Donald Trump for president……..OMFG!
Oops…sorry God, I know you’ve had a hand in creating job presidents as The Donald sez….so…..I’m soreeee.
OK…..OK…….the dog’s right. I’m NOT sorry. Maybe The Donald IS right. After all, with his bucks he probably has an IN with God and he DID say this:
“I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.” –Donald Trump, announcing his campaign for president.”
The greatest gift of all, was Donald announcing his candidacy for the presidency. Oh Gawd….thank yew. Thank yew.
Soooo, I went (gleefully) to the place everyone goes to find stupid stuff, (The Internet) and came up with these quote gems from Donald Duck. Um….sorry, I meant Donald Trump. Hey….hard to tell those two apart sometimes.
So let us begin. Next, more words of wisdom from The Donald:
“When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let’s say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time.” –Donald Trump, on his diplomacy skills
“Yeah, I beats dem all da time. Screw dem Chinese. I know dis Chinese guy and when we play chess I beats him all da time…um….that’s what I really meant.”
“Free trade is terrible. Free trade can be wonderful if you have smart people. But we have stupid people.”
Huh? Must be talking about trading comic books. Like I did when I was a kid. Cause I only traded them with dumb people so I got the best comics in the deal.
“We need a leader that wrote The Art of the Deal.” –Donald Trump, plugging his book in his presidential campaign announcement.
“I have people that have been studying [Obama’s birth certificate] and they cannot believe what they’re finding… I would like to have him show his birth certificate, and can I be honest with you, I hope he can. Because if he can’t, if he can’t, if he wasn’t born in this country, which is a real possibility…then he has pulled one of the great cons in the history of politics.” –Donald Trump, three weeks before Obama released his long-form birth certificate in 2011
What are the odds that Donald was born in Transylvania and his father’s name was Frank N. Stein. HEY! Have ya seen photos of his hair for cripes sake!
“Let me tell you, I’m a really smart guy. I was a really good student at the best school in the country. The reason I have a little doubt, just a little, is because he grew up and nobody knew him.” –Donald Trump, on why he thought Obama wasn’t born in the United States
Yeah! Good point Donald. I, personally NEVER saw Obama, anywhere! I didn’t know him. NEVER saw him in a Wal-Mart, Dunkin Donuts, McDonald’s, soooooo, how TF do we actually know if he’s smart or not or actually ever was in the United States. Everybody knows that ya have to have at least been seen in one of those places to be smart and born here.
And yet more on da birth issue…………………
“We have to look at it, we have to see is it real, is it proper, what’s on it, but I hope it checks out beautifully. I am really proud, I am really honored.” –Donald Trump, on President Obama releasing his long-form birth certificate.
Yeah! But is it on parchment paper for one?
And this profound quote on Donald’s view on gay marriage.
“It’s like in golf. A lot of people — I don’t want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.” – Donald Trump telling the New York Times why he opposes gay marriage
Hmmm. Let me see if I understand this correctly. If you’re a golfer with a long putter this somehow has something to do with gay marriage?
“I don’t like the crying.” –Donald Trump, on House Speaker John Boehner
Unless……um….I lose the presidential nomination.
“These are stupid people that say, `Oh didn’t Trump declare bankruptcy? Didn’t he go bankrupt?’ I didn’t go bankrupt.” –Donald Trump, on filing for bankruptcy on parts of his various businesses
“The man that wrote the second book … didn’t write the first book. The difference was like chicken salad and chicken s**t.” -Donald Trump, on President Obama’s books
Personally, given the choice, I’d opt for the chicken salad.
“I will build you … one of the great ballrooms of the world.” –Donald Trump, on building a $100 million ballroom at the White House
Yeah, and den ahm gonna have the biggest casino in Washington, D.C. Um…lets see……um….yeah, “Trump White House Casino.”
“I think the only difference between me and the other candidates is that I’m more honest and my women are more beautiful.” –Donald Trump, while teasing a presidential run in 2000
Let’s see….there was Ivana…………
“I’ll tell you, it’s Big Business. If there is one word to describe Atlantic City, it’s Big Business. Or two words – Big Business.” –Donald Trump
Or…maybe three words. Um, Big Business Casinos. Hey, maybe even four words…I dunno.
“You know, it really doesn`t matter what [the media] write as long as you`ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.” –Donald Trump
Spoken like a true presidential candidate. Who resembles and possibly is speaking of this ass…………….
“All of the women on ‘The Apprentice’ flirted with me — consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.” –Donald Trump
Most likely unconscious or on drugs.
“She really has become a monster … I mean monster in the most positive way.” –Donald Trump, on his pregnant wife Melania
Hang in there Ivana and Marla, you may have company verrrry soon.
“You know the funny thing, I don’t get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people.” –Donald Trump
Yep……all the middle class slugs who work for me and kiss my ass.
“My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body.” –Donald Trump
Which I’ve noticed on many occasions while masturbating.
“I’m not a schmuck. Even if the world goes to hell in a handbasket, I won’t lose a penny.” –Donald Trump
Cause only schmucks go to my casinos and blow their money as I rake it in. See….I ain’t no freakin’ schmuck.
“The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.” –Donald Trump
Which is the only reason I have those beautiful women clinging to me. Hey, do ya really think I could attract any decent looking woman with this hair and my grapefruit sucking lips for cripes sake!
So…….considering you’ve just read some of The Donald’s most intelligent remarks, would YOU vote for him for president?
At least he’s brave enough to campaign without wearing any pants……………..now THAT’S honesty.
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