Who TF ARE These People? And I Should Give a Flying F**K Why?

Ok, first of all I freely admit I am a dinosaur. Soon to be extinct. Hopefully not too soon.

That said, which obviously I just did, I’m sitting around scanning through the latest issue of “US Magazine.” Not that I would actually buy that magazine, because I don’t have a freakin’ clue as to who half the people pictured in it are.

Possibly because most of the celebrities (cough) were born two or three months ago. Kidding of course, but it sure as hell seems that way to me.


Who ARE these f**king people!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, why TF some of these celebrities (cough again) are in that magazine beats the crap outta me. And, who actually gives a rats ass what the hell all of them are doing on any given day. Unless you personally don’t have a life to speak of and just wanna see what celebrities who also don’t have a life do.

Now for instance, do I care about the Kardashian clan? F**K NO. Do I care what half of them are doin’ with their kids? Again F**K NO. Do I care what the F**K some celebrities have in their purses? (a feature in “US Magazine.”) Gimmie a break.

So, the answer there is a resounding “F**K NO!!!!!!”

Now my thinking is that someone needs to realize that, as hard as this may be to believe, that besides celebrities there are actually real everyday people I’d rather be reading about rather than what the hell any celebrity is doing on any given day.

Yeah, like this "real person" who resembles Alfred E. Neuman

Yeah, like this “real person” who resembles Alfred E. Neuman

I mean, if that magazine is gonna highlight celebs with their babies, romping around on beaches, shopping, showing what’s in their purses, and what TF they’re wearing, HEY, how about a magazine that shows what the hell real people are doing for cripes sake. THAT I can relate to.

Like, say, my friend Tom singing karaoke at the local VFW.

Tome, on occasion does have to follow some really goods acts at the VFW

Tom, on occasion does have to follow some really goods acts at the VFW

Or my friend Bobby walking his dogs as they pee and poop.


Would have made a really great pic in “US Magazine.”

Or my cousin Ernie and his wife Phyllis sunning in Florida.

Um......maybeeeeee not

Um……maybeeeeee not

Or my other cousin Richie tooling around in his hot Mustang.


BUT….when I finally get behind the wheel….boy am I hot lookin’

Or my other half Leilani swiffering cat fur balls and dirt residue I track in from being outside.

Sometimes while swiffering ya have to go right to the source

Sometimes while swiffering ya have to go right to the source

Or, for that matter, me under my truck attempting to fix something, but, really catching a few Z’s rather than having to do yard work.

Then there are paparazzi pics that could also be in a magazine that highlight local people. You know, stuff like Lola LaFemme, the 70-year-old retired stripper that lives down the street but still  likes to get undressed with her shades up.


Makes sense to me

Or, my neighbor across the street Tom driving over during a snowstorm with his John Deere 5,000,000 horsepower snow blower to help me clear out my driveway as the medics attempt to administer me CPR for trying to shovel it out myself.

My neighbor Tom's snowblower

My neighbor Tom’s snowblower


My snowblower

My snowblower

See, stuff like that would interest all of us instead of reading about what the hell stupid celebrities are doing. Ya think THEY do this stuff?  When have ya even seen a photo of Brad Pitt or Heidi Klum scooping up dog or cat poop?

Ya see celebrities hob nobbing in Mexico, Jamaica and all kinds of exotic islands. BUT, do ya see any pics of my friend Sharon hangin’ over a fence in Springfield, Massachusetts where a new casino is being built salivating over the possibility of going there to play slot machines? Do ya punk? NO!


Sharon’s backup plan before she learned they were actually going to build a casino in Springfield, Massachusetts

And wearing clothes………..do “I” care WTF celebrities are wearing. Again, F**K NO! I have enough problems figuring out what the hell I’m gonna wear. And it sure as hell isn’t gonna be a pair of designer jeans with sequins while wearing a pair of $700 sneakers.

So, “US Magazine” to me is totally useless because I don’t give a big rats ass WTF any of those people are doin.’ EVER!

Unless one of them buys the farm (dies) and then I kinda scan their obit. Then again, I scan all the daily obits just to make sure I’m not in there.obit1

I might add, because I know you’re asking yourselves, “Hey bozo, why do ya buy that magazine then?” Well pal, I don’t buy it, never would, cause I get it for free because I’m a blogger and I guess they felt if they sent it to me for zip I’d give it some great reviews……like this one today. Heh, heh.

I also might add that upon receiving my latest issue of “Playboy Magazine,” which I DO subscribe to, but have canceled any further issues, I immediately filed it into my circular file. (garbage can)

Playboy is now an over glorified "Esquire" and "Maxim" magazine bordering on looking like "Highlights Magazine."

Playboy is now an over glorified “Esquire” and “Maxim” magazine bordering on looking like “Highlights Magazine.”

My thinking. 60 years of a great classic men’s magazine down the tubes because some a**hole brainiac decided to scrap half of the magazines contents to make it (cough and gag) better. How’s that workin’ out for ya Playboy?

So, in conclusion, until some bright blub publishes a magazine about REAL people, (slugs like us) they can go stick their celeb magazines up their kazoos. (no disrespect to anyone who owns or plays a kazoo)

Get those local paparazzi’s into Wal-Mart, Home Depot, Lowes, Best Buy, Target, Sears, BJ’s, buying coffee at Dunkin Donuts, at the casinos, grocery shopping, picking up dog and cat poop, cutting their lawns, emptying their purses at a 7 Eleven to find the correct stinkin’ change, (old ladies) and holding signs at red light saying, “How about a buck to help me out pal” signs.

NOW THAT kinda magazine I’d read.


Um, cept for that one time some paparazzi caught me buying a doll for…um…er…….neverrrrrr mind


Right now I’m relegated to reading “Catster Magazine” (formerly Cat Fancy Magazine) only because there are no celebrities in there and it doesn’t stress me out reading WTF stupid celebrities are doing in their lives.

Besides, when was the last time you read about a cat getting divorced, separated, having an affair, wearing a Versace outfit, or sunning itself on the Riviera.

I stand corrected

I stand corrected

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to Who TF ARE These People? And I Should Give a Flying F**K Why?

  1. Steve says:

    Playboy got rid of the nude pictorials in hopes of reaching a broader audience since the internet put magazine porn out of business over a decade ago.

    • misfit120 says:

      True, but you don’t put a stake into the heart and soul of what made Playboy iconic in the first place. It presented nudity with class, not “porno” as many Internet sites offer. And besides killing off their “in good taste” nudity, they dropped many other staples which made them different. Compare the old Playboy to the new one and make a list of what they dropped excluding the nudity and you’ll see a major difference. It now is a Maxim or Esquire clone.

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