NUTS! I TELL YA!!!!!!! NUTS!!!!! GAZILLIONS of NUTS!!!!!*

sqr1

*Um……actually they’re acorns, but there ARE gazillions of them and it’s driving me……. yes……. you guessed it….NUTS!!!!

The problem as I see it is a lackadaisical squirrel attitude when it comes to collecting those acorns, which is what squirrels are supposed to be doing before the long cold Winter sets in.

mmmmm

Could be I have a lot of stupid squirrels in my yard

Have I seen any squirrel activity out in my yard? NO!

Are acorns piling up by the millions in my yard? YES!

Do I constantly get bopped on the head by an acorn or two every time I go out in my yard? YES!

Am I hearing, snap, crackle and pop every time I walk down my sidewalk due to the millions of acorns I’m stepping on? YES!

So WTF is the problem here with squirrels?

mmmm

Soooooo many acorns….sooooo little time

Last year there was nary an acorn to be found on any of the trees in my yard. So much so that squirrels were not only raiding the bird feeder, but fistfights between birds and squirrels were breaking out near the bird feeder and I had to break up quite a few of them before someone, or in this case, a bird or squirrel needed to be taken to the emergency room.

That’s how bad the acorn shortage was last year.

mmmm

Remembering last year’s acorn shortage

NOW….NOW…..Now that there’s an over abundance of acorns do ya see squirrels running all over the yard with their mouths full of acorns or little knapsacks on their backs collecting those acorns for the Winter? NO! And it’s pissing me off.

Where TF are the little bastards?

mmmm

Ok….one possible explanation

I could literally walk out my front door, launch myself into a belly flop and land on my front lawn and slide all the way to the mailbox using acorns as a source of propulsion. Not to mention, but I will, the number of times I DID go to the mailbox by the road and slipped on some acorns and almost got hit by a semi.

It’s time we took action. Enough is enough. These squirrels obviously are thinking that with the greatest season for acorns EVER they can just sit back in their cozy tree nests and rather than collecting acorns, simply let them stay on the ground and just as easily go out in the dead of Winter and pick some up at their leisure. Kinda like a take out service.

Yep....I DO have stupid squirrels in my yard

Yep….I DO have stupid squirrels in my yard

Well let me tell you this my fine little furry friends. Either you start collecting those acorns NOW or your plan isn’t gonna work and you’ll be hiking to the local squirrel food pantry for a handout.

Because I’m gonna get out the mother of all lawnmowers and chop up all those acorns if this keeps up. Then where the hell are ya gonna be? YES….no food for the WINTER.

Um, maybeeee not such a good idea

Um, maybeeee not such a good idea

And when THAT happens don’t come knockin’ on MY door asking for a damn handout. Do your damn job and get out there collecting nuts….or acorns…..whatever.

Ya don’t see me shaking your tree when I’m running low on food do ya? NO! Because I’m smart enough to stock up on food BEFORE the Winter hits. So there!

MMM

Unless THIS is the reason they’re not concerned

So, as a final warning, I suggest you squirrels climb outta your tree nests and stop watching Animal Planet and start harvesting those acorns. NOW!!!!!!

You have been warned.

(DISCLAIMER) MISFIT WISDOM HAS RECEIVED NO COMPENSATION FROM THE “AMERICAN FEDERATION OF BIRDS AGAINST UNFAIR AND ABUSIVE TREATMENT BY SQUIRRELS ASSOCIATION”)*

*However my next door neighbor DID encourage me to write this blog considering he’s going nuts too………or…..going “acorns” too.sq8

Just sayin,’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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4 Responses to NUTS! I TELL YA!!!!!!! NUTS!!!!! GAZILLIONS of NUTS!!!!!*

  1. katydidknot says:

    I know this is probably a question a 3rd grader would ask, but how do the squirrels know where they buried the acorns?

    I’m going to google that after all these years. I’ll bet google knows.

    • misfit120 says:

      I did look that up and it seems there are a number of methods squirrels use to fund their nuts. Sticking ones paws into their crotch is one method, however, considering we’re talking about the other kind of nuts, popular opinion has it that they have great memories and also use smell. Also considering the nut (acorn) season has produced gazillions of acorns, even the dumbest of squirrels will have noooooo problem finding nuts…of both kinds.

  2. misfit120 says:

    Only because I’m NUTS and you’re not Katy.

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