As for what a “twanger” is……..use your imagination.
It doesn’t take much to catch my attention on the Internet….besides Kim Davis’ 15 minutes of fame and Donald Trump’s reality show political campaign.
So, when I spotted this headline, I obviously had to check it out. Wouldn’t you?
Um, maybeeeee not.
“Your Lawn Is Giving Frogs a Sex Change”
According to the opening line of this story, which I am quoting:
“To paraphrase Kermit, it’s not easy being a frog. These insect-chomping, sonorous creatures are under severe pressure, their populations plunging both nationally and globally. Evidence has mounted for years that agrichemicals commonly used on big corn and soybean farms are wreaking havoc on frogs, feminizing males and shifting sex ratios.”
“But what about the lawn, that great symbol of US suburbia? A 2005 NASA study estimated that lawns cover about 128,000 square kilometers, or 31 million acres, of our landmass. That’s equal to about a third of the territory we devote to corn, our biggest crop. What’s all that turf grass and ornamental shrubbery mean for frog life?”
It means, as far as my lawn is concerned, frogs are safe. Because my lawn consists of a lot of greenage, none of which can be classified as grass, but, when I mow it, it still looks great, from a distance. Like a mile.
However, those of you who have a great lawn, especially here in Connecticut, (me not being one of them) a new study by the “Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America,” found that “frogs in the suburban areas had twice the ratio of females to males compared with frogs in the forested areas.”
Which means that if you’re a male frog, single, and on the prowl, there’s a lot of female frogs to choose from. Which may explain why Miss Piggy dumped Kermit.
Why is this you ask?
Because, as the article states, “hormone-mimicking compounds that can disrupt the endocrine systems of frogs at very low levels.”
Meaning a lot of frogs are taking hormones. Which they’re getting from YOUR lawn.
So if you see a really bulked up frog with a pair of killer abs, your lawn has a lot of chemicals in it. AND……if you spot a frog with a killer pair of boobs, you not only will know it’s a female frog, but also that you’re using waaaay too many chemicals on your lawn.
The researchers said that while lawn chemicals couldn’t be ruled out as a cause of sex changes, (or mad scientists) the main reason may be “endrocrine-disrupting chemicals” that occur naturally in some plants.
If you didn’t understand that last explanation, you’re not alone. Let me see if I can kinda put that in layman’s terms. Or, MisfitWisdom speak.
It means if you’re a frog and ya eat grass or clover which are often added to lawn grass mixes and other ornamental shrubs, there’s a possibility that if you’re a male frog now croaking with a bass voice similar to that of the late Barry White, after eating that stuff for a while, you more than likely are gonna be croaking with a higher pitched voice similar to that of Frankie Valli singing “Sherry.”
And sporting green cleavage.
If you couldn’t grasp that concept….give a listen:
So, other than learning that frogs are having sex changes, which may or may not be caused by chemicals in our lawns, and that female frogs outnumber male frogs because of all this, I figured I wasted about 10 minutes reading that article and another 20 minutes writing this stupid blog.
And you wonder why my mind is totally f**ked up.
Then again, there’s a bunch of researchers out there sitting on people’s lawns watching frogs have sex changes.
Suddenly I feel kinda normal.
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