Mysteries of Life…um….Well “MY” Life Anyhow

Some times I like to go back in time just to see if my mind is as warped today as it was a few years ago when I began writing this stupid blog.  Today I went back to June of 2010 and read the blog about what mysteries there are in life….according to me.

Besides the two main mysteries of life that have always baffled me…..like…..

Like do UFO's really exist.....

Like do UFO’s really exist…..

Which, I assume they do, otherwise how do ya explain this…………..

Unidentified flying Nixon

Unidentified flying Nixon

Anyhow, I proved my point, I AM still demented and still think the same. Much to my relief. BUT…..back then in 2010 I listed (below) what mystifies me, and today, 2016, they still do. Goes to show ya, somethings never change.

Sooooooooo, as I said,  there are a lot of mysteries of life, but the ones that I constantly think about are:

Seers. You know, those people who can see into the future, and sometimes, your bathroom window if you leave the shade up. My question is, if these people can see into the future, then how come none of them are winning the lottery, like Powerball.  Hey, if you can see into the future then you should be able to pick out tomorrow’s winning number.

I rest my case on that one.fortune2

Sex.  This one always baffles the hell outta me…..and most guys I might add.  Why is it that when you’re dating sex is never a problem. Back seat of a car, in the woods, on an airplane, on the floor, in bed, anytime and any place. But…..the minute you tie the ol knot……all of a sudden things change.  You suggest various places to have sex, and you’re labeled a pervert.  If you ask for sex more than once a month, you’re a pervert. If you attempt to initiate sex at night in the bedroom….well, for the most part all guys know a woman’s response to this one.

We’re screwed again…….um…..not literally…..just plain screwed.deaf3

(Last time I checked there were several bottles of various brands of headache medicine, still sealed, in our cabinet. (ya have to think about that one)

Why is it that gas prices vary from mile to mile, state to state and gas station to gas station even though they’re the same brands of gas? Doesn’t gas come from the same places?  Yesterday I drove from one state to another with gas starting out at $2.89 to a low of $2.70 and these were all the same brand. I don’t get it! I won’t mention the name (Mobil) but something is screwy here.gas prices

Electric cars are on the horizon as the replacement for the gas I just bitched about. BUT……does this mean I can plug my car into my regular outside outlet or do I have to buy a new device?  And if I run out of..um…..electricity….do I pull up to a new electric service station, plug-in my do dad, and off I go……for a price of course…….which will most likely be the same as you pay now for a gallon of gas. We’re screwed again!

This cartoonist thinks like me.....

This cartoonist thinks like me…..

Why is it when you screw up big time, make the headlines, and either go to jail or get a slap on the wrist, you wind up with a damn reality show?  Geez, I’ve been screwing up for years and the only reality I ever got was more damn reality. Think I’m screwing up in the wrong places.  Either that, or I don’t know enough important people. Come to think of it, I really don’t know anyone important.  Screwed again!

WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mmmmm

Does having my old friend and recording artist Willie Loco Alexander count as knowing someone famous? (Willie is on the right and I’m the dwarf on the left) (1970’s)

What’s with bathroom tissue commercials anyhow? Do you really care about just how many sheets there are in a roll?  If you do, seek help immediately. All I care about when using bathroom tissue is does it get the job done. My companion, on the other hand, cares which way the roll is fed off of the bathroom dispenser. (this is a woman thing)tp1

Here’s one that’s been featured on a TV commercial recently.  You can go all day long at home without having to pass gas, (fart) until you venture out somewhere and in  a crowd of people. (usually elevators) THEN……….like magic, the sudden urge to fart your brains out happens.  I swear, this happens all of the time.  No one sits next to me anymore. (sigh)fart2

(I might add that if one goes to any casino or concert, you can get away with letting nature take it’s course without anyone being the wiser.  Most of the time…..depending what you ate prior to the event and if you feel that you can actually trust your judgement as to what is merely a fart or something more pressing…..it’s a gamble either way)

My final mystery, at least one that’s baffled me for eons, is Murphy’s Law.  Which is, anything that can go wrong will most likely go wrong, or something to that effect. So, I’m assuming that Murphy spent his entire life compiling a list of things that went wrong in his life and after a while knew that anything that could go wrong, actually did. I think he shot himself years ago after determining that nothing was ever going to go right for him. I’ve since taken over for him because, for me, nothing seems to ever go right….or left for that matter…..except politics.ml2

And I’m not going to go into the mystery of politics and life. That’s all a mystery of its own, which would have driven Mr. Murphy off the deep end much sooner.

Oops…..elections are just around the corner……..the deep end does seem rather inviting.

Which poses yet another mystery.  Where exactly IS the “deep end?”

OK......that answers THAT question.

OK……that answers THAT question.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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