*Um……actually they’re acorns, but there ARE gazillions of them and it’s driving me……. yes……. you guessed it….NUTS!!!!
The problem as I see it is a lackadaisical squirrel attitude when it comes to collecting those acorns, which is what squirrels are supposed to be doing before the long cold Winter sets in.
Have I seen any squirrel activity out in my yard? NO!
Are acorns piling up by the millions in my yard? YES!
Do I constantly get bopped on the head by an acorn or two every time I go out in my yard? YES!
Am I hearing, snap, crackle and pop every time I walk down my sidewalk due to the millions of acorns I’m stepping on? YES!
So WTF is the problem here with squirrels?
Last year there was nary an acorn to be found on any of the trees in my yard. So much so that squirrels were not only raiding the bird feeder, but fistfights between birds and squirrels were breaking out near the bird feeder and I had to break up quite a few of them before someone, or in this case, a bird or squirrel needed to be taken to the emergency room.
That’s how bad the acorn shortage was last year.
NOW….NOW…..Now that there’s an over abundance of acorns do ya see squirrels running all over the yard with their mouths full of acorns or little knapsacks on their backs collecting those acorns for the Winter? NO! And it’s pissing me off.
Where TF are the little bastards?
I could literally walk out my front door, launch myself into a belly flop and land on my front lawn and slide all the way to the mailbox using acorns as a source of propulsion. Not to mention, but I will, the number of times I DID go to the mailbox by the road and slipped on some acorns and almost got hit by a semi.
It’s time we took action. Enough is enough. These squirrels obviously are thinking that with the greatest season for acorns EVER they can just sit back in their cozy tree nests and rather than collecting acorns, simply let them stay on the ground and just as easily go out in the dead of Winter and pick some up at their leisure. Kinda like a take out service.
Well let me tell you this my fine little furry friends. Either you start collecting those acorns NOW or your plan isn’t gonna work and you’ll be hiking to the local squirrel food pantry for a handout.
Because I’m gonna get out the mother of all lawnmowers and chop up all those acorns if this keeps up. Then where the hell are ya gonna be? YES….no food for the WINTER.
And when THAT happens don’t come knockin’ on MY door asking for a damn handout. Do your damn job and get out there collecting nuts….or acorns…..whatever.
Ya don’t see me shaking your tree when I’m running low on food do ya? NO! Because I’m smart enough to stock up on food BEFORE the Winter hits. So there!
So, as a final warning, I suggest you squirrels climb outta your tree nests and stop watching Animal Planet and start harvesting those acorns. NOW!!!!!!
You have been warned.
(DISCLAIMER) MISFIT WISDOM HAS RECEIVED NO COMPENSATION FROM THE “AMERICAN FEDERATION OF BIRDS AGAINST UNFAIR AND ABUSIVE TREATMENT BY SQUIRRELS ASSOCIATION”)*
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