Yeah, I freely admit I’m in the geezer category. BUT…….I’m of the mind-set that geezerness, (my word) is all a state of mind.
Now let me explain this.
First, there’s the old senior citizen line when anyone thinks about seniors. The one that goes, “Gimmie my damn senior discount,” which I for one have NEVER used. AND….never will. Sure, on occasion, clerks DO offer it to me, and, of course, I accept it, but it happens on rare occasions.
Usually if I haven’t shaved in three days, (rarely) my eyeballs are glazed over and I put on my t-shirt backwards and forgot to put on my jeans when I rush out to a Dunkin Donuts. (I’m not fully organized in the first 1o minutes of awakening and discovering that I’m still alive)
In fact, I kinda resent the image some seniors project. Yep…the ones who DO demand their freakin’ senior discount. Like it’s the 11th Commandment that Moses had when he came down from the mount.
AND…….those seniors who line up at a local casino on Monday’s because they get a free gift. Yes, a free gift. A garden hoe set. A cheese cutting board. A t-shirt advertising the casino. A casino logo monogrammed swizzle stick set.
Do “I” stand in the line (a casino length long) at 6am when the window opens at 9am to get my OMFG free gift. NO! NEVER!
In fact, I use a different entrance when going to the casino just so I won’t trip over the gazillion scooters, wheelchairs, canes, and oxygen tanks. Talk about the image of greedy seniors.
The day “I’M” in line for 3 hours to get a freakin’ cheese board I will not be there of my own free will but being wheeled in by my other half because I had a lobotomy.
(she’s borderline senior in her “free gift”thinking and doesn’t stand in line because I told her I’d kill her if she did)
I don’t feel old. I really don’t think I look old, and, for the record, heh heh, don’t need no stinkin Viagra or Cialis pills. So thanks, but no thanks Linette Beaumont, but…..love your sales pitch on those Viagra ads.
Now what pisses me off to no end is the age label. If you state your age and you’re over 65, AND if you’re unlucky enough to be involved in an auto crash, the newspaper always states, “”Elderly person wipes out entire McDonald’s drive-thru window while attempting to order a Happy Meal.”
Elderly!!! OK..OK……maybe that “elderly” person shouldn’t be ordering a Happy Meal, but, that’s not the point.
The point is the word “elderly.”
I do NOT consider myself “elderly.” No f**king way Jose. (no disrespect to anyone named Jose)
TO ME…..elderly is near DEATH for cripes sake.
I don’t think elderly. I do not act elderly. I really, as I said, don’t look elderly. I can still fast walk around my town’s track at the park, (leaving my other half in the freakin’ dust) and my mind is sharp as a tack.
Oh yeah….sharp as a tack. So don’t dare call me elderly or I’ll kick your freakin’ ass. With the help of a baseball bat of course. I ain’t stoopid ya know.
Now as far as I’m concerned “elderly” is DEAD! Or damn near close to dead.
Do ya hear anybody say Tony Bennett is “elderly?” Or Helen Mirren, Jane Fonda, or CBS News reporter Lesley Stahl. Do ya punk?
Of course not.
Because they don’t look “elderly,” act elderly, AND, like myself, are still breathing.
So think twice before ya call me the “E” word. Or anyone over 65 for that matter.
They actually DO drive thru a McDonald’s drive thru (literally) while ordering a Happy Meal and asking for their damn senior discount while attempting to adjust the oxygen level on their tank and inadvertently got their cane stuck on the gas pedal while trying to turn off their directional signal that was flashing for the past four miles.
Then it’s ok to use the word, “elderly.”
Um……maybe if they’re driving a Buick or Grand Marquis too.
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