While a lot of people DO celebrate the 4th as the day we declared our independence from England, (Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776) there ARE those that celebrate the 4th because it gives them a reason to buy as much fireworks as possible, and set them off in their backyards without anyone calling them idiots. Like if they were to set them off in December or something.Sooooo, if you’re one of those who managed to survive the 4th after setting off those fireworks……………………..Then here’s some other less dangerous activities you could celebrate during the month of July.
First, all month long we celebrate…….”National Anti-Boredom Month.” (yawn)
Also, the entire month is “Unlucky Month For Weddings Month.” To which most people who were married in other months and are divorced would say……..Which leads me to think these vows should be included in any wedding ceremony….these days anyhow.
And finally, all month long is “National Hot Dog Month” and we get a double whammy on this one as the 23rd is also “National Hot Dog Day.”
Ah screw it, lets just have “National Hot Dog Year” so all our hot dogs are covered 24/7/365. Makes sense to me.
Ok….enough with the month stuff. Now our other important days that you have your choice of celebrating. I’ve selected some choice options for you, and they are……………
“Canada Day” which is on July 5th. Yes, I know…..why TF would we wanna celebrate Canada Day if we live in the Yew Nited States?
Well, the answer is quite simple. Because.Oh….not good enough for ya pal. Ok….how about “because” ya always need a good laugh with a Canadian Geese cartoon using the Canadian word “Eh.” Um….WAIT! Soreeeeee, not gonna make fun of Canadians for saying Eh. Nope…….after all, Canadians DO speak our English language, so lets cut them some slack on “Canada Day.”
For some of our stranger inhabitants of this planet, July 6th is “World UFO Day.” I DO fall into that category considering I shop at Wal-Mart and have seen some pretty weird people in that store which defies explanation other than they’re from other planets.Last year I took it upon myself to celebrate “Build A Scarecrow Day” on July 3rd. I figured, what the hell, how much trouble could I get into building my own scarecrow.
Obviously we all know that the 4th is “Independence Day.” (this has absolutely nothing to do with not wearing your “Depends” on this day) Sometimes ya have to make these things absolutely clear.
Another one of my favorite days this month on the 7th is “Chocolate Day.” Like I need a special day to eat chocolate. Yeah right! EVERY day is chocolate day to me pal.
Everybody knows someone who’s a geek. Or, perhaps you’re a geek. Fear not geeks. July 9th you can go hog-wild and celebrate either a geeky friend you know, or, celebrate the fact that YOU’RE a geek. Knock yourself out.
“Pandemonium Day,” on the 10th, which is a weekly event in my household, um, strike that. I should have said which is a DAILY event in my household, cause I live with 3 cats and a woman who panics when she spots an ant walking across the kitchen counter or our sensor light goes on at 2am when a stray cat trips the light and wakes me up to tell me about it.
“HEY……when ya see a guy with a big axe in our driveway……THEN WAKE ME UP!!!!!
Another favorite, (bet every guy loves this one) July 14th, “National Nude Day.” However, there are some pitfalls considering that ANYONE can go nude and celebrate this day.
For those of you who have no social life whatsoever and are longing for a simple hug, well July 11th is “Cow Appreciation Day.” Because, as we all know, cows are just not appreciated enough. Take a drive on this day, find a cow out in a field, and give it a great big hug. It will be udderly appreciated.
July 12th is “National Lollipop Day.” And, as usual, gives me an opportunity to dig into my ancient oldies file and stick a song into you ear that you’ll carry around with you all day. Commonly referred to as an “ear worm.”
For all you ratfinks, July 22nd is “Ratcatcher’s Day.” Why we need a “Ratcatcher’s Day” is beyond me. But, if by chance you happen to be a ratcatcher, enjoy your one day of recognition. Just stay the f**k away from me.I mentioned that this month is “National Hot Dog Month” at the beginning of this blog and that July 23rd is National Hot Dog Day.” Just thought I’d remind you lest you run out of hot dogs. Just doing my part to help out the hot dog industry this month.
“National Cheesecake Day” is celebrated on July 30th. Now, that said, which I just did, if you were paying attention, you have some options here. You can be politically correct and follow the straight and narrow holier than thou route and scarf down a small piece of cheesecake, like this one……………..
OR………….you can have it both ways. Scarf down that delicious calorie filled slice of cheesecake and tell them politically correct idiots to take a flying hike while you give them a double shot of “heartattackitus” (my word) by not only eating that entire piece of cheesecake but by ogling over cheesecake as well…….like this one…..
Ok….that’s it folks. Enough celebrations to keep you busy the entire month. Pick your poison.
Me….I’m going, as usual, with “National Nude Day.” Yes, I know, I said ya never know what pitfalls you may encounter on this day, such as that photo earlier with a woman exposing her boobs with Beagles painted on them.
However, I kinda like Beagles, and, maybe…jusssssst maybe she’ll let me pet them.
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