Proof…..People Who Make Laws Are A Bunch of Idiots

law1

**********NOTE: This is a rather long blog, might wanna take a dose of no-doze before reading this one****************************Soreeeeeeeeee,sorry1

Have you ever wondered who TF these idiots are that make up laws here in the United States? Me too.

But, that said, which I just did, I have no freakin’ idea who these insane legislators are, but if you doubt that most of them ARE nut cases, take a look at some of the laws on the books that actually exist.

This, thanks to  “Thrillist” and”Yahoo Travel’s” Kristen Hunt, who obviously has a lot of time on her hands. Then again, I’m commenting on this, so I guess that makes me just as bad.

Soooo, I’ve chosen some of the weirdest laws from Kristen’s article which was entitled, “The Weirdest Law In Every State.”

(my comments are in parenthesis ( )….those thingys)

 

Alabama

The state constitution makes it illegal for any “idiots” or insane people to vote.

(My question. How do ya tell who’s an idiot and who’s not? WAIT! Considering I personally think lawmakers are idiots, that kinda narrows it down. Ya think.)

mmmmm

Well….this DOES narrow it down a bit more

Alaska

Clearly Alaska used to throw some wild parties in the woods, because the state now has a law on the books that bars you from giving a moose a beer.

(Only because if ya give a moose a beer they cannot defend themselves from attacks by Sarah Palin. Which is where the saying comes from, “The right to arm bears.” Or moose.)

RUN BULLWINKLE....RUN!!!!

RUN BULLWINKLE….RUN!!!!

Arizona

Even though they’d love it, you can’t feed pigs garbage unless you have a special permit in AZ.

(We’re talkin’ about the four-legged ones and not the ones you find trolling at night in seedy parts of town. Sometimes ya have to make these things perfectly clear. Again, the idiot factor)

Now you know why I have to make things perfectly clear in this blog

Now you know why I have to make things perfectly clear in this blog

Arkansas

Mispronouncing the state name is strictly forbidden.

(Like when you see a stupid news item about WTF legislators do in that state you refer to them as Asskansaus)

OK...this explains everything

OK…this explains everything

California

Looking to put on a “frog-jumping contest”? Of course you are. But if any of the frogs die, you cannot eat them.

(Yes, you can only eat them after the contest is over and if they are still alive. Easy to eat as most frogs when eaten alive will opt to walk down your throat. Which obviously is much more humane than eating a dead frog)

Hey, at least their alive

Hey, at least their alive

Colorado

Since a horse is technically a vehicle, you’re not allowed to enjoy a Dale’s Pale Ale on horseback.

(might wanna check if Bud Lite is legal. Or, perhaps drinking on an unregistered horse. Or, if ya get caught, say it was the horse’s drink)

OMG I'm never drinking again....ever

OMG I’m never drinking again….ever!

Connecticut

For a pickle to legally be called a pickle, it must bounce.

(Looking up the idiot legislator that thought of this law and sending him a bouncing ball to play with instead of a pickle….that is if he can tell the difference)

Tomorrow a ball.....

Tomorrow a ball…..

Delaware

If next week’s game of truth or dare in Johnny’s parents’ basement gets too real, don’t worry: getting married because of “jest or dare” is grounds for annulment.

(Hmmmm. So, my thinking is this. If ya wanna have sex with some hot babe, but she won’t give in, jest or dare her to marry you. Problem solved)

mmmmm

Why snakes make bad jesters. Pick bad marriage partners. And then have to get an annulment.

Florida

All establishments with a liquor license are prohibited from holding any contest, promotion, or activity that endangers a person with dwarfism. And that definitely includes throwing.

(Damn! And I was all set to enter that dwarf throwing contest in Florida)

mmm

Yep….I missed out on the last one

Georgia

Using profane language to a person under 14 in person or by telephone is considered disorderly conduct in Georgia.

(However, there is no mention of texting or e-mail. This state legislator better get moving and revise the law the stupid %$#!$#%@!. Oops)

I didn't realize you had such a long cord honeeee

I didn’t realize you had such a long cord honeeee

Hawaii

As of 2013, car passengers who don’t wear seat belts are subject to $100 fines. If all the seats are full, though, don’t worry: it’s totally legal for anyone over 12 years old to hang out in the bed of the truck. In the open. With zero protection.

(“Well officer, all the seat belts were taken and ah was in the bed of the pickup when my brother who was driving hit that there tree over yonder and ah went flyin but ahm perfectly fine, cept for this tree branch stickin’ outta my head”)

mmmmm

Thanks dear……that’s comforting.

Idaho

Under a chapter titled “Mayhem,” Idaho lays out why eating other people is not cool, guys. Cannibalism will get you up to 14 years in prison… except in extreme cases where you had to eat your friend to survive. And if that’s the case, you’ve already been punished enough.

(Which explains why, when travelling through Idaho, I never bring my friends along)law14

Illinois

Taking a snooze in a cheese factory, bake shop, confectionery, or creamery is illegal under Illinois’ Sanitary Food Preparation Act.

(Most likely due to the fact that if you were to fall asleep and fall into a vat of, say, chocolate, and yelled for help screaming “CHOCOLATE” who the hell would come)law16

Indiana

You may not catch fish with your bare hands anywhere in Indiana.

(This makes sense to me because it’s more humane to fish with a fish hook rather than your bare hands. Very unsanitary unless you use hand sanitizer first)law17

Iowa

Boxes used to package hops are supposed to be exactly 36 inches long, so if you’re planning to pack that stuff in a 37 inches box, get the hell out of Iowa.

(I agree with Kristen. If ya can’t get hops into a 36 inch box, you’ve obviously gathered way too many hops. So, hop to it and perhaps eat a few until the rest fit into that box. My thinking anyhow)

mmmm

Kansas

Owning any “gambling device” is a Kansas crime of public morals, unless it’s an antique slot machine-made prior to 1950.

(Which, I’m assuming can be found at the site of Custer’s Last Stand as those Indians passed the time playing slot machines awaiting the arrival of the General)law20

Kentucky

Dye a baby chick, duckling, or rabbit any hue of the rainbow in Kentucky and you’ll be charged a $100-$500 fine. You’re also not allowed to sell them.

(This is because in Kentucky most of the people are color blind)

mmmmm

Including their pets

Louisiana

“Insulting or abusive remarks” are forbidden at any boxing match.

(So when that 300 pound guy Bruno smack ya in the face and it hurts like hell, all you’re allowed to say is stuff like, “Oh gollee…that sure smarts.” Or, “Gee whiz Bruno, ouch”)

FINALLY! I get to post this cartoon.....

FINALLY! I get to post this cartoon…..

Maine

Provided you obtain a license, you’re free to host a raffle for your non-profit in Maine. But the prize cannot be alcohol or a live animal.

(Damn! And here I was gonna raffle off my vintage bottle of Jack Daniels with my intoxicated cat to prove it was still potent stuff)

Bummer..........

Bummer……….

Maryland

Though the Old Line State is presumably a fan of safe sex, it has a provision barring anyone from selling non-latex condoms in vending machines.

(Sooooo. Those of you that are into those new polyurethane condoms have to simply buy those latex ones, wash them out, and buy a can of clear polyurethane, spread if all over the condom, and you’re in business. Oh…um….make sure it dries first)

mmmmm

Actual safe sex

Massachusetts

Although they would make the Golf Channel 100 times more exciting, exploding golf balls are not allowed in MA. First-time violators get a fine of up to $500.

(Thanks Kristen……I don’t think I need to say more about that one)law24

Michigan

Michigan bars you from being inebriated on a train in Act 68 of 1913.

(Otherwise, if you’re caught, they “rail” you outta town…..soreeeee…..couldn’t resist that one)

'Man, I hate walking down so many stairs!'

‘Man, I hate walking down so many stairs!’

Minnesota

In a flagrant show of disrespect for old-timey farmers everywhere, Minnesota made greased pig contests and turkey scrambles unlawful.

(Again, this refers to the four-legged kinds of pigs. If you’re into greased pigs of the human kind, I suppose, if that’s your thing, go for it. I don’t think it’s illegal if you have a turkey in the room watching you as long as you don’t grease it)

mmmm

However, there are no laws against greasing monkeys in Minnesota

Mississippi

Have one illegitimate child? Not a problem. But you’ll be facing misdemeanor charges as soon as that second kid pops out.

(Where corks come in handy)

Cue the Supremes again......

Cue the Diana Ross and the Supremes again……

Missouri

Sheriffs can be imprisoned in their own county jail (presumably when they go rogue) and if that happens, MO law stipulates that the coroner is in charge of the jail.

(Seems like a stupid law and a dead issue to me)

Coroner humor.....

Coroner humor…..

Montana

Just two years ago, MT passed a law which allows you to salvage roadkill for meat.

(WHAT! Ya mean everybody doesn’t do that already? Why the hell do ya think so many people build fire pits)law30

Nebraska

Marriage law in the Cornhusker State includes some normal provisions, like a minimum age of 17, and some less-normal ones, like a statute preventing any person with a venereal disease from marrying.

(Statues get venereal diseases? Go figure. The things ya learn on the Internet)

Well....I guess it is possible

Well….I guess it is possible

Nevada

Throwing things from a chairlift is illegal in Nevada.

(like maybe your mother-in-law or ex-wife. They may be thinking of revising that law considering what lawmaker in their right mind would convict ANY guy from throwing his ex-wife or mother-in-law off of a chairlift)

'Yoooo-hooo! Has anyone seen a ski pole that I dropped when I was on the chairlift?'

New Hampshire

You’ve got to be strategic about your seaweed harvesting in NH. Carrying the stuff “from seashore below high-water mark” after the sun has set is a violation of the state’s fish and game provisions.

(Now this one is way too complicated for me. Ya gotta measure the high water mark and wait for the damn sun to set? My thinking…..screw harvesting seaweed……just go to the store and buy some kale.)

When seaweed becomes an addiction

When seaweed becomes an addiction

New Jersey

Wearing a bulletproof vest while committing or attempting to commit murder is an offense, because New Jersey cares more about making this a fair fight than the actual, you know, murder.

(Again, Kristen has a valid point there. Fair is fair)

MMM

If you answer yes, better get yourself a vest pal

New Mexico

If you’re performing the national anthem (or “Oh Fair New Mexico”) anywhere in this state, you’d better sing the whole thing. Half-assing the anthem is literally against the law. It must be sung or played as an entire composition – even if that means a two-minute-long riff on “land of the free.”

(NOTE to self: Never visit New Mexico especially if there’s a baseball game going on and they ask you to sing any of those songs and you don’t know the entire lyrics)

mmmm

What happened to the last guy in New Mexico

New York

In New York, if a person “being masked or in any manner disguised by unusual or unnatural attire or facial alteration, loiters, remains or congregates in a public place with other persons so masked or disguised” then that person is an illegal loiterer.

(Second note: Never attend those New Years Eve celebrations in New York. OR, go into one of those porno shows wearing a disguise or a heavy overcoat wearing sunglasses)

WHAT! A cat can't watch porno movies?

WHAT! A cat can’t watch porno movies?

North Carolina

In what is just another example of the Man keeping you down, stealing used kitchen grease is a crime in NC.

(Now who in their right mind would steal kitchen grease?

WAIT!!!!! Refer to this……………

North Dakota

You may not knowingly clone (or attempt to clone) another human in the Roughrider State.

(Hmmmm. Was there waaaay too much cloning already going on in North Dakota?)

mmm

Why lawns in North Dakota are always neat and trimmed

Ohio

Giving fish alcohol is prohibited here.

(Ok….like when was the last time you ever saw a drunken fish, or, sat next to a fish in a bar, or, tried to take advantage of a drunken fish that you picked up in a bar, or, smelled alcohol on a fish)

mmmm

Oklahoma

Bear wrestling and “horse tripping” events are strictly verboten in OK.

(Yep, like “I’M” gonna wrestle a freakin’ bear. Whaddya think I’m nuts. I wouldn’t even wrestle a bear in my own state for cripes sake. Now horse tripping, well, maybe…..just for laughs)

Why you should never attempt bear tripping

Why you should never attempt bear wrestling

Oregon

Carrying a person under the age of 18 on any external part of the car is unlawful.

(Which is why most cars come with trunks. Ask any member of the Mafia is it works for them)law42

Pennsylvania

Under PA’s incredibly detailed fortune-telling legislation, administering love potions or telling someone where to dig for treasure is a third-degree misdemeanor.

(OK….I dig that. Which also give me yet another excuse to insert a relevant song….)

Rhode Island

If you intentionally bite off your friend’s arm, you will go to jail.

(This happens a lot in R.I. because the state is sooooo small people continually bump into each other while eating and it’s possible to actually bite another persons arm off while eating a sub sandwich)law43

South Carolina

Anyone under the age of 18 is forbidden from using a pinball machine.

(Because, as we all know, playing pinball machines at a young age will lead you to ball obsession and the next thing ya know you’re addicted to bowling…..or just balls)

Waaaaaaaaaaa, I want my momeeeeee....(sob)

Waaaaaaaaaaa, I want my momeeeeee….(sob)

South Dakota

Fireworks are entirely illegal in many part of America, but not in South Dakota. In fact, farmers are legally allowed to use them to scare birds away from their sunflowers.

(Yes….sunflowers….America’s most import crop to protect from birds)

mm

Unable to afford fireworks, the late Elmer Fernstordf came up with a short-lived but novel idea

Tennessee

These guys are so intent on respecting the dead, they made any “game or amusement” in cemeteries illegal, so stop trying to bring family game night to “grandpa’s resting place,” mom.

(Right Kristen……..I agree…….besides….ever try to play baseball in a cemetery with all them damn headstones in the way)

Damn grave traps.....

Damn grave traps…..

Texas

If you’re standing up, you’re only legally allowed to take three sips of beer.

(Which basically mean if ya wanna get soused and not worry about that law, drink lying down. Besides, if you do get blotto, you won’t have far to fall)

My point exactly

My point exactly

Utah

Utah’s liquor laws are notoriously insane, but by far the weirdest one concerns Zion curtains. The partitions run along restaurant bars, and bartenders are required to make drinks behind them so kids can’t see the booze. There have been many attempts to get rid of the Zion curtains, but for now, it looks like they’re staying up.

(However, because kids could still smell the booze behind those curtains, most of them who were subjected to those curtains who are now adults have severe flashbacks when their spouses hang curtains and immediately down a six-pack of Budweiser to ease the pain)

OMG guys!!!! He's stoned out on Jack Daniels!!!!

OMG guys!!!! He’s stoned out on Jack Daniels!!!!

Vermont

“Shooting birds for amusement” is illegal in Vermont.

(Vermont did not have cable TV service so this was their entertainment for many years. Now that they have cable, some Vermonters were still hooked on bird shooting which is why that law was passed. Because cable TV programs suck in Vermont)law49

Virginia

We’re not sure which sarcastic jerk deemed Virginia “for lovers,” because having any kind of sex if you’re not married is a Class 4 misdemeanor. If convicted, you’d have to pay a fine of up to $250. Which is weird, because last we checked paying for sex was also against the law.

(Damn Kristen. If you’re not married they fine ya and if you buy sex they fine ya. WTF! Move the hell across the state line to West Virgina, have sex on the border while flashing that $250 and taunt the hell outta them motherf**kers)

Ya want more than a hug ya damn perv

Ya want more than a hug ya damn perv we have to drive to West Virginia

Washington

These guys take their beer seriously. Destroying another person’s beer cask, barrel, keg, or bottle is strictly forbidden, as is filling those things without the owner’s written consent.

(Justifiable homicide if ya ask me)

https://youtu.be/aeD0S7Dkd0Qwillie nelson beer

West Virginia

Aaron Burr never could’ve landed a sweet alderman gig in the Mountain State – it’s illegal for anyone who’s engaged in a duel (or challenged someone to one, or acted as a second) to hold office.

(“Soooo what’s it gonna be punk? Shoot me or run for office”)law52

Wisconsin

They’re no Fife & Drum, but WI prisons do have some discerning culinary tastes. Under state law, no butter substitutes may be fed to students, patients, or inmates of any state institution unless a doctor prescribes it for their health. Suck on that, Smart Balance.

(Right on Kristen. Nothing but the best for our students and patients who are in any state institution. Oops…I forgot those inmates. Who also deserve the best. Damn…..I really gotta get locked up so I can enjoy real butter)

Um....maybeeeee not

Um….maybeeeee not

Wyoming

Taking or harming a fish with a gun is against the law in Wyoming.

(Unless the fish is also armed with a gun and challenges you to a duel. Which happens a lot if you live in West Virginia (see above)law53

So, need anymore proof legislators are complete idiots?

If so……..just watch the next round of political debates and ask yourselves….why Gawd….why?

Is the blog over? Thank Gawd……………………

Against writing very long blogs............

Against writing very long blogs…………

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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3 Responses to Proof…..People Who Make Laws Are A Bunch of Idiots

  1. garym6059 says:

    This post took some research! As a proud Hoosier had no idea about that law but live close enough to Kentucky to validate your claim that most of them are color blind!

  2. misfit120 says:

    Thanks Gary. Do not go back there…….: )

  3. katydidknot says:

    Oops. I believe I might have already broken Texas law today.

    I’ve thought about dumb laws before. The only explanation I can come up with is that a cop arrested someone for something, found out it was legal, and had to let the offender go. The legislature came around behind him and passed a stupid law to make sure no one got away with it again.

    It’s the only explanation for laws like, “In X state, it is illegal to walk across a crosswalk on your hands.”

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