Look, I didn’t fall off of the banana truck yesterday ya know. I’ll admit I’m a great one for some conspiracy theories and stuff, mainly the JFK, RFK and MLK Assassinations, and most recently, the TWA Flight 800 revelations. BUT….I draw the line when it comes to aliens.
As in this story about a guy who claims he had sex with an alien and fathered a child.
Simon Parkes, (why is that writing this story about a guy fathering an alien child I immediately think of “Simple Simon?”) Sorry, got lost there for a moment.
Anyhow, this guy Simon Parkes, (53) from Whitby, England who is a member of the town council in Northern England, as if THAT gives him any credibility, says he fathered an alien child.
Um, is marijuana legal over there in England?
First of all let me clarify this a bit. I DO believe that aliens exist from other planets, including a few here on earth from Texas and Arizona. However, that said, I’m not gonna fall for this guy’s story that he fathered an alien child by having sexual relations with an alien that visits him four times a year.
First of all, if an alien were going to have sexual relations with an earthling and bear a child, which would then make the alien child an official bona-fide English citizen, why wouldn’t the mother, or whatever you call an alien woman, stick around rather than only visit this guy four times a year. Surely the mother would wanna stick around to watch the kid, or whatever, grow up.
Unless gas prices for alien space crafts are way higher than they are here on Earth. Then, that would explain why she only visits him four times a year.
WAIT! Oh, I see. This explains it all. The guy is freakin’ married. Sooooo, he was having an affair with an alien while he was married. Makes sense to me. That obviously explains why the alien mom did not stick around.
He’s married to a really dumb ass woman who actually bought his story that he had an affair with an alien and the kid IS an alien.
Are you SURE marijuana is NOT legal in England?
Simon, or should we simply call him “Simple Simon,” says that many people think he’s crazy.
Geez Simon, I can’t for the life of me imagine why.
And he goes on to say that even though he’s a member of the Labor Party and sits on the council in Whitby on the Yorkshire coast, his beliefs do not affect his work for his constituents. Hmmm……the guy is a freakin’ loony toon and his constituents obviously don’t give a rats ass.
I’m tellin ya…..marijuana is definitely legal in England.
This gets better.
He’s appearing in an English documentary entitled, “Confessions of an Alien Abductee.” Possibly subtitled: “How I Snookered My Wife Into Believing The Kid I Brought Home Was From Making Out With An Alien.”
Now follow this guys quote here, because I sure as hell can’t: “What will happen is that we will hold hands and I will say “I’m ready,” and then the technology I don’t understand will take us up to a craft orbiting the Earth. My wife found out about it and was very unhappy, clearly. That caused a few problems, but it is not on a human level, so I don’t see it as wrong.”
Soooo let me see if I grasp this. Simon says he’s just hangin’ around the house minding his own business holding hands, (no clue as to whose hands he’s holding) when all of a sudden this spacecraft is hovering over his house and he has a sudden desire to have sex with the alien pilot, who just happens to be a hot looking alien woman, who by the way, he calls, “The Cat Queen,” and then fathers a child, then tells his wife it’s from having an affair with that alien woman.
Ok….sounds like something any woman whose husband has an affair would buy. Not to mention, but I will, to add credibility to his story, that he also claims that his mother was an alien too.
(checking legality of marijuana in England)
Wrapping up his interview, he went on to say, “There are plenty of people in my position who don’t choose to come out and say it because they are terrified it will destroy their careers.”
Geez Simon. What ever gave you that idea?
It’s a perfectly normal everyday occurrence that guys claim they’ve fathered a child by having sex with an alien. Especially in those border states of Texas, Arizona and New Mexico where I’m sure a few border control officers come across some hot illegal alien woman, sneak off into the sagebrush, and boh-dee-oh-doh. THEN, nine months later when that hot babe comes knockin’ on that guys door bearing a child, has to explain to his wife that he had sex with an alien.
Unfortunately Simon is NOT a border control agent, as for one, there are no borders except water in England for aliens to cross over. Just an ocean.
His story may have been much more believable had he simply said he had sex with a dolphin.
I know, it sounds kinda fishy. But, much more believable.
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