It’s Not Easy Being A Dick….(sigh)

dick22 First of all, because I know you’re all thinking of that line, “NO! I do not have any gum on my Dick.” Or, as I have endured for many years, “Hey! Got any gum on ya Dick?”

That said, I have no idea how you get “Dick” outta someone named “Richard.” Or how a man’s body part got to be called a Dick in the first place.

Sooooo, being a bit curious, as to why a “Dick” (penis) should be called a “Dick” (not me) I went surfing on the Web to find out exactly how this came to be. And what son-of-a bitch I can blame for calling a penis a Dick.


Nicknamed “Virgin” for short

Here’s an explanation:

“A few years after Edward Ward published his poem, the name Roger also came to denote penis. This was, in fact, the first of several male given names to be bestowed on that part of the male anatomy—Thomas followed in 1811, Dick in 1891, Peter in 1902 and Willie in 1905. To some extent, the application of these names to the penis occurred simply because those names were considered typically male, the kind of name that Joe Blow or any Tom, Dick or Harry might have. […] With Peter, however, there may be an additional reason why it came to denote penis: that name derives from the Greek petros, meaning stone, a material whose hardness might recall the firmness of an erection. The word is still used with that stony sense in the name saltpeter, a chemical compound that was once given to young men and soldiers to reduce their sexual ardour. […] Last names, too, have been bestowed on the penis, such as Johnson, which dates back to the mid nineteenth century but has recently gained wide currency.”

Hmmmm. So because those names like Roger, Thomas, Dick, Peter and Willie were considered to be male, if ya had a penis, which is standard equipment in males, then it would seem logical that your body part would then be called one of those names.

And, as also pointed out, if your last name was “Johnson” you got, (pardon the pun ) sucked into that penis association stuff as well. But as far as I’m concerned, “Dicks” take the brunt of penis abuse.

I mean, look, would it sound the same if your name was any of the other ones mentioned above and someone, for example, called you a Rogerhead, Thomashead, Peterhead or Williehead?

NO! But call someone a “Dickhead” and everyone knows what the hell you meant.


Hey ET, be thankful it’s not Dickhead

And “Johnson”…………….WTF!

How many Johnson jokes can ya crack?

“Hey, got any gum on your Johnson?”

“Hey, does your Johnson come in 28 flavors?”

Wille and Woody I don’t get either. Well, ya gotta cut “Woody” a bit of slack there because we all know what happens when a guy gets turned on. He gets a “woody” but NOT a Willie. No disrespect to anyone named Willie who may get a woody on various occasions.

But getting back to “Dick.” By far this is the most common slang word for a penis. By the way……has anyone EVER met a guy who’s real first name was “Penis” and THEN then called him “Dick” for short? Just a thought there.


WHAT! No “Dick!”

Anyhow, throughout my entire lifetime I rolled with the flow whenever anyone asked me if I had “gum on me” or my Dick, by simply carrying gum in my pocket and giving those wisenheimers the choice of a newly unwrapped piece of gum or the one that I was chewing and, if desired, could actually place it on my “dick” if they preferred it that way. Usually they opted for the wrapped one. Thank Gawd.

I did get called other names besides Dick. Usually nicknames which turned out to be much less associated with a body part. Like, “Vicc” because my last name was too hard to pronounce so my friends shortened it rather than slur a bunch of vowels that somehow seem threatening to anyone attempting to pronounce a long Italian name.


Yeah, I gets it, but ya know….youse don’t looka Italian

And….if you’ve always wondered how nicknames came to be……………..


The origin of nicknames

Yes, there are times I get called, “Dickster” as well. But, it doesn’t seem as penis related as  being called “Dick.”

And my other half always calls me “Dick” all the time and never once asked me if I had any gum either. Although, I suspect that she avoids any Dick/penis references because she’s afraid it might give me ideas (sex) and we men all know that’s the LAST thing any woman who you’re married to wants to happen.

So, in conclusion, I’m stuck being a “Dick” for the rest of my life. (I disowned my parents many years ago for naming me Richard)


Damn you mom!!!!!

But, after reading that last reference to “Joe” in those explanations of names and penises above, I don’t feel so bad anymore. I’d rather endure the “Dick” and “gum” jokes than be called “Joe Blow.” Gawd knows what the hell guys named Joe had to endure.

“Hey Joe…….heh, heh, ya wanna…………me”

Just sayin.’

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Copyright 2015 MisfitWisdom RLV


About misfit120

Former disc jockey, (Dick Jones) 30 years, and author of, "I Could Have Been Famous But Sex, Love & Life Got In The Way" available at books, & Kindle, "The Covert Chamber" a mystery novel available at and Barnes & Noble, and "Forgotten" the story of two WWI pilots who were forgotten for over 70 years available on and Kindle
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