Soooo. Whaddya Ya Gonna Do Today Dear? Oh, I Dunno, Maybe Let A Snake Devour Me.

 

When you mention the date, December 7th, usually what comes to mind is the attack on Pearl Harbor by the Japanese back in 1941.

However, THIS December 7th, besides remembering Pearl Harbor, you might wanna pay attention to what the Discovery Channel has in store for you.

Discovery has found its next extreme stunt: A guy will be eaten by a giant anaconda snake.

Anaconda’s were much more time-consuming however

Which leads me to say to myself, “Misfit, are the networks so intent on getting high ratings that they have to resort to some guy getting eaten by a giant snake?”

Apparently so. And….I’ll betcha, (Sarah Palin lingo) gazillions of people tune in to watch this dumb ass get eaten by that giant anaconda.

AND…..I told ya you looked fat in those shorts. You can thank me later.

So who is this idiot who will so graciously allow himself to be eaten all in the name of getting ratings for the Discovery Channel? Well he’s naturalist and wildlife filmmaker Paul Rosolie and he will be the main menu, um, sorry, that should read, “main star” of “Eaten Alive.”

If it’s any consolation, Paul will be wearing a custom-built snake proof suit. Kinda like wearing alligator shoes to ward off getting eaten by alligators.

Kinda takes the fun outta it doesn’t it.

Hey! If I’m gonna watch some guy get eaten by a giant snake I wanna see him eaten by a giant snake for cripes sake! Not getting eaten by a giant snake and then the snake getting acid indigestion from eating that snake proof suit and then barfing up the guy.

Kinda like eating a banana with the peel still on it.

What snakes do when they’re not eating people on the Discovery Channel

 

(insert dumb snake joke here)

Two guys were on a camping trip. One of the guys unzipped his pants and started to urinate when a rattle snake came up and bit him on his dick. His friend immediately called a doctor on his cell phone and asked what he should do to save his friend.  “You’ll have to suck the poison out.”   said the doc. After he hung up with the doctor, the guy who had been bitten says, ‘Quick! Quick! Tell me, what did the doc say?” His friend replied: “Doctor says you’re gonna die!”

Of course, all this snake stuff wouldn’t be happening if only this had happened…………

So what fun is that Discovery Channel. We viewers wanna see some blood and guts spewing out all over the place and the snake devouring that guy inch by inch and, perhaps, for effect, having the snake burp afterwards. Now THAT’S reality TV at it’s best.

Spoiler alert: The Discovery Channel says that Rosolie IS actually eaten by the snake after smearing pigs blood all over his suit to make him more appetizing to the snake, BUT, that his suit has a cord attached to it jussssssssst in case he gets trapped inside of the snake.

Cripes….hope he brings his cell phone with him as well.

“Hey….guys….its me, Paul and I’m inside of the snake’s stomach so can ya can pull me out now. Oh f**k…..a freakin’ dead zone. Damn!”

Also, in case you’re a snake lover, the snake does not die during this show from digesting the Mr. Rosolie, the suit, and that long cord. BUT….does suffer from acid reflux after the incident and is given a prescription for Prilosec.

Of course Prilosec doesn’t work for some snakes and they become depressed

Now it seems to me, that this reality TV show stuff is getting waaaaay outta hand. I mean its bad enough that most of these reality shows are totally mindless, about other people’s lives who I personally could give a rats ass about, and are now getting to the point of being really disgusting.

I mean, come on now, do ya really wanna see a guy get eaten by a giant snake?

Ok….I stand corrected. You really DO wanna see a guy get eaten by a giant snake.

Um……come to think of it, I might wanna see this guy get eaten by a giant snake too.

Only because I’m figuring that if Discovery gets enough viewers to watch this event and their ratings soar, they might do other stuff similar to this snake thing that really might be very entertaining. Beats watching Duck Dynasty, The Kardashians, and Honey Freakin’ Boo Boo.

Unless…..they get eaten by snakes too.

How about after this snake thing Discovery gets into other stuff like giant fire eating ants attacking campers and eating them alive. Or have some guy stick ants in his pants and let a wild anteater attack him. Better yet, cannibals from some remote island show how to cook up a wayward Italian explorer.

Now this man-eating creature stuff is nothing new. You may recall on the “God Channel” many eons ago, the feature event was some guy named Jonah getting eaten by a whale. Unfortunately the “Discovery Channel” wasn’t around at that time, and neither were sponsors, so it was all for naught. Cept for the whale who really made out on that deal.

Contrary to popular opinion, yes, Jerry Springer DID work for the “God Channel.”

So, if you’re into snake eating people stuff, this may be the highlight of your December 7th celebrations. Might wanna mark your calendar so ya don’t miss this.

By the way, there are some teaser clips of this on the Internet should you wish to view them. Just search for Paul Rosolie, Discovery Channel Programs, or snake barfing videos.

Ok…..cue in the “That’s Entertainment.”  video.

Just sayin.’

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