The “Sarah Palin Channel!” OMG!!! OMG!!! Um, are there any cartoons?

Available in HDTV-3-D if ya really wanna be scared outta you ghord

Available in HDTV-3-D if ya really wanna be scared outta your gourd

Yes it’s true! Sarah Palin is launching her very own TV channel.

SAVED AT LAST!!! SAVED AT LAST I TELL YA!!!! THANK GAWD….SAVED AT LAST!!!!

Um, wait….what is it we’re being saved from?

(checking Palin’s press release)

Sarah Palin

Politician

“Tired of media filters? Well, so am I. So, let’s go rogue together and launch our own member-supported channel! This will be OUR channel, for you and for me, and we’ll all get to call it like it is. Please enjoy this video about this new venture and visit: https://sarahpalinchannel.com

“I hope you’ll check out this new online community and help us build it. ‪#‎sarahpalinchannel‬

- Sarah Palin

SEEEEEE, I even included her link to her “palinchannel” site. Because I want all of you Palin supporters to go there and join her in launching this new venture.

PLEASE! PLEASE! Go there!

mmmmmm

Hi, I’m Sarah Palin. Today we’re interviewing an Alaskan dog who’s going to tell us why he switched from being a Democrat to a Republican

Go there because I’m running outta Palin stuff to write about and if you go there and help her launch her new TV channel hopefully a trove of new “Palinisms” will come flowing outta Alaska. And maybe I can even get one of those “media filters” she’s talkin’ about.

Wonder if  it’ll cost as much as that Brita water filter I bought last year?

And what’s she gonna call her new TV channel?

Hmmmm. Obviously her initials, “SPC.” for the “Sarah Palin Channel.” My guess anyhow.

And, considering she’s intent on, as she put it, “Tired of media filters?” how about THIS logo for her new TV channel:

mmmm

Hey! Beats that damn dull CNN logo

Yep, filtering the garbage that comes outta lyin’ stinkin’ news organizations such as FOX, CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC, when NOW, yes NOW we can get the news straight from the horse’s…um….sorry, I meant, straight from the moose’s mouth from the Sarah Palin Channel.

Soooo, who’s masterminding this new channel, which by the way will only cost you a mere $9.95 a month. Such a deal.

Well, it’s none other than a former CNN executive, Jonathan Klein and another former NBC executive Jeff Gaspin. Yep, two guys from the very same networks Sarah said were “the lame-stream media.” And here’s Klein’s comment about Sarah’s new venture:

“What we’re excited about is giving voice to someone who’s got passion and something to say and has a rabid audience that wants to hear it.”

To borrow a well-worn phrase but altered a bit for Sarah to use as her motto when it comes to reporting the news: “Fair and unbalanced”. And of course, “rabid.”

mmmmmm

Actual photo of a rabid audience member

And…um……WAIT!

OMFG!!!

I’m writing a blog about Sarah Palin again. Son-of-a-bitch!!!!!!!

I got sucked into once again falling for that old Sarah Palin ploy. Which is to get your name in the news so that you can get others, such as myself, to put your name in the news so that your name is in the news because your name hasn’t been in the news for a while.

DAMN!

Is she freakin’ smart or what!

Which, when ya think about it, makes ME look stupid for falling for her attention tactic.duh1

Oh sure Sarah. Announce that you’re going to have your own TV channel with all the bells and whistles like a countdown clock which shows how many days are left until Obama leaves office, and a national debt clicker, and cameras all through your house so we can all see what you’re doing and suck me into um…..er……..

WAIT!

Cameras all through your house?

Ya mean like in Sarah’s bedroom and bathroom?

Hmmmm. Maybe to catch those unexpected moments like getting into her SUV or something.

Now THAT might be worth watching.

mmmmmm

Sarah!!! Screw looking for your car keys. For cripes sake we’re on TV!!

Cripes, I’m not a big fan of Sarah Palin but I’d sure as hell be, as she would put it, “watchin,” if she were parading around naked in her bedroom and it only cost me $9.95 a month to get my jollies.

Damn….that’s less than it would cost me for the Playboy Channel.

And you’d really get your money’s worth considering those nights in Alaska are realllly long if ya catch my drift here.

“Oh Todd honeeeee. What say you and I turn in early and boh-de-oh-doe for the cameras. I promised our TV audience we weren’t gonna be like those damn mainstream TV outlets ya know.”

“Sarah baybee, this is the time of the year when our nights last 6 months. How the hell are we gonna entertain our audience in bed for 6 months!!!!”

“Oh honeeeee. No problem. We have guests in our bedroom between our hot steamy sessions and I can interview them.”

“Interview them? In your sexy lingerie? Ya think that’ll work?”

“Hey……works for Hugh Hefner in his bathrobe doesn’t it.”

mmmmmmm

Eat your heart out Hef

So, the Sarah Palin Channel is already up and running and for those of you wishing to subscribe, just get your checkbooks out and mail that check off to Sarah and then you’ll be able to enjoy more of whatever it is Sarah will be doing when she’s not running off to the bank to deposit your checks and making big bucks from……..

The lame stream public who’ll subscribe to her channel because she knows that there are a lot of lame brained people out there who will send her big bucks to hear whatever lame brain stuff she has to say.

Soooooooooooooooo……sp22

Just sayin.’

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The New “Wonder Woman” Makes Me Wonder……………and more…….

Ok, so it’s time for “Wonder Woman” to finally get a new outfit. After all, Superman went out and bought himself a new outfit didn’t he.

Soooo, in case you happened to be under the influence of Kryptonite and missed out on the photos of what the new Wonder Woman’s outfit will look like, here it is.wonderw1

Now I personally don’t like it. Way too drab and not too colorful if ya wanted to wear it to a party or something. AND….looks like it might attract copper thieves.

I kinda like Lynda Carter’s Wonder woman outfit. Verrrrry colorful and obviously suited for any social occasion.wonderw2

Um, and of course we men reallllly appreciate how Lynda made that outfit look really great with her great set of, um, er, ………..jewelry accessories….yeah that’s it, jewelery accessories which match her outfit.

Great accessories Linda

Great accessories Lynda

And you can tell by comparing the photo of the new Wonder Woman to that of Lynda, that obviously Lynda has better accessories, which stand out, and um, accent her outfit.

Wonder Woman has been around for some time so I guess the creators of that character felt it necessary to update her outfit. After all, ya just can’t run around fighting crime in old clothes. Criminals will just laugh at you. So maybe it was about time Wonder Woman got a makeover.

http://youtu.be/pRIFUqQgN24

Nikes I assume

Nikes I assume

Wonder Woman wasn’t just a “wonder woman” but a regular woman as well. Just like Superman was Clark Kent and led a regular life when he wasn’t out fighting crime and stuff.

So have you ever wondered what life was like around the Wonder Woman household? Did she live a normal life when not fighting crime? Did she screw up doing regular things as the rest of us do at times?

Oops.....

Oops…..

AND…..being a woman, did this happen as well………..

mmmm

And there were a lot of rumors that Superman wasn’t the really goody two shoes that we all think he was. After  all, he DID have x-ray vision, and, if you or I (men) had x-ray vision, what the hell do ya think we’d all be doing……

mmmmm

Geico boob protection

Yes, we men would all love to have x-ray vision like Superman. Or, at least have the power of invisibility.

mmmm

WTF! I gained 5 pounds!!!!!!!

Obviously Wonder Woman’s attraction, to us men, was that she was a sexy woman. So, we all envisioned her as a naked sexy woman at one time or another. That’s what we perv guys do. So it went like this when it came to our sick imaginations……

Pant.......

Pant…….

 

And this……………

Double pant......

Double pant……

And this………

OMFG!!!!!!!

OMFG!!!!!!!

And for the biker crowd……….wonderw19

And eventually our fantasies of Wonder Woman appearing in our favorite crime fighting magazine………….wonderw18
Shall we go a step further?

Screw it, why not. How about what happens to Wonder Woman after her and Superman get it on.

Oh oh....CLARK! Get in here quick!

Oh oh….CLARK! Get in here quick!

Yep. Wonder Woman is with Wonder Child.

And then it gets even worse.

Now I’m NOT saying that ALL women lose their figures after they’ve had a child, but, I’m just thinking how Wonder Woman would look if she failed to go back to crime fighting and just let her figure go to hell.

Aghhhhhhhh!!!

Wonder Woman after her fourth child

WAIT! It doesn’t get any better.

What’s Wonder Woman gonna look like when she’s a senior citizen? OMG!!!Wonder woman as an old person.

So, in conclusion, there’s a lot to think about there when it comes to your opinion about Wonder Woman’s new costume and her life in general. Is her new costume better, or do you prefer the old one?

In any case, would it really matter what costume she wears if she’s gonna age like the rest of us? What’s next……”Depends” with stars and stripes on them.

(sigh)

Think I’ll just stick with my original image of Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman in one of my favorite outfits that she wore….um…….but Gawd knows for what? Me thinkith NOT fighting crime.

"THIS" is a Wonder Woman.....ya think....

“THIS” is a Wonder Woman…..ya think….

And I didn’t even need any stinkin’  x-ray vision to appreciate this outfit.

TAKE THAT man of steel.

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Why Wait? I Am (for what it’s worth) Declaring “The Boston Red Sox” the “Dead Sox.”

sox1

First of all, before anyone, including those pesky Internet Trolls jump in, I’m going to state my opinion of what I think about the Boston Red Sox. Which, in the scope of things, means squat.

But, ask me if I give a rats ass about what anyone else thinks. Which is why I write this stupid blog. Because I can say what “I” think just to vent my own frustrations. In this instance, the  Boston Dead Sox.

Yes, it’s been a frustrating season for the Sox. Going from last years “Boston Strong” team to this years “Boston Weak” team.

Which leaves a lot of fans saying to themselves, WTF!

Cans you sense that this season the Sox are unravelling

Can you sense that this season the Sox are unravelling

And we all went through this once before during the great “chicken and beer” fiasco of 2012 when Bobby Valentine was the manager.

mmmmm

Got any Bud Lite?

Soooo, why does this team suck big time? To which I would reply, “Who TF really knows?” Other than everyone in the clubhouse.

Now I personally, as I said, “for what it’s worth” have some of my own feeble theories. Because that’s how my feeble mind works. BUT….if I’m right, and the full story comes out at the end of the season, I’ll pat myself on the back.

So, here are some of my theories.

Management letting Jacoby Ellsbury and Jarrod Saltalamaccia go to other teams after those two players contributed to their 2013 World Series win.

Why! Because management, (can you say the “Yawkey Years”) did not want to fork over the big bucks either player wanted and DESERVED. WHICH, most likely pissed off the other players thinking, “Hey, these guys were part of the backbone of our team and ya let them go?”

mmmmm

“Sob….its no use….I’m not the one that’s nuts….its management.”

Secondly, John Henry, and the rest of the brain-dead management buying “The Boston Freakin’ Globe” for bigggggg bucks. WTF!

Ya can’t pay two crucial team members the money they ask for BUT you can fork over a lot of cash to buy a damn newspaper! Idiots.

Then there’s the signing of Dustin Pedroia to a multi-year contract. Ok, so he’s a good player….. (have you seen his stats at bat lately) and now he too is slacking off at bat. Again WTF!

mmmmmm

I’ve used this to make a point to management before…..so, Hey, John Henry….here’s the shape of things to come

 

THEN……we’re back to having part of the team Pawtucket Red Sox players. Oh yeah, THAT’S gonna win us a lot of games. Can anyone say Mookie Betts?

So, me thinkith that there is something afoot going on right here in “River City.”

http://youtu.be/qam1fbQmA_s

Not to mention pitching, but I will. Clay F**kchholtz, biting his nails and looking like a damn zombie in the dugout should be at some local carnival pitching balls at kewpie dolls just to see if he can win one, let alone trying to win a damn ball game and strike out anyone.

Bucholtz shortly before his transformation

Buchholtz shortly before his transformation

mmmmm

Transformation complete

John Lester, may be good at some times, but he’s also bad at times. When it counts to be good. And he’s gonna be looking for big bucks at the end of this year. FOR WHAT? Losing games and giving up runs?

John Lackey, so far has been the only pitcher worth his salary. And he’s probably saying to himself, “Cripes, if I could only pitch every game…we’d win.”

I won’t even mention the rest of their pitching staff…..because there isn’t any.

Even manager John Farrell, who I really like, seems to be saying to himself, “F**k it….I give up.”

mmmmmmm

Sometimes things never change

Case in point….just in case you missed Saturday’s game with the Tampa Bay Fish.

A play is made at 2nd base and Steven Drew clearly catches a Ray’s player off of second base, as shown in replays, and the blind umpire calls him safe, and does Farrell challenge it? Nooooo.

So what happens, that runner comes in and the Rays score. WTF is with that?

So I think the key word to describe this years Red Sox team is, “dysfunctional.”

And, the sad thing is that either they, (management) do not have a freakin’ clue, or they just don’t care.

And the only sports announcers that tell it like it is are Dennis Eckersley and Steve Lyons. The rest of the crew are most likely too afraid of their positions at NESN to shake the boat. Wimps.

mmmmm

It’s called” “Job Security” pal.

There’s no way in hell the Sox are going to be in contention this year. As far as I’m concerned watching them play is like watching a TV sitcom. And if ya love TV reruns, there’s always the “Sox In 2″ where you can watch them lose a second time if you’re into self punishment.

It’s pretty much the same old same old this season. Get a lead, pitching gives it up, and the guys in the dugout give up as well.

Oh yeah, and those games where they do manage to score big, as in last weeks 14 run win, that was just a fluke.

So, in conclusion, now that I’ve vented my own frustrations with this poor excuse for a professional baseball team, I can relax and watch something on TV worth watching that’s NOT gonna piss me off to the high heavens.

Fox News……………..

Um, on second thought………………

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“Designer Vagina’s?” I Was Kinda Curious…………….Sooooooooooooo.

Look, DO NOT shoot the messenger, which I would be. I’m only reporting to you on a story that “The Daily Beast” reported on. So, if ya wanna shoot anyone for writing a story about “Designer Vaginas,” which kinda sounds like it would really be a neat name for a female rock group, then shoot the people at “The Daily Beast.”

I might add that this story was filed under the heading of “Fashion.” Go figure.

And the header for their story was titled, “Beware The Designer Vagina.”

Which scared the hell outta me because it sounds like a horror movie in the making.

AND….do you have ANY freakin’ idea how hard it is to find cartoons about vaginas!

However, considering vaginas have been the downfall of men since Adam and Eve, I did my best……………..

Ditto.......

Ditto…….

 

Now, personally, I’m no expert when it comes to anything regarding vaginas. Not having one of course. And not being a gynecologist. BUT….I DID stay at a Holiday Inn Express.

What caught my eye, other than the word “vagina” was this opening line in their story. “More young women are tailoring their lady bits than ever before, according to a new report from Transform, a leading cosmetic group in the UK.”

I’m assuming “lady bits” has nothing to do with a new candy  such as “Reeses Pieces.” My guess anyhow.

mmmmm

However, I could be mistaken

It has more to do with women between the ages of 18 and 24 who are seeking labia reduction surgery.

Hmmm, now how do I explain this delicately for those of you who are not knowledgeable about this stuff…….(thinking as any stupid guy would think)

Ok, um, if those women are not satisfied with the appearance of their female genitalia, (lower body part) they can have surgery to make it appear more attractive.

Best I can do folks.

Soooo, why, when you consider that it’s not like women walk around in everyday life displaying their vaginas would anyone want to have cosmetic surgery on their labia?

MMMMM

On their boobs maybe, but on their labia?

How does the article explain that? Obviously in language that all of us would clearly understand. Which is as follows: Because of the, ““unrealistic representations of female genitalia in pornographic materials, despite facilitating these unrealistic representations.”

Which basically means that when men look at pornographic material which display women’s private parts, (genitalia) we’re not actually seeing what we’re actually supposed to be seeing because most of those photos are of women who have had surgery on their vaginas. Which, as mentioned in that quote above, is an “unrealistic representation.”

(this is getting waaaaay to confusing for me)

mmmmm

Major Labia? Wasn’t he a general in WWII

So what this all means is that a lot of women are not happy with the appearance of their vaginas.

Which I’m assuming most men could give a rats ass what it looks like as long as it works. But, you know how women are. Ya think THEY care what we men think? NO!

“Dear, do you think these panties make my vagina look fat?”

Which most likely will be the next question women will be asking men after reading this story.

Now I know this may all seem a bit confusing to a lot of you women who may be just hearing about this for the first time.

Not to mention us men who are reading this and saying to ourselves, WTF!

But, to put it a bit, (not a lady bit)  more in perspective, here’s another quote from that “Daily Beast” article.”

“Indeed, the term “designer vagina” began popping up in mainstream media just as Internet porn was becoming ubiquitous. In 2000, Salon reported on the “rapidly growing industry” from Dr. David Matlock’s Designer Laser Vaginoplasty clinic in Los Angeles, where women shelled out thousands of dollars to have their “labia modified, vulvae reconfigured.” Some women began electing to remove their entire labia minora (the inner vaginal lips)—a procedure nicknamed “The Barbie” by a Laguna Beach plastic surgeon—which resulted in a prepubescent “clamshell” aesthetic. In 2011, the International Society of Sexual Medicine published a review which found that 87 percent of women who underwent vaginal rejuvenation surgery did so solely for cosmetic purposes.”

YES! For “cosmetic purposes.” Like putting on makeup, blow drying your hair, and, oh yeah, having your vagina appear more friendlier looking. Or, resembling your “clamshell” cell phone. You know….mix and match.

mmmmmm

WAIT! It gets better. Again, a quote from the article:

“And it’s no surprise that a generation of women who have been removing pubic hair since they hit puberty are pruning other parts of their vaginas.”

And you thought “pruning” only involved trees.

HOLD ON…….it gets better……….

“Dr. Norman Rowe, a member of the “American Board of Plastic Surgery” and a practicing surgeon in Manhattan, says his younger patients want their pendulous pudenda tightened and tucked for a “more refined” look. And many point to the hyper-stylized ones in Playboy magazine as models of pussy perfection, he says.”

Oops….got the “pussy perfection” thing but he got me on that “pendulous pudenda” thing.

WTF is THAT!. And, do we men really wanna know?

(checking my Funk & Wagnells)

Ok….I think I got it. “Pendulous” is something that hangs and that “pudenda” thingy refers to genital organs of a human being, especially a woman.

Cripes, don’t ya hate it when they use those big freakin’ words. Just come out and say it plainly for us dumb people. Like, having your hanging vagina parts tightened up.

mmmmmmmm

I dreamed I went shopping after having my pendulous pudenda tightened

Now here’s the part I don’t get. It’s not just younger women having this procedure done. Nope. The good doc says that 75 percent of his patients are in their 30’s and 40’s because they want a, “rejuvenated vagina,” to reverse the effects of aging.”

WHAT!

Women wanna spend all kinds of big bucks having their vaginas “rejuvenated” to reverse the effects of aging? WTF.

Ladies! Ladies! Think about this for a sec here. If ya walk into a bar and a guy hits on you do ya think he’s looking at your vagina, which obviously is covered, or your FACE!!!!! It’s not like he’s gonna say to you, “Hey baybeeee, you look pretty hot and I’d ask you out, but first I wanna check out your vagina.”

Cut right to the chase.....my motto

Cut right to the chase…..my motto

I think the “checking out the vagina” part comes a bit later, and, unless you’re having sex under some 1,000 watt light bulb, what guy is gonna stop in the throes of passion and say to you, “OMFG…..what an ugly vagina!”

I personally have never seen a vagina I didn’t like.

Then again, It’s not like I was exploring that area with a damn magnifying glass. As well as preferring to do my exploratory work in the DARK!!!!!!!!

This last quote from the article is yet another one I take issue with: The doc says, “I can’t tell you how many women come to me worried about how they look in the gym.”

WHAT! What the hell kinda gym you goin’ to doc? Vagina exercise class or something? Labia 101? Or, as he so aptly put it, “pendulous pudenda” class?

MMMM

Now, in defense of this procedure to reduce or tighten up that body part, Ronald Blatt, chief surgeon at the “Manhattan Center for Vaginal Surgery” says that the, “vast majority of women” go under the knife for reasons that aren’t cosmetic. Large labia minora can cause discomfort during sex or other physical activity.”

Which is completely understandable to me.

BUT. For cosmetic purposes? Me thinkith, as a man, it’s not worth spending all that money on.

WHY?

Because until nudity becomes legalized in all 50 states as the norm and we can all walk around shopping naked or whatever, who gives a rats ass what our genitalia look like.

When THAT happens, then I guess you might have an argument for cosmetic surgery.

In which case I myself might opt for some sort of surgery as well. Providing, of course, that cosmetic surgery for men in the lower extremities is also an option.

So that when nudity is accepted all over the place I can walk into a bar and instead of using that old line, “So baybee, what’s your sign,” I can walk up to a woman and say, “Heyyyyy, nice vagina ya got there.”

And in return, she can return the compliment with, “Ohhhhh, thank you, and did you have surgery too or are you just happy to see me.”

FINALLY….(thank Gawd) ya might wanna keep this in mind if any of you women are considering this type of procedure………………vag4

Just sayin.’

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Dogs Finally Gain Some Respectability In Spain

mmm

Soreeeee……just give it a sec to air out

You all remember that old Rodney Dangerfield line, “I don’t get any respect.” Well, for dogs in Madrid, Spain, they’re finally getting respect.

No more having to poop in places that make people go, yuk. Which has always been a problem for dogs because they never had the amenities that we humans have. Which are bathroom facilities.

I mean, think about it for a minute. What if YOU had to drop your pants and poop or urinate just any old place. Yeah, how’d YOU like to go through life doing that!

mmmmm

Fire hydrants come in handy too

No wonder dogs haven’t gotten the full respect they so much deserve.

Well, in Madrid, Spain they’ve finally realized, as that old philosopher Mitt Romney once said, “Dogs are people too.”

Apparently this is just an issue with dogs and not cats.

Oh great, now WTF are WE supposed to do?

Oh great, now WTF are WE supposed to do?

As reported by the website “Springwise.com” dog littering has been a problem in that country for some time. Which basically means that Spain apparently has a lot of dogs that poop.

It’s become such a major problem, dog poop that is, that “Madrid’s Cacas Express,” (nothing similar to a Federal Express) recently took extreme measures to make their point.

Which is, do not leave your dog poop just lying around you idiots.

mmmmmm

This also applies to Centaurs

Sooooo, what do the officials do. Why scoff up any dog poop they find and mail it to the dogs owners.

Which raises the all important question. How exactly do ya determine who a dog’s poop belongs to? Forensic testing I guess. Who TF knows. But I certainly would NOT want THAT job.

Nor would I want to be a mailman delivering dog poop to a dog owner on a hot summer day.

A Great Dane just used this!!!!!!!!

A Great Dane just used this!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile back in the dog poop forensic lab….similar to our CSI Labs…….

“Hey Eduardo, what say you and I take a lunch break and stroll through the park and catch a few rays.”

“Oh geez Julio, I’d really like to go with ya but I’m up to my butt in dog poop today.”

“But Eduardo, getting outta this lab might do ya some good. Besides, it reeks to the high heavens in here….whew!”

“Yeah, I know, and I appreciate your offer, but I’d go to the park with ya, and spot some dog pooping, and it’s like, WTF, I can’t get away from my work.”

Sooooo, what to do?

Well, obviously the best solution to this problem is to provide doggies with a place to poop and pee, other than on grass, sidewalks and in playgrounds.

Spain has come up with the great idea of providing public dog toilets along various streets. How neat is that!pot4

“Devised by Enric Girona, the machines have been donated to the town of El Vendrell to make it easier for owners to get rid of dog waste. The toilet points feature two separate machines, one for number one’s and one for number two’s.”

Hopefully dogs know the difference between “number ones'” and “number twos” when they use these toilets.  As well as carry some loose change to deposit in the slot to enter the toilet. I’m assuming these toilets are not free.

Only because I’m sure Spain authorities have also considered that any self-respecting dog is gonna want toilet paper as well in those units. So, charging dogs to use them would seem logical to me.

Spain dog toilets courtesy of "Springwise.com"

Spain dog toilets courtesy of “Springwise.com”

How does this toilet actually work you ask?

Well it  features a grid to simply drain the urine underground, along with a rinser. The second uses a hole with a lid that dogs squat over to do their business, and owners then press a button to flush the excrement away.

Which means that you have to accompany your dog into the toilet while he or she poops. Something I’d be looking forward to. Not to mention, but I will, how the hell do ya get a dog to squat over a toilet opening?pot10

Girona said that depending on the success of the trial, the machines may go into production and exported to other cities with poo problems.

Sooooo, what do I sense is on the horizon here?

Simple. Ya know when you go to those concerts in the park, or to a state fair, or any other outdoor activity and they have those “Port-A-Potties” all over the place. You know, the ones where hundreds of women are waiting in line while the ones for men never have a line. Yep, the same kinda lines you see at regular public restrooms where the men are standing outside waiting for the women.

mmmmmm

I rest my case

Wellllll. Now I see the same thing happening with dogs. Yep, female dogs waiting in line for an empty “Port-A-Pooch Pooper” while there are no male dogs standing outside of the ones for men.

Thanks Spain

Now we not only have to wait for our spouses to get outta the pooper, but our dogs as well. Damn!!!!.

Just sayin.’

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Instructions On How NOT To Rob A Bank

 

mmmmm

Lesson # 1: When robbing a bank is not a good idea

I’m smart enough to know that if my other half asks me that tricky question that all women ask men, which is, “Does this dress make me look fat,” I’m either gonna lie my ass off or, when she’s trying on clothes, beat feet to the other end of the store.

But, that said, I’m not so stupid that I’d come up with a plan to pull a bank robbery, then not wear a mask, wear a t-shirt with my name on it, and park my car outside of the bank with my actual license plate in full view.

mmmmm

Bank robber John David Martinez. Minus his mask.

Geez, where was this guy when they were casting parts for the movie “Dumb and Dumber?”

Lesson # 2: When robbing a bank is not a good idea

Lesson # 2: When robbing a bank is not a good idea

So, this guy, obviously a candidate for Mensa, 68 year-old John David Martinez, walked into a bank in Denver, Colorado wearing a black t-shirt with his first name on it and, I guess, figured, WTF, easy bank job.

He walked up to a teller’s window and handed over a dark zippered bag and said to the teller, “Dis isa robbrie, gif me da monee.”

Um, no, but lacking a few crayons out of his box I figured that’s how he might have sounded.

After he made two tellers fill the bag with money he left the bank, got into his Honda and drove off. Never thinking that perhaps the fact that he wasn’t wearing a mask, had his name on his shirt, and that the Honda was registered in his name might just be a clue for the police to track him down. Duh.

Lesson # 3: When robbing a bank is not a good idea

Lesson # 3: When robbing a bank is not a good idea

FBI agents tracked down this guy at a local Ramada Inn, the choice inn for any respectable bank robber, and promptly arrested his butt.

His reason for robbing the bank. Martinez said that he and his wife had been evicted from their home three weeks ago and they’d moved into the Ramada Inn three days earlier.

Which, as far as I’m concerned, is reason enough to rob any bank. Gezz, if I had to live at a Ramada Inn I’d be robbing banks left and right.

Not that Ramada Inns are bad mind you, but, as Dorothy said in the Wizard of Oz, “There’s no place like home.”

Now it’s not like this guy hasn’t done this type of thing before.

He’s had  prior arrests for assault with a deadly weapon, forgery, criminal impersonation, DUI hit and run and resisting arrest, according to the Colorado Bureau of Investigation.

Obviously a failure at being a professional criminal.

mmmm

Lesson # 4: The only time you do not have to wear a mask

Now the guy was staying at the Ramada Inn with his wife after being evicted from their home. So, you would have thought, being a loving and caring wife, that she at least would have told him not to forget his mask when he set out to rob that bank.

After all, when ya think about it, don’t most of us get a, “Have a nice day dear, and don’t forget to wear your mask,” send off if we were going to rob a bank?

The equivalent of your spouse saying to you, “Have a nice day dear.”

But noooo. She lets him walk out the door with no mask AND wearing a t-shirt with his freakin’ name on it! He might as well have worn one of those high school reunion tags that said, “Hi, My name is John. I’m a bank robber.”

At least it might have comforted the bank tellers a bit by being able to address the bank robber by his first name AND knowing right off the bat that he WAS a bank robber. Professional courtesy ya know.

Soooo honeeee, I'm off to rob a bank....is there anything I should remember?

Soooo honeeee, I’m off to rob a bank….is there anything I should remember?

I personally don’t think this guy has a future as a professional bank robber. My guess anyhow.

Maybe, when he gets his butt outta jail in a few years, he could pitch Ramada Inn’s in a TV ad for the hotel chain.

“Hi, my name is John, and when I rob a bank, my hotel of choice to hide out in is Ramada Inn.”

Or perhaps Honda might take advantage of John, considering he was driving a Silver Honda when he was robbing the bank.

“The 2014 Honda Civic, recommended by bank robbers as the fastest get-a-way car by 9 out of 10 professional bank robbers.” Here’s a customer testimonial: “Hi, my name is John, and I recommend the 2014 Honda Civic if you’re planning to rob a bank. Just remember to wear a mask and use a fake license plate.”

Lesson # 4: Never ask the woman bank clerk out on a date when your working

Lesson # 5: Never ask the woman bank clerk out on a date when your working

So, all in all it wasn’t a good day for Mr. Martinez. Gets evicted from his home. Moves into a Ramada Inn with his wife. Robs a bank. gets caught, and now will have to go to jail. Had he paid attention in high school in Bank Robbery 101 class he might have had lucrative career in bank robbing.

Where the most important lesson in robbing a bank is, always wear a mask, NEVER have your name on your shirt while robbing a bank, and borrow someone else’s car.

The only time you don't have to worry about a license plate for your get a way vehicle

The only time you don’t have to worry about the police tracing your license plate for your get-a-way vehicle

Just sayin.

 

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Biggggg Story………………Literally.

Stumbling over to my computer this morning searching the Internet for breaking news, other than Obama is considering buying a home in California which is making Obama hating trolls go berserk, I did manage to come across something else that was more earth shattering.

The story about a model from Idaho who is becoming a huge success making a lot of money dwarfing small men.

(this story has nothing to do with Snow White’s Seven Dwarfs)

Um....just to set the tone for today's blog.....

Um….just to set the tone for today’s blog…..(NOTE) This is not a photo of the woman named in this story)

And, considering Amanda, 38,  (last name not provided) is 6 feet 3 inches tall, has 63 inch hips and a 44DD bust, me thinkith I, standing at 5 feet 4 inches tall, (no bust) would definitely be dwarfed by this woman. Or smothered and never heard from again.

But, apparently there are guys out there that desire this type woman along with modeling agencies who are knocking on her door according to the site “Orange.com”

Amanda says that there is a subculture of short-men, (which I resemble) who love being with super-sized women. Me not being one of them because I value my life.

Cripes, if I so much as left the toilet seat up while living with a super-sized woman do ya have any idea what she could do to me?

Hey honeee.....if ya got it, flaunt it

Hey honeee…..if ya got it, flaunt it

But, like I always say, there’s always someone for everyone. Depends on your taste in women. And there’s nothing wrong with being a super-sized woman. In fact, the only drawback as far as I can determine, if you’re a small guy, is if you actually sleep with a super-sized woman and she rolls over on you in the middle of the night.

Other than that, if that’s your type of woman go for it. There are a lot of super-sized women out there who are really knockouts.

Amanda got the idea of becoming  super-sized model after a friend told her that she should become an “Amazon” model because there were guys who loved big women. And when she searched the Internet she found a website showing huge women towering over little guys, and said to herself, “I could do that.”

The first image that comes to my mind of an Amazon type woman

The first image that comes to my mind of an Amazon type woman

 

However, something like this image that comes into my mind if "I" were with an Amazon woman

However, something like this image would come into my mind if “I” were with an Amazon woman

Now I know what all of you are thinking. This has to be leading to sex capades.

Well, you’d be wrong.

According to Amanda despite the sexual nature of her work, (sitting or snuggling with little men) she says that nothing sexual ever takes place between her and her clients.

I’m thinking maybe because she actually did roll over on top of them, the guys being so small,  none of them survived. My guess anyhow.

Unless she also has one of those sex alarm devices……………women3

She said: “Although some of my clients get aroused during the sessions, I’m never naked and there is never any sex involved.”

Hmmmm.

Yep....nothing sexual going on here

Yep….nothing sexual going on here

Now let me see if I understand this correctly.

And I’m simply going by what information I got out of this story, and the photo of Amanda with that guy shown above. Who seems to be gasping for air, while at the same time enjoying himself….I think.

Amanda is hired to be with small guys who love big women and gets to crawl all over them and do whatever but nothing sexual takes place?

Ok, um……sure, I’ll buy that.

Just like I buy going into a house of ill repute and telling my friends the next day that all I did was discuss politics.

Then again, I think politicians use that same line of defense when they’re caught doing the same thing.

mmmm

Cripes, I’d vote for him

But, Amanda did say the following, “”As far as fetish work goes I’m considered a prude.”

Sooooo, I guess we have to believe her when it comes to her “no sex involved” claim.

Again, after observing that photo, to me, it seems perfectly logical to assume that there would be absolutely no hint of anything sexual taking place.

Murder by being smothered to death maybe, but definitely no sex involved. And, of course, if that guy actually did smother to death, as appears may be the case in that photo, she’d get off being charged.

After all, the guy did ask for it.

I personally think all women are sexy….super sized or mini sized. But, as I said earlier, being very close to being a dwarf, I’d kinda look like this……..

mmmmmm

Happens to me all the time

So, in conclusion, if you are one of the many millions of men who like full-sized women such as Amanda, you might wanna look her up. Maybe she has a friend or two.

However, just as a precaution, should you wish to live a long and lasting life here on Earth, might wanna bring an oxygen tank or two along with you…..just to be on the safe side.

Just sayin.’

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