Its come to my attention that too much is coming to my attention, foremost, who the f**k are all these people who keep appearing in “US Weekly” magazine.
Like I should give a flying rats ass what Justin Beaver, (Beiber) is doing to screw up his life today. REALLY! Or that I have no freakin’ clue who TF Lena Headley, Alica Vickander, Yolanda Foster, Michael Jace, Ginnifer Goodwin, Josh Dallas, Noah Galvin, Colton Haynes, Zayn Malik, and Ed Sheeran are, and, again, COULD GIVE A FLYING RATS ASS ABOUT!
AND…if YOU know who all these “so called” celebrities are who just about every week grace the pages of “US Magazine” you really need to get a damn life. Because you’re reading about their lives you idiot, which basically means, you don’t have one!
Again, do “I” give a flying f**k about ANY of these “so called” celebrities? NO!!!!
First, let me clarify something here that most of you adoring ga ga fan celebrity followers forget. If it wasn’t for you, or that guy that asked Bieber for his autograph where the hell would any celebrity be? NOT A FREAKIN’ CELEBRITY!!!!
Fans made those idiots celebrities and then they, the “stars” (cough) tell you to f**k off a**hole.”
Trust me on this one folks. I spent five years driving a limo for a casino and I can rattle off a list of celebrity jerkoffs who can’t be bothered with lowly peons like you and I. Cept when they’re raking in the big bucks from lemmings like you who pay those big bucks to see them in concert THEN could give a f**k about you after the show is over.
Yes, there are a FEW exceptions. Not very many, but a few. Comedian Don Rickles, Carrot Top, Jay Leno, baseball great Pete Rose, the late author Jackie Collins, local boxing celebrity Vinnie Paz, just to name a “few.” All down to earth, conversational, and just down right friendly.
So, all that ranting said, which I just ranted about, don’t waste your time reading about celebrities. How about reading about (gasp) REAL people. People like you and I. Maybe a magazine entitled, “Real People.”
For instance. I scoured the Internet* today and found these real people who I DID read about.
Much more interesting than what TF celebrities are eating, shopping for, dating, divorcing, having babies, and f**king.
The teen, Darby Risner, had put on the Barney head as a prank among friends on Sunday night.
She was trapped inside for 45 minutes after it accidentally slipped over her shoulders, AL.com reports.
“The head was closing in on me,” she told the news outlet. “It was like a stuck-in-a-small-place-and-can’t-get-out-panicking. I kind of gasped in fear like, ‘Oh no, what did I do?”
Well Darby….you could have started singing, “I love you, you love me.”
Then there was this item:
“FORT COLLINS, Colorado – There was more proof it’s rattlesnake season in Colorado after a rattlesnake bit a groom while taking wedding photos at Horsetooth Reservoir in Larimer County last weekend.
The groom wasn’t badly injured and was actually able to make it to his reception and honeymoon.”
Through wind rain sleet and snow trust the USPS to get your packages to you………just get the f**k outta the way if you’re out there on your sidewalk waiting for your package.
“A US Postal Service driver was caught on surveillance cameras tossing a package onto the sidewalk.
The footage was posted to YouTube by Brent Gregory, who said he was ‘surprised’ to find his Amazon package on the sidewalk, which prompted him to review his security cameras.
And to his surprise, the video showed the delivery man pulling in front of his home and throwing his package onto the ground.”
Hey! Ya want fast service don’t ya pal!
This next one has nothing to do with “Fox News.” Although there IS a fox involved.
“DENVILLE, New Jersey – A golfer who spotted a young fox on a New Jersey course started recording in time to catch the animal stealing his ball and running away.
A video posted to YouTube by CJ Kern shows the fox cub wandering around the green on a hole at the Peace Pipe Country Club in Denville.
The fox wanders around as Kern films, commenting that the fox appears interested in a golf ball, which is on the ground nearby.
The fox eventually approaches the ball, repeatedly getting up close to the object before cautiously retreating.”
And finally, Rocky, minus Bullwinkle strikes again.
“LONDON – A fearless squirrel with an apparent interest in photography climbed on a man’s body at a London park to get a closer look at his camera.
Photographer Dave Flynn posted a video to YouTube showing his encounter with the curious and apparently fearless squirrel at a local park.
The gray squirrel climbs Flynn’s leg for a closer look at his Nikon D500 camera.
The rodent jumps off of Flynn’s body, but climbs his leg again moments later for a second look at the photography equipment.”
So there ya have it. REAL PEOPLE who all of us can relate to. Not some asswipe celebrity who you and I will never meet or, as in that fan’s case with Bieber, EVER get an autograph.
Cripes, I have squirrels eyeing MY nuts everytime I mow my lawn.
And, speaking of squirrels, this little known fact……………
*news items courtesy of “Nutty News Today.”
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