Yep, I have over a gazillion channels to choose from thanks to Comcast. 8 of which I actually watch….on occasion…but, not very often. In fact, my other half watches more TV than I do.
Why? Because, I think, and this is MY own opinion, women are addicted to TV. And, being a male, I can only speak for myself, but I think men, other than sports programs, could give a rats ass what’s on TV.
Soooo, here I sit this evening in front of my laptop surfing the Internet, Facebook, e-mails, etc, while my other half zones out watching the tube.
Every so often she utters something like, “Did ya see THAT!”
To which I reply by nodding my head and uttering something unintelligible….just to let her think I’m in tune to whatever mindless program she’s watching. Works very well. Especially when I’m attempting to write these inane blogs and am trying to concentrate.
“Oh honeeeee, did you see THAT? A giant crocodile just swallowed up some guy in Florida!!!”
“Oh, that’s nice dear.”
This takes place every night so it’s kind of routine for me to just give some stupid response, which, much to my amazement, actually works.
Not that it ever stops her from talking to me about TV shows and what’s going on in them, while I’m writing, like NOW, but at least it requires absolutely no thought on my end when it comes to responding to her.
9 out of 10 times just a simple nod or grunt works just as well too.
She could actually say to me, “HONEEEE! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE…THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!!!!”
Which I probably would ignore until the firetrucks arrived.
I think it’s because women in general think differently than us men.
For instance. She went border line berserk today because a fly was in the house. ME…….I kind of ignored it figuring, what the hell, it ain’t bothering me so what’s the big deal.
Soooooo, I killed the motherf**ker with one of my just arrived magazines, squished the little bastard, and he was splattered all over the cover of the magazine, which she immediately said “yuck” and forced me to throw out the whole magazine, which I never got to read….over one freakin’ stupid squished fly!
Men on the other hand would have simply, (if they lived alone) either have let the fly live, or, if inclined to do so, smacked the fly with that magazine, brushed off the remains on their jeans, and continued doing whatever he was doing, including reading that magazine.
I decided to buy a new chainsaw. BUT….not a gas-powered one. I kinda like the electric type. No gas…no mess, no stinkin ‘get jammed up pull cord start thingy.
Soooo, I ordered one. Immediately afterwards my other half sez, “Dear….you ordered an electric chain saw!!! OMG!!! What are ya gonna do when you wanna cut trees in the forest?”
“Um…..dear, I don’t cut trees in the forest. I don’t EVEN walk in any forest. The closest I’ll ever get to a forest with trees is walking out to the backyard and looking at my neighbors trees as I gaze at them over my forsythia bushes.”
She sez the word “forest” and I’m thinking of this cartoon:
“But what if that giant tree in our yard falls during a hurricane and we have no power….how are you going to plug in that electric chain saw THEN!!!!”
“Dear, that “tree” is 200 feet tall, 6 feet wide, and if it EVER falls and we lose power I thinkith our homeowners insurance would cover that. Besides, even if we had power do ya think my 16″ chain saw is gonna go through that monster?”
AND……..on top of that, my friend Bobby sez, “You bought a WHAT? Whaddya nuts. You’ll cut the freakin’ cord or run out of cord entirely!”
For the record, I DID consider other options like……..
Sooooooo, I ordered the GAS chain saw. Then, thought about it for a day or two, and then said to myself, “f**k it” I’m gonna go with the electric one. While my other half and my friend Bobby gloom and doomed me about buying one.
Sooooooooooooo. I get the electric saw in, cut a tree down in our yard that was dead, zip, zip, cut, cut, cut, saw, saw, saw, and SHAZAM! no stuck pull cord, no gas, AND, the one time my saw chain came off, (SHAZAM! again) I put it back in place in less than 1 minute. (comes with an easy on and off cover with great chain access requiring one step)
Guess who wants to buy and electric chain saw NOW! Heh Heh, Guess who lives with me who thinks that chain saw it the absolute greatest invention EVER! Heh Heh.
So those were some of my thoughts today as my other half sits next to me watching mindless TV. And talking to me as I’m writing this.
Now…..after seeing my next door neighbor with the mother of all leaf blowers, (gas-powered) and me with the Mr. Wimp 10HP Blower, I’m thinking of buying the mother of all leaf blowers……electric.
Yes….I’m ready for the next round of grief.
And…..if it keeps up, ya know that chair I bought for my other half last Christmas………….well this year I’m going with an attachment for it especially for her…………electricity.
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