Geez……I’m Kinda looking Forward To Going To Funerals Now…..um….In China

fh14

Now I’m NOT a big fan of funerals. I will assume neither are the rest of you. Unless you hated the person who is the center of attention, (the stiff in the box) and wanna have the final word when ya say your goodbyes.

Frankly, funerals are kinda dead. (yes, a pun)

You know, everybody comes in, pays their respects to the deceased, shake hands and offer condolences to the family, then head over to those stiff wooden or folding chairs and say hello to people they haven’t seen in a dog’s age and chat about whatever.fh5

“Heeeeeeeey Harry, nice to see ya. Cripes, you don’t look a day over 35. Nice funeral huh. Damn……. poor ol George looks pretty darn good layin there doesn’t he.”

“Yeah, considerin’ he’s dead Marvin. But, yer right, he does look at lot better now than when he was alive.”fh13

Which is why when I go, its straight to the crematorium and goodbye cruel world. I ain’t havin’ no SOB’s lookin’ at my cold dead body and cracking jokes. Cept for Mrs. Misfit and her weird sense of humor………………..fh7

So, all that said, which I just did, there is an alternative to the same old same old when ya go to a funeral. And the Chinese, fun-loving people that they are, have come up with a novel idea to make funerals, um…..happy occasions.

Well, at least for us guys.

Um...no, not this idea, but ya gotta admit it is an incentive

Um…no, not this idea, but ya gotta admit it is an incentive

Ya see, the rural people of China believe that a large attendance at funerals is a sign of honor for the deceased. So, what better way to show that your loved one was really honored than by having a really huge attendance at your beloved ones funeral.

Sounds like a great idea to me.

So, how do ya score a huge attendance?

Simple. By offering entertainment in the form of strippers and lewd shows. That sure as hell would liven things up. No disrespect to the deceased who would not be livened up.fh6

In fact, attendance has become so huge and these funerals so popular that Chinese officials decided to launch a campaign to crack down on stripteases and other lewd shows that have become quite popular. I bet.

“So Ling Ling. Whaddya wanna do tonight?’

“Well Jaw-Long, how about we go to a funeral and catch a strip show.”

“Hey…..great idea. Do ya know anybody who died?”

“F**k no, but who gives a rats ass. We ain’t gonna be lookin’ at the dead guy anyhow. It’s in, how ya doin’ sorry he’s dead, and then catch the show.”

顎OL伙計,你是一個刻著’天才!(translated: (Jaw ol pal, you are a freakin’ genius)

Yet another great idea

Yet another great idea

Now personally I think the Chinese are on to something here. Why should funerals always be somber events?

It’s time we here in the United States show those Chinese we too know how to put on a really good funeral. So far, the closest we’ve come is in New Orleans where funeral processions are really great entertainment. Music and all and great food.

Do ya get any of that now going to a funeral. Maybe after the reception….um….sorry, reception not a good choice of words. Um…let’s see…….how about, “maybe after the mourning.”

“OK folks, Waldo’s dead, get over it, it’s closing time, free food and drink at the VFW hall….lets go.”

BUT! Instead of forking over those bucks to the VFW hall people, screw it, cut a deal with the funeral parlor to let you bring in some really great entertainment. Show them Chinese that we can do it better.fh12

Hey….how about going full hog! No disrespect to hogs.

Maybe cut out the funeral parlor completely, rent an auditorium or theater and have the deceased laid out on the stage, um, well in a casket of course, but a decorative one, maybe neon lights and a strobe for effect. I kinda like those reflective globe ceiling balls myself.

Hire some really great professional strippers that have no qualms about sliding naked down a pole within inches of the deceased and while that’s happening all of the relatives can dance out on the floor as the band plays “The Stripper.”

Hmmm. (making note to my other half.  Call Demi Moore……jusssst in case)

mmmm

HEY ya damn perv! Have you no respect for the deceased!

Yep, it’s high time we make funerals something to look forward to. Unless it’s your own of course. Bummer.fh10

BUT……personally I have to agree with those Chinese. It IS a great way to get a huge attendance at a funeral. People seeing the lines will stop and say to themselves, “Holy cow honey, look at that line. That guy sure must have been popular when he was alive. I hope I get that many people at my funeral.”

“Nooooo problem Herman. I read that blog on what the Chinese are doin’ to get large attendance at funerals.”

“Heyyyy. me too honey. Does that mean you’re gonna hire a stripper for my funeral?”

“Um….no dear. Costs too much. But……..don’t worry……..I saved a few bucks by taking stripping lessons and “I’M” gonna do it just for you.”old lady2

“Damn…..I think my attendance numbers are gonna be in the dumps.”

DONATE & SUPPORT: The MisfitWisdom PayPal donate link: (Copy & Paste the link to make a donation for creative effort….and so I can pay for a stripper in advance……just sayin.’) https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=QQST38XT3YK78

Copyright 2015 MisfitWisdom RLV

DILLIGARA Header: Chickart @cox.net

 

 

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to Geez……I’m Kinda looking Forward To Going To Funerals Now…..um….In China

  1. katydidknot says:

    I have always assumed that the most entertaining part of my funeral is going to be the part where my kids try to explain to everyone how I died.

    I’m sure it’s going to be complicated.

    If there are going to be strippers, I’d prefer to have the funeral early, so I can appreciate them, too.

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