This post originally was written by yours truly back in 2010, when, obviously, I endured a complete month of women driving me nuts. Since then, nothings changed. Women still drive me, and most men, nuts.
So here’s that blog, and, as I said, nothings changed in 6 freakin’ years. Go figure.
Ok….I’ve just about had it with women driving us men nuts. Yeah, I know, men drive women crazy too….but there’s a reason for that……what it is, I don’t have a damn clue, but I can tell ya why women drive us crazy.
This all stems from a trip I made to my local drug store to purchase a copy of a newspaper. Simple task. Drive two miles, park the truck, walk into the store, grab the paper, walk over to the register, pay and get the hell out. My estimation of time involved in the store, 30 seconds tops.
So there’s one women standing at the register checking out. The readout on the register says, $9.46. Now a guy will simply hand the cashier a ten-dollar bill, get the change and out the door. But a woman.
AGHHHHHHHH!!!! First of all she has to dip into the God forsaken abyss of a pocketbook and dig out her wallet. Then search the entire contents of the wallet for the damn exact change which is lodged somewhere between the artifacts from the Museum of Natural History and Avon. Once locating the exact change, she has to count it out, just to make sure it’s correct, complete the transaction and get her receipt, which THEN, she has to file in a special place in her wallet, THEN put the wallet back into her pocketbook, THEN zip it up, gather her car keys, pick up her purchase, and finally….leave. AGHHHHHHH!
I mimicked falling asleep behind her as the cashier tried to hold back laughing. Then handed her my $1.00 for the paper and was out the door. 45 seconds total.
Yeah, all of you women are saying, well that’s just one instance.
Well how about when a guy gets into his car, turns the key, and zips out of a parking space! Ever see a woman do that. NOPE! It’s get in the car, adjust the rear view mirror, check her lipstick and hair, roll down the window, search for the car keys and perhaps re check the mirror once again. Can’t drive not looking your best ya know. AGHHHHHHH!
Want more. Ok. How many times do you see a man standing outside of a women’s restroom. Which to us, seems like hours. I can be in and out of a men’s room in 3 minutes flat. But women,…geez…..it’s like what the hell are they doing in there? And to top it off, they even get automatic toilet seat covers!
(I know this because in a moment of insanity I walked into a lady’s room by mistake, used a stall, and was amazed at that toilet seat automatic cover thingy. I thought men’s rooms had finally evolved into a nicer place. Um, until I exited, spotted a woman washing her hands, and left quickly as she was screaming) Obviously she had no sense of humor.
Finally, how about women talking on the telephone. Most of my conversations last between 5 and ten minutes tops.
“Hi, how ya doin. What’s up? Yeah. Ok. That’s great. See ya later.”
But women. Geez. I’ve timed my other half and her conversations last between 25 and 45 minutes….and I’m being kind here. I’ve determined that women cannot talk on the phone without recapping the events of the last 25 years or who was not in that days obituaries, but should have been, because they saw a recent picture of them and they looked terrible. Guys, on the other hand could give a rats ass what happened two minutes ago….unless it’s a sports or prostate problem thing.
Now that I’ve managed to infuriate every single women reading today’s blog, those of you who know me, forget about any sort of retaliation.
I’ve already disguised myself dressed as an old woman with a huge pocketbook full of small change and I’m heading out to the drugstore to once again buy my damn paper.
If there’s a woman standing in line behind me……..boy am I gonna piss her off.
“Hold on dearie while I search my pocketbook for that penny.”
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