What If George Washington, Ben Franklin and Others Debated?

To be Frank, um….soreeee, to be Misfit, I never watch any of these political debates on TV. I hate it when people argue about politics. Why? Because ya can’t believe any of these asswipes for one, and if you do, you’re a complete idiot and need to check yourself into an insane asylum immediately.

I'll drink to that............

I’ll drink to that…………

Any sane person, with at least a half a brain that is in working order knows any candidate is gonna say what YOU wanna hear rather than what the truth really is. It’s NOT whether it’s true or not, it’s how many people you can get to believe it.

For instance, presently the conspiracy talking heads are spinning the rumor that Justice Antonin Scalia was murdered. Yep, a pillow was over his head, and he was pronounced dead via a phone call and there was no autopsy and because Obama appointed the judge who granted the person via a phone call to pronounce the Justice dead obviously there has to be a conspiracy.

Um, did I mention that Mrs. Scalia did not want an autopsy. Ah, doesn’t matter, you know how facts tend to cloud up the issue.

Like um....Donald Trump was actually born on Uranus?

Like um….Donald Trump was actually born on Uranus?

Enter The Donald on a talk show:

“Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump on Monday referenced a report from the scene about Scalia’s body when asked on a radio show to comment on the possibility that Scalia may have been murdered and whether there should be an independent investigation into this death.”

“They say they found a pillow on his face, which is a pretty unusual place to find a pillow,” Trump said on conservative radio host Michael Savage’s show “The Savage Nation.” Savage called for “the equivalent of a Warren Commission”-style investigation into Scalia’s death.”

mmmmm

(NOTE to self) Never sleep with a pillow over my head.

mmmm

(note to Donald) Usually how “I” sleep………

So, with all this talk of a conspiracy and the yelling and screaming on debates and name calling, I was wondering what it would have been like, say, if our founding fathers debated.

On stage for this debate, George Washington, John Adams, James Madison, Samuel Adams, and Benjamin Franklin.

Moderator: “Mr. Washington, is it true when you crossed the Delaware you indeed did not carry the flag but as a matter of fact it was James Monroe who held the flag?”

Washington: “Well, um, er, yeah, but only because that stupid Horatio Forkenderfer, one of the rowers, hit me in the balls with a damn oar. So, what’s the big freakin’ deal?”

Franklin: “Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,….liar liar liar Georgie, pants, or britches on fire. You know damn well Monroe held that flag all the time you damn fibber.”

Proof that Washington wasn't lying.

Proof that Washington wasn’t lying.

Moderator: “Mr. Franklin, that was totally uncalled for. You’re completely out of line. How do you expect anyone to respect you for that comment.”

Washington: “Yeah, right on. Coming from a guy who spends his time out in the damn woods during a thunderstorm flying a damn kite. Ya call THAT sane! And, I’ll add that, speaking of sane, who the hell owns a dog named “Satan.” WTF is with that?”

John Adams: “Ok, Ok, so my dog’s name is Satan. Who cares ya damn jerk. At least “I” didn’t chop down a cherry tree and come up with some lame line like, “Oh, I’m sorry daddy, I cannot tell a lie, I chopped down the cherry tree.” Get a damn life George.”

mmmmm

Figuring his father didn’t buy that explanation, George finally fesses up

Moderator: Ok, enough gentlemen, let’s move on. Mr. Washington, seeing that you are leading in the polls is it true that you offered a bribe of alcohol to 55 delegates to secure votes so that you could be President?”

Washington: “No, no, no, ya got that all wrong. I was doin’ Sam Adams a big favor. He was attempting to make beer and no one liked it so I thought if I bought some of Sam’s beer and gave it out to the delegates perhaps,  later on in life, Sam could make a fortune selling his beer.”

Franklin: “Ah that’s bullshit George. You know damn well you were tryin’ to buy votes. And, Sam’s beer does suck. How’d THAT work out for ya?”

Washington: “Oh sure, once again, coming from a guy who takes “air baths’ when he’s at home and does it stark naked while standing in front of an open window. Ya damn perv. Go fly a freakin’ kite why don’t ya.”

Ben WAS a bit ahead of his time

Ben WAS a bit ahead of his time

Moderator: “Gentlemen, it seems only three of our candidates are speaking out here. We DO have time to at least let James Madison speak?”

Madison: “Oh thanks. I just wanna say that I will not be dragged into this foray and personally I am the best candidate for the presidency. AND….if “I’M” elected I will choose one of these fine gentlemen to be my vice president.”

Franklin: “WHAT! Hey, don’t do us any favors pal. Two of your vice presidents died in office!!!!”

Madison: “What, how do ya know that. None of us have ever been elected yet….including me!”

Franklin: “Good point Jimmy. Um, the only way I can explain that is that the person writing this blog, um, came back in time, due to an invention I call the time machine, fed me this information, and um, brought some Sam Adams beer with him, and, er, “Hey Sam, don’t give up on the beer project.”

Also quoted (I think) by Ted Cruz

Also quoted (I think) by Ted Cruz

I suspect, that’s how some of those debates might have gone. Obviously any confrontations back then were cleaned up by historians.

However, all the “facts’ listed here are true. Washington did not carry the flag. John Adams DID have a dog named Satan. Washington did attempt to buy votes with booze. Ben Franklin did take naked air baths with his window open. Samuel Adams was a failed brewer. And two vice presidents did die while Madison was in office.

With regard to that last one, I believe none of Madison’s VP’s had a pillows over their heads.

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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