I always start to go into a state of panic, as a humor writer, when someone I rely on to say something stupid disappears from the national scene.
After all, if I’m writing current events humor, I obviously have to have stupid current events humor to write about. Duh!
Yes, I’m well aware of the Trump, Cruz, Rubio, circus, but, just how much can ya write about those guys.
Um…excuse me…..actually you can write a lot about those guys. BUT…..Palin is the creme de la minte of stupid.
For instance, and ya can’t make this stuff up. Remember when she was asked about Paul Revere’s ride.
Palin, June 2: [Revere] warned the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms, by ringing those bells and making sure as he was riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free.
Now I personally know that if “I” were Paul Revere riding a horse through town it would be, for me, somewhat difficult to ring a bell, ride my horse, and send warning shots at the same time. Only because I don’t ride a horse very often (never) and if I did attempt to do all those things I’d be falling off that damn horse. Or shooting myself in the foot. Or some stray innocent farm animal.
But…….did ya catch her line about, “warned the British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms.”
WTF! Revere warned the British. Where TF did she come up with THAT!
Anyhow, that’s my point. We humorists rely on this stuff to obviously write humor. So where the hell is Palin?
Yeah, the other candidates are fodder for humor as well. Marco Rubio complaining about Donald Trumps small hands. And, as we all know, if ya have small hands ya can’t be President of the Yew United States. Something to do with being able to sign all those laws with a big pen. My guess anyhow.
And Ted (Al Lewis (Munsters) look-alike Cruz. He speaks to God all the time. How the hell, (sorry God) does he do that? I speak to God on occasion but I never get any answers. WHAT! Do ya have to subscribe to a God app or something? Is God only available on these new devices on the market?
And The Donald. OMFG! What can I say about him?
Hmmmm. Maybe an editorial cartoon might just say it all.
Lest we forget possibly the only sane candidate in the GOP race. John Kasich. He never really makes any stupid comments. In fact I don’t even recall what his campaign slogan is.
Hmmm. What IS his slogan?
But Palin by far is my favorite subject. I especially loved her last comment to the media when she claimed, and I quote here, lest I be accused of making this stuff up, which ya can’t, when she alluded to Obama being responsible for her son Track’s PTSD episode when he was arrested for punching his girlfriend in the eye, kicking her in the knee and holding an AR-15 assault rifle:
“That comes from our own President,” Palin said. “Where they have to look at him and wonder, ‘Do you know what we go through? Do you know what we’re trying to do to secure America?'”
Damn that f**king Obama. The worst President EVER!!!
Oh wait…..soreeeeeee, I think that was Nixon.
But, there was one bright spot this week. The resurrection of Flot Monry, um,…Flit Scromery, no…damn…what WAS his name……(thinking)….oh yeah, (had to look it up) Mitt Romney. Yes…The Mittso. Remember him!!!!!
Romney, if you were sleeping under a rock this week, or stoned, or both, was called in to diss Donald Trump. I think he said something like, “Whaddya f**king nuts you damn numskull reality show voters. Ya want an orange haired flake phony as President when ya rejected a clean-cut honest to goodness red-blooded American candidate with a dog on his roof true blue Republican!”
Or something like that. I think.
Anyhow, it could be Palin is simply sitting back up there in Alaska and writing this stuff for all of the other candidates. Which, when ya think about it could be safer than having to say things yourself and look stupid yet get paid for it.
Sarah….where are Ya? I miss that moose that showed up every time you opened your mouth.
Sooooo, here we are with yet another seven or so months left in this excruciating campaign. Sooooooooo little time………………soooooooo many stupid one liner barbs left to write about. One can only hope Sarah emerges soon.
Keep the faith boys and girls…..she’s never let us down yet.
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