It all began a few weeks ago when I successfully replaced a tie rod end on my Dodge Truck. Not being a mechanic I was really elated that “I”, a mere mortal with no mechanical skills whatsoever, actually replaced that part without suffering a life threatening injury or killing myself in the process.
And I’m sure even if it were not a life threatening injury, say like getting my hand caught in something or the truck falling on my foot, it WOULD eventually BE a life threatening injury because my other half would NEVER hear me screaming as in the other cases where I’ve managed to fall off of ladders while sealing the roof with tar and screamed for help and she never heard me.
“Oh Dear……what in Gawd’s name happened to you. You’re all covered in black tar and tracking it all over the house. Oh….PULEEEEESE don’t get any of that stuff, and that blood on the carpet!!!!!!”
I personally think they should expand those “Life Alert” devices that they sell for elderly people to include guys who work on their vehicles or other stuff like climbing ladders or attempting to use any tool with an electrical cord attached to it.
Sooooo. The next project was to try to save a gazillion bucks by replacing my fuel sensor unit in my truck. How hard could that be? AND, we all know that you can easily go on the Internet and find how to do ANYTHING. Which is what I did.
So I searched for, “How To Replace The Fuel Sensor Unit In A 1999 Dodge Ram 1500 Without Setting Yourself On Fire Or Killing Yourself.”
After watching several videos it looked kinda simple…….I think.
Considering the options were 1. Drop the gas tank, (piece of cake) yank out the old unit, and put the gas tank back in place.
Or, option # 2. Lift up the entire truck bed, slide it off, and SHAZAM! you have easy access to the fuel tank and the sensor.
So I said to myself, “Self, which one seems easier?
Obviously self said to self, “Well dropping the gas tank seems easier…ya think!”
Cept the $#@!#@! gas tank straps were from 220 BC and rusted as well as the bolts being really hard to access, AND, did I really wanna get under there with the mother of all impact wrenches and create a spark? Nope.
So my next choice was to lift the truck bed. But how?
I came up with two scenarios, both of which, in my mind, involved eventually having my other half call 911 or having to pay a mechanic to just do the job.
After checking with a few mechanics, (who must all be very wealthy) and having them quote me what it would cost to do the job, I declined the offers. Only because, as it is, living on the border of poverty and residing in a cardboard box, I’m only able to afford putting between ten and 15 dollars worth of gas in my truck as it is so how in the hell would I be able to afford a mechanic.
Soooooo. I went back to watching those videos once again and it DID seem somewhat possible to do the job myself.
BUT…….ya gotta read between the lines in those videos when it comes to the part where they say, “Yes….you can do this yourself….but…..”
And the “buts” is what had me a bit worried. Like the word “spark.” As in, “Yeah Harry, he was doin’ fine removing the gas tank fuel sensor until his screw driver made a spark and that was it!!!! Yep…still lookin’ for pieces of that guy.”
So I thought about this more and figured, how hard could it be to just jack up the truck bed and have easy access to the fuel sensor unit, by the way, which Detroit figured was the best way for mechanics to make a gazillion bucks repairing because they knew putting it IN the gas tank and UNDER the truck that no idiot (me) would EVER be able to fix it himself. Let alone get at it. Without killing yourself.
So I ran my plan by my other half and she immediately called our life insurance company and asked if they could up my accidental death coverage to a million dollars. Gotta love that woman….always thinking.
I mean…it DID sound kinda easier to just jack up the truck bed, get easy access to the gas tank, whip out the fuel sensor, put the new one in, and SHAZAM! done! After all, I’ve never had a problem doing any other do it yourself project…..
Cept for the gas part and the possibility of the truck bed falling on me while I was under it. Oh yeah….and that pesky spark factor.
After much thought, and the fact that my other half was also considering taking out several more policies, I decided to scrap the whole idea and just take my chances by putting gas in my truck every 15 minutes or after every trip to the grocery store.
So, I’ll just have to live with the fact that my gas fuel indicator does not work and attempt to keep an eye on my mileage so that I don’t run out of gas.
Oh yeah, if by chance I happen to be a bit off on my MPG calculations and run out of gas, if you see a red 1999 Dodge ram along side the road with some short Italian guy with a big nose swearing, give me a hand will ya.
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