, lightbulbfatalignitus.

One of the reasons I try to do things myself.....mechanics always talk gobbdlygook to me

One of the reasons I try to do things myself…..mechanics always talk gobbledygook to me

So, I went to the next problem, replacing the fuel sending unit. Which tells ya how much gas you have in your vehicle. Usually, 1/4 a tank is normal for me.

I watched the video, and, it looked soooooooo easy. Cept for the part where ya had to drop the entire gas tank and THEN replace the fuel sending unit, WHICH is on top of the fuel tank. Which is why ya have to drop it. Which I think where all mechanics advised auto manufacturers to place that unit. Knowing full well nobody with a brain is gonna attempt to drop a gas tank by themselves.

So, passing on that one, I at least figured I’d strap up my falling gas tank lest I hit a rock and be blown to oblivion. Or a really bulked up squirrel.

So I tried that and could get the &#$@!%#@ nuts loose on the remaining strap that was rusted. Sooooo, I, so to speak, Mickey Moused the new strap I bought and left the final unMoused repair once again for my mechanic.

Lest I also get zapped by the battery like the last time

Lest I also get zapped by the battery like the last time

Now, the best part. My outer tie rod, (has nothing to do with sexual bondage ya damn pervs) let go 20 miles from home. Yep…had to be towed.

Sooooo, it;s in my driveway with the front wheels looking like they’re crossed eyed and I figure if my mechanic is gonna be away, do I really wanna be without a vehicle for a whole week. Nope.

Again…YouTube video.

Heyyyyy. A piece of cake job.

Three days later I’m still tryin’ to get a #!^@*&# nut off. ONE NUT!!!!

Shoulda taken the hint when that damn bird pooped on me.truck7

Anyhow to make this boring blog short, I never got that nut off until my neighbor came over with an electric impact wrench and zapped it off in two seconds. And then used the mother of all hammers to pound out the screws and I stood there in awe.

The moral to all this.

Those freaknut videos on YouTube never show you the swearing part those guys fixing vehicles do when trying to remove a part that’s been on a vehicle since the dawn of time….AND…..

Always listen to the bird.

F**K off ya little bastard!

F**K off ya little bastard!

Just sayin.’

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Yogi-isms Remembering Yogi Berra 5-12-1925 – 9-22-2015


Yogi Berra, the iconic New York Yankees catcher for many years passed away this past Tuesday at the age of 90.

Besides Yogi Bear, Yogi Berra was the only other person, or bear, I ever heard of with the name Yogi.

Yogi Berra Bear

Yogi Berra Bear

And, besides myself, able to speak what is now called “Yogi-isms.”

In my day ,when I would speak that, I was called stoopid……..go figure. Then again, I wasn’t a famous baseball player.

So today, I thought we’d take a look at some of the most memorable Yogi-isms and I’d add a few comments of my own.

So here we go:

(Yogi’s logic on life in quotes)
“If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.”yogi3

Obviously Yogi thought of this one because he, like myself, get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, but wind up someplace else, like the kitchen, then forget why the hell we’re there or where we were going. Which accounts for the reason most of us who get lost and wind up in the kitchen are slightly overweight. The refrigerator is there and it has a biggggg light beckoning us.

“You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.”
Heyyyyyyy, what a great idea. Thanks Yogi.

“Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too”.
Especially on those nights when your other half has a headache and you’re (men) feeling frisky.

Game of baseball at 11pm anyone?

“I never said most of the things I said.”yogi4
This one is an absolute gem.  I’ve often claimed I never said most of the things I said too. Until my other half bought one of those high-tech mini tape recorders and now I have to listen to replays of things I claimed I never said played back from her device on my computer at the highest decibels possible. Sometimes new technology sucks.

“Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.”

The physical part by the players……the mental part by the umpires. Because umpires are all mental cases if ya ask me.

“It ain’t over till it’s over.”yogi2

Yep, one of most the famous Yogi-isms. It ain’t over till it’s over, which basically means it’s never over till it’s over even if you think it’s over, which it may not be, but you really can’t be sure, until you look around and no one’s left so then it might be safe to assume that whatever it was that you were hoping was over may indeed be over….or not.

“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.”
Which most likely inspired the invention of those GPS systems.yogi6

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
He obviously was talking about an actual fork. My guess anyhow.

“There are some people who, if they don’t already know, you can’t tell ’em.”
Yes folks….Yogi was married for many years so I KNOW where this one came from

“He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.
I dunno Yogi…..sounds kinda fishy to me.yogi9
“I wish I had an answer to that because I’m tired of answering that question.”
Obviously in response to Mrs. Berra saying to Yogi, “Do I look fat in this dress?”

“A lot of guys go, ‘Hey, Yog, say a Yogi-ism.’ I tell ’em, ‘I don’t know any.’ They want me to make one up. I don’t make ’em up. I don’t even know when I say it. They’re the truth. And it is the truth. I don’t know.”
Remember that one guys. Whenever you put your foot in your mouth always use that Yogi-ism,

“Even Napoleon had his Watergate.”
Proof that the Watergate Hotel is as old as Napoleon.yogi5

Hope all that explains Yogi-isms for ya.

Just sayin, which I just did if you were paying attention.yogi8

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