YES…….”The Iowa Ejaculation”
Iowa FINALLY has a climax. AND……to make this a long and lasting experience, CNN will spend the entire day, morning, noon, night and beyond covering this “50 Shades of Iowa” event. Oh Joy.
And….to set the tone for all this “ejaculation” climaxing….Mr. Clarence Carter…..
For the past few months, (seems like it’s been a decade) we’ve been subjected to constant news coverage about WTF is gonna happen in Iowa if and when Iowa ever decides to have their caucus, and if Iowa ever makes up their minds about who will be their choice for a presidential candidate if Iowa can stop changing its mind every other week.
Now we all know that as Iowa votes, so does the rest of the Untied States. Which is why CNN figures they’d better cover the Iowa caucus for 24 hours.
AND…at some point within that 24 hour news coverage, SHAZAM! CNN will roll out all the analysts and proclaim to us, from atop some mount I assume, who the winners are on both sides of the political aisle.
Once they have analyzed the results, and proclaim that all of the other candidates are dog meat and should drop outta the race and avoid running in future primaries, CNN will then head to New Hampshire and shove that coverage down our throats as well.
And, IOWA, once the media has finished covering their “ejaculation” they will then pull up stakes, or in Iowa’s case, corn, and head elsewhere leaving poor Iowa jilted and screaming, “You jilted and used me you bastards. Sure, ya had your way with me for all these months, and now, now, now that you had your way with me….it’s off to another lover, New Hampshire.”
So folks, it was nice while it lasted. All that loving going on day after day, night after night. Wolf Blitzer, Jake Tapper, and who the f**k ever shoving Iowa down our pants……..and throats. (does sound kinda x-rated when ya think about it doesn’t it)
Soooo Iowa…….after tomorrow, (sniff) back to oblivion.
Because after tomorrow’s caucus, it’s back to being Iowa again.
Yep……abstinence for four long years until your next ejaculation………
or the presses.
Now, try this……The song below is called “Imagination” by the Quotations. Sing along with the song, but, instead of saying the word “imagination” in the song substitute the word “ejaculation.” See how nicely it fits the occasion.
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