I’ve about had it with those #!%$#@! phone prompts that you get when you call a company.
“Hello, you’ve reached the Acme Mouse Exterminating Company. Press 1 if you are inundated with mice and trapped in a corner.
Press 2 if you are experiencing a mice problem but are in no immediate danger.
Press 3 if you are just lonely and wish to learn how to communicate with a mouse.
Press 4 if you would like to subscribe to our monthly magazine “Living With Mice Can Be Enjoyable.”
Press 5 for technical support on how to operate a mouse trap.
Press 6 to speak to our mouse representative Mickey.
Now personally I’ve never had a problem with a mouse. Cept for that one time, being the compassionate person that I am, I bought one of those humane mouse traps that sweeps a mouse into a chamber and then you take it outside and release it, so that it can come back in your house again.
But, getting back to those phone prompts, it seems nowadays you just can’t get a real life honest to goodness live breathing person at any company to answer a phone anymore. It’s like they just don’t wanna be bothered with stupid calls from consumers that waste their time.
AND……as evidenced above, corporations ARE people too. Cept when ya try to talk to a live person.
Like you calling in to ask for help.
But by far the worst prompts come from mainline companies. Especially credit card companies, banks, stores like Wal-Mart, Home Depot, Lowes, J C. Penny, etc.
Ya call them and guaranteed…..yes, “guaranteed” out of all the prompts they offer you to choose from, not one will pertain to what the hell you’re calling about.
AND……how many times do ya get Singh Singay from India or some other country who barely speaks English.
“Allo, dis is Mr. Singay how may I be of assistance to you on this fine day?”
“Oh, Hi, thanks, I just spent 20 minutes going through phone prompts and another 15 minutes on hold before I actually got a live person so maybe you can help me with my problem with my damn Froznick gas chainsaw.”
“You haf a problem with a chain sir?”
“No, No, I have a problem with my chain saw.”
“Ohhhh, I see, you saw a chain in our catalog and wish to know if we have had any problems with it?”
“DAMN NO! IT’S A FREAKIN’ CHAIN SAW AND THE LINKS KEEP FALLING OFF WHEN I TRY TO SAW SOMETHING!”
“Oh so sorry sir, but you have the wrong department. Hold on a minute while I transfer you to our links department.” (click)
“Allo, dis is da links department. Please tell us which link you are attempting to click on in your browser.”
“HEY YOU DAMN IDIOT!!!! I don’t have a problem with links in my browser……it’s with my chain saw!!!!”
“Ohhhhh. I see. Well I suggest you contact your computer server sir and inform them that you’re getting chain letter links in your browser then. Thank you for calling the Froznick help line….have a wonderful day.” (click)
And people wonder why guys go bald at a very young age. And why women outlive men.
Personally I just skip those phone prompts and the minute I start to get them I immediately yell “representative” or hit the “0” button on my phone. Sometimes it works, other times it does not. But I NEVER go through all those inane prompts.
I figure my time is just as valuable as theirs so if they can’t answer the phone with a live person immediately, screw them.
Which is when I then bang out a very terse letter to any company that pisses me off. Usually those DO get responses. BTW, if ya do that via an e-mail, nine out of ten times you’ll get the equivalent of a phone prompt which is a return e-mail that sez, “This is an automated response, a representative will get back to you in a few months. Please don’t bother us again.”
Now in conclusion, now that I’ve ranted on and on about phone prompts, anyone who knows me, (all my 3 friends) knows that if ya call me I’m NOT gonna pick up the phone because nine out of ten times its telemarketers calling. So I let it go into my answering machine, AND, my friends (again, all 3 of them) know enough to yell into the phone that it’s them calling.
“Hey Misfit ya damn jerk, it’s Bobby, pick up the damn freakin’ phone!”
Which, when ya think about it, is kinda like me having my own phone prompt.
Simply, “Hello, we’re not gonna pick up the damn phone if you’re a telemarketer, a relative looking for money, a politician, a charity, uncle Festus calling from the State Penitentiary, or someone breathing heavy…..please leave a short message and, if we feel like it, we’ll get back to you.”
How simple, and, compassionate is THAT!
No waiting time and straight to the point.
Which is what businesses you call should do.
Something like, “Hello, Press 1 to speak to a live person. Press 2 to hang up because you think we’re a bunch of a**holes for not caring enough to pick up the phone with a live person in the first place.” OR………….
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