It’s not often that I get completely overwhelmed by reading the Sunday paper. Usually because the only part of the Sunday paper worth reading are the comics.
I base this on the fact that during an election year I find myself getting stressed out reading the stupid things politicians say and the amount of coverage the media gives to them.
So, that said, which I just did, I simply pull out the comics and let my other half get uptight by reading everything else.
However, because I had somewhat of a stressful morning due to the fact that all of our terrorist cats decided that our choice of sleeping in should not be an option and began meowing at 6am, AND, when I attempt to write on this ancient computer another one also meows while sitting on my lap kneading her claws into my jeans, I decided to actually read the paper in the hope that she would, (the cat and not my other half) fall asleep, and THEN I could begin this blog.
I found myself ignoring the political news, lest I commit Hari Kari, but went on to other stuff in the paper that I felt would have somewhat of a calming effect on me.
However, now I’m more stressed than ever after reading:
MetLife is dumping Snoopy the dog.
OMFG! What the hell is next? Geico dumping the gecko? Borden’s dropping Elsie the cow? The Aflac duck! Worse, Kellogg’s giving the deep six to Tony the Tiger!!!!!
Apparently MetLife is planning to sell, spin-off or divest to investors in a public offering. In layman’s terms, for those of us who only understand simple speak, they wanna get into other things besides insurance and perhaps the dog, (Snoopy) might be too closely identified with insurance, so, give him, (Snoopy) the hook.
No decision has been made, yet, as to whether to send Snoopy off to the pound. But, hearing this news did not get my day off to a good start. Besides that meowing.
So I went on to read other parts of the paper, like the earth shattering news story that marijuana shops in San Francisco are gearing up for the Super Bowl. Actually the headline in my paper read: “Weed Shops Prep for The Super Bowl.”
Oh joy. The big news story today is weed merchants gearing up for huge sales at the Super Bowl.
I got as far as the first paragraph which read: “Daren Grant, 31, a waiter, considered what to do with his weed during today’s football championship.” (my guess would be to smoke it) “Maybe every time a team scored, he said, he could take a bong hit.”
Considering he purchased two grams of “Carolina Cam Crash” and “Bronco Mile High” weed.
I didn’t read anymore of that article cause I knew where it was going. Straight down the ol tube. Like I could give a rats ass about Daren getting pot at the Super Bowl today. REALLY!
I’ll wait till tomorrow’s paper and read about Daren being found stoned outta his gourd in the stands the next morning being eaten alive by squirrels searching for food. Remember….he said…..he could take a bong hit every time a team scored. How stoned do ya think HE’S gonna be folks.
Moving on to other things I find hard to comprehend today.
The earth shattering news that the coffee pod trend is coming to an end. To which I said to myself, “No s**t Dick Tracy. (Dick Tracy being a famous detective who didn’t need a clue to figure anything out….including this story)
It seems the coffee pod fad is fading drop by drop. Mainly due to the fact that the original coffee pod makers, Keurig, basically f**ked themselves. Or, to put it another way, they got greedy.
When the patent for their coffee pod thingy expired, it allowed copycats (meow) to get in on the business, so Keurig came up with an idea to stick it to those copycats and introduced a pricey new machine that only worked with THEIR coffee pods.
In doing so, with this brilliant idea, the move screwed them royally because sales dropped by 22 percent. Not to mention all the angry letters to the company as well as really pissed off people who left all kinds of nasty reviews on Amazon. Kinda like the same kinds of letters I write to Krispy Kreme for being assh*les for giving me a hard time about one freakin’ donut I want.
Anyhow, I found it hard to comprehend this story as well. Like why TF would “I” want a coffee pod machine anyhow. Yes, I know it’s convenient and ya don’t waste coffee by making a pot if ya want just one cup.
But this is the part I don’t comprehend. I presently make a “pot” of coffee every morning. I put the SAME amount of coffee into the coffee filter as I do EVERY morning and, depending on how many cups I want, the same amount of water.
So, like, um, what am I wasting by not using the pod? Water? AND….considering I can get two or three cups outta MY drip maker, at NO “additional cost,” as in, “WHAT…I want a second cup of coffee and you’re gonna charge me WHAT for another Keurig pod!!!!!” Me thinkith I have a better deal.
Comprehending yet another story, (I’m pretty stressed right now) the article about some guy who gives us a first had view of what it’s like to be in the driver’s seat of a Telsa on autopilot.
Yes, I’m from the old school. There ain’t no way Jose, (no offense to anyone named Jose, unless you’re sleeping while your car is driving you) I’m not EVER letting ANY car drive my butt. I wanna be in control at all times.
Now I completely understand the concept of hands free driving, BUT, if some idiot is comin’ at me 75m mph will my smart car have enough brains to also freak out, as I would be doing, and get outta the way in time?
Soreeeee, not willing to take that chance.
Finally, the one story that further strengthens my theory that there are a lot of stupid people roaming the face of the Earth and should be put down, or severely tranquilized immediately for the sake of all mankind.
Like the person who felt he actually needed to write to Marilyn vos Savant, (Ask Marilyn) in “Parade Magazine” and ask the burning question, “Why are manhole covers round versus any other geometrical shape?”
Like only yesterday I said that very same thing to my other half.
NOW do ya understand why I found articles in my paper this morning hard to comprehend.
Along with trying to comprehend why TF I waste my time even reading the newspaper for that matter.
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