Schlong? Ohhhhhh. SCHLONG!!! I Thought Trump said Sarong.

First of all, a “sarong” is this………………

mmmm

Um….ok….maybe a better example……………….

Actress Dorothy Lamour wearing an actual sarong

Actress Dorothy Lamour wearing an actual sarong

Ok, now that I’ve cleared that up….onward………………..

I really didn’t want to write this blog. Honest. After all, it’s just about Christmas and I wanted to just lay back and enjoy the holiday and really not get into anything controversial.

BUT…….when you use the word “schlong” in a news conference (the Yiddish word for (gasp) penis) well, I just lost it folks. How can any comedy writer pass up that. No way Jose.

Sorry Jose.

Just like I can never pass up an opportunity to insert a schlong (penis) cartoon in my blog.

Yes, schlongs are people too. (tom quote that famous philosopher Mitt Romney)

Yes, schlongs are people too. (to quote that famous philosopher Mitt Romney)

Um….soreeeee if that cartoon offended ya………………..

Damn dog......

In case ya missed the great “schlong” controversy, it went this way. During a news conference Donald Trump made reference to Hillary Clinton’s late return from a break during Saturday night’s Democratic debate.

He wondered where she went. His comments: “Where did Hillary go?” Trump said. “They had to start the debate without her. … I know where she went. It’s disgusting. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Sooooo where did she go? And what was so disgusting about it?

Believe it or not (quoting “Ripley’s Believe It or Not”) she went, and you’re not gonna believe this, she went (gasp again) to the BATHROOM!!!!!

YES! She went to the bathroom. OMFG! Can ya believe that! To the bathroom. And, because the lady’s room was much further from the men’s room, it took her a few minutes longer to get back by the time the commercial break had ended.

'Hurry up, I gotta go to the bathroom!'

BUT…..that’s not the big story. Besides Trump using the schlong word, which I’ll get to in a sec. The big news is that (gasp again) Hillary pees. YES! A presidential candidate actually pees.

Next thing they’re gonna tell us is that all candidates pee. Or worse, poop! OMFG!!!!

I personally can’t accept the fact that political candidates running for the highest office in the country pee and poop. I base this on the fact that, as we all know, candidates have no freakin’ clue how us middle and lower class live, so, with that in mind, they probably have other people pee and poop for them. Makes sense to me.

Yeah Mitt Romney. Corporations are people too but I bet THEY don’t pee and poop either. Bastards.

I DID have some sort of clue that women actually DO have to pee however. Although, again, I wasn’t sure women in politics, women celebrities, or powerful women actually pee.

However, on many occasions I’ve actually witnessed men standing outside of a women’s restroom waiting, I assume, for their partners, who may have been peeing, to come out. So, it IS possible Hillary did have to pee.

'Strange, how women always have to go to the ladies' room in pears.'

‘Strange, how women always have to go to the ladies’ room in pears.’

Why she was late coming back to the debate? Well, because “I” zip into a men’s room, whip my Johnson out while standing, and am outta the men’s room in 2 minutes flat.

Women on the other hand no way in hell can go into a lady’s room and whip anything out and be outta there in 2 minutes flat. A total impossibility. Trust me on that one.

I rest my case

I rest my case

So ya gotta cut Hillary, and any woman politician some slack there Donny.

Now for the “schlong” word.

Donny said in reference to Hillary being beaten by Obama when they were campaigning for the nomination years ago, ” She got “schlonged.”

In layman’s terms, “She got whipped with a penis.” Basically.

Yes….I know, some pervs are saying, “Hey, been there done that.”

Just thought I’d mention that because I KNEW some of you were thinking that and I ain’t stoopid ya know.

Anyhow, now we all know its true. Political candidates actually pee and poop.

Which should be a comfort to us all.

And don’t EVEN tell me any of you pee and poop people have NEVER done this……..

Sadly.....gotta admit....been there done that....

Sadly…..gotta admit….been there done that….

So, maybe….jussssst maybe they are a bit like us. Which personally gives me some comfort as well when I myself pee and poop and contemplate that at any given time, as I sit there, somewhere a political candidate, celebrity or very powerful person is also peeing and pooping.

Maybe even farting too.

Just sayin’ Donald.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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One Response to Schlong? Ohhhhhh. SCHLONG!!! I Thought Trump said Sarong.

  1. katydidknot says:

    It’s that sort of telling it like it is that makes trump such a strong candidate. Finally, a candidate who is not afraid to criticize human beings for excreting.

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