I’m scared. Reallllllly scared. And I don’t scare easily. I can actually watch movies about zombies, werewolves, flesh-eating microbes, and the true story of how Lorena Bobbitt cut off her husband’s woody and not flinch an inch. Um, well, maybe on that last one.
But what’s scarin’ the hell outta me this week is the number of loony tunes who are signing petitions to secede from the United States. Mainly because they’re pissed off at the election results. It’s like when you were a kid and little Jimmy Ferkenstoffer wouldn’t share his Twinkies so you threw a tizzy fit, stomped off, and yelled back at him as you were leaving, “Yeah, well take your stinkin’ Twinkies and shove it up your nose Dickface! And I ain’t EVER gonna play horsie with you EVER again!”
Or, in simple terms…………NA NA NA NA NA NA NA.
Meaning that these people who signed petitions in 20 states to secede from the union are pissed off that Romney lost the election, so, because their candidate lost, they want to pick up their toys and not play with the rest of us. This, as I said, scares me.
Why? Because I find it hard to believe that there are some people walking around on the face of the earth that have less intelligence than werewolves, zombies, flesh-eating microbes and Lorena Bobbitt. Well, um, maybe not that last one.
Rather than try to explain the lack of logic these people claim to have, you can go to Carol Ann B’s blog post (link below) for a really good breakdown of what secession would mean for any state who opts to take a hike from the rest of us. Read it now. Then, if you don’t secede from this blog, come on back and I’ll continue. Um….I’ll wait.
Ok….I see you came back. Interesting reading wasn’t it.
While you were gone I seceded from my blog, made myself a snack, went to the bathroom, gave the cats a snack, and took one of my reality pills because I needed one to get me back to reality after reading about those 20 states that have no clue as to what reality is other than those reality shows on TV which, although I never watch, are more about reality than the idea of secession.
Doesn’t it make any of you who read Carol’s blog wonder to yourselves, “WTF kind of brains do these people have?” Doesn’t it scare the hell outta you that anyone who signed a petition to secede from the United States may be severely in need of help. They walk among us, well, at least in 28 of the 50 states. Thankfully not in my state. But if they’re in your state, be careful…..be verrrrry careful. They could turn on you in a heartbeat if you as so much say that you’re satisfied with the election. Remember….they’re in a different reality world than the rest of us. Possibly another dimension or parallel world where Romney actually won.
And you all thought the TV show “Fringe” was just fantasy.
(The population of the United States as of mid 2011 according to the the U.S. Census bureau was 311 million. To be exact, 311,800,000. Out of those 311 million, as of today, a whopping 233,104 people in 28 states want to go to that parallel universe and secede from the union. Obviously they’re a majority of Americans…….that need to see a shrink, or, need to get on some serious reality drugs so that they can all find that parallel universe. Might not find it, but what the hell, on some really good drugs, who among them is gonna give a rat’s ass.
Hey! You people who signed that petition to secede….. why bother. A much better chance of succeeding, or seceding, in your hopes of breaking off from the rest of the union, considering most of us do not want to secede, and you’ll never get the votes to accomplish that, is to keep watching the TV program “Fringe” to find out how you can possibly transport yourself, along with others who share your ideals, to that parallel universe. Um, not Yankee Universe either.
YES! That’s it. If there’s a parallel universe, and we all know there is, because if it’s on TV, as in “Fringe,” then it HAS to be true, so all ya have to do, rather than secede, and go through all that bureaucratic paperwork, is to simply find out how they get to that parallel universe by watching “Fringe” and then get all those people who believe in succession together, say like they did at “Woodstock” back in “69,” in a giant field and construct your own parallel universe transport device and for Gawds sake….transport yourselves there as quickly as possible.
Try and do it before the 2016 elections Jussssssst in case…………..your candidate loses again. The rest of us don’t want to hear all this whining bull***t all over again in four years.
Oh…by the way. If by chance you can’t get your hands on the blueprints for that parallel universe device after spending months, or perhaps years watching “Fringe” and you’re still trying to figure it all out up there in that giant field……………fear not.
Bring along some really great weed, a few iPods with some Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young, Jimi Hendrix and Country Joe and The Fish songs and smoke your ever lovin’ brains out.
The object being. You’re halfway stoned outta your trees now thinking about secession, so you might as well just stay up there…….reallllllly “UP” there, as in “high” where you’ll all be perfectly contented in your own parallel universe.
Made possible by marijuana………….the perfect way to secede……from anything……including disatification with election results.
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