Humor In The Assassination of JFK? Welllllllllllllllllll.

mmmmmmm

In 2014 61% believe there was a conspiracy. So, 61% of us are apparently loony toons. Including me.

I’m obviously gonna get a lot of flack over using the word “humor” in relation to the assassination of President John F. Kennedy back in 1963 in Dallas, Texas.

BUT….that said, bring it on trolls.jfkpoll

The humor I’m referring  to is that some 5o years later there are a gazillion, if not more, unanswered questions about the events of November 22nd, 1963 in Dealey Plaza. Yet….yes yet, there are those, such as the one guy I’m going to single out today that STILL believe the entire Warren Commission report.

However, those of us that do not believe that report outnumber the ones that do. (see above graph)

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AND…we “loony toons” still get sarcastic flack and these stupid cartoons

So this guy from St. Helena, California, by far not a dummy, in fact he’s an attorney, yet I firmly believe his light bulb is below a 25 watt power range.

Do I soundith a bit pissed off? If you replied, “yes,” you’d be correct. Now I’m no attorney nor an “expert” on the assassination, BUT I DO know there are way too many loose ends to EVER conclude that the Warren Commission was correct or that Lee Harvey Oswald was a “lone nut.”

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(Picture caption) For 51 years, Bruce Miroglio, a lawyer and third-generation St. Helenan, has been researching, investigating and analyzing President John F. Kennedy’s assassination, trying to get the bigger picture of that fateful day.

First, an excerpt from a story in the “St. Helena Star” by Cynthia Sweeney (11/10/14) which highlights a part of “expert” Bruce Miroglio’s comments regarding the assassination. (MY comments are in parenthesis after each important paragraph)

(the excerpt)

“Following the president’s death, and to this day, JFK aficionados fall into two camps, the conspiracy theorists and those who believe in the lone nut theory, the nut being Lee Harvey Oswald.

Theories erupted around Vice President Lyndon Johnson and why he was sworn in as president so quickly after the assassination. A later-revealed government cover-up of information about aggressive acts in Cuba also raised questions. And the “magic bullet” theory questioned how one bullet could have struck Kennedy and Connally.

Miroglio, a member of the lone nut camp, said much of what has been written about the event contributes nothing to finding the truth about what happened that day. The subject became a cottage industry for authors trying to tell their side of it.

“My experience is, it’s an effort to make money for the author and doesn’t offer new information,” said Miroglio. “It all gives rise to people who want to believe in a conspiracy. It adds to the interest.”

(Yes Bruce. As we all know the only reason a trillion books have been written about the assassination is to make money. Prominent researchers such as Sylvia Meagher, (“Accessories After the Fact,” 1967) Josiah Thompson, (Six Seconds in Dallas,” 1967) and Anthony Summers, (Conspiracy,” 1980) to name a few, just gave all of us unanswered questions to ponder about the assassination simply to make a buck)thompson jfk

“Miroglio also expressed frustration at director Oliver Stone’s 1991 film “JFK,” which he said took a true story and fictionalized it, fueling the conspiracy theory rhetoric.”

(Yep, Oliver Stone’s movie did not have one scintilla of factual information in it. I’m assuming the Zapruder film in Stone’s movie was fictionalized as well. Bruce….ya think?)

(oh yeah…..while we’re at it, check out New Orleans District Attorney Jim Garrison on “Wikipedia” and focus on the part where he said a suspect in the assassination Clay Shaw worked for the CIA but Shaw denied it.

(Garrison  brought Shaw to trial for conspiracy to assassinate the President)

(Um, did I mention he did work for the CIA as later proved…oops…..I’m clouding this “fictionalized” stuff Bruce talks about with damn facts)

“In 1964, the Warren Commission’s official government report on the assassination concluded that Oswald acted alone. In conversation, Miroglio is given to quoting various exhibits within the report off the top of his head to explain and support that position. Oswald may not have had a political agenda, although he was a Marxist, he was just looking for attention, Miroglio said. Just months before, he allegedly tried to assassinate Maj. Gen. Edwin A. Walker”

(Funny Bruce, you never mentioned the “House Select Committee on Assassinations” report in the 70′s that concluded that JFK may have been assassinated as the result of a conspiracy. Oops)house book(below: excerpt from the “Summary & Findings” of the above report)

  • Scientific acoustical evidence establishes a high probability that two gunmen fired at President John F. Kennedy. Other scientific evidence does not preclude the possibility of two gunmen firing at the President. Scientific evidence negates some specific conspiracy allegations.
  • The committee believes, on the basis of the evidence available to it, that President John F. Kennedy was probably assassinated as a result of a conspiracy. The committee is unable to identify the other gunman or the extent of the conspiracy.
  • Hey Bruce…..did ya read that report?

So ya see folks, this is “humor” to me. Humorous that in this day and age there are still people out there who refuse to believe that more than one person was involved in the assassination. Yet we all believe the government spies on us and politicians lie Go figure. We all know THAT’S not true.

Along with Nazi’s being brought to the U.S. after the war so we could use them. AND….some of them even collected Social Security checks too. Nah…..that’s a conspiracy lie too.

I offered a challenge to Bruce to answer a series of questions regarding the assassination that have never been answered. I’ll ask the same of any of my blog readers. Answer any question I pose to you with “facts” and if you can answer them “factually” (all of them) “I’ll” believe the Warren Commission was right.

Here’s one to wet your whistle for starters. Look up Roscoe White, do some research on him, then go to your library and get  Robert J. Groden’s book, “The Killing of A President,” turn to page 57, observe the crowd, then turn to page 200 & 201, and study the photo Might want to research this guy as well, James Files.

Ok….enough bait. Do your research and we’ll spar.

Please…….do not bring any weapons.

A final note for anyone wishing to cloud up their minds with stupid facts. The book I mentioned, “The Killing of a President” by Robert J. Groden, by far is, in my own humble opinion, one of the most definitive books on the assassination with pages and pages of photographs, documents and stats you’ll ever need to cloud up your mind with facts. Which we all know tend to cloud up the issue.

THESE are the real loony toons

THESE are the real loony toons

Just sayin.’

(UPDATES) I ‘m always amazed by the idiots (Internet trolls) who respond with inane comments and love to post their responses. So let’s begin with this first one from the Internet site “Sodahead” in response to the link I posted there. More to follow….I’m sure:

harewell to Richard (edited) New!

harewell

hi, pal, are you mad? only dumbos would take JFK conspiracy trash seriously! Unless you are working for Hollywood and trying to make a fortune with it.It would be very entertaining! International commie, domestic pinko, Mafia big bosses, rivals in his love affairs, FBI, CIA and Martians…….. the whole world wanted to kill JFK! The competition was heated!

But a guy called Lee Harvey Oswald jumped out and got him!

The end.

And then the same guy came back with yet another post when I asked him to debate me on his “dumbo” comment  and this was his response:

 

harewell to Richard (edited) New!

harewell

Kudos to JFK conspiracists for helping the world have a lot of fun.

50 years! why can’t they admit that they were wrong about it?!

Even specialists have got tired of arguing with them.

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Am I A Conspiracy Nut Job? Or am I just craving an Almond Joy or Mounds Candy bar?

Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes ya don't

Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes ya don’t

As nuts go, I may tend to fall into the category of “conspiracy nut,” not to be confused with walnuts or any other kind of edible nuts.

This is due to the fact that for years I have studied the events occurring in Dallas, Texas back some 51 years ago this coming Saturday with regard to the assassination of President John F. Kennedy.nuts1

First of all, I do not consider myself an expert on the assassination by no means. However, that said, which I just did, if you were paying attention, I do know my “facts” with regard to the many unanswered questions that still remain unanswered to this day.

That being the reason that a majority of Americans still do not believe the conclusion of the Warren Commission report that concluded that Lee Harvey Oswald was the lone  assassin. I am among those Americans who fall into that category. So sue me already.

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This might also explain how I look at things

I might add, just to cloud up the issue a bit, that back in the late 70′s a committee known as “The House Select Committee on Assassinations” issued another report after their investigation that concluded that JFK was most likely assassinated as the result of a conspiracy.

That report tends to be conveniently ignored by a majority of the critics that support the lone nut theory.

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Yes,” Ludacris” is not a rock group either

So why do I, along with a majority of Americans think it was a conspiracy? Well, simply put….waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many loose ends and, as I said, unanswered questions still remain.

This Saturday, the 51st anniversary of the assassination, I have written a blog that challenges lone nut theorists to take me on. Bring it on bozos. Let’s go head to head.

Huh? Somebody mention lone nut? Where?

Huh? Somebody mention lone nut? Where?

One in particular I DO take issue with. A so-called “expert” who still believes Oswald was the lone shooter.

So, take a few moments to think about what happened back in November of 1963, dredge up your burning questions, or debate points and sock it to me. I’m kinda curious as to what your thoughts are and if you have anything to say about why you either believe the Warren Commission report, the HSCA report, or if you yourself were on that infamous Grassy Knoll and just happened to either see what happened or, were too busy looking for four-leaf clovers to notice anything.

The JFK blog will be posted on November 22nd and I’m looking forward to some great cutting edge questions or challenges.

Any takers?

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Pardon Me While I Butt In On All This Butt Stuff. (photos) Not for the faint of heart….or butt.

Um....sorry for tyhe butt in your face, butt...um....but, this blog is about butts

Um….sorry for the butt in your face, butt…um….but, this blog is about butts. HEY! If it offends you….BUTT OUT!!!!

First, to set the tone for today’s blog…..introducing Troglodyte and The Jimmy Castor Bunch:

Thank you…thank you…no applause necessary.

So by now, if you watched those videos courtesy of YouTube, you’ve concluded that today’s blog is about butts. Butt…or….but, it’s not because all of a sudden I’m on a butt kick.

Nope, it’s because, in my own opinion, the mother of all butts recently made the news in the form of Kim Kardashians butt in the latest edition Paper Magazine. Which, as I just stated, IS the mother of all butts. And which prompted a fellow writer/reporter, Mark Patinkin, to also comment on via my Buttbook…um….sorry…that’s “Facebook Page,” although we ARE commenting on butts here.

Providence Journal Reporter Mark Patinkin

Providence Journal Reporter Mark Patinkin

“I’ve developed an irrational fear of Kim Kardashian’s rear end. Would appreciate a reference to a therapist who specializes in this area.”

To which I would say….double ditto Mark.

Why you ask? Wellllllllllll. In this instance, a picture is worth a thousand words. Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand back!!!!

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAIT!  Just one more for good butt measure………..

OMFG!!!!!! (again)

OMFG!!!!!! (again)

Any doubt here that Kim in her latest photo shoot has the mother of all butts.

I know what you’re thinking. “But Misfit, surely other female celebrities have bigger butts.”

So, because you thought that, I went searching for butts comparable to Kim’s. You can thank me later.

Here’s what I came up with. Again…..you can thank me later.

Eva Mendes

Eva Mendes

Somehow, Eva’s butt just doesn’t cut it. I mean, yeah, she has a nice butt, but, Kim’s still the butt mother. Ya think?

Beyonce

Beyonce

Beyonce doesn’t match Kim’s butt either. Nice, but not “THE” butt. Butt, then again, what the hell do I know about butts.

Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez

Yes, in that last photo to the right Jennifer’s butt looks rather large, Butt….um….but I think it’s the way they had her pose for that pic. Or……..it IS that big and we’ve never noticed it before because we were all staring at Kim’s butt.

Serena Williams

Serena Williams

Possibly Serena’s butt might qualify as well, but, personally I was too busy watching her boobs and balls to pay any attention to her butt. Tennis balls ya damn perverts!

Shakira

Shakira

Shakira’s butt looks big but I think it’s all an optical illusion. I mean, in one photo it’s biggggggggggg, and in another photo it’s small. WTF?

Nicole Coco Austin

Nicole Coco Austin

Nope….can’t fool me either here Nicole. I KNOW you’re sticking your butt out. No fair cheating.

Nicki Minaj

Nicki Minaj

Sorry Nicki. Sticking your butt out does not mean that you have a big butt.

Sofia Vergara

Sofia Vergara

Ok…ok……so Sofia doesn’t really have a big butt either. Cept in that last photo.

Butt, um….I mean but, do ya really think I care if she does or not. HEY! We’re talkin’ Sofia (hotter-in-hell) Vergara here guys. (pant)

Um….what the hell was I writing about anyhow?

Oh yeah….butts. Kim’s butt to be exact.

Wellllllllllllllll. In the long run after viewing Kim’s butt, and all of the other butts I’ve posted, it’s kinda like…..who gives a rats ass…..or butt……especially after seeing this last photo from Paper Magazine’s photo shoot of Kim.

OMFG!!!! (once again)

OMFG!!!! (once again)

Need I say more?

Butt…..yes…I do…..one last time…………………..omfg9

Ok….that should do it…………….time to butt out.

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Merry Thankschristmas* *(subtitled) WTF……Did I Miss Thanksgiving?

toys13

So like my other half and I are out shopping the other day and what the hell do I hear…..Christmas Music. Oh….sorry…..for you politically correct people, that should read, “Holiday Music.” Lest I offend those politically correct nut jobs.

Anyhow, I stopped dead in my tracks because I thought I had somehow gone into a time continuum mode and missed Thanksgiving altogether. I mean, here it was the second week of November and I was already listening to Gene Autry on the store’s intercom system playing Rudolph The Freakin’ Red Nosed Reindeer!” WTF!

mmmmm

Gene Autry’s follow-up song

Once again our fine feathered friends in the corporate advertising world have moved up the holidays even earlier. All for the sake of making a buck of course. A verrrrrry early buck. The “Twelve Days of Christmas” should now be retitled, “The Two Months of Christmas.” Fa la la la la, la la la la.

BUT there is there a bright light to all of this early holiday shopping stuff. Besides the bright light corporate executives see when the early sales bucks come rolling in. YES…..there IS one company that is actually worth mentioning.

That would be a website called “RegencyShop.com” that IS making a difference THIS holiday season by donating a toy to a less fortunate child when you make a purchase through their site in association with the “Toys for Tots” program.

Here’s how the program works as explained in their ad:

“How is this possible? Because Regency Shop signed up for the “Toys for Tots” program and this is exactly the period when toys are collected. The program is not new and it was created by the U.S. Marine Corps Reserve with the needy children in mind, giving you the possibility to do something for them without having to break the bank. You actually don’t have to add money to your purchase, not at all. We don’t require anything special from you, besides the actual purchase. Whenever the purchase is made, we automatically add a new toy to the donation basket that goes to this toy donation program”

“The last three months of the year are those when the U.S. Marine Corps Reserve gathers toys and making a purchase from Regency Shop at this time couldn’t be more fortunate than this. Usually, people who buy something from us might want to surprise their friends or life partners with well-chosen furniture. This time, you have the possibility to extend the joy towards a child who will receive a toy on your behalf, free of any charges for you.”

“Regency Shop makes sure that your purchase does not go unnoticed this way and brings hope into a child’s life, allowing him to properly develop as a valuable citizen in the future. This is why you can hit two birds with one stone: you get to purchase furniture that you enjoy and you also get to help a child that will greatly enjoy a toy. Buy today and make a child happy!”

(NOTE) No actual birds were hit with any stones.

So that’s it in a nutshell folks. No disrespect to any squirrels who may be searching for nutshells.

Regency shop specializes in furniture and clothing items, so you might want to check out their website. Might find something there you like and if you make a purchase you’ll also be making some less fortunate child very happy with their toy donation program. Again, their site is regencyshop.com. You can also reach them at 1-866-776-2680

I went to their site and found MY special toy. It’s a speaker chair, which kinda resembles a giant egg, (fine if you’re into chickens or a chicken farmer that loves music) and it comes with a built-in aux jack for mp3′s or iPods with bass and treble controls. To quote former Presidential candidate Herman Cain, it’s only $999.

mmmmmm

If you suffer from severe claustrophobia you might just wanna buy the foot stool

But, jussssst in case you absolutely love this chair but ARE claustrophobic, (also claustrophobia is a fear of Santa Claus) the Regency store has thought of everything with this following item. Their hanging bubble chair.

Solves the claustrophic problem AND even Santa Claus can't sneak up on you

Solves the claustrophobic problem AND even Santa Claus can’t sneak up on you

For details of  the “Toys for Tots” Drive and more information on Regency Shop follow the links below for some photos as well.

http://www.regencyshop.com/toys-for-tots.html

Eero aarnio ball chair

http://www.regencyshop.com/p80/Ball-Chair/product_info.html

Hanging bubble chair

http://www.regencyshop.com/p67/Hanging-Bubble-Chair/product_info.html

 

So, get out there and get into that Christmas shopping, (holiday shopping for PC people) mode right now. Hell, after listening to Gene Autry I’m already ordering one item I found on the Internet that fits me perfectly. My own personalized coffee mug.

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I figure I’ve been called a “dick” for so many years I might as well accept the fact with my own mug

In conclusion, because I myself have broken my cardinal rule of not mentioning Christmas until December, out of respect for the million of turkeys who will unselfishly give their lives this Thanksgiving, I present to you my favorite Christmas parody as a reminder to all of you how the corporate world views the holiday season.

Excluding the people at RegencyShop who DO know that even if you ARE a business you can still make a difference this holiday season by helping out less fortunate children. A tip of the ol MisfitWisdom cap to you.

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Soooo. Whaddya Ya Gonna Do Today Dear? Oh, I Dunno, Maybe Let A Snake Devour Me.

 

Eaten-Alive.jpg

When you mention the date, December 7th, usually what comes to mind is the attack on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese back in 1941.

However, THIS December 7th, besides remembering Pearl Harbor, you might wanna pay attention to what the Discovery Channel has in store for you.

Discovery has found its next extreme stunt: A guy will be eaten by a giant anaconda snake.

mmmmmm

Anaconda’s were much more time-consuming however

Which leads me to say to myself, “Misfit, are the networks so intent on getting high ratings that they have to resort to some guy getting eaten by a giant snake?”

Apparently so. And….I’ll betcha, (Sarah Palin lingo) gazillions of people tune in to watch this dumb ass get eaten by that giant anaconda.

mmmm

AND…..I told ya you looked fat in those shorts. You can thank me later.

So who is this idiot who will so graciously allow himself to be eaten all in the name of getting ratings for the Discovery Channel? Well he’s naturalist and wildlife filmmaker Paul Rosolie and he will be the main menu, um, sorry, that should read, “main star” of “Eaten Alive.”

If it’s any consolation, Paul will be wearing a custom-built snake proof suit. Kinda like wearing alligator shoes to ward off getting eaten by alligators.

Kinda takes the fun outta it doesn’t it.

Hey! If I’m gonna watch some guy get eaten by a giant snake I wanna see him eaten by a giant snake for cripes sake! Not getting eaten by a giant snake and then the snake getting acid indigestion from eating that snake proof suit and then barfing up the guy.

Kinda like eating a banana with the peel still on it.

What snakes do when they're not eating people on the Discovery Channel

What snakes do when they’re not eating people on the Discovery Channel

 

(insert dumb snake joke here)

Two guys were on a camping trip. One of the guys unzipped his pants and started to urinate when a rattle snake came up and bit him on his dick. His friend immediately called a doctor on his cell phone and asked what he should do to save his friend.  “You’ll have to suck the poison out.”   said the doc. After he hung up with the doctor, the guy who had been bitten says, ‘Quick! Quick! Tell me, what did the doc say?” His friend replied: “Doctor says you’re gonna die!”

Of course, all this snake stuff wouldn’t be happening if only this had happened…………snake9

So what fun is that Discovery Channel. We viewers wanna see some blood and guts spewing out all over the place and the snake devouring that guy inch by inch and, perhaps, for effect, having the snake burp afterwards. Now THAT’S reality TV at it’s best.

Spoiler alert: The Discovery Channel says that Rosolie IS actually eaten by the snake after smearing pigs blood all over his suit to make him more appetizing to the snake, BUT, that his suit has a cord attached to it jussssssssst in case he gets trapped inside of the snake.

Cripes….hope he brings his cell phone with him as well.

“Hey….guys….its me, Paul and I’m inside of the snake’s stomach so can ya can pull me out now. Oh f**k…..a freakin’ dead zone. Damn!”

Also, in case you’re a snake lover, the snake does not die during this show from digesting the Mr. Rosolie, the suit, and that long cord. BUT….does suffer from acid reflux after the incident and is given a prescription for Prilosec.

mmmm

Of course Prilosec doesn’t work for some snakes and they become depressed

Now it seems to me, that this reality TV show stuff is getting waaaaay outta hand. I mean its bad enough that most of these reality shows are totally mindless, about other people’s lives who I personally could give a rats ass about, and are now getting to the point of being really disgusting.

I mean, come on now, do ya really wanna see a guy get eaten by a giant snake?

Ok….I stand corrected. You really DO wanna see a guy get eaten by a giant snake.

Um……come to think of it, I might wanna see this guy get eaten by a giant snake too.

Only because I’m figuring that if Discovery gets enough viewers to watch this event and their ratings soar, they might do other stuff similar to this snake thing that really might be very entertaining. Beats watching Duck Dynasty, The Kardashians, and Honey Freakin’ Boo Boo.

Unless…..they get eaten by snakes too.

mmmm

How about after this snake thing Discovery gets into other stuff like giant fire eating ants attacking campers and eating them alive. Or have some guy stick ants in his pants and let a wild anteater attack him. Better yet, cannibals from some remote island show how to cook up a wayward Italian explorer.

Now this man-eating creature stuff is nothing new. You may recall on the “God Channel” many eons ago, the feature event was some guy named Jonah getting eaten by a whale. Unfortunately the “Discovery Channel” wasn’t around at that time, and neither were sponsors, so it was all for naught. Cept for the whale who really made out on that deal.

Contrary to popuklar opinion, yes, Jerry Springer DID work for the "God Channel."

Contrary to popular opinion, yes, Jerry Springer DID work for the “God Channel.”

So, if you’re into snake eating people stuff, this may be the highlight of your December 7th celebrations. Might wanna mark your calendar so ya don’t miss this.

By the way, there are some teaser clips of this on the Internet should you wish to view them. Just search for Paul Rosolie, Discovery Channel Programs, or snake barfing videos.snake3

Ok…..cue in the “That’s Entertainment.”  video.

Just sayin.’

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Football Is F**king Up My Mindless TV Programs…WTF!!!

fb2

Can ya tell I absolutely hate football. So sue me already.

Never got into the jock game and never will. Nope just not my bag. Or ball.

Fine if you’re a football fan. Good for you. But my thing is baseball and the season is over.

That said, were ANY of your mindless TV programs late or preempted because of freakin’ baseball? NO! We’re, and are any of MY mindless programs late or preempted because of freakin’ football? YES!!!!

To which I say….WTF!

Which is one of the reasons I hate the game so much. Along with jocks who think that if ya don’t like football you’re un American. To which I would again reply…GFY.

mmmmmm

My kinda football fan

Why the hell should football screw up my favorite TV programs? I’ll tell ya why. Because advertisers know football sells stuff so they want their products in prime time, rather than the very considerate baseball advertisers who know that if you’re gonna buy a product, who the f**k cares where or when it’s advertised and do not preempt programs. AND, as in Red Sox baseball games, WE have the NESN sports network specifically for Red Sox games.

Which means, THEY DO NOT F**K UP TV PROGRAMMING!!!!

Ok…ok….so you’re a football freak. Good for you. But not everybody on the face of the earth is. So why cram those games down our throats in prime time when we’re tryin’ to enjoy some good TV programs. Mindless as they  may be.

Speaking of mindless. Wouldn’t it be a lot easier just to bang your damn head against a tree in your own backyard and get a concussion and prove you’re a damn idiot rather than doing in front of a gazillion people?fb1

Yes, I know, football is America’s number one sport. Next to sex. Um….as far as us men are concerned. But ya gotta admit, sex is far more interesting and fun that sitting in front of the tube watching a bunch of guys in tight pants chasing each other over a damn ball.

Then again, a lot of those same guys chase a ball for miles after hitting it. (golf) Makes sense to me. NOT!

Why would I want to whack the hell outta a tiny white ball and then have to go after it? Much more fun throwing a ball in my backyard and having my neighbor’s dog go get it. Makes more sense too.fb6

But football! FOOTBALL!!

Do you have any idea how many times during the course of the football season I get asked, “Soooooooooooooooo….what did ya think of that game last night?”

And I always respond. “Oh ya mean THAT game that f**ked up my TV programs I was gonna watch ya damn idiot. See this “B” on my BASEBALL cap. It stands for Boston Red Sox and I wear it in the off-season so jerks like you won’t ask me about freakin’ football!!!!!”

Ya think this just might be a clue for ya?

Ya think this just might be a clue for ya?

They never get it though.

I STILL get asked about games I could give a rats ass about.

So this year I’m having a sweatshirt made up that says, “NO…I Didn’t watch “THE GAME” last night. I could give a flying f**k about “THE GAME!” I have a huge rifle in my truck and if you so much as give me any bullshit about football…..you’re gonna be THE GAME pal.”

It IS hunting season isn’t it?

HEY! Worked for Dick Cheney didn't it.

HEY! Worked for Dick Cheney didn’t it.

GAME ON!!!!

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Mid-Term Election Day. FINALLY!……No More #%*&%#!# Political Commercials

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Walter Cronkite puleeese call home

Hi, my name is Grover Fernsternsdork and I’m running for Congress. Vote for me and I promise I’ll never run another damn TV commercial other than this one that simply says, “Hi, I’m Grover Fernsternsdork, and I’m running for Congress. Vote for me.”

Now THIS guy I’d vote for. Simply because his ad would be obviously 5 seconds long and he’s not doing any negative campaigning about his opponent having an affair with a hooker, skimming funds from the Girl Scouts, screaming about creating jobs, and is not wearing either a red or blue necktie. (standard attire for Democrats and Republicans) And lastly, and most important, ya gotta feel sorry for anyone who has a first name like Grover.

Hey….worked for Grover Cleveland!

Do these idiot politicians actually think that running all these negative ads every 5 minutes on national and local TV work?

The answer to that question is YES. Negative ads do work. Because most voters are already set on who they’re going to vote for simply based on their party affiliation. So, if you’re a Democrat, you love negative ads about the Republican candidate. And vice versa.

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“50 Shades of Bullshit.”

What a  candidate will do for you, the programs they have planned, how to make things better. Nope….most voters don’t give a rats ass about that stuff. Honest! The more each candidate slams the other is what sways voters.

For instance. And I’m basing this on my own conclusions after watching a few debates not only here in my home state of Taxnnecticut, but other states as well.

I watched the debate between former Florida Governator Charlie Crist and present zombie looking Governor Rick Scott. Sooooo. Who got my vote? If I could actually vote in Florida. Obviously Charlie Crist because he doesn’t look like a freaking zombie and I’m terrified of zombies.

I rest my case

I rest my case

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And staring at photos of Rick Scott

In New Hampshire former Senator from Massachusetts and naked Cosmopolitan Magazine centerfold star Scott Brown, (1982) is running against Jeanne Shaheen. Brown of course lost his bid to continue being a Senator from Massachusetts so decided to try his luck in New Hampshire. Hey, when all else fails, keep movin’ from state to state.

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Don’t forget the trees in Vermont, R.I., Ct.,. and Maine

Hey Scott, if ya lose there’s still four more New England states you could run in. Of course my thinking is that men will not be impressed with Brown’s good looks or that he posed naked. Women on the other hand…..welllllllllll.

Um….this is a close race. My suggestion. Jeanne…….quick….call AARP Magazine and see if they can do a sexy layout centerfold for ya. Hey! Worked for Helen Mirren. And she’s not running for anything…but, she’d sure as hell get MY vote. I’m shallow that way folks.

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Like a bridge over troubled waters………….sorry…..Simon & Garfunkel came to mind

Now here in Connecticut we have an interesting race for Governor between incumbent Dannel Malloy. (his parents flunked spelling when it came to naming him or, they’re big fans of actor Willem Dafoe) Ya have to think about that one.

So as I see it, Malloy has problems with speaking complete sentences without using a bunch of um, ah, ers, and pregnant pauses. Tom Foley, Malloy’s opponent, had some sort of medical condition that makes one of his eyes looked half closed. THAT”S what I’ve been centering on with both candidates.

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Issues? What issues?

Do I want a Governor that takes fifteen minutes to say something with all those ums, ahs, and ers, or the other candidate that for some reason scares the bejesus outta me.

“Governor Malloy, there’s a big safe falling outta a window about to crash down on you. Whaddya ya gonna do?”

“Um…er….ah…um.”

“Oops…tooooo late.”

On the other hand.

“Mr. Foley, here’s your campaign commercial. Ok….go ahead…… take one.”

“Hi, my name is Dannel Malloy and I’m running for Governor……..”

“NO NO NO Tom. You’re reading the wrong lines. Stop looking at the other page that has Malloy’s name on it with your bad eye for cripes sake!”

For the most part…um….WAIT!  That should read, for what it’s worth there’s no, nada, zilch, political campaign commercial that has EVER swayed my vote….NEVER!!!!!!!!

I’m still waiting for a down to earth honest  (cough) politician to promise something that makes sense to me rather than being bombarded with all those negative ads in order for any commercial to sway my vote. Like this one for instance:

MMMM

Come to think of it, I did vote for this guy in Connecticut….and he was right

When Hunter Thompson was running for sheriff of Pitkin County in 1970 he promised to he would tear up all the asphalt in Aspen, replace it with sod, and use the asphalt to build a parking lot just outside the city.

Now THAT’S my kinda politician. Who gives a rats ass about job creation, deficits, and all that other political crap that no politician is ever do anything about. Nope…but replacing asphalt with sod……hey……sounds like a great idea to me. I’d sure as hell watch Hunter’s political commercial and vote for him too.

Give me some freakin’ sensible proposals in your damn campaign commercials you idiots.

Like perhaps………

“Vote for me and the first thing I’ll do is ban all TV political campaign commercials in prime time and schedule them between the hours of 12am and 4am.”

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Cue in Simon & Garfunkel again.

“Vote for me and everybody gets a check in the mail for $5000 because I’m filthy rich and rather than buying this election with the help of the Koch Brothers I’ll buy it directly from you.”

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Um, Monica’s upstairs. Wanna ask her to do her closet thing again honey?

“Vote for me because I’ve lied my ass off about everything, BUT, at least you know what the hell you’re getting.”

And finally, surely the best campaign ad to get any politician elected by a damn landslide, “Vote for me. I don’t know a damn thing about politics, government or how to balance a damn budget or create j0bs. But, I’m a hilariously funny guy that’ll keep you in stitches with my own TV reality show. My motto: Hey why fret the big stuff when ya can have a good laugh.”

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Similar to “Nightmare on Elm Street” minus the blood and gore….I think

So folks, don’t forget to vote today for the candidate of your choice. For WHATEVER idiotic reason that might be.

DONATE & SUPPORT: The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link: (Copy and Paste the link to make a donation to my campaign….which is….I’ll never run for office)

Copyright 2014 MisfitWisdom RLV

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Just sayin.’

 

 

 

 

 

 

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