To kick-start my mind every morning after breakfast, I usually begin by heading to the bathroom after (laughingly) reading the morning newspaper.
I say “laughingly” because for some odd reason my local newspaper has decided that less is more. Meaning that for the price that I pay for that paper, they give me less. Usually anywhere from 9 to 10 pages, half of which consist of ads. AND, they have the balls to omit the op-ed (opinion/editorial) page on occasion.
What damn newspaper omits their op-ed page? Cripes, that’s the brains of ANY newspaper. Yet MY paper omits it. Go figure.
Anyhow, back to my trip to the bathroom, or, reading room as I like to call it.
Unable to read the op-ed page, because (duh) my paper figured there was nothing to “op-ed” about, I decided to read TIME magazine instead. Which I usually do anyhow, but, only when I’m actually awake and coherent.
Ya have to be fully coherent and awake to absorb what’s in TIME. Otherwise you miss out on important stuff like a tidbit by Sarah Begley in the November 16th edition of TIME, which I have lots of “time” to read considering my newspaper feels that I’m reading too much as it is, so perhaps that’s why they cut back by omitting the op-ed page.
Her article was entitled “Suspicious Minds” which is also the title of a book by author Rob Brotherton and details how “society tends to treat conspiracy theorists as quacks”. Which I think is a slur towards all ducks, but, again, that would also be considered a conspiracy theory.
The book cites that, and I consider myself to fall into the “quack” category, “no matter our age, gender, or education level, we are hardwired to find patterns in unrelated events.”
Meaning basically that just as I think there’s a conspiracy to omit the op-ed page in my newspaper, people such as myself, (quacks) tend to read into things and believe there’s a conspiracy involved. Like myself thinking my newspaper is conspiring to make more money by omitting the op-ed page thereby saving money on paper and ink.
OR………nobody at my daily newspaper gives a rats ass anymore. OR….maybe they just don’t have any opinions. OR…..maybe they’re all burnt out from people who send letters to the editor during election time in support of their favorite candidates.
Like “I’M” gonna vote for someone because someone writes a (cough) letter to the editor praising a candidate and I should vote for them. Meanwhile, REAL letters to the editor on hot community topics were put aside in favor of these political endorsements.
Conspiracy? You bet bunko. Which obviously makes me a quack.
Ya see, I look at it this way. If ya wanna promote a candidate in your newspaper…..BUY A FREAKIN’ AD YOU IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THEN…..I can read REAL letters to the editor. Not political endorsements.
But, that said, why are they not printing the op-ed page?
Because, (my conspiracy quack theory) which I thank that author in TIME Magazine for bringing to my short span attention level, is that I am hooked on conspiracies and think my newspaper is conspiring to make me go nuts by not printing the op-ed page thereby causing me to have no clue as to what the hell is going on in my town thereby relegating me to have to go the bathroom without the op-ed page and read something else.
Like TIME Magazine which printed that article on quack conspiracy people and now I’m becoming paranoid that I’m one of those quacks and perhaps (conspiratorial thinking) are in cahoots with TIME because my subscription just expired and by not printing the op-ed page they’ll force me to cough up another years subscription bucks. Makes sense to me.
Don’t ya think it’s strange my subscription to TIME expires at the same time my newspaper leaves out the op-ed page.
UNLESS………….(conspiratorial thinking again) UNLESS……because I live so close to the ocean and there are a lot of fishermen in the area, AND seafood restaurants, that my newspaper discovered people are only buying their newspaper to wrap fish in, and figured, “Hey, why waste an op-ed page on wrapped up fish,” and are waiting till the craze to wrap fish in newspaper is over. Ya think.
Then again, it only takes a few pages of TIME Magazine to wrap fish in as well.
Sooooo. My conspiracy conclusion.
My paper is forcing us fish wrappers to wrap our fish and chips in TIME Magazine thereby creating a demand for their paper once people figure out fish and chips taste better wrapped in TIME pages than in newspaper pages.
And ya call ME a quack!
(I will not name the so-called op-ed omitting newspaper, (The New London Day) um….er…oops……soreeeeee Day editors)
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