Days You Should Be Celebrating In July….or not.

july35

Cripes….there were sooooooo many days in July that I’d personally want to celebrate I needed three days just to write this crap….um…..wonderful stuff.

For instance, besides the days, the entire month is………..National Blueberry Month. (Play Fats Domino’s recording of “Blueberry Hill)

National Anti-Boredom Month. (yawn)

Unlucky Month For Weddings Month. (sooooo, get married then file for a divorce)

National Cell Phone Courtesy Month. (Hey…call me again you $#@!&%$@ and I’m gonna rip your balls off…..oh, and have a nice day)

National Hot Dog Month. (note, there’s also a National Hot Dog Day….on the 23rd, jusssst in case you get tired of eating dogs all month and want to celebrate on just one day)

Same goes for the 19th which is National Ice Cream Day. (me thinkith Oscar Meyer and Hood paid off people to get coverage all month long for hot dogs and ice cream)

July 1st is “Canada Day.” Which reminds me of this stupid joke.

My uncle saw a sign that said, “Drink Canada Dry.” So he went up there and tried.

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Ok…ok….lame joke…eh

But, ya gotta cut me some slack on that as the 1st is also “International Joke Day.”

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And you thought MY joke was bad

The 2nd is “I Forgot Day.” The only day men can get out of getting yelled at for not doing chores around the house by legally saying, “I forgot.” (I believe this is in the original Bill of Rights)

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Works for elephants too

July 2nd is “World UFO Day.”  Seems logical considering the number of verrrrry strange Republicans running for the presidency.

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The 3rd is “Compliment Your Mirror Day” and the day that you can stand in front of your mirror and compliment it for showing you just how great you look every day. Be careful, mirrors break very easily.

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It was soon after the mirror met its untimely demise

Of course, not to mention, but I will anyway, the 4th is (DUH) “Independence Day.” and has nothing to do with not wearing your Depends.

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Ok…Ok….grandma….but did you actually paint your Depends like the American flag?

After you’ve gotten over your nausea from seeing granny’s boobs, you can celebrate “National Country Music Day,” also on the 4th with the most nauseating country music song I could find.  Um….also one of my favorites. You can thank me later.

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Sniff….I’m deeply touched

July 5th is “Build A Scarecrow Day.” Or……just take one of your wife’s dresses out and stick it on a pole……if you have a death wish.

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Heh heh…was to me dear….and it works….

As if you didn’t have enough to do, you do not wanna miss out on “National Fried Chicken Day”  on the 6th. If you’re a chicken…..soreeeeee.

RUN Chicken Little....RUN!!!!!

RUN Chicken Little….RUN!!!!!

 

Everyone’s favorite day is July 7th which is “Chocolate Day.” But, always check your chocolates because……………………..

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Oops……..

July 11th is “Cheer Up The Lonely Day.” Which gives me an excuse to slip in another oldie but goodie. Sorry….it’s a sickness from being a DJ.

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Hey…I resemble those remarks!

On the 12th is one of the most weirdest days in July is “Different Colored Eyes Day.” WTF! Who thought of THIS one. An optomotrist I’ll bet ya.

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Um…..do I get an award for having different colored fur too?

As long as we’re on weird days, might as well mention July 13th which is, “Embrace Your Geekness Day.” I personally will help the cause by taping my glasses with duct tape in the middle and wearing a pen holder in my pocket with a few leaky pens. Doing my part to honor all geeks.

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Bet ya know someone like this

Let’s see, different colored eyes, geeks,……hmmmm, lest we forget “Fool’s Paradise Day” on the 13th. Bet there’s a lot of them out there too.

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Figures………...

July 14th is one day I’m almost positive all of us have celebrated not only in the 14th, but a lot of other days as well. “Pandemonium Day.” Actually, living with my other half, EVERY DAY is pandemonium day around here.

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Look familiar……

Being the demented person that I am, and so sez my other half, I WILL celebrate “National Nude Day” on the 14th. Which WILL cause a lot of “pandemonium” around the MisfitWisdom household. Hey…ever see a naked senior citizen. NOT a pretty sight.

The origin of National Naked Day

The origin of National Nude Day

The 15th is “Cow Appreciation Day.” You KNEW I was gonna throw this line in……..udderly wonderful that we honor cows on this day.

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OMFG!!!!!

“National Ice Cream Day” is on July 19th. As if any of us needed a day to find an excuse to eat ice cream 24/7/365

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Eat Me!

The 20th is “National Lollipop Day.”  Which gives me yet another excuse to slip in another oldie. Lollipop little girl…heh, heh.

Yes honey, unless they're wearing heavy overcoats, dark glasses and ask you if you wanna see their ducky

Yes honey, unless they’re wearing heavy overcoats, dark glasses and ask you if you wanna see their ducky

The 20th is “Ugly Truck Day.” I thought MY truck was ugly, now I don’t feel so bad after seeing this one.

Yep....gets my vote

Yep….gets my vote. The Dodge Ox 1500

Another one of Misfit’s favorite days is on the 21st, “National Junk Food day.” YES!!!!!

Bring it on baybeeeeee.

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Can’t think of a better reason to pig out on junk food….can you?

“Ratcatcher’s Day” is celebrated on July 22nd. Oh joy.

CSI Mouseville

CSI Mouseville

The 23rd is “National Hot Dog Day.” I’m tellin’ ya, those hot dog people bought off somebody to have not only National Hot Dog Month but National Hot Dog day too. Cripes, what’s next, National Hot Dog Week, Year, Decade, Century….WTF!

MMMM

Yes dear, a Trojan Katsup one

Ever just felt like saying, “f**k it, I’m gonna take my pants for a walk. Well you’re in luck pal because July 27th is “Take Your Pants For a Walk Day.” Um….you have the option of wearing them while you’re walking or pushing them in a stroller. You’re choice.

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Yet another favorite of mine is July 30th, “National Cheesecake Day.”

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Yum………….

Oh…sorrrreeeee, I meant the other kind of cheesecake. But…….ya gotta admit, both are worth celebrating on the 30th.

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Yum…….

Well, (whew) what’s all folks. Now you’ve got your hands full deciding what the hell days you’re gonna celebrate. Lots of tough choices here.

But, like myself, I’ll be celebrating two days on the same day. The 4th of July and “National Hot Dog Day.”

And watching the fireworks.

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to Days You Should Be Celebrating In July….or not.

  1. katydidknot says:

    I’m taking all these days off so I can celebrate.

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