Soooo, here we are all looking forward to how we can spend our days entertaining ourselves during the month of April. Providing, of course, that you haven’t used up all of your energy going around making a complete fool of yourself with those inane April fools one liners.
First of all, we have monthly celebrations which consist of, “National Humor Month,” which is great for me, being a humor writer, and not so good for you if you have absolutely no sense of humor. It that’s the case, DO NOT continue reading this blog you damn idiot.
Then there’s “National Poetry Month” to which I will defer to that all time favorite, “Roses are red, violets are blue, you’re reading this blog because your life sucks, and have nothing better to do.”
And, finally, “Stress Awareness Month.” To which I once again offer you this pill to help you relieve any stress that you may have.
April 2nd is “National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day.” If you wear dentures ya might wanna pass on this celebration if ya catch my drift.
Love to tell lies you bastard. Well, April 4th was made just for you. It’s “Tell A Lie Day.” Nobody likes a liar. Um….cept for the girls Pinocchio dates.
The 6th, if you tend to one of those doom and gloom people, is “Plan Your Epitaph Day.”
“Draw A Picture of A Bird Day” we celebrate on April 8th. Why? Who TF in their right mind knows.
“8-Track Tape Day” is on the 11th and I’m sure, if you’re 75 and older, you might be anticipating celebrating. By perhaps burning them or throwing them out. HEY! Go try and find a damn 8-track player to play them on you dumb ass.
My favorite all time April celebration on the 14th is “Ex Spouse Day.” Cripes, just being free is worth celebrating without having to commit murder. My thinking anyhow.
The 14th is “Look Up At The Sky Day.” It’s a bird!!!!! It’s a plane!!!! It’s……..aw f**k it’s a freakin’ bird…..damn!
April 15th is “Titanic Remembrance Day.”
Wanna appreciate bats. Um, no, not baseball bats ya dummy. Bat bats. The ones that freak out a lot of people. Excluding Dracula and Batman. “Bat Appreciation Day” is on April 17th.
“Blah, Blah, Blah Day”is in April 17. This makes complete sense if you own a cat or a dog.
Kindergarten Day” is on April 21st. Yes, we’ve all been there. I have very fond memories of kindergarten. Until……………..
And finally, on April 27th, “Babe Ruth Day.” You can celebrate by watching old clips of Babe Ruth hitting baseballs, or, simply buy a Baby Ruth candy bar and say screw it.
So, there ya have it. Some of the days you should be celebrating in April.
I personally still enjoy “Kindergarten Day.” With 3 cats and a huge (not kidding) litter box I get to play in the sand each and every day. Just to piss off the cats when they come down to use it. Love to see them cross their legs while waiting to go to the bathroom.
Revenge is sweet.
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