Years ago, when I actually needed a costume for Halloween, I was really into getting all dressed up for the evening and heading out into the neighborhood for the annual collection of all kinds of goodies.
Nowadays, not needing a costume, only because I’m freakin’ old and scare any kid that comes near me, I’m obviously old enough to buy my own candy and don’t need to go banging on people’s doors. With the exception of Mrs. Grosnick’s house just down the road. And only because she’s “eye candy” and it’s the only time I have an excuse to knock on her door and ogle her.
I usually just wear a heavy overcoat, dark glasses and a hat and tell her I’m dressed up as a flasher. She usually replies, “Yes Dick, I know, sooooo where’s your costume?”
It was always a very hard decision come Halloween to figure out just what kind of costume to wear. I can vividly remember sitting at the kitchen table with mom, dad and my beautiful little sister Lucretia, pondering what to dress up as.
As usual there were a lot of weirdos out and about on Halloween night. Like Mr. Marvin Foley who always answered his door naked. Didn’t bother me at all but it sure as hell freaked out all of the other kids. And we never got any stinkin’ candy either. Cheap bastard.
Today there are a lot of various costume options available. My favorite was last years costumes worn by my next door neighbors Mr. and Mrs. Zoffenberg. I liked it, but for some odd reason it freaked out a lot of other people. Go figure.
And of course, knowing that you were always gonna score big time collecting all that candy, you didn’t want to eat supper so that you could hurry up and get out there before all the good stuff was gone, but, your parents, still forced you to eat.
This Halloween, with the great disdain there is for politicians after those endless debates, I suspect one particular politician is gonna be one of the most popular Halloween costumes.
You also have to be careful of Halloween flashers.
And….always make sure, if you’re a witch, to make sure all clothing is secure.
Of course, besides going to that naked guys house, you have to be verrrry careful, if you’re a pumpkin, just whose door you’re knocking on.
In conclusion, make sure all your kiddies are escorted on Halloween night and always check their candy when they get home.
This year I promised Mrs. Grosnick I wouldn’t pull the same old routine and dress up in my flashers outfit. In return I asked her to at least dress up and come on over to my house. But, she pointedly reminded me of honoring my request from last year and what happened.
Damn that sharp sword she was carrying hurt!
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