Soooo, we all survived the IOWA clusterf**k, thanks to the mainstream media and their 24/7/365 coverage of who gives a rats ass about what happens in Iowa, and now we can center our attention on the really big news.
Punxsutawney Phillip, (commonly known for short as Phil) did not see his shadow today, which basically means, if you tend to believe what a damn rodent sez, that we will not have a long Winter and we can all give a sigh of relief.
Put the snow shovels away, the snow blowers, rock salt, snow tires, boots, gloves, electric blankets and fur line jock straps, (I tend to go full hog in the Winter) and wait for the first sign of Spring to emerge.
In my case it’s squirrels no longer knocking on my front door demanding bread crumbs and some of my Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes. A sure sign that Spring is upon us.
That and the fact that some of those acorns that fell from my tree are sprouting up on my front lawn.
Now I’m assuming that this groundhog knows his stuff. Otherwise why would officials in Pennsylvania spend time out in the cold with an animal that could care less about the weather and the publicity.
Frankly, I suspect the only reason those officials bother to make such a big deal outta this groundhog’s appearance is the same reason Iowa wants to be the first primary in the 2016 elections…or as they laughingly refer to it as, a caucus. The publicity.
Otherwise, outside of the other 49 states, who the hell cares what happens in Iowa or Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. Yes folks, their 15 minutes of fame.
Oh, one more thing, while I’m at it, shouldn’t “Punxsutawney” be spelled, “Puxatawney?” Shows you WTF THOSE people out there know about spelling.
Now I’m not 100% sure I’m gonna go with what that furry creature predicted when it comes to an early spring. Like seeing his shadow means squat. Nope, I’m still gonna go with my squirrel theory.
AND….I see Phil eventually losing all of his credibility and………
Might even have my own annual prediction based on MY squirrel. (considering I named my squirrel “Rusty”) “Connectawney Rusty.”
Here’s how it works. And this is based on my own scientific study over a period of the past four years.
When the acorn crop is really great, like this year when I traipsed out to my rural mailbox and kept getting smacked in the head with an acorn as they dropped from the big tree in my front yard, THEN I knew we were gonna have an early Spring.
Why you ask? Well I’ll tell ya.
Gazillions if not trigazillions, (my word) of acorns littered my yard. So much so that it sounded like I was walking on cracked egg shells every time I went into the yard. What the hell is with THAT!!!!
Soooooo, what does this mean? Again, I’ll tell ya.
It means pal, that Rusty and Mrs. Rusty squirrel were not collecting acorns, which means that they knew they didn’t have to collect acorns because not only were acorns in abundance but it was gonna be a short Winter, so they said, “f**k it,” why waste our time collecting acorns, stuffing them in our tree condo and have no room left to sit back and relax, when all we have to do is go out to eat. Plenty of acorns on the ground to simply dine out. How simple is THAT!
So, to me that is an indication that Spring is just around the corner. So screw you Punxsutawney Phil and your, “Oh look, I saw my shadow” scam.
My squirrel theory is scientific and based on fact folks. Six trillion squirrels can’t be wrong. In deference to one stupid ground-hog who comes out on one day and sees his stinkin’ shadow. Yeah right.
So, in conclusion, if ya wanna know if we’re going to have a long Winter or an early Spring, go with my squirrel theory. Works for me.
And if ya don’t believe me or Rusty……………..
NUTS to you…..or acorns.
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DILLIGARA, (or DILLIGAGHA Header: (the “GA” stands for groundhog) Chickart@cox.net