There’s A Lot of Really Good Reasons To Be A Hermit

mmmmm

No you idiot….not these hermits

It’s come to my attention that way too much is coming to my attention, therefore I’ve been thinking seriously of the advantages of becoming a hermit.

I’m actually fine till I turn on the tube first thing in the morning to catch the latest news, (I refer to the news channels as the “doom & gloom” channels) and then I begin to feel my eyeballs glazing over, my brain getting clogged up with way too much to absorb, and the endless array of idiots making the news.

Then, by chance, I happened to catch a glimpse of a homeless person who had a big smile on his face. And I sez to myself, “WTF, why is this guy smiling when he’s homeless and has nothing?”

Obviously because he hasn’t watched the news or listened to any news and could give a rats ass about who said what about who. I was thinking the guy still probably thinks Jimmy Carter is President and Congress actually does things.

Which led me to think, “Hey……I could live like this guy.” Yep, I could survive quite well not knowing WTF was going on in the world. Even without social media sites.

mmm

Makes sense to me

Just think of that concept for a moment.

Not knowing about terrorism. Not having a clue who the hell Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Obama, Putin, or Honey Boo Boo was. Actually having a brain that was not infected with prejudice or racism about anything.

Cept maybe for an occasional stray dog that pees on you while you’re sleeping under a cardboard box on a sidewalk.'I only live here six months of the year. I have a second cardboard box in the Hamptons.'

Now you might thing I’m nuts, but, I HAVE been there at one point in my useless life. Back in the mid nineties I actually WAS homeless, living in my van, and surviving from day-to-day.

This was after a divorce, a loss of a job, and moths residing in my wallet.

BUT…..I made the best of it. AND……actually I didn’t give that rats’ ass about anything other than existing from day-to-day and saving up whatever I could from eventually driving a taxi and stashing my earnings in an empty can of SPAM that I hid under my van dashboard.

Which is the main reason I love eating SPAM today. Kind of a sentimental attachment.

Did I worry about world affairs? No. Politics? No. Racism? No. Who said what about who? No. I only cared about surviving. That was it! AND……I was happy.

YES! Happy. As poor as I was I was happy. No bills to worry about. Cept for gas in my van, and that was a not really a worry because I really didn’t drive anywhere anyhow.

There could have been all sorts of doom and gloom news stories in the news, but if there were, I never heard about them. And didn’t care either.

Seems to be working for me so far

Seems to be working for me so far

I was happy. Happy, happy, happy. And didn’t need to smoke any weed to get that happy either. Unlike today when I could use a ton of weed to make me happy. Along with a 100 milligram dose of a really good tranquilizer.

(sigh)

I’ve told my other half, Ms. “OMFG The World Is Gonna End” because she worries about EVERYTHING, including stuff like the ice-cube maker in our fridge making too many ice cubes, that if anything ever happened to her I’d do the following things.

Cancel my cable TV service because I’d not only save $109 dollars a month, but also never see another image of Wolf Blitzer screaming doom and gloom news. Along with never hearing the words “Fox News” and SNOW! PANIC……..PANIC……PANIC!!!!

mmmm

CNN: Constant News Numbness

Next I’d cancel our daily newspaper because it’s a useless piece of garbage anyhow. Cept for the comics, obits and the crossword puzzle. The only things worth reading in MY newspaper.

Next would be gluing my radio dial to a station that only plays oldies music from the 50’s thru the 60’s. I could actually understand music lyrics back then. However, I’m still attempting to figure out “The Name Game” by Shirley Ellis.

This might help……..https://youtu.be/-7NEYSKRJzA

Lastly, the Internet and my telephones.

My telephones are already perfect. Call screening. If “unknown” shows on my caller ID, hey, I don’t know you, you don’t know me, so f**k off. I ain’t answering the phone. Might even leave that message on my phone so when ya call you’ll get the message.hermit7

Now, lastly, the Internet.

Um….WAIT!

Damn! If I dump the Internet I won’t be able to post this stupid blog. F**K!!!!

Um, then again, why would I want to post this stupid useless blog if I didn’t know what the hell was going on in the world and had nothing to write about.

Hmmmmm. (thinking)

Maybe I should seek some counseling out first and see what the doc sez……………….hermit2

Ok….Ok…….I’ll keep the Internet just to whine.

Whine about what if I don’t have contact with the outside world ya ask?

Cats! Yes….the only thing I’d whine about. Cats!

Because I’d still be stuck with 3 free loading cats who would most likely eat better than me, being a hermit. That’s the bad side of being a hermit and having 3 cats.

The good news. All I’d have to deal with is “meow.”

And ya can’t get any doom and gloom bad news outta a meow.

mmmmm

Just sayin.’

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About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at Amazon.com books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on Amazon.com and Kindle
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2 Responses to There’s A Lot of Really Good Reasons To Be A Hermit

  1. katydidknot says:

    The doom and gloom channels are just that. For all the talk by the liberals during Bush’s years and the crazy panic by the right during Obama’s, my life hasn’t been changed much by anything that’s been done in DC, despite the fact that both sides are evidently “destroying the country.”

    Well, I have health insurance for the first time since I was a kid, but other than that, I mean… no difference.

    • misfit120 says:

      Thanks Katy. I was tongue and cheek making my point in today’s blog but it’s 100% true. I was thinking as writing that blog what other countries must think of us. We are most likely the laughing stock of the world. How sad.

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