Ya Know, It’s Really Not Bad Being A Short Person

munchkins2

I’ve never given much thought to being short. Not that I’m so short that fire hydrants loom over me and I avoid tall dogs mind you. But below what most people call an average height, say like five feet seven, which I guess is the height where ya don’t get short people jokes tossed at you.

For me, that was the norm growing up. That and those “Gum on your Dick jokes, cause my first name is Richard.

Speaking of, how the hell do ya get “Dick” outta the name Richard?

And where does having gum on your Dick come into play anyhow?

Go figure………

Anyhow, now approaching the age of a giant Sequoia tree I’ve managed to endure shortness for many years. It really wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be when I first started out…..being short.

Cept for these instances

Cept for these instances

Of course there were the usual downers. When it came to playing sports, like basketball, I was never picked to be on the team. Guess they figured I was way too close to the ground to reach that net which was, to me, so far up I could barely see it, never mind trying to get a ball into it.

Class dances in high school or at record hops where all the tall jocks scored the hot babes were downers as well. For some reason the hot looking girls wanted the tall guys while I was assigned to the wallflower section.

(the wallflower section was where girls, and guys, who no one would absolutely hit on sat during dances…….along with us short people)

mmmmmm

I rest my case

Not that I actually hung out in that section mind you. Lest “I” be labeled as a wallflower. Nope…..I chose to watch the disc jockey spinning the records as I ogled the hot babes thinking to myself, “Oh yeah, well wait, someday all you babes will be scrambling to get my autograph when “I” become a famous DJ.”

Well, um, that never really happened. The “scrambling to get my autograph” and the “famous” part that is. As detailed in my non best-selling book, “I Could Have Been Famous But Life, Love and Sex Got In The Way.” (Amazon.com)autobio cover best pic

But, I DID become a disc jockey, thanks to being ignored by all those hot babes. I figured if they couldn’t actually see me, being short that is, but could hear me on the radio, THEN being short wouldn’t matter, IF…….IF they couldn’t see me. Made sense to me.

So being short at that point really didn’t matter anymore. After all, I made it all through my adolescent years without being mistaken for a fire hydrant by a tall dog while wearing a red and yellow outfit.

I actually survived being in the U. S. Army driving a jeep because my Sergeant compared the size of a two and a half ton truck tire to the size of me and figured if that truck got a flat tire there was no way I was gonna be able to change it in a hurry if the enemy were approaching and we’d all get captured.

And you thought I was kidding....

And you thought I was kidding….

AND…..I was the only GI not to get seasick on the boat trip to Germany during a hurricane type storm and the captain of the ship figured that was a great time to conduct a lifeboat drill. Being short, and small, I simply folded myself up in my cot below deck and hid in there while everyone else had to go topside and barf their brains out.

Worked well during all those times when they lined us up in formation and chose guys for crappy assignments. Yep, I stood waaaay in the back where no one could ever see me….or pick me out for an assignment. Take that tall guys!

HEY! Do ya think I ever bang my head on anything!

Of course the other problem being short poses is buying clothes that fit. Clothing manufacturers discriminate against short people. Do ya ever see a “Short and Skinny” men’s store? Do ya? NO….it’s always “Big and Tall.” Bastards.short3

Yes, I still have a few minor problems with being short to this day. Mainly due to the fact that most of my friends (2) are taller than me. As well as my other half who has a whopping two inches on me. Which is why I own 3 cats, because THEY are shorter than me.

For instance, when I drive my truck obviously my seat has to be all the way up because I have a stick shift and have to reach the clutch pedal, to (duh) shift the gears. Which means my other half is scrunched up to the dashboard. So to compromise, I simply drive in an almost reclining position to reach the pedals while she watches the road and guides me.

Not really, but it sure as hell seems that way sometimes.

When I first met my other half

When I first met my other half I was too short to actually hear her real name which is “Leilani.”

The only other problem I worry about these days, being short, is that as you get older, supposedly your body begins to shrink. Now personally I can’t afford to lose ANY inches as it is.

So to compensate, jussssst in case it IS true that you lose inches as you age, I’ve been wearing sneakers that make me taller. Now the problem with this is that, as in the disco years when platform shoes were the in thing and I wore them to look taller, so did the tall guys. Gained nothing there.

So the same thing is happening with sneakers too. Ya just can’t win….or gain height.

But all in all I really can’t complain about all those years of being short.

I figure if a guy like Danny DeVito can become a big TV and movie star and “Antman” is a superhero, who the hell am I to complain.

mmmmmm

Go for the tall guys crotch guys!

UM…..on second thought………

Ah…..neverrrr mind.

DONATE & SUPPORT: The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link. Copy and paste the link into your browser should you care to make a donation:

PayPal.me/misfitwisdom

Copyright 2015 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: chickart@cox.net

 

 

 

Advertisements

About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
This entry was posted in current events humor and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Ya Know, It’s Really Not Bad Being A Short Person

  1. katydidknot says:

    My grandmother is 4 foot 6. Most of the rest of her family is between 5 foot tall and 5’4″. For some reason, my dad and his brother didn’t get those genes.

    My great grandfather (5’3″) used to tell me stories about how little fun it was for a short guy in the Navy in WW2. Especially back in that era where they made jokes like this about how they chose officers:

    “Test everybody. interview them. Figure out their qualifications. Then pick the tallest one.”

  2. misfit120 says:

    Makes complete sense to me Katy. Tall guys get all the breaks. However, I gotta admit, from experience, tall girls for some reason like short guys. I KNOW there’s a joke in there somewhere but I ain’t gonna go there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s