What I Learnt in Skool…………..

DICK you idiot!

DICK you idiot!

As is the case every night, I plop my butt onto my sofa, cover myself up with an electric blanket, and a cat, (I am forbidden to touch the thermostat and move it above 65 degrees) and then proceed to watch mindless TV at the wonderful bargain of only (cough) $116 dollars a month.

I say “mindless” when it comes to TV because I can count on one hand the number of shows that are of interest to me.

What has this got to do with what I learnt in skool?

Nothing really, other than I half listened to a commercial on the tube about taking a college course via your computer. Which triggered my mind about, yes, what I learnt in skool.

My learnting in skool class photo

My learnting in skool class photo

Which, other than typing skills and how to make a really good spit ball, amounts to nothing.

The reason for that is simple. They were not teaching me anything I really wanted to learnt…um….learn.

For instance. Algebra. WTF did I need to know algebra for anyhow? It’s not like I was gonna be a rocket scientist. I wanted to be a disc jockey for cripes sake. Do ya think I needed algebra for that! REALLY!!!!

mmm

Why I got a “D” in Math class

Science was another one. I actually pissed off Mr. Goldenferstick, my science teacher when I refused to dissect a frog. I recall that incident vividly.

“Class, each of you have a dead frog. You will remove such frog from your mayonnaise jar, place said frog on your desk, and proceed to open said frog up by slicing him, or her, down the middle and………….”

“Um, Mr. Goldenferndin….”

“That’s Goldenferstick Misfit.”

“Oh yeah, sorry…um…….whatever…um….I don’t wanna cut this frog open. I have a very weak stomach and besides that, I don’t care why this frog died nor do I wanna catch any warts from dissecting it.”

“Stop this foolishness NOW Misfit. You can’t catch warts from a frog, alive or dead, and either you dissect that frog or you’re going to detention after school!”

Sooooo, as a last resort, considering I was NOT gonna dissect that frog, I took it outta the jar and flung it across the room in an act of defiance.

Yep…….detention.frog2

Now I did like history, but not the parts that got into who signed what and what this and that meant. I wanted to learn about the gritty stuff. Like why little George Washington was such a freakin’ wimp. “I cannot tell a lie father, I cut down the cherry tree.”

Yeah right. Like I believe he actually said THAT! More like he got caught and his father said, “Ok ya little bastard, did ya cut down my cherry tree? Fess up or I’m gonna whip your little ass!”

I’m assuming they cleaned that up a bit AFTER Georgie became famous.

Woodworking was another one I had no use for. Why? It took me one entire school year to make a freakin lamp outta wood. Again, WTF did I need to know how to do that for. We had lots of lamps at home, they were readily available in any store, and, do ya think in my life I was EVER gonna build a damn lamp!

Oh joy....yet another reason I hated woodworking class

Oh joy….yet another reason I hated woodworking class

I absolutely hated gym. I was way too short to play basketball. I couldn’t swim so I cut swimming class. And I obviously was NOT a jock. Besides, even if I was into sports, I was so short I could never find a jockstrap that fit anyhow.

Yep.....detention again....

Yep…..detention again….

English class was another downer. All those freakin’ nouns, verbs, adjectives, colons, semi damn colons, and how to use them sucked. BORING!!!

I kinda figured I already knew how to write from grade school years and if I never perfected my writing or spelling skills eventually some smart ass brainiac would invent “spell check” anyhow. I was right wasn’t I.

"Um.......s-p-e-l c-h-e-k"

“Um…….s-p-e-l c-h-e-k”

See, the problem as I see it is that, as I mentioned earlier, I was dead set on being a disc jockey. Back in the days when ya had to have a great voice and some talent. Unlike the so-called disc jockeys of today. So I had no interest in learnting…um…..learning anything else other than how to become a disc jockey.

Which I did become. By going to skool and learnting algebra, science, history, gym, social studies? F**k no.

By hangin’ around radio stations after school, on weekends, and imitating those disc jockeys I watched by playing records in my basement. No teacher involved. Oh….and no detention either.

I figured even if I didn't make it as a d.j. there were other job options from what I learned watching those d,j's

I figured even if I didn’t make it as a d.j. there were other job options from what I learned watching those dj’s

So, I achieved my goal, became a disc jockey, never using algebra to figure out the revolutions on a 45 rpm record. Didn’t give a rats ass if the guy singing “They’re Coming To Take Me Away Ha Ha’ by Napoleon IV was actually a relative of Napoleon, or was short. Never made another lamp in my entire life. Or played ANY sports….thereby negating EVER having to go into a Dicks Sporting Goods store and trying to find a jockstrap that fit.

Look Ma! I flunked skool but made it!!!!!!

Look Ma! I flunked skool but made it!!!!!!

AND………AND……..I can look at a frog today and feel no guilt or remorse.

Unlike my other half who actually HAD to dissect a frog in science class and breaks out into uncontrollable fits of sadness and depression while crying whenever she watches the Muppets and sees Kermit the frog.kermit1

All in all, I think I did pretty good at learnting nothin’ in skool.

Ya think?

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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