“MY” world is coming to an end. Screw those Mayan predictions that the rest of the world is coming to an end on December 21st. It’s already ending for me! Hostess is going out of business. OMG!!!
Yes…it’s true. “Hostess Brands Inc.” is filing for bankruptcy after failing to get wage and benefit cuts from thousands of its striking bakery workers. Um….is this Obama’s fault too? Nah…..can’t be. I’ve never even seen him eat a “Twinkie.” I think.
Do you have any idea what this means? No more “”Twinkies, “Hostess Chocolate Cupcakes,” and sugar frosted “Donettes.” OMG….shoot me now. Mayans…why didn’t you tell us on those ancient scribblings that THIS was how it was all going to end!!!
(sigh) I should have seen it coming. Sometimes I would get a sudden craving for chocolate, and bolt out the door to my local store and pick up some chocolate “Hostess Cupcakes.” BUT….only to find the shelf empty. There it was……a subtle sign Hostess was on the way out. A goodie shelf stocked with all kinds of goodies and no “Hostess Chocolate Cupcakes!” WTF!
Oh why! Oh why! Why didn’t I start hoarding them when I had the chance. “Twinkies” I can do without. Same thing for “Wonder Bread.” I never really wondered about “Wonder Bread” anyhow. What’s there to wonder about….bread is bread.
But “Hostess Cupcakes!!!” The world is surely coming to an end. Damn! Maybe it’s not too late to start hoarding those “Hostess Cupcakes.” Yeah! That’s it….I’ll call my local store and see if there’s any left on the shelves before the big rush to buy “Hostess Cupcakes” and “Twinkies” hits.. Hold on.
(dialing my local store)
“Hello….Mini-Mart. This is Bruce speaking. How may I help you?”
“Bruce….Bruce….Hostess is filing for bankruptcy and that means that those “Hostess Cupcakes” I always buy from you won’t be around anymore…do ya have any on the shelf?”
“Hostess is filing for bankruptcy?”
“Yeah, yeah…..do ya have any?”
“Um…wait…I’ll take a look……………”
“Dick….munchf…are ya….gromf…still there?”
“Yeah….so do ya have any?”
“HEY! Are you eatin’ those cupcakes you bastard?”
“Um….smack….munch….no….what makes ya think that?”
“Damn you Bruce……I’m comin’ right over there now before you eat everything off of the freakin’ shelf”….(slam)
So I went over to the store and there was Bruce stuffing as many “Hostess Cupcakes” into his mouth as he could. It was a disgusting site. I immediately grabbed two bags of “Donettes” as he attempted to tackle me before I got to the rack.
Bruce, not being very agile, tripped over two loaves of “Wonder Bread” in a vain attempt to stop me before I got to the “Donettes.”
By that time I managed to grab six bags of them and started to head for the door when he blocked my exit and refused to move. I held my ground and it was at that point a shoving match between the two of us ensued.
Again, not a pretty sight. There was “Donette'” donut powder everywhere, so much so that neither of us could see the other. I took advantage of the moment by throwing more donut powder in his face before he attempted to lunge at me and grab the 8 bags of “Donettes” I had in my arms and stuffed them into my sweatshirt. Along with a one half eaten “Hostess” cupcake.
I bolted out of the store and ran like hell till I got home, locked the doors, and stashed the 8 bags of “Donettes” in a secret place. I did manage to eat the one half eaten “Hostess” cupcake as I was running back home.
All I remember from that incident was that Bruce was left sobbing on the floor holding on to the other half of that “Hostess” cupcake and covered entirely in white “Donette” powder with white tears streaming down his face. I thought seriously of licking the powder off of him, but it was either that or run like hell before he regained his composure and attempted to nail me. No way that sucker was getting my 8 bags of “Donettes.”
I seriously thought about going to other stores and grabbing as much “Hostess” products as I could, but I was afraid there might be crowds attempting to do the same thing and would be all fired up in a wild “Hostess” frenzy and I wouldn’t be able to fight them all off.
Damn you “Hostess.” Just when things were going so great. Now ya file for bankruptcy. What the hell am I gonna do now?
What options do I have left? No more “Hostess Cup Cakes,” “Twinkies,” “Ring Dings,” “Devil Dogs,” “Yodels,” “Yankee Doodles,” “Sunny Doodles,” “Funny Bones” and “Coffee Cakes.” OMG!
Where the hell am I gonna get my chocolate fix? WHERE!!! WHERE!!! Sob…..I’m soooo depressed. I’ve gotta have a “Donette”…or two….sob….or three……maybe four……………..
(NOTE) To all MisfitWisdom readers. I’m his other half and I rarely, if ever post any blogs on WordPress. However, I came into his office and found his unfinished blog for today and him unconscious and completely covered in some white powdery stuff lying on the floor. I found several empty bags of “Donettes” lying next to him and a scribbled note that read, “I can’t take it anymore, I’m OD’ing on “Donettes” and ending it all…..damn you Hostess.”
Sorry, but I called 911 and I’m assuming they’re going to pump his stomach in an attempt to save his life. If they succeed, hopefully he’ll be ok to write a blog tomorrow.
(DONATE The MisfitWisdom “Hostess Cupcake” PayPal donation link is posted below. If it is not highlighted, (blue) it’s because it also was covered in white “Donette” powder as was everything else in Misfit’s office. In that case, it’s up to you to copy and paste the link into your browser after you clean the powder residue off and then go to the PayPal site.
Donations since January 2009 AD…………..( 1 )
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