I, myself, completely avoided making a fool out of myself on April Fools Day because I was smart enough to stay home and not get sucked into being made a fool out of. I ain’t stoopid ya know.
WAIT!!!! I live with a woman. Enough said.
BUT……looking at the list of celebrations in the month of April, I still have plenty of time to accomplish “fool status” by celebrating some of these days honoring Gawd knows what.
So, lets begin by taking a look at our choices beginning with one that caught my eye, “Dyngus Day” celebrated on the 6th. WTF is a “Dyngus” you ask? Well so did I.
According to the Internet, where everything you research has to be true, “Dyngus Day” has nothing to do with celebrating actress Doris Day or is a slang word for being a ding bat.
Its nickname is “Wet Monday” and a celebration held on Easter Monday in Poland and, therefore, celebrated by Polish Americans. How……well traditionally, boys throw water over girls and spank them with pussy willow branches and then the girls get to do the same on Easter Tuesday.
Why you ask? To which I would reply. “Beats the pussy willow f**k outta me.
Also on the 6th is “Sorry Charlie Day.” This day is for anyone named Charlie who has been rejected. Sounds kinda fishy to me.
The 8th is “Draw A Picture Of A Bird Day” Now I have no talent for drawing, and even if I could, why TF would I want to waste my time spending it drawing a picture of a bird. Like who’s gonna see it? So, to celebrate this day, I’ll just post my favorite picture of a bird. I think you can guess why.
The 11th is, (OMFG) “Eight Track Tape Day.” Me thinkith this day was conceived by people like myself who still own 8-tracks, are afraid to throw them out, have nothing to play them on, and think that someday when the world ends, all that will be left will be those 8-tracks and we’ll make a fortune selling them to people whose iPhones and iPads have melted. Hey…..worth a shot!
The 14th is also “Look Up At The Sky Day.” Of course you can do this any day of the month and not just on the 14th. If you’re like me, I do it all the time just to make people look up at the sky to see what TF I’m looking up at the sky at, which usually is nothing, but I do it just to piss people off.
“Hey, what ya looking at pal?”
“Then why are ya lookin’ up at the sky?”
“So I can make you look up at the sky…heh, heh, heh.”
The 15th is “Rubber Eraser Day.” Which leads me to think to myself, Who TF comes up with these inane ideas? Most likely some old spinster teacher who has an addiction to rubber erasers because she has nothing better to do with her life.
The 16th is “National Eggs Benedict Day.” As we all know, Eggs Benedict was the distant cousin of famous turncoat Benedict Arnold. Eggs Benedict was also a ratfink but much lesser known than his cousin.
Also on the 16th is “National Stress Awareness Day.” I’d write about how to celebrate this day but right now I’m too freakin’ stressed out.
The 17th is “Bat Appreciation Day” along with “National Cheeseball Day.” No, NOT baseball bats but bat bats. You know, the ones that have nothing to do but hang around places. Kinda like Batman when there’s no crime going on. Which is where the cheeseballs come into play. Which is what you do when you’re a bat, or Batman, and there’s nothing to do but hang around and eat cheeseballs.
The 19th is “National Garlic Day” where you can skip gargling with Scope because everybody will smell like garlic anyhow. This is also a good day to go hunting for vampires as they have an aversion to garlic.
The 21st in “Kindergarten Day” which is the only day you can legitimately have an excuse to play in a sandbox without looking like a freakin’ weirdo. Bringing a cat along with you helps if you fear you will be ridiculed as you can explain that your cat had to go and the sandbox was a quick option and you were not playing in it but cleaning it for your cat.
The 24th is “Pig In A Blanket Day” and you know where I’m going with this one.
Yes…….the “50 Shades of Grey” route folks. Hey, if ya score with that street walker might as well be comfortable with a nice warm blanket. Ya think?
The 26th is “Hug An Australian Day.” Now this might be a bit difficult for most of us due to the fact that it’s not like we all have Australians living next door to us or we encounter one of them in our everyday travels. Might wanna just download a photo of an Australian and hug it.
So there ya have it. Some of the days you can celebrate in April. AND….make a complete fool outta yourself.
I only picked one to celebrate.
You guessed it. “Pig In A Blanket Day.”
No…I’m NOT gonna track down a hooker and wrap her in a blanket. But, just to do my part ceremoniously, I’m slapping two sausages between bread, getting naked, and eating it under the blanket.
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