Soooo. Here it was the 6th day of April and the skies were clear, the birds chirping, and, believe it or not, the sun was out and the temperature was in the high 40’s. Time to venture out into the yard and access the Winter damage. And bury dead Robins that came back too soon and froze to death
My first priority was to find out where a water leak was coming from that was dripping into our indoor patio. My conclusion, after battling that stubborn leak for the past two years, was, (and this is brilliant) perhaps it was coming from the roof.
After all, the roof is OVERHEAD and it would seem logical that water OVERHEAD would drip DOWN. Made sense to me.
So, I said to myself, “Myself, why don’t ya climb up on the roof, (which is flat and not a peaked type roof) and run the garden hose up there, let it run for a while, and see if water finds its way into the patio.
Which I did. And, while letting the water run, because I didn’t want to just stand around and watch water run, (like watching paint dry) I decided I’d get into another project.
Out walks my other half and complains that running the water will make our water bill skyrocket. To which I respond, “WTF!!! What’s worse, a higher water bill or finding that water leak which, if not fixed will ruin our patio.”
She just walked away.
Sooooo. I then get into mixing cement to fix part of our sidewalk and make a slight riser leading to the outside basement stairs so water will not build up and run down the stairs into our basement.
She comes out once again and complains that I’m getting cement dust all over me.
To which I respond, “WTF…..I’m mixing cement…duh!”
Then complains that I’m getting water all over the driveway by letting the water run down the gutters.
( had no comment on that one as I was holding a shovel and murder entered my mind.)
So, in my battle with the water leak I discovered that one drain on the roof was either clogged somewhat and may have a defective metal part to it which causes water to not only go down the drain but leak into an overhang which then finds its way onto a wood overhang between the siding and the roof and then works its way to the patio.
She appears once again and explains to me that the gutter pipe may be clogged. (I knew this already)
Sooooo. I explain that I already knew that and even though water WAS coming out of the drain, some of it may be finding its way under the overhang.
To which she responds, “”Yes, but I think the drain is clogged.”
YES! That’s it dear….the drain is clogged and that’s why water is not coming out of the gutter at a good pace. BUT……..I unclogged it and it’s still seeping into the overhang.
To which she replies, “Well, I think you have to unclog the drain.”
It was at this point I stared at that shovel again, the cement, and had sinister thoughts.
Fortunately, for her, it was the opening day of Red Sox baseball and she left to go watch the game. I then returned to my projects and used up the remainder of the cement rather than using it on her. I really don’t think they ever would have found her body.
I actually should have just gone with my original plan on the opening day of baseball. Hang out on the roof and pretend I was doing something constructive.
So the rule for all men should be as follows.
1. Never take on a project when your spouse is around. If she is, tie her up, drug her, or give her a few bucks to go shopping.
2. If suggestion number 1 doesn’t work, you can either postpone your projects until she’s gone, or, create a diversion. Like perhaps begging for sex. This will always work if you want a woman to completely avoid you.
3. If by chance, after begging, she actually DOES agree to sex, screw those projects……..
Unless……..she doesn’t because she’s still holding a grudge…………………
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