Cripes….there were sooooooo many days in July that I’d personally want to celebrate I needed three days just to write this crap….um…..wonderful stuff.
For instance, besides the days, the entire month is………..National Blueberry Month. (Play Fats Domino’s recording of “Blueberry Hill)
National Anti-Boredom Month. (yawn)
Unlucky Month For Weddings Month. (sooooo, get married then file for a divorce)
National Cell Phone Courtesy Month. (Hey…call me again you $#@!&%$@ and I’m gonna rip your balls off…..oh, and have a nice day)
National Hot Dog Month. (note, there’s also a National Hot Dog Day….on the 23rd, jusssst in case you get tired of eating dogs all month and want to celebrate on just one day)
Same goes for the 19th which is National Ice Cream Day. (me thinkith Oscar Meyer and Hood paid off people to get coverage all month long for hot dogs and ice cream)
July 1st is “Canada Day.” Which reminds me of this stupid joke.
My uncle saw a sign that said, “Drink Canada Dry.” So he went up there and tried.
But, ya gotta cut me some slack on that as the 1st is also “International Joke Day.”
The 2nd is “I Forgot Day.” The only day men can get out of getting yelled at for not doing chores around the house by legally saying, “I forgot.” (I believe this is in the original Bill of Rights)
July 2nd is “World UFO Day.” Seems logical considering the number of verrrrry strange Republicans running for the presidency.
The 3rd is “Compliment Your Mirror Day” and the day that you can stand in front of your mirror and compliment it for showing you just how great you look every day. Be careful, mirrors break very easily.
Of course, not to mention, but I will anyway, the 4th is (DUH) “Independence Day.” and has nothing to do with not wearing your Depends.
After you’ve gotten over your nausea from seeing granny’s boobs, you can celebrate “National Country Music Day,” also on the 4th with the most nauseating country music song I could find. Um….also one of my favorites. You can thank me later.
July 5th is “Build A Scarecrow Day.” Or……just take one of your wife’s dresses out and stick it on a pole……if you have a death wish.
As if you didn’t have enough to do, you do not wanna miss out on “National Fried Chicken Day” on the 6th. If you’re a chicken…..soreeeeee.
Everyone’s favorite day is July 7th which is “Chocolate Day.” But, always check your chocolates because……………………..
July 11th is “Cheer Up The Lonely Day.” Which gives me an excuse to slip in another oldie but goodie. Sorry….it’s a sickness from being a DJ.
On the 12th is one of the most weirdest days in July is “Different Colored Eyes Day.” WTF! Who thought of THIS one. An optomotrist I’ll bet ya.
As long as we’re on weird days, might as well mention July 13th which is, “Embrace Your Geekness Day.” I personally will help the cause by taping my glasses with duct tape in the middle and wearing a pen holder in my pocket with a few leaky pens. Doing my part to honor all geeks.
Let’s see, different colored eyes, geeks,……hmmmm, lest we forget “Fool’s Paradise Day” on the 13th. Bet there’s a lot of them out there too.
July 14th is one day I’m almost positive all of us have celebrated not only in the 14th, but a lot of other days as well. “Pandemonium Day.” Actually, living with my other half, EVERY DAY is pandemonium day around here.
Being the demented person that I am, and so sez my other half, I WILL celebrate “National Nude Day” on the 14th. Which WILL cause a lot of “pandemonium” around the MisfitWisdom household. Hey…ever see a naked senior citizen. NOT a pretty sight.
The 15th is “Cow Appreciation Day.” You KNEW I was gonna throw this line in……..udderly wonderful that we honor cows on this day.
“National Ice Cream Day” is on July 19th. As if any of us needed a day to find an excuse to eat ice cream 24/7/365
The 20th is “National Lollipop Day.” Which gives me yet another excuse to slip in another oldie. Lollipop little girl…heh, heh.
The 20th is “Ugly Truck Day.” I thought MY truck was ugly, now I don’t feel so bad after seeing this one.
Another one of Misfit’s favorite days is on the 21st, “National Junk Food day.” YES!!!!!
Bring it on baybeeeeee.
“Ratcatcher’s Day” is celebrated on July 22nd. Oh joy.
The 23rd is “National Hot Dog Day.” I’m tellin’ ya, those hot dog people bought off somebody to have not only National Hot Dog Month but National Hot Dog day too. Cripes, what’s next, National Hot Dog Week, Year, Decade, Century….WTF!
Ever just felt like saying, “f**k it, I’m gonna take my pants for a walk. Well you’re in luck pal because July 27th is “Take Your Pants For a Walk Day.” Um….you have the option of wearing them while you’re walking or pushing them in a stroller. You’re choice.
Yet another favorite of mine is July 30th, “National Cheesecake Day.”
Oh…sorrrreeeee, I meant the other kind of cheesecake. But…….ya gotta admit, both are worth celebrating on the 30th.
Well, (whew) what’s all folks. Now you’ve got your hands full deciding what the hell days you’re gonna celebrate. Lots of tough choices here.
But, like myself, I’ll be celebrating two days on the same day. The 4th of July and “National Hot Dog Day.”
And watching the fireworks.
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