Well, if he DOES….boy am I screwed. Here’s a reprise of a blog from April 2012.
Bless you my child and enjoy.
GOD will most likely be really ticked off at me for writing today’s blog, but I figure it this way. If GOD doesn’t have a sense of humor, which HE may not, considering I’ve never seen HIM on my list of readers that WordPress supplies me with, then what have I got to lose.
I base this on the fact that ever since lotteries came into being, and I’ve prayed to hit the lottery, I haven’t hit it yet. Except for a few dollars here and there, which doesn’t really constitute a winning jackpot as far as I’m concerned, and may actually mean that GOD “does” have a sense of humor for screwing around with me with these small winnings.
Might be his way of getting even with me for not going to confession all of the time, and, perhaps leaving out some details when I was confessing my sins. HEY….I looked at it this way. Why embarrass the heck outta myself in front of Father Penance, who is, after all, human, when GOD himself knows all that stuff already. I don’t need no stinkin’ middle man.
Hmmmm…..can I be excommunicated for writing this? AND….if I am, does excommunication mean I can’t communicate with any of my exes anymore?
Anyhow, I read about the late Senator Edward Kennedy’s wife, Victoria, who was supposed to speak at a commencement and receive an honorary degree at Anna Maria College in Paxton, Massachusetts. (no relation to Gary Paxton from the rock duo Skip & Flip)
It seems that Bishop Robert McManus, head of the Worcester, Massachusetts diocese, was upset that Victoria would be speaking at the commencement. Maybe he was afraid Victoria would be telling some “secrets.” Play on words there folks.
Actually, Bishop McManus gave no reason for his decision. But, a diocese spokesman, (guys who speak for the diocese and GOD, kinda like a Heaven PR man, if Heaven had a publicity department) said that, “Catholic institutions should not honor those who act in defiance of our fundamental moral principles.”
Which, might be due to the fact that Victoria has backed abortion rights and gay marriage which are a no no as far as the Catholic church is concerned. So, I would assume if you’ve had an abortion, or, even thought about one fleetingly, or are gay and possibly thinking about marriage, or (gasp) even got married, you are not welcome in the Catholic church.
Which got me to wonder……how does the Catholic church know if any of their parishioners have had abortions or are gay? Then I figured it all out. Being good devoted Catholics, anyone who had an abortion or is gay obviously went to confession, told Father Penance all that stuff, and in turn he immediately faxed GOD with this classified information, and GOD, or his PR department sent back a GOD memo banning these sinners from whatever it is they ban you from. Speaking at commencements and other stuff I guess.
Victoria said that no one from the church ever contacted her, including Bishop McManus, about his objections or to speak with her pastor to learn about her faith. The least they could have done was forward her a copy of the memo from GOD’s PR department.
Unless…….they were too busy, considering Rick Santorum has been spending a lot of time with GOD himself. You all know how tough it is to keep track of all that sinning repenting stuff when you’re in the middle of a heated campaign. AND……as we all know, Santorum DOES have an “in” with GOD himself.
I think I read somewhere that GOD had told Rick to run via a GOD memo.
If I were Victoria Kennedy, I wouldn’t lose any sleep over their decision. I myself have never been asked to speak at any Catholic school commencement either. Mainly because I’m of the same opinion as Victoria. That, and the fact that I did hold back on some of my confession material sin stuff as a child. As I said earlier, there was no way I was gonna tell Father Penance all that stuff. Nope. Next thing ya know he might decide to retire, write a tell all book detailing my sins, sell it to a movie producer, and then where would I be?
I’ll tell ya where. Exposed! I’d be all over the newspapers, Internet, Twitter, Facebook, and the next thing ya know on “Dancing With The Stars,” be writing a book and go on book and speaking tours, and then land my own reality show making gazillions of dollars just like Bristol Palin.
WAIT!!! OMG!!! (sorry GOD)
“Dancing With the Stars!” The Internet! Twitter! Facebook! Reality show! Books! Speaking tours! G-g-g-gazillions of dollars!!!!!!!
“Hello…..is this Father Penance from “Our Lady of Continuing Agony Church?”
“Yes my son…..what can I do for you this fine day?”
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And now…..a word from GOD via Joan Osborne: