Here we are once again honoring the many events during the month of March. Foreskin….um….soreeeeee, I meant, “foremost” St. Patrick’s Day and the Irish.
Yep, we celebrate, (we, meaning EVERYBODY!!!!!) St. Patrick’s Day on March 17th. In honor, of course, (duh) St. Patrick.
So, to all my Irish followers, Happy St. Patrick’s Day……..try not to overdo it on the suds…..you KNOW what happens……………And, of course, the standard Irish one liner before we get into the rest of the days you should be celebrating this month.Ok……March 1st is “National Pig Day.” The four-legged ones you idiot.
Sometimes ya just have to make these things perfectly clear. I was going to say take a pig to lunch, but that would negate that last “four-legged” clarification above, so we’ll scrap that suggestion and say, enjoy a BLT or a ham sandwich.
Also on the 1st is “Peanut Butter Lovers Day.”
March 3rd is “I Want You To Be Happy Day.” I SAID I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY FOR CRIPES SAKE!!!! PAY ATTENTION HERE!!
And what does it take to be happy today, or, the rest of your life? To that, I defer to Jimmy Soul and words of wisdom.
The 3rd is also, “If Pets Had Thumbs Day.” Obviously they’d be hitchhiking rather than attempting to cross roads and becoming sailcats, or dogs, or skunks, or squirrels. Make sense to me. What doesn’t make sense to me is Who TF thought up THIS day.
March 5th is “Multiple Personality Day” I can relate to this one myself. I’ve had all sorts of multiple personalities when I was famous as a disc jockey and those hot multiple personality babes from rock groups and I would head up to my motel room and…um..er……WAIT!
Um…scrap that, I meant today is the day it’s ok to have more than one personality.
Um, no, that’s not right either. Damn! WTF is Multiple Personality Day anyhow?
The 8th is, “Be Nasty Day.” Figures, it’s the same month as the Super Tuesday primaries. Now who should we get to be nasty on this special day? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Followed on March 9th by, “Panic Day.” Which I’m assuming if The Donald sweeped a lot of those states on Super Tuesday many mainstream Republicans will be doing.
The 11th is “Worship Tools Day.” Ladies, this day is for men only. Service will be held at all Lowes and Home Depot stores with the Reverend Tim Allen.
And of course you’d have to be living under a rock not to know that March 15th is “Ides of March Day.” Yes, the day Julius Caesar wished he had called in sick instead of going to work.
March 20th is “Extraterrestrial Abductions Day.” I’m assuming extraterrestrials know that this is the one day they can legally abduct anyone and not be arrested or have their butts hauled away to Area 51.
And finally, on the March 27 we celebrate Easter. Well, some of us. Mainly bunnies and chocolate egg manufacturers. (notice how I slyly avoided the religious connection)
Yes…..Easter is the time once again to give homage to those poor neglected chickens who do all the work laying eggs and painting them only to have that stinkin’ Easter Bunny get all the credit.
Welllll, not in THIS blog pal.
No sireeeeee……..here’s further proof it’s the Easter Chicken that should be getting all the credit…
Let’s hear it for the Easter Chicken………………….
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