Twas The Night Before Christmas……….MisfitWisdom Style

I may be screwed this year.....

I may be screwed this year…..

Ummmmm……maybeeeeee not……..

I have incriminating photos that might save my butt...heh, heh...

I have incriminating photos that might save my butt…heh, heh…

Ok….enough frivolity, on with the “Twas” stuff………………..for 2015…….

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, just that stinkin’ mouse.

Correction.....some things WERE striirng

Correction…..some things WERE stirring

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

So I wore my wifes nylons, hell, she didn’t care.

The cats were all nestled all snug in their cat beds,

While visions of cat snacks danced in their heads.cats xmas tree

And my companion in her moo moo, and I in my thermal shorts,

Had just cracked open a bottle for a few well deserved snorts.xmas8

When out in the driveway, there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my chair to see what the heck was the matter.xmas201599

Away from the window I flew like a flash,

Rolled up the blinds and tripped over a cat.

The moon on my truck reflected a new fallen snow,

More shoveling I thought, boy this sure blows.xmas2015666666

When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

OMG!!!

Correction......7

Correction……7 tiny reindeer

With some old guy driving, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment, or after a few minutes, it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than a Dodge Ram Hemi, his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted and called them a few names.xmas 2015 6

“Now Flasher! now, Pole Dancer! now, Pouncer and, (heh heh) Vixen!

On Vomit! (oops, too much whiskey) On, Stupid! on, Donner (Trump) and Wolf Blitzen!

To the top of the porch!  To the top of the wall!

Now dash away!  Dash away! And don’t freakin’ fall!”xmas blog 2015

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

(who talks like that anyhow?)

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With a sleigh full of toys, and that old guy too.

mm

The year elfs gave Santa a hearing aid

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my bald head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney he came, hit the floor, and bounced all around.

He was dressed in all denim, from his head to his socks,

And his clothes were all filthy, from landing in the cat box.xmas201533333

A bundle of toys he held closed with one thumb,

He looked like a burglar, geez, should I call nine one one?xmas20157

His eyes how they squinted, his dimples, how tacky,

His cheeks were like crimson, his nose kinda wacky.

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as yellow from a stray dog peeing in the snow.xmas20145

The stump of a pipe, (smoking weed type) he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled, my cat like a wreath.xmas201511

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook when he laughed, from what I could see.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, overweight like myself.xmas2014z

A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know, there’d be coal in my stocking, for forgetting to make the bed.

What Naughty Kids Get For Christmas.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings, then called me a jerk.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

He knew I was Italian by the size of “MY” nose.Mobster tries to recruit Santa as a hitman.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew, all of them high, on some really good thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to all,  except Misfit, and a merry goodnight.”xmas201522

Unless of course you’re one of those politically correct individuals…..then……..xmas20151Soooooo, Merry Christmas everyone from MisfitWisdom…….soreeeee, gotta go….time to do my favorite thing on Christmas Eve…….xmas201521212

(my apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

Now where the hell is that stinkin’ mouse?

Copyright MisfitWisdom RLV – Christmas Eve 2010/2011/ 2012/2013/2014/2015

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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4 Responses to Twas The Night Before Christmas……….MisfitWisdom Style

  1. Tom says:

    Very good, made me smile.

  2. katydidknot says:

    This was pretty great. I can’t believe you found all of those great Chritmas comics!

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