Katie Couric Says: “I Wonder Who She Blew This Time?” OMFG!!! Cat Fight! Cat Fight!

 

mmmmmmm

This would NOT be the type of “cat fight” I’m writing about

On the other hand……………..

mmmmmm

THIS would be the type of “cat fight” I’m writing about

“The Daily Beast” and reporter Lloyd Grove posted an article on the Internet about a new “tell all” book. (a book that tells us all what we didn’t know, wished we’d known, and after reading it, saying to ourselves, “That’s it?”)

BUT….because we are a bunch of nosy SOB’s we still like to know what goes on behind the scenes when it comes to celebrities. Why? Other than we’re nosy?

Because it makes us all feel normal when we see how catty some celebrities can be, such as in the case of Katie Couric, who, in a new book written by veteran journalist Sheila Weller, says that Katie once used this line when referring to Diane Sawyer who beat Katie on an interview with a 57-year-old woman who’d given birth to twins:  “I wonder who she blew this time to get it.”

Meowrrrrrrrrrrr

Meowrrrrrrrrrrr

Now if a guy said that we’d all be yawning. Cause guys are slugs anyhow and ya expect that from guys.

Like if I said, “Wonder who Rush Limbaugh blew to get his job.”

See…..nobody would care. BUT have a woman say that about another woman and SHAZAM! all ears perk up and it’s the one headline ya find on the Internet to promote a new book.

OMG!!! OMG!!! Katie said WHAT?

Again……….meowrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! Yes, the makings of a cat fight. Ho hum.

Unless there was an actual cat fight, THEN THAT would be great stuff. Nothing like a good cat fight.

A clue that eventually news reporting was going to be more like entertainment

A clue that eventually news reporting was going to be more like entertainment

So, now that I’ve given you some MisfitWisdom insight into that “who blew who and who said what” headline,” is there anything else in this new book due out September 30th that should titillate all of us. (love that word)

Let’s see.

Hmmmm. Well, Weller says that, “Couric comes off as brash, striving, self-absorbed, and occasionally insensitive to the realities faced by her less well-compensated coworkers, yet steeled by personal tragedy (the cancer-related deaths of her husband and her sister) and capable of big-hearted generosity.”

Ok…so um….she’s basically a normal person. Nothing earth shattering there. Anything else before I doze off here?

WAIT! More catty stuff here. Oooooooooooo.

Weller wrote WHAT about Diane Sawyer?

(excerpt) “Sawyer is a Machiavellian, often-inscrutable workaholic who uses her seductive charm and good looks to professional advantage and torments news producers with her relentless perfectionism and insecurity—an apparent consequence of a fraught relationship with her judgmental, formidable mother.”

HEY! If a blonde hot looking babe like Diane Sawyer wanted to use her seductive charm and good looks to take advantage of me do ya think I’d complain. Torment me baybee….torment me. YES!!!

mmmmmm

Um….can ya wear it when you do the news on TV too?

And of reporter and correspondent Christine Amanpour:

“Amanpour is the reigning queen of the warzone, more physically courageous and resourceful than her male colleagues in perilous combat situations, but with an occasionally off-putting sense of moral superiority which, along with her posh British accent, sometimes renders her brittle and inaccessible to American audiences—a factor which seems to have hampered her career.”

Considering I started out writing about cat fights, perhaps Christine’s last name should be “Amanpurr.” Ya think? Anyhow, nothing startling there either.

mmmmmm

Sorry sis, it’s the cat’s litter box and she really has to go

Geez….come on for cripes sakes. Gimmie some juicy stuff here! Ya lost me after that who blew who Couric line.

(checking for titillating items in Weller’s book) Second time I got to use that word.

(more excerpts)

“CBS News Executive Vice President Paul Friedman publicly muses on an open audio line about which female anchor looks worse without makeup—Sawyer or Couric.”

“I was blown back in my chair,” a female producer tells Weller.

Well….that WAS a close one…….referring to “blowing” once again, but (sigh) no cigar.

Ok, how about this then………..

“Sawyer’s famous rivalry with Barbara Walters for ratings-grabbing interview subjects was akin to mortal combat. “Barbara and Diane were determined to kill each other—to wipe each other off the face of the earth,” says an ABC News staffer.”

Geez. Too bad that didn’t actually happen. Now THAT would be a reality show I’d freakin’ watch. “Real Newscasters of New York.” Cripes, add some cleavage, a few cat fights and I betcha any networks ratings would skyrocket.

Like maybe having Katie in this pose as the news program opens…….

MMMMM

L-L-L-Live F-F-F-From N-N-N-New Y-Y-Y-York….CBS News with K-K-K-Katie C-C-C-Couric (pant)

“Couric and Sawyer competed relentlessly for “gets” both when they hosted rival morning shows—Couric at NBC’s Today—but with radically different approaches.”

I guess “gets” means who “gets” who to appear on their shows and which one is the better of the “gets” that would “get” us, (viewers) to watch whom “got” who as a “get.”

Um….I think I “get” it.

Another excerpt from the book about Amanpurrrrrrr:

“After the attacks of 9/11, Amanpour defied then-CNN president Walter Isaacson’s attempt “to get all the reporters in the Middle East to skew their stories more favorably to Israel.” Instead she aired a critical report about the Israeli destruction of an Arab village, without including the Israeli government’s point of view. “Christiane had the power to push a piece through,” says a CNN insider.”

Now see. If this were a totally risqué expose’ with all kinds of catty stuff involving sex, lies, videotape and commercials, (gotta have commercials) reading that line above, ” the power to push a “piece” through,” I might have assumed THAT was a slang term for Amanpour hawking herself in a bar somewhere. Damn!

mmmmmm

Christine in a bar

Anything else……geez, next think ya know some stuff about respected newsman Walter Cronkite will surface.

WAIT!

“When Couric became the first woman to front a network evening news program alone at CBS, she wooed iconic anchor Walter Cronkite over a couple of dinners, and the old man’s blessing was such that he recorded the introduction to the broadcast.”

WHAT! All it took was a couple of freakin’ dinners and Cronkite folded!!! Holy crap Walter. WHAT! Were ya broke and needed a dinner. Geez…you shoulda called me, I woulda bought you a Big Mac or somethin’ with no strings attached.

“Later Cronkite privately expressed discomfort with Couric’s allegedly soft-news style.”

Most likey saying, “WTF…I only got a couple of damn dinners!”

STILL….no really juicy catty stuff……um……..wait a sec.

“In early 2010, as CBS News was facing massive layoffs, and prominent talents like Lesley Stahl were being asked to take pay cuts, Couric, who was famously making $15 million a year, gave a breezy interview to Harper’s Bazaar boasting about her great legs, illustrated with a glamorous movie star photo.”

mmmmm

Come on up an see me sometime baybeeee……..

Nah……the legs angle wouldn’t have swayed me. Boobs, cleavage maybe, a side boob shot or Katie having a colonoscopy on live TV.

Um…wait……I think she actually did that.

mmmm

And THIS time in 3-D

 

Ok…ok….damn it. Maybeeeee some boob shots for cripes sake.

mmmmmm

Works for me

 

Might as well throw in a "side boob" shot while we're at it

Might as well throw in a “side boob” shot while we’re at it

Representatives of Couric and Amanpour declined to give the Daily Beast reporter  on-the-record reactions to Weller’s account.

So basically it’s a he said she said account of who said and to whom they said it and their reactions to what Weller wrote that they said so that she could sell her book based on that one opening line I used which was, “I wonder who she blew this time to get it.”

Which, would have been a huge seller had this story been about Linda Lovelace or Monica Lewinsky if THEY both had been network TV news anchors and Katie used that line.

mmmmmmm

Tonight on CBS News……the answer to Katie’s question along with how I got this anchor job

Just sayin.’

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“What Type Of Men Most Women Prefer According To Science.” REALLY!!!!!!

scientist1

Once again those pesky scientists who have nothing better to do than screw with our minds, have come up with some new conclusions about life.

Like, why is it we scientists are spending waaaay too much time trying to figure out life when they don’t actually have one because they’re too busy trying to figure out  WTF life is all about.

So what is it THIS time that they’re trying to confuse the f**k outta us normal human beings?

Well, this was the focus of their latest study in their lab out in Transylvania as reported by Igor aide Dana Dovey for “Science Tech.”

What Type Of Men Most Women Prefer, According To Science

mmmmm

All the people who think if that’s the best you could create you are either a bad scientist or need a pair of freakin’ glasses

Ok, so being the curious type, I wanted to see just what these scientists think what type of men women prefer. As well as giving you men who do not have a relationship with a woman a heads up on how to attract a woman. Other than flashing $100 dollar bills around and yelling out, “Take me…I’m yours.”

Which works on many occasions.

To set the stage here, this is how Dana’s article explains all this. (the article excerpts are in quotes)

“Why is it that some guys seem to get all the girls while others struggle to snag a single date? It’s not their fault; women are hardwired to go for a certain type of guy. This explains why the “cool guy” stereotype remains more or less unchanged generation after generation. So, according to science, who are these men who are capable of effortlessly wooing women? The answer may be more obvious than you think.”

“Hardwired?” Should we like be carrying  jumper cables perhaps?

Hold on baybee, I'll be hardwired in jusssssst a sec

Hold on baybee, I’ll be hardwired in jusssssst a sec

“Men Who Drive Fast Cars”

“Researchers in Austria found that women may subconsciously change their perception of a man based on the type of car that he drives. Instinctively, women prefer a dominant and powerful mate and will often associate a man’s character or status with the type of car he chooses. More powerful cars, such as a Mustang or sports car, translate as a more powerful man — a characteristic women subconsciously look for in a mate.”

So, basically if you’re a really hot looking guy but you’re tooling around in a 1989 Buick Riviera because your mother loves Buicks and refuses to let you trade it in, guess who you’re going to be living with as a single guy the rest of your freakin’ life pal.

mmmmm

And when you’re finished fire up the Buick, we’re going to bingo tonight

“Men With Hairy Faces But Smooth Bodies”

“When it comes to facial hair, studies have shown the more hair, the better. An Australian study found that women prefer men with heavy stubble over clean-shaven men and men with a full beard.”

This apparently, in my opinion, is why you tend to see so many advertisements for Gillette razors on TV and all those razor coupons in your Sunday paper. Gillette knows that if word gets out that women prefer men with hairy faces, their sales are gonna plummet.

This also explains why that very hairy Sasquatch creature you see on those “Jack Links” beef  jerky commercials has received over 500 thousand marriage proposals in the past year.

Yeah baybeeee....I'm real hot

Yeah baybeeee….I’m real hot

“Men With Deep Breathy Voice Who Holds Off On The Compliments”

“Women can’t explain it, there’s just something about a deep breathy voice that makes us weak in the knees. According to a British study, women prefer men with deeper voices because it’s subconsciously perceived as a sign of masculinity.”

So, as I understand all of this so far, you have to drive a hot muscle car, don’t bother shaving at all, and have a very deep voice so that women will be attracted to you.

Boy, am I screwed. Frankie Valli too.

Geez….how much worse can this all get? Is there anything else we should know that might at least give some us men an edge?

mmmm

Yes….never use that old “What’s your sign” line. It’s as old as Adam & Eve

WAIT!!!

“While women may not like men who initially come off as too nice, a separate study showed that over the long haul, ladies love a man who can make them laugh. Science has found that female brains are more perceptive to positive feelings in response to laughter.”

Hmmmm. Ok, I can handle this one. Do not be too nice but make em laugh.

Sooooo, If you’re really not a nice guy BUT ya can make women laugh, you got it nailed.

“Hey bitch! Get me a freakin beer and a bag of Doritos during game half-time here. Will ya move your butt for cripes sake!!! Oh yeah…..here’s my impression of you waddling into the kitchen to fetch me that stuff.”

“Oh honeeee…..you’re soooooo funny.”

mmmmm

Ha, ha, ha, ha ha…………

OR…….

” Frankie honey, does this dress make me look like a fat cow?”

“FAT! Holy Cow! Fat! Hey, YOU said the word “COW” didn’t ya….so whaddya think I think?”

“Oh there ya go again sweetie…..just a barrel of laughs……Gawd I love you sooooo much with your sense of humor.”

mmmmmmm

Frankie’s last words

Now here’s the complete downer for me, and I’m sure a lot of other guys. What do women like most in a guy? Here it is…………

“Above All, Tall Men”

“The stereotype has been recognized across geographic and cultural boundaries. There’s just something about tall men that women find irresistible. Unfortunately, this infatuation with tall men often leads to a denial of shorter men. A 2008 study of 382 college students found that only four percent of women would be in a relationship with someone who was shorter than them, Medical Daily reported. The reasoning for this, according to Dr. Pepper Schwartz, a sociology professor at the University of Washington, is because: “Women’s cultural vision is being feminine, having a man big enough to make her feel protected.”

Screw you pal. At least "I" got into this class photo

Screw you pal. At least “I” got into this class photo

WTF! Short guys can’t protect women?  Have you EVER been attacked by a short circus clown?

Those SOB’s can be verrrry vicious ya know. And armed with pies and stuff. So that “tall men” theory is a bunch of bunk as far as I’m concerned.

Not to mention that us short guys can run like motherf**kers if a situation arose where we had to beat feet in a hurry. Like if we were walking down the street with a woman and some thugs attacked us. Boy could “I” run like hell.

Um…..wait. I forgot we’re supposed to be protecting women in that instance. Damn!

Ok…ok…..I’ll cut tall guys some slack there, BUT, other than those Kenyon’s who always win those marathon races I’ll betcha most tall guys can’t run worth a damn.

mmmmm

Oops….sorry sir….I just came back from lunch with my girlfriend who’s very tall

AND….take this into consideration ladies. What would you rather have standing up for your honor in a situation where you’re confronted by a thug……..a tall guy that can’t run or a short guy that is about even with the proximity of a perps balls and can cause some severe damage. So there!

So, all in all, it’s about driving a fast hot car, having a smooth body but a hairy face, a deep breathy voice and being very tall.

Hmmmm. So what would this “perfect” guy look like?

mmmmmmmm

Tall deep voiced hairy Sasquatch driving a hot car with a woman ogling over him who’s quite funny and doesn’t live with his mother

Just sayin.’

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HEY Burger King!!! I Got Two Words For Ya. F**K You!

Flipping BK the flipping fry finger

Giving BK the flipping fry finger

Am I pissed off today. You bet your chicken fries I am bunky.

Why? Because, Burger F**king King wants to buy Tim Horton’s of Canada so that they can claim they’re a Canadian company and not have to pay taxes here in the U.S.

Not that THEY aren’t the only ones screwing Uncle Sam and his wife Auntie Sam, but to be so blatant about it and then have the hamburgers…um…sorry….balls to deny that’s the reason really pisses me off.

mmmmm

Ya want a donutburger with that?

So…am I pissed off? You bet your onion rings I am. Um, throw in a shake with that while you’re at it.

Now I personally love Burger King. The food, not the King himself. He seems kind of a weirdo if ya ask me. Who the hell walks around wearing those type of clothes today. And those tights. Franky I think he and Ronald McDonald should link up. Both ARE kinda weird.

Hey! I told ya they were weird.

Hey! I told ya they were weird.

So, in corporate terms, what does this actually mean?

No...I'm just collecting until I move to Canada

No…I’m just collecting until I move to Canada

(The explanation in corporation gobbledygook) (source:”www.forbes.com”)

“In an unexpected and interesting move, Burger King is in talks to buy Canadian coffee-and-doughnut chain Tim Horton’s Inc., a merger that would be structured as a “tax inversion” which would effectively move Burger King’s headquarters to Canada.”

“The really interesting part to the story however is not the fact that an American burger giant is buying up a Canadian national treasure (Wendy’s has previously owned Tim Horton’s for some time), but rather that Canadian corporate tax rates are favorable relative to American corporate tax rates enough to justify a “tax inversion”. A tax inversion occurs when an American company merges with a foreign one and, in the process, reincorporates abroad, effectively entering the foreign country’s tax domicile. An American company that merges with a Canadian target company for share consideration can avoid U.S. residency for tax purposes as long as the shareholders of the Canadian target end up owning at least 20% of the shares of the new parent immediately after the after the acquisition.”

So ungobbledygooking all this for ya…….screw you United States, we’re gonna be a Canadian company and na na na na na na. IRS and the rest of you lowly taxpayers who have to pay taxes, heh, heh, heh.

Or, in other words…………….bk5

After all, as that famous philosopher Mitt Romney once said, “Corporations. (Burger King) are people too. And, as people, hey, they should be allowed to avoid paying taxes too.”

Cept when WE avoid paying taxes the only options we have are 1. Moving to Canada too and renouncing our U.S. citizenship. 2. Going to the slammer for not paying our taxes. Or, 3. death. Unless we own Burger King.

Now I personally have been a customer of Burger King since day one. Which was December 4, 1954. Which is the date the first Burger King opened in Miami, Florida. Unfortunately because it was in Florida and I was in Rhode Island, technically I wasn’t a customer then, but, um, if I were in Florida in 1954 I would have been. Just a minor point there.

AND….after all those years of loyalty to Burger King and….and…..um….how do I put it…um…..and…..

mmmm

Yeah THAT!

But my point here is that I feel betrayed. Like….like……a lover that’s been jilted.

YES! Jilted.

It’s like I have the feeling I’ve been used. (sob)

Speaking of being used……………………

mmm

Maybe you should move to England and join the Queen

All these years I’ve been forking over my hard-earned cash to scarf down a Whopper, onion rings and a coffee and have been a loyal customer, (sniff) and now they toss me aside and move to Canada so they can avoid paying higher taxes here. Bastards.

I’m sorry…….that last comment should be, “motherf**kers.”

So, their basic philosophy is, “Hey you wonderful American Burger King customers. Come on in and continue to enjoy all our food, it’s really inexpensive, even with the taxes you pay at the checkout, which we don’t have to pay, but you do, (suckers) and we’ll enjoy all those profits we make from you as we give you the flying finger from across the border. Cause we ain’t payin’ no stinkin’ high taxes like you jerks.”

Oh….by the way, if ya happen to spot some Canadian geese in the U.S. send em back home.

mmmmm

Translation: WTF!

“Tax inversion.” Ya gotta love that phrase.

“Hey Burger King………I’m bending over……..inversion THIS!!!!”

I’m sorry…….but it pisses me off that corporations, “who are people too” get all the freakin’ breaks while we ordinary slugs get taxed for everything. Trust me, if farting were taxable they’d do it.

Um, actually they do. If ya buy one of those funny whoopee cushions that make fart sounds ya get taxed on it. Soooo…….technically you ARE getting taxed for farting….or simulated farting. Go figure.

Like I just said......

Like I just said……go figure

So starting today, if not sooner, I am boycotting Burger King and I suggest you do as well. Unless you don’t mind contributing to a sleazy corporation who’s moving to Canada to get a lower tax rate. Or you’re addicted to Whoppers and chicken fries. Or you have a thing for the weird Burger King guy. Whatever.

I’m switching my allegiance to McDonald’s and Wendy’s from this point on.

I Pledge Allegiance to McDonald’s and Wendy’s
who pay corporate taxes in the United States of America
and also to the Republic
for which they stand,
one Nation under hamburgers and fries,
indivisible,
with liberty, justice, shakes, and coffee for all

Ok……I feel much better now.

Oh yeah……….hey Burger King……………………bk15

Just sayin.’

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Like….How Great Are The People At “Krispy Kreme” Donuts.

mmmmm

Every day starts out optimistically for me.

Unless I have to clean up cat barf first.

On the downside today, I missed out on “National Topless Day” where women all over the world protest for the right for women to go topless in public. The organization was founded in 2007, on the principle that women have the same constitutional right that men do to go bare-chested in public. A cause, I might add, that I, along with just about every red-blooded American male would support.

The event is held on the Sunday closest to “Women’s Equality Day” August 26th but this year it was held on the 24th, the closest Sunday. If you’d like more information on this should you wish to go topless next year, you can go to “GoTopless.org” for more information.

Um….give me a heads up so that I don’t miss it next year.

BUT….on the upside, I feel much better after a visit to my local “Krispy Kreme” donut shop yesterday morning. Even though there were no topless women there protesting.

Somehow the thought of topless women protesting at a Krispy Kreme donut shop and all that chocolate seems to be quite titillating. (pardon the pun)

mmmm

Make that chocolate and lemon and I’ll give it a shot

Now some of you may recall my addiction to chocolate covered lemon filled donuts. If held captive by any terrorist organization and they wanted me to spill the beans on anything I knew, all they’d have to do would be to give me a box of those donuts and I’d give them the nuclear launch code or at least all of the passwords on my computer.

mmmm

It’s the law

Soooo, I happened to spot a lemon filled glazed donut the other day at my local Krispy Kreme, and, said to myself, “Self, why is it they don’t make a lemon filled donut with chocolate on it.”

After all, EVERYBODY loves chocolate. AND…..if ya combine it with honest to goodness REAL lemon, (not the artificial stuff) it’s better than sex.

Well, um, not better than sex, but damn close.

Actually you might be able to combine having sex and enjoying those chocolate lemon filled donuts too. Double shot of ecstasy.

So, I contacted the powers that be at Krispy Kreme, (even though they do not know how to spell “crispy and cream”) in the hope that they might give me an answer as to why they do not make a chocolate covered lemon filled donut.

In my case, I thought of what else could go into the box

In my case, I thought of what else could go into the box

Of course, I never expected an answer because 99.9% of the letters I send out to corporations usually get ignored. Same percentage when it comes to writing any celebrity, politician or Lady Ga Ga.

BUT! Amazing enough Krispy Kreme did respond. How freakin’ amazing is THAT!!!!!

Lyndon, (not sure if Lyndon is a guy or a girl) informed me that it was up to the individual store manager as to if they wanted to make that donut.

Soooooo. I headed out to that Krispy Kreme, (located at the Mohegan Sun Casino) asked the clerk if they could put chocolate on those lemon glazed donuts, and got some minor flack.

Something like, “OMG no. We’re not allowed to do that sir.”

I guess due to national security or something. Or, the nutrition police. Which was what I was told by the store manager stating that they are very nutritional conscious and adding chocolate to that donut might have the nutrition police raiding the place.

mmmmmm

More nutrition logic

BUT……she added, that if I didn’t give a rats ass (my words) about nutrition, (which is correct…I don’t) she’d be more than happy to whip up a dozen chocolate covered lemon filled donuts for me.

AND……did it immediately, but cautioning that because it was being done instantly they might not be too neat.

NEAT!!!! NEAT!!! Are ya kidding. I’d eat them even if they’re sloppy for cripes sake!

mmmmmm

Oops….sorry.

So, I happily accomplished my mission of getting my hands, and taste buds, on an entire dozen of Krispy Kreme chocolate covered lemon filled donuts. To put it mildly……..I was in pig…..or donut Heaven.

Now I’m writing about this today because it’s not often that, as I said earlier, you get any responses from corporations. Because, as that famous philosopher Mitt Romney once said, “Corporations are people too…….and they don’t wanna be bothered by other people, unless they too are corporations.”

mmmm

Had Mitt followed Christie’s advice he’d be President today

So I just wanted to give a big ol pat on the back to Krispy Kreme’s corporate office for, (sniff) making my day……as Clint Eastwood used to say.

Also to the staff at Krispy Kreme at the Mohegan Sun Casino.

The only thing they could have done better was to carry over National Topless Day in their store today prior to my visit and have their store clerks covered in lemon and chocolate. Um……oh yeah, the one guy clerk too.

HEY! Going topless isn’t just for the women ya know.

Perhaps if the guy clerk was kinda shy he might opt for this to show his support for National Topless Day

Perhaps if the guy clerk was kinda shy he might opt for this to show his support for National Topless Day

So, thanks Krispy Kreme Corporate, Lyndon, and the entire staff at Krispy Kreme at the Mohegan Sun Casino.

(sniff) I’m (sniff) tearing up her from all the emotion.

Think I need a  Krispy Kreme chocolate covered lemon filled donut to comfort me. Maybe two….or three…or……………

mmmmmm

“Topless Day” would be my second choice

Just sayin.’

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To Quote The Late Clara Peller: “Where’s The #!*@%$#!! BEEF!!!!!!”

mmmmmm

Beefs…um….I mean beats me!

Yes, today is “Where’s The Freakin’ Beef” day here on this meatless blog.

“Beef,” being people who do not follow this blog. Which is what I asked myself when I arose yesterday morning, sat down with my morning coffee, and proceeded to read the “Parade Magazine” section of my Sunday newspaper.

I was absolutely fine until I opened the first page of “Parade,” which is the section that has questions about personalities that people ask. There were questions about Seth Myers, and Daniel Radcliffe, The Wizard of Oz and some dumb question someone asked about booking the U.S. Open Tennis Courts, I guess, when they’re are no tennis games going on.

THEN…..then…..I came across a question someone asked. Which was, “How does George Takei come up with his funny tweets?”

(George Takei, (77) of course gaining fame and fortune as Mr. Sulu in Star Trek)

Takei as Mr. Sulu

Takei as Mr. Sulu

And Takei’s reply to that question was: “Social media has the word “me” in it, so people tweet about themselves.”

mmmmm

1,545,000 followers on Twitter

Which seemed logical to me considering I myself use “Twitter” and other social media sites to promote my daily humor blog. BUT……reading on, I went totally ballistic when I read the next line which said, “Takei, who boasts more than 1.3 million Twitter fans………………………..”

At which point I then said to myself…….”WTF!! 1.3 MILLION TWITTER FANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE GUY HASN’T BEEN ON STAR TREK SINCE CUSTER’S LAST STAND AND HE’S GOT 1.3 FOLLOWERS ON #@!&%$#! TWITTER!!!!!

How is this possible?

mmmmmm

Well um, no, but if it works for George Takei I thought I’d give it a shot

So I checked his bio on “Wikipedia” which had this blurb:

“However, Takei’s involvement in social media has brought him new fame. He currently has over 7 million “likes” since joining facebook in 2011, commonly sharing funny photos with his added commentary.[2″

WTF!!!! 7 million likes!!!!! 7 FREAKIN’ MILLION!!!! On Facebook!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAIT!!!! He does this how? By sharing funny photos and additional commentary?

(one of George’s extremely humorous Tweets posted on Twitter on Sunday)

“Bar culture is a worldwide phenomenon. So why not peruse the best bars in the world?

Um….scuseeeeeeeeeeeee meeeeeeeee. Isn’t that WTF “I” do on a daily basis and I have how many followers on Twitter?

Wait for it……………

54…………..

YES FIFTY FREAKIN’ FOUR. And….if that’s not bad enough, how about the number of people who follow this inane blog on WordPress. 170. Go figure.

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They’re all bill collectors dear

So it was at that point I went ballistic and needed to take several doses of M&M’s with peanuts to calm me down. Ok…ok….an entire bag.

Now look folks. I completely understand that there are “Star Trek” groupies out there, (all in there 70’s) who completely adore George Takei. And perhaps he really is a funny guy and all. I’ll give him that. And I’ll even cut him some slack that he’s done other things like directing and stuff.

BUT…..to have THAT many followers on Twitter for posting funny photos and commentary? Um…..isn’t that what “I” do?

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My last therapy session

Am I like missing something here? One thousand six hundred and sixty-five blog posts I’ve written since 2009 and I get 170 followers and Takei has 7 million!!!!!

Aghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

WHERE’S THE FREAKIN’ BEEF!!!!! (followers)

And ya wonder why comedians get depressed. Not that I’m a comedian, but I AM writing comedy here in case you haven’t noticed….

WHAT! Do I have to like be a Tribble or something and post funny photos to get followers like Takei or something? I don’t get it.tribbles

Ok…ok….hold on a sec. (scarfing down yet another bag of M&Ms)

(sigh)

Ok….I think I’m fine now. Um…..wait.

(scarfing down another bag of M&M’s.)

Ok….I think that did it.

It’s like this folks. Sometimes writing humor can be a drag. Why? Because it’s not like standing up in front of an audience and hearing the laughter and applause. You get your highs from the “likes” you get from people who read your work and from the amount of people you see that are following your blog.

So you can understand where I would go ballistic reading about George having 1.3 million Twitter followers and 7 million “likes” on Facebook.

Ya know how many likes “I” get. THREE!  Yes….THREE! (my thanks to Tina in Vienna, Katy in Texas, and Charlie in the Land of Oz)

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Time to see a Twitter counselor

Sooooooo. What to do? How do I turn my 54 Twitter followers into as many as George has. Or my three “likes”  to a gazillions likes on WordPress or Facebook.

Other than to contact George Takei and beg him to follow my blog and write something Star Trekish about what I do and post some funny pictures and commentary. Like THAT’S gonna happen.

Um…….I think I’m screwed.

UNLESS……..unless………I can sit down and bang off one of those stupid letters to Parade Magazine and they print it in their Sunday edition. Something like, “Dear Parade Magazine. Who is that hilariously funny MisfitWisdom blogger who has 54 Twitter followers and three likes on Facebook.”

And then post on Facebook how great this blog really is.

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Um…..maybeeeee not

Just sayin.’

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Having Trouble Finding A Date? Get A Dog. Um….a real one, not a butt ugly woman that is.

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That’s ok Bertha, I’m actually A Chippendales dancer

Yes, we’ve all been that route. Longing for a meaningful relationship and tired of the same old routine of going into a bar and hitting on whatever breathes. Or at least shows some signs of life.

Now comes yet another type of dating service, according to a story by the “AP” where your dog can help you find that perfect mate. No butt sniffing involved either.

The following sites in Los Angeles, “PetsDating.com” and “YouMustLoveDogsDating.com” have popped up and are connecting dog owners to potential mates.

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Just a slight disadvantage of bringing your dog with you to one of these meetings

Personally, I’m thinking that  just in case you ARE butt ugly, there should be a variation of one of those sites, “YouMustLoveDogsDating.com” that should call itself, “YouMustLoveDatingDogs.com.”

Hey! Why slight butt ugly people.

So what’s the concept here you ask?

Simple. You bring your dog along with you and these dating sites match you up with other dog owners who have the same interests as you….or your dog I guess.

“Hi, my name is Buster Brown. This is my dog Tige. We live in a shoe.”

Which obviously would appeal to any woman who’s into shoes and loves dogs.buster2

And we all know, at least those of us old enough to remember “Buster Brown” and his stupid dog Tige, that he was traumatized as a child when it came to women due to an incident at his aunts home.

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After the Auntie incident, both Buster and his dog were in therapy for quite some time

The idea of all this is to, as the AP article stated, “break the ice” upon meeting someone for the first time. Which I’m assuming means that instead of, “Hi baybee, nice boobs, wanna go to my place and mess around.”  You could simply be a bit more diplomatic and say something like, “Hi baybee, this is my dog Fluffy who loves to be petted. Wanna go to my place and get petted too.”

SEE! Much more diplomatic……and pet friendly. And….the chances of getting rejected are practically nil.

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Karen North, a professor of social media at the “University of Southern California’s Annenberg School of Journalism,” says, “Many dating sites cater to religious, cultural and political preferences, but won’t focus as heavily on interests like pets, music or travel. If you find somebody with the same lifestyle passion, you don’t have to start out at square one.”

Square one, I guess, means cutting right to the chase and not having to be in an awkward situation where you find someone you like and then discover that your interest in pets differs.dating6

For instance. Say you own a German Shepherd and his favorite thing is to chase the mailman and then eat him. And the guy you’re trying to hit on is a mailman. Simply will not work. Hence the reason for these pet matchmaking sites. Makes sense to me.

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Unless you live in a very small town

You may think that example is a bit over the line, BUT, consider this example from the AP article:

“When Joanie Pelzer signed up with a dog-friendly online dating service a few years ago, she was honest about her Chihuahua — he likes people more than other dogs, craves attention, steals food and can’t stand to ride in the backseat of a car.”

“Even a man who loved animals as much as she did couldn’t keep up with her dog’s quirks. On their first date, her Chihuahua, Hubbell, stole the man’s breakfast as they drove from New York City to Long Island. They only had one more date.”

So obviously Joanie’s Chihuahua was a freakin’ kleptomaniac and she probably should have hooked up with a pet owner who had a dog with the same tendencies. Say like a Golden retriever.

“Dogs on first dates are amazing icebreakers,” said Kris Rotonda, who started up a site last year that now has 2 million members. “You find out right off the bat how everyone in a relationship will fit in.”

Always a great conversation starter when your on a date

Always a great conversation starter when you’re on a date….yep….definitely an “icebreaker.”

Again, makes complete sense to me.

If you’re dating a fireman and he has a dog and you have a dog and both like to sniff out fire hydrants, what could be more compatible. Even better if the dogs like to sniff out fire hydrants.

So, I’m thinking to myself, what would be some matches for some of you out there who own a dog and were going to one of these dating services with your pet. Just in case you’re thinking of using these dating services and need some incentives.

Like if you have one of those real bushy beards, obviously you’d own a “Bearded Collie” and seek out a woman who loves men and dogs with beards. or, has one herself.

If you work in a hospital and are one of those technicians who draw blood, your dog would be a “Bloodhound,” and you’d seek out a mate who owns a “Beagle” or is a vampire.

Now, if you’re the frisky type, obviously the dog you’d own would be a “Doberman Pinscher” and your match would be someone who own a “German Pincher” so that both dogs could pinch one anther as the both of you could do the same.Man reacts to being goosed. Caption: The secret work of Doberman Pinschers

Guys with big noses would own a “Giant Schnauzer” which would make it easier for them to attract women who love big noses, or who have a Jimmy Durante complex.

If you have a medical condition that requires you to go to the bathroom a lot, perhaps a subtle hint to any person who might be interested in you might be to own a “Shih Tzu.” If ya catch my drift there.'I'll have that old breakfast standard, Shih-Tzu-On-a-Shingle.'

Now the perfect match for men and women who are into partying would be if both of you owned a “Spinone Italiano dog. A clear sign that both of you would be into bunga bunga partys.

However, a word of caution if you date an Italian named Vinny who still lives with his mother and who’s not too bright and you let him watch your dog.

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And finally, not to slight anyone, especially those of you who are into kinky stuff. You might not want to broadcast that all over the place at one of these meetings, so the subtle way to do that is to walk in with your “Whippet.”

See…..this dating with pets stuff does have its advantages folks. And not only do you and your dog get to meet someone in person, it basically eliminates those awkward mistakes you can make with on-line dating services.

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Close but no cigar Duncan. Um…on second thought, give HER the cigar

The only downside to all this comes from Trish McDermott who spent 10 years dating a dog. Um…no….sorry, that should read, “who spent ten years as the dating expert and spokeswoman for “Match.com.”

Her observation:

“When you consider how challenging it already is to find someone who offers what you are seeking in a romantic partner, and who seeks what you are offering, and where there is also mutual chemistry, and the timing is right … you have to wonder who in their right mind would want to make it even more challenging by insisting on canine chemistry.”

Lassie perhaps?

She goes on to say:

“To squeeze doggie behavior under the first date microscope and to analyze every little wag, nip or bark as further commentary on compatibility is just another way to uncover the fatal flaw of an otherwise potential romance.”

Correct  Trish. And you know how dogs like to brag on social media sites about their behavior.dating14

And, lest we forget that butt sniffing problem along with the leg-humping issue. Among other things…..(video below)

Unless…..you’re into that stuff. Then I guess, what the hell, go for it.

So, that’s the poop on dogs and dating. If this sounds like something you’d be interested, then by all means check out those dating sites.

Personally, being a cat person, I’d be holding out for a dating service that matches up cat people with one another.

The way I look at it, dating services are all about meeting people with your interests, and, if you’re a guy, and you own a cat, and eventually you want to get on the subject of sex, what better way to bring it up than discussing pussy……….cats.dating15

I know, that was a cheap disgusting line there, but, I couldn’t help myself.

Just sayin.’

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Paul Ryan Wants Mitt Romney To Run Again: Here Comes Every Cartoonists Dream Wish.

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Hi…I’m Paul Ryan…..and I did NOT approve this blog

I’m really trying to make a concentrated effort to stay away from commenting on politics lately. Only because I find the “Cartoon Channel” has more interesting characters than politicians.

BUT! I couldn’t help myself today. Sorry.

I came across a comment by former Vice Presidential candidate and poster boy for Visine and possible replacement for Eddie on the “Munsters” remake, Paul Ryan and a comment he made which was that he would like to see Mitt Flomney run for President again in 2016.

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I couldn’t tell who was who so you have to figure it out

UM….WAIT! Damn! What WAS his name? Rom Scripney? Flit Cromney? (hold on a sec)

Ok…sorry, I had to look him up. It was “Mitt Romney.” I have a very short attention span when it comes to names of political candidates running for President. Unless they’re fodder for some really great stupid comments or some really funny cartoons. Which, sometimes trumps what’s on the Cartoon Channel.pol2

So, when Ryan said that, I immediately went into a def con 1 and checked for some comments people made with regard to what Ryan said. This was my favorite:

(comment by Bob M)

“Please guys – RUN! My God but we can use the laughs – again. And be sure to load up the GOP’er clown car with Manson Eyes Bachman, Lil Newtie, Raphael (Canada Ted) Cruz, Ole 999 Cain, that goofy woman from Alaska, “Look at my new glasses” Perry, The Guy With the Dead Hamster On His Head, and all of the rest of GOP’er Clown Show from 2012. PLEASE, PLEASE run again, we can really use the laughs.”

http://youtu.be/hsWmWPXpyiQ

Which led me to up my cartoon alert to def con 5. That’s the point where I go completely berserk and drag out every single cartoon about everyone mentioned in that guys’ comments and put them in today’s blog jussssst in case Mitt, or any one of those candidates mentioned doesn’t run and I never get another chance to use them.

I’m shallow that way.

Although I’m a bit stymied by what candidate wore a dead hamster on his head.

OMFG! A sadist!

OMFG! A sadist!

So today it’s back to the cartoon archives and some of my favorite political cartoons about each one of the candidates mentioned in Bobs comment.

Shall we commence:

Michelle Bachmann sure gave a lot of editorial cartoonists the giggles when she confused John Wayne with serial killer John Wayne Gacy.

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She’s right…..hard to tell the difference between the two…..pilgrim

 

I can just imagine being an editorial cartoonist and waking up each morning just salivating at the thought of Newt Gingrich saying or doing something stupid. And, apparently, this is what happened when one of them researched Newt’s past marriages and divorces:

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Gloria De La Chartreuse

Lest we forget “Godfather Pizza” mogul Herman Cain and his famous “999” speech.

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If only he had just consolidated his “999” plan to “27.” Flunked math I guess.

Cruising right along, next in line for a cutting edge cartoon was the one about Ted Cruz. This one drove the Obama birthers nutso.

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Yep….it’s part of Vermont

 

There were so many Mitt Romney editorial cartoons that it was hard to pick my favorite. I mean there were cartoons about Mitt’s comments about “corporations are cartoon characters too.” Um…wait….no, that should read, “corporations are people too.” Sorry.

Then there were the cartoons of Mitt’s dog Shamus riding on the roof of his car as the sped up the Mass. Pike.

And that comment about binders full of women.

(Um…Mitt, if you’re done with those binders can I borrow them)

And of course his comments about the 1%.

But, taking into consideration that Mitt seemed at least to look Presidential and really didn’t say anything that was really Bozo The Clowinish, such as Christine O’Donnell when she said, “I am not a witch…………….”

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Oops……

I kinda liked this cartoon.

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Anybody got any M&M’s with peanuts?

 

But, ya gotta admit, by far, hands down, no contest, the “A” number one person that all cartoonists dream about is none other than Sarah Palin. The gift that keeps on giving.

Now, for me, it was verrrrry hard to choose among the 1,000,000 cartoons that I thought was my favorite. You’re talkin’ over six years that Sarah has been in our faces. Do you have any idea the cartoons that are out there? Gazillions.

Damn! It took me almost  10 seconds just to find the one that was my favorite. Here it is.

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Hmmmmm. Maybe she could run for Governor of Alaska

 

As that famous philosopher Porky pig once said. “Cartoons are people too.”

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Sorry….just had to get this last one in…..

 

Just sayin.’

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