Got A Hot Date Tonight? Impress Him or Her With Your Knowledge…..Or not.

After spending considerable time with my only friends, Rocky the squirrel, PePe the skunk, Blackie the snake, Orby my orb weaver spider in my backyard, and Chippy the chipmunk along with Hummer my occasional hummingbird while discussing that comedy show on TV the other night on NBC with Matt WTF Lauer, I have calmed down somewhat enough to post today’s blog.

Obviously a very cutting edge question

Obviously a very cutting edge question

Well, not actually, considering I chose to go back in time to October 2010 when life was much simpler and I actually had friends, (the pre Trump era) and decided that my brain could not actually write anything until my mind was completely purged of that forum event.

OK....I feel much better now folks

OK….I feel much better now folks

So, (lucky readers) here’s a non-political post (I think) about how to impress your date should you venture out to your local hot spot this weekend and spot a hot babe, or stud, and wish to engage in some “maybe I can score with this person facts and show how smart I am.” Or not.

(DISCLAIMER) MisfitWisdom is not responsible for any rejections you might encounter for using any of these talking points in an attempt to score with anyone.

 

So I sez to the landlord, “Look, I’m utterly exhausted and my legs are killing me, so can I please have a first floor bedroom. Soooo, if ya wanna come over, no climbing involved honeeeee.”

If you’re ever at a loss for conversation, like when you’re meeting someone for the first time, and are trying to make a good impression, here’s some good starters that will surely help you make friends or score that hot babe.

Ants stretch and yawn upon waking before heading off to work. I assume this is due to the fact that many ants do not have alarm clocks, over sleep a lot, and need to stretch and yawn before heading out to my patio.

Obviously the worst kind.....

Obviously the worst kind…..

3,000 years ago, Egyptians died by the time they reached the age of 30.  Which is why insurance company’s like Allstate, Prudential, Hartford, and other company’s wouldn’t issue them life insurance policies.

A group of owls is called a parliament.  Wonder if a group of congressmen is called jackassess.

Donald Duck was banned in Finland due to the fact that he wore no pants. Damn pervert.

OMFG!!! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!!!!

OMFG!!! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!!!!

Ralph Lauren’s original name was Ralph Lifshitz.  I guess he changed his name due to the fact that he was worried about some of his products being called “shitz” if no one liked them.

U.S. President Ulysses Grant’s boyhood nickname was “Useless.” Of course later on in life when he attained stature no one dared to call him by his nickname…..with the exception of Mrs. Grant.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs. Therefore, if you ever have the occasion to invite a cow to stay over, make sure you have a downstairs bedroom otherwise if you give it an upstairs bedroom, you’ll never get it to leave. Utterly a problem.

Don't ya just hate when that happens....

Don’t ya just hate it when that happens….

Flying from London to New York by Concord jet and crossing various time zones, you can arrive two hours before you left.  So, when approaching customs with anything illegal, you can tell them that you haven’t technically left London, so, if you haven’t technically left, how can you be there, thusly, avoiding an embarrassing search if they actually buy your theory.

Due to gravitational effects, you weigh less when the moon is directly overhead.  This comes in handy if you’re a bit overweight and want to post your photo on Facebook. Take those pics when the moon is directly overhead. As you can see, by observing some of the photos people post on Facebook, many people are already onto this trick.

Unfortunately

Unfortunately Clem never got to post on Facebook

18th century English gambling dens employed a person who’s only job was to swallow the dice in the event of a raid. Which I assume is where the term “craps” came into being when it came time to get rid of the dice.  My thought, anyhow.

The electric chair was actually invented by a dentist. Honest!  Once again, I’m assuming the dentist got the idea from being bitten by too many patients and decided to get even.dentist-drill2

In Australia there is a worm that grows to be ten feet in length.  Which is one of the reasons Australian’s use giant cranes to cast off when fishing instead of a regular rod and reel.

Finally……..in Redondo Beach, California, police arrested a driver after a short chase. The guy had been whizzing along with half of a traffic light pole, including the lights across his hood.  He had hit the pole on a median strip and kept on driving.  He told officers, when asked about the pole, “It came with the car when I bought it.”

I think police checked with various auto dealers in the area, but none were offering traffic light poles that particular day if you purchased a car.

Another reason to always wear your

Exactly……another reason to always wear your helmet

However, in my case, while driving, if I EVER had an accident, THIS would be the cause…………….

Along with several other cars driven by guys behind me

Along with several other cars driven by guys behind me

There ya have it. Perfect conversation pieces for your next weekend trolling venture. Good luck!

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to Got A Hot Date Tonight? Impress Him or Her With Your Knowledge…..Or not.

  1. I like to impress people with my glitter tossing! lol

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