Deck The Halls With Political Correctiveness……..”Merry *******” (censored)

starbucks11

Deck the halls with boughs of  Holly fa la la la la, la la la…………..

“Hey pal, what’s with the holly decking hall stuff? Not all of us can afford to fork over big bucks for freakin’ holy ya know! Besides, why is it holly only gets attention THIS time of the year?”

“Um, I was just singin’ a traditional holiday song sir. You know, like getting into the spirit of the Christmas Holiday season.”

“WHAT! You actually said the “C” word! WTF is wrong with you. This is the 21st politically correct century ya know. Ya can’t just go around singin’ that stuff anymore pal. This ain’t the days of Bing Crosby and all those other holiday wackos.”starbucks2

“Geez, maybe you should chill out sir. Here, have a nice holiday cup of “Starbucks” coffee in this beautiful festive red cup.”

“Now THAT’S more like it fella. A politically correct festive holiday coffee cup with none of that suggestive seasonal stuff on it.”

Oooooooo, how festive......

Oooooooo, how festive……

“Suggestive? Ya mean like holly and bells and candy canes and wreaths and maybe even a picture of Santa?”

“YEAH! All that stuff. Blasphemous suggestive crap. Why the hell should I have to buy a damn coffee cup with all that stuff on it? Bravo to Starbucks for finally realizing that all of us aren’t into all that hooey.”

“But what about the rest of us who still like to play those traditional Bing Crosby Christmas songs and decorate our homes with festive lights and sing Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer?”

“Seeeeeee….there ya go again dropping that “C” word. It’s a damn holiday pal. Do ya see Starbucks putting a whiskey bottle image on their coffee cups on New Years Eve? Do ya?”

Next....David Copperfield with magic balls

Next….David Copperfield with magic politically correct generic festive balls

“Um, no, but it’s not the same sir.”

“Not the same! Not the same! Whaddya some kinda holiday freak? Of course it’s the same. If you damn “C” word fanatics want holiday bells, wreaths, and some fat old guy dressed in red on your damn coffee cups, paint them on yourself. Why should the rest of us have to be subjected to your namby pamby whims. New Years Eve is drinkin’ time pal, and EVERYBODY drinks!”

“Sooooo you’re sayin’ that because everybody drinks it’s ok to have a whiskey bottle on Starbucks coffee cups but not a picture of Santa or something Christmas like on coffee cups.”

“Hey, now you’re gettin’ it pal. Not everybody celebrates that “C” word holiday ya know. But EVERYBODY drinks. Hell, I bet that fat old guy in that red suit goes on a bender every now and then.”starbucks6

(sigh) “Don’t you think we’re becoming a bit too politically correct sir. I mean we’ve been celebrating Christmas traditions for years and no one’s ever complained before.”

“Ya see, THAT’S the point buddy. No one’s EVER complained before. We just sat there year after year, season after season having to put up with this holiday seasonal stuff being shoved down our throats. THEN……THEN…..yes THEN came the almighty Internet which gave us the power to finally state our case.”

“So you’re sayin’ that thanks to the Internet anyone can challenge anything, even long-standing traditional stuff like Christmas and Christmas images and even coffee cups with Christmas images on them?”

“Exacto mundo pal. Power to da people. My motto. No more of this having to take stuff sitting down anymore. AND….if you so much as mention that “C” word anymore I’m gonna shove a holly wreath down yer throat!”starbucks3

“OK……I kinda understand your position, but, don’t you think those of us who celebrate (shudder) Christmas, should just be able to enjoy the holiday season without all of this conflict? Shouldn’t Starbucks, or any other business be able to do the same instead of having a generic red coffee cup?”

“NO! Ya just don’t get it do ya pal. It ain’t just a black and white…or, um….red issue here fella. It’s all grey. If everything were grey year round they’d be no problems. Like just drop the “C” word and call it “Happy Holidays” or “Seasons Greetings” or “Happy Whatever.” Then everybody would be happy with no one being offended.”starbucks5

“But I’m offended that businesses feel they have to cater to idiots like you by being politically correct.”

“Hey…..that’s the American way pal. If ya don’t like something, sue the bastards or raise hell on the Internet. Works every time.”starbucks4

“So I’m assuming you’re not going to celebrate the 25th of December this year.”

“WHAT! Hell yeah pal. Do ya think I wanna miss out on all those gifts. I ain’t stoopid ya know.”

“Then you’re actually celebrating Christmas then.”

“There ya go again with that “C” word. NO….I’m celebrating yet another victory this time of the year when I, along with other politically correct people can make it miserable for people like you who don’t get it…….which is, do not shove your beliefs down our throats!”

“By getting gifts that are part of the tradition of the season?”

“Yep……….works for me pal.”starbucks9

(sigh) “Ok…..I give up. But, in the tradition of the holiday season, let me at least give you a gift and hope that in the future you might change your mind.”

“Oh…hey, thanks buddy. What is it?”

“A stuffed Thanksgiving possum.”

“A stuffed Thanksgiving possum!!! . WTF is with that?”

“Well, I figure if Christmas is bugging the hell outta you, at some point the fact that most people celebrate Thanksgiving by serving a turkey is gonna make some politically correct nutjob who loves turkeys go ballistic, so, rather than discriminate against turkeys, here’s a delicious stuffed possum you can enjoy on Thanksgiving Day.”

“Gezz…..thanks pal…….there’s hope for you yet. Here, let me buy you a politically correct Starbucks coffee in a politically correct Starbucks coffee cup.”

“Um….no thanks, I’ll just pass on that one. starbucks8

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to Deck The Halls With Political Correctiveness……..”Merry *******” (censored)

  1. Hahahha this made me laugh out loud. Best response to the Starbucks debacle.

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