Damn! Suffering from “Trumpititus” this month I forgot to highlight important days in February (sigh) Soooooooo, to redeem myself, here’s last years blog. HEY! Cut me some slack here for cripes sake…..how much can change in one year.
Yep, only 29 days to celebrate all the wonderful special celebrations February has to offer. And, as usual, MisfitWisdom likes to highlight some of those special events so that you won’t miss out on the festivities.
That is besides those days that usually get the most attention such as Abe Lincoln’s Birthday. (he’d be 206 years old) George Washington’s Birthday. (not sure how old he’d be because he lied about his age) Presidents Day which celebrates Abe’s and Georgie’s birthdays so that we just have to fork out money for one cake. And of course, the ever popular Valentines Day where little kids in school send a Valentine to their classmate that they have a crush on.
And of course for this reason……………..
For me, it was Gail Kraznierkendorf, a cute blonde that I sat behind in the third grade. I’d spend hours making a special handmade Valentine for her and then, as we all had to do, put the Valentines in a big box so that the teacher could, on Valentines Day, open up the box, pick out each Valentine card and read the name that it was for.
Sandra would always get tons of Valentines. I usually got one. From the teacher.
But that rat fink Sandra never once appreciated the effort I went through to make that card for her. Nope. Instead it was always Biff Handsome that all the girls, including Sandra, who got all the adoration for giving HIS special babes those ten-cent run of the mill cards. Bastard.
Anyhow, to make a long story short, Sandra eventually married Biff, but it didn’t last. He couldn’t keep his woodster in his pants, nor get out of the habit of sending other women explicit Valentines. And Sandra………………….cops haven’t found her body yet.
Ok….enough of that nonsense.
So, excluding Valentines Day, just in case you’re still suffering from PTVDRS, (Post Traumatic Valentines Day Rejection Syndrome) here’s some special days in February you don’t have to worry about being rejected over.
2nd – “Groundhog Day.”
Yes, we all know the reason for Groundhog Day. A sinister plot by the L.L. Bean company to bribe that rodent to see his freakin’ shadow so that all New Englander’s go into a state of panic and order as much stuff from L. L. Bean as humanely possible.
4th – “Create A Vacuum Day.”
I’m not sure if this means that all men who despise their spouses 40,000 decibel vacuum should go out and try to invent a quiet vacuum, or, create some sort of vacuum in their house and dump their spouses cold dead body, and the vacuum into it.
I would if I could actually see my mailman. I have the Danica Patrick of mailmen. In my case, a mail woman. Zips up to my rural mailbox and is gone in a millisecond. To this day I have no clue what she looks like. Anyhow…thanks.
5th – “National Weatherman Day.”
Like weathermen need a day for cripes sake. EVERY day is a weatherman day.
6th – “Lame Duck Day.”
Yes, the first thing that comes to mind on Lame Duck Day is why in the hell aren’t people out there collecting money to have those ducks with lame legs taken to a vet where their lame legs could be corrected.
Um, actually the first thing that comes to mind on Lame Duck Day is this……..
7th – “Wave All Your Fingers At Your Neighbors Day.”
You know where I was gonna go with this one didn’t you…………….
8th – “Kite Flying Day.”
The one day instead of being a real jerk to people and telling them to f**k off, we can be a bit nicer and tell them to go fly a damn kite.
11th – “Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day.”
The one reason many of us own cats. Less cleanup.
13th – “Blame Someone Else Day.”
Actually, any married man will vouch for the fact that whenever a woman does something wrong, it’s not the woman’s fault, but the mans. Hence, Blame Someone Else Day is EVERY day if you’re a married man……from a womans viewpoint.
14th – “Ferris Wheel Day.”
In honor of Ferris Buellers brother, Ferris Wheel.
16th – “Do A Grouch A Favor Day.”
20th – “Hoodie Hoo Day.”
This absolutely stupid day you’re supposed to go outside and wave your hands up in the air yelling “Hoodie Hoo” for no apparent reason other than you’re a freakin’ nut job and have nothing better to do with your life other that make a complete ass out of yourself.
23rd – “International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day.”
Another stupid one. Who, besides dogs, are gonna celebrate this day? I mean, it’s not like humans can really appreciate this day. I’ve never eaten a dog biscuit….have you? Um, then again….there ARE a lot of strange people out there.
26th – “National Pistachio Day.”
After those last two days I just mentioned, it’s no wonder we have a National Pistachio Day. In honor of those nut jobs that celebrate Do A Grouch a Favor Day and National Dog Biscuit day. After all, as Steven Colbert would say, pistachios are nuts, and what better way than to offer a toast to those nut jobs.
26th – “Tell A Fairy Tale Day.”
OK……Um, no dear, you DO NOT look fat in that dress.”
27th – “No Brainer Day.”
For me it’s EVERY day I write this stupid blog.
28th – “National Tooth Fairy Day.”
This would be the only certified day that you can legitimately punch someone in the face, knock a few of their teeth out, and then, after feeling a bit of remorse, offer them a few bucks to help cover dental costs while explaining to them that you are actually the tooth fairy attempting to drum up business.
Geez……February is a month filled with sooooo0 many wonderful days to celebrate. Where am I ever gonna find the time to celebrate every one of them?
Ok….maybe I’ll just celebrate one….hmmm…..which one?
Hey….one I forgot, “National Battery Day” on the 18th. Yeah……that’ll work.
“Oh honeeee………………time to get out those battery toys and……………..
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