What Happens IF A Woman DOES Become President?

pres1

I really never gave it much thought. The fact that it IS possible that a woman could become President of the United States.pres2

After all, why would it make much of a difference if the President were a man or a woman.

THEN………then……..it hit me like a ton of bricks.

OMFG!!!! I LIVE WITH A WOMAN!!!!

And at that point I began to think of “womanisms.” My word for men attempting to understand why woman say and do the things they do to drive us men nutso.pres4

So here come the “for instances.”

(this is, of course, from MY perspective living with a woman who worries about EVERYTHING)

For instance: If you drop so much of a crumb on the kitchen floor while eating something they immediately go into a cleaning frenzy and point out that you should be more careful.

Like MEN are the only ones who drop crumbs while eating.

ANTS! They scream. ANTS!

I might add that at any given point where I have dropped a mere crumb on the floor I have NEVER seen an influx of ants immediately clamoring to grab that one crumb. Can ya picture a woman at a White House function telling some dignitary he dropped a crumb on the White House rug.pres6

Same goes for leaving the toilet seat up. Who in their right freakin’ mind, (men mostly) EVER worries about the toilet seat being up? But women…..OMG…..

I mean it’s not like water will suddenly rise and people will be scrambling for life jackets if ya left the toilet seat up for cripes sake.

Now on occasion, when handling the assignment of preparing a meal, our stove has one of those flat surface stoves with the elements you can’t see until you turn them on and they glow. Now I think it’s no big deal if I put a small pan on a big burner. But my other half. You’d think I committed a mortal sin.

“Dear, ya don’t put a small pan on a big burner!!!!”

“Um, ok…but why?”

“Because.”

“Because?”

“Yes, because.”

I’m assuming that “because” means something like I might be wasting heat or something, OR, as in, kitchen decor has to match EVERYTHING, lest we embarrass ourselves when we have guests over, that putting a small pan on a big burner would be grounds for immediate suspension of our Julia Child cooking etiquette magazine membership.

Sure hope the White House chefs are prepared if a woman DOES become President.

(NOTE TO WHITE HOUSE CHEFS) If that EVER does happen, NEVER use the sentence, “What difference does it make.” Unless you’re a conservative chef and listen to Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and watch Fox news. Just sayin.’pres5

Then, as we men all know, there’s the “back seat” driver problem.

What happens if a woman becomes president and her Secret Service driver does something drastic while driving her around? Like maybe cut a corner and hit a curbstone or something. We men have all done that.

“Holy cripes Agent Frosnerk, ya hit that damn curb taking a corner, WTF is wrong with you?”

“Oh so sorree Madam President, but I was avoiding a pothole and some old lady in a cross walk and several suspicious looking guys wearing hoods and carrying bigggg guns.”

“HEY! I’m the President……run those SOB’s over next time.”

But by far my biggest worry about a woman being President is the difference in time that it takes a man to get dressed in the morning in comparison to a woman getting dressed.

Now if a major event occurs during the dead of night and the President has to be awakened, you know that most women DO NOT want to be seen without makeup….which would, I assume, include ANY woman President.

“Knock Knock.”

“Who is it?”

“Um….it’s the head of the Secret Service Madam President. We have a crisis at hand and we need you in the oval office immediately.”

“WHAT! A CRISIS! Ok…um….give me about 30 minutes and I’ll be right there.”

“Um, Madam President, it requires your “immediate attention” and 30 minutes would be way too long.”

“Well I’m sooooo soreeeee Mr. important Secret Service agent but I’m not going to the oval office without makeup, my jewelry and the proper dress. It can wait!”

“Um Madam President, it can’t wait.”

“Why not in Gawd’s name can’t it wait!!!!!!!!”

“Um, the First Gentleman, your husband, is having some sort of crisis claiming he needs to get some dress with a stain on it to the cleaners immediately and we can’t calm him down.”

“Oh for Gawds sake, remind him that it was me in that closet with him earlier this evening and not that bimbo from years ago.”

“Damn Madam President….IT WAS YOU!!!!”

“Hey, when you’re the President ya gotta get it when ya can for cripes sake. Besides, it’s what turns him on. Come to think of it…..me too.”pres3

I know……..you’re all assuming I’m for Hillary Clinton for President.

WRONG!!!! She’s my second choice.

My first one…………………pres7

I rest my case.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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One Response to What Happens IF A Woman DOES Become President?

  1. katydidknot says:

    You’d think that the Founding Fathers would have done something to prevent this from ever happening.

    It might already be too late to go back and correct it.

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