There I was just doing what I normally do these nice Spring days. Basically nothing.
Not really. There’s a lot of clean up chores from that awful winter that needed to be done, so that’s what I’ve been mainly doing.
Soooo, there I was, murdering tons of those pesky creeping strangling type whatever vines ya call them that wrap themselves around everything and take over your yard. I did feel some sort of remorse killing them, after all, they are God’s creations.
Um….on second thought……no I didn’t.
Why the f**k He created those vines is beyond me. Which is what I asked myself. Along with hornets and wasps.
So, I figured, what the hell, (sorry God) I’ll ask God directly that question.
I know you might think that’s silly considering God only talks to politicians, (Herman Cain, Rick Perry) and most recently Mick Huckabee, who sez he’s waiting for God to decide if he should run for President, so, what the hell, (sorry again God) I figured I’d ask God if I should be murdering those vines.
Unless God has his hands full advising politicians on whether to run for President or not.
Which raises the question, Does God have a super pac?
Um…..maybeeeeeee not. Unless ya count all those alms collected on Sunday mornings at various churches.
The problem, as I see it, is that God has never talked to me EVER! Unless He actually did and I thought it was someone else. Kinda hard to recognize God having never really seen him. Cept in movies, (Morgan Freeman) and those paintings in church. I guess.
Now how ya contact God, or He contacts you I haven’t quite figured out. Huckabee, Perry and Cain kinda didn’t come right out and spell it out for all of us. Unless, again, God only speaks to politicians. Who are thinking about running for President and that’s it.
Which is a dilemma for me because I’m NOT thinking about running for President, I just wanna know WTF it is with these stinkin’ vines in my yard and what purpose do they serve.
So, I spent 15 minutes last night in bed, after five days of vine combat, asking God my question. Which was, as I said, and will say it again, “Hey God, what’s with these f**king vines for cripes sake!!!!”
Do ya think I got an answer?
So, my conclusion is that God really does only speak to politicians. And if ya count the number of politicians claiming God told them to run, or God said this and that, then it’s gotta be true.
Like who do ya trust?
So I guess, not hearing from the Big Guy, it must be ok to hack the hell outta them vines.
I feel much better now. No more guilt.
BUT…….if God so much as asks ME to run for President, I’m telling him to take a hike. If he can’t even give me some advice on those rotten no good vines, how credible can He be when it comes to advising me to run for President.
Considering the bad advice He gave to Herman Cain and Rick Perry.
Then again, maybe He just figured after creating those guys, he still wanted a good laugh…………….
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