Every year this time when I get into my 25 page list of things that need to be done, (compiled by my other half) I know at some point a ladder is going to be involved.
Now first of all, let me state that I have no fear of ladders, climbing a ladder, or, for that matter, walking under one.
BUT…..for some strange reason ladders and I do not click. I kinda feel it’s some sort of ladder retribution for all of the times I used that old ladder joke when I see someone carrying a ladder. You know the old line, “Hey pal, whaddya doin’……takin’ yer case to a higher court…heh, heh, heh.”
So now all of sudden the past few years ladders are out to get me.
Last year while building my MisfitWisdom dog house, (backyard shed) I fell off a freakin’ ladder 6 times. Fortunately, for me, there were bushes and soft ground to cushion my fall. Yep, a few scrapes and scratches, but otherwise no trip needed to the emergency room.
The year before while cleaning the outside windows on the house using a step stool type ladder, I fell off of that onto the sidewalk while my other half was cleaning the inside of the windows and she laughed her butt off while I was lying there writhing in pain.
I think she may have then checked my life insurance policy just to see if is was still valid.
The year before that I was painting our kitchen walls and had one foot on that a step stool ladder and the other on the counter top and slipped and fell on to the floor with paint going everywhere. Did she worry about me then?
Nope……worried about the paint all over the place.
Soooo. This year I got my falling routine out of the way quickly, rather than wait around and have her have to wait all summer long for her falling ladder entertainment.
BUT….I was smart. I made sure she was busy before I performed my comedy routine this time.
I had just finished sealing our roof, and was gathering up all the tools, some of which I just tossed off the roof, and held on to the tar soaked broom and big sealer bucket to take down with me.
Now, as I hate having to make two trips up and down the ladder, due to my odds of at some point falling off, I figured I’d climb down the ladder while holding on to the broom and the empty bucket.
Nooooooo problem…..so I thought.
BUT…….(you know where this is going) halfway down I missed a rung on the ladder, slipped, fell on to the sidewalk with broom and bucket flying, landed on the tar covered broom and knocked my head on the sidewalk.
Truly a comedic stunt worthy of “America’s Funniest Home Videos.”
Soooooooo. As I once again lay there writhing in pain and lying on that tar covered boom I yelled out for my other half. Did she hear me? Of course not. And ya would think after all my ladder falling episodes she’d have been right there waiting in anticipation…….life insurance policy in hand. Cell phone in the other.
Soooooooooooo. I drag my aching body up, head into the house and inform her of my 2015 ladder falling episode.
“Oh, dear, are ya ok? WAIT…..you’ve got tar all over your back. STOP! Take that shirt off NOW and don’t touch anything.”
“But honeeeee, I’m in pain and I konked my head on the sidewalk and I feel kinda dizzy…I might pass out!”
Sooooooooooooooo. I take my shirt off and leaves fall outta it, which sends her into a frenzy.
What immediate action does she take? Yep….dust pan and broom as I stand there woozy.
You can see by now that after all these years of falling off of ladders, her main priority is keeping the house clean and not letting, leaves, tar, blood, and me passing out getting in the way, Gawd I love her.
So, as I see it, after years of performing that ladder routine, I’m either going to kill myself falling off of a ladder one of these days, or I’m going to kill her for laughing all of the times I’m lying there writhing in pain and worrying about me getting the floors dirty.
Justifiable homicide as I see it.
Might have to take my case to a higher court…….heh, heh, heh.
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