As if we don’t have enough to worry about what with ISIS, Syria, North Korea’s Kim Jun Ding Dong, Donald Trump and Ted Cruz, now we gotta keep a close eye on those off the wall Girl Scouts.
OMFG!!! When will it stop!
Here’s the latest warning courtesy of “The Daily Kos.”
“St. Louis Archbishop Robert Carlson is taking on a serious issue facing St. Louis-area families. Poverty? Nah. Education? Nope. Criminal justice reform? No way. Leave that stuff to Pope Francis. Archbishop Carlson has real problems to deal with in St. Louis. The Girl Scouts of the U.S.A. Yep. You read that right. Archbishop Carlson is urging families to keep their daughters away from the 100-year-old organization founded to “builds girls of courage, confidence, and character, who make the world a better place.”
Here’s excerpts from Archbishop Carlson’s letter to area priests and parishioners:
“Girl Scouts is exhibiting a troubling pattern of behavior and it is clear to me that as they move in the ways of the world it is becoming increasingly incompatible with our Catholic values. We must stop and ask ourselves – is Girl Scouts concerned with the total well-being of our young women? Does it do a good job forming the spiritual, emotional and personal well-being of Catholic Girls?”
Holy Crap….(no offense to God when he goes to the potty) but WTF did those pesky Girl Scouts do NOW?
Well folks, (put down that Girl Scout cookie and milk for a sec before your choke on this) according the Archbishop, Girl Scouts of America, at least in St. Louis, and not Joe Louis, or for that matter, Louis Black, are teaching little Girl Scouts about…(gasp) SEX!!!!
You know, how to prevent yourself, if you’re a Girl Scout, from getting pregnant by using contraceptives, or a thin mint, (might work) and other stuff related to sex education which may benefit girls as they get older.
Like maybe spending a lot more time knocking on doors selling Girl Scout cookies rather than watching “Two Broke Girls” or “Mom” on TV and getting ideas. You KNOW how many Girl Scouts watching those shows would get corrupted.
BUT…nooooooo. That’s NOT what Archbishop Carlson is concerned about. It’s the possibility that little Girl Scouts may actually learn something about, once again, (gasp) sex. Which we all know will warp your mind, gnarl your fingers, and make ya go blind.
Um….wait…I got that wrong. Soreeee. That’s for boys only if they masturbate. At least that’s what I was taught by Father Antonio Abstinence as a little Catholic boy when I attended catechism. (so far I’m only wearing glasses)
Archbishop Carlson cited the Girl Scouts advocacy for sex education which includes, reproductive rights, contraceptives, (safeties or condoms for those of you who think a contraceptive is a laxative) and abortion rights.
As he so aptly explained in this partial excerpt:
“I take all of these concerns very seriously. Therefore I am asking each pastor that allows Girl Scouts to meet on parish property to conduct a meeting with troop leadership to review these concerns and discuss implementing alternative options for the formation of our girls. Our primary obligation is to help our girls grow as women of God.”
Some reactions from the parents who have daughters attending those Girl Scout meetings seem to support the Girl Scouts, with one parent, Julie Mudd saying, “You’ll have to pry those Thin Mints from my cold dead chocolate covered hands!”
Um…no….sorreeeeee….got it wrong again. I really need to get new glasses, or, Father Abstinence WAS right and I am going blind.
What Mrs. Mudd said was, ” I think they are too focused on other people the Girl Scouts may have some associations with rather than what our local girl scout chapters are actually doing. I think it all comes down to the fact they are threatened by anything that puts females in a leadership position.”
Kinda like Republicans freaking out over the possibility that Hillary Clinton may win the Democratic nomination for President. Which, she probably would never have thought about going after had she not been a Girl Scout and they obviously corrupted her mind after she attended many of those Girl Scout meetings stuffing her mouth with all kinds of cookies and milk and telling her that regardless of the fact that she was a girl, she could still, some day, run for President.
Seeeeee. The Archbishop was right. Those Girl Scout leaders DO corrupt little girls minds.
Just to show all of you that I’m not the only one with a demented mind, Jen Hayden the reporter who wrote the original story inserted this into her article:
“In a helpful post on their website, the Archdiocese clarified their position and offered helpful guidance for parents on hard-hitting questions like “can I still buy the cookies?” Sure, but just remember, you’ll probably go to hell for those peanut butter sandwiches. Tagalongs? Only if you are tagging along with the devil.”
Along with this one that I absolutely loved:
“The Girl Scout cookie discussion also warns that these conversations should be among parents and parents alone. Do NOT tell those un-pure future sluts why you won’t be buying any Thin Mints this year. Save the discussion for their mother and father.”
Me thinkith Jen might have attended catechism class with Father Antonio Abstinence as I did. And….might also be wearing glasses.
In any event, I guess ultimately it would be up to the parents of the St Louis diocese who have girls that belong to the Girl Scouts to decide if they should take action based on the recommendation of the Archbishop.
Like perhaps checking out if the Archbishop secretly owns stock in Nabisco or Keebler and this is a sinister plot to boost their sales.
HEY! Ya can’t trust anybody these days ya know. Especially people wearing glasses and eating Girl Scout cookies while buying condoms or Viagra at a CVS.
Oh yeah…….tip…..if you are one of those people buying condoms or Viagra, always wear a disguise………………….
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