Which leads most normal people to say to themselves…….”YES……WHERE THE F**K IS SPRING FOR GAWD’S SAKE!!!!” (as I sit here on the fourth day of Spring looking out my living room window at the snow falling and a squirrel banging on my patio window begging for food.
I WAS ready for Spring, then, I quickly regained my sanity and wished for more Winter weather once my other half dragged out her list of things that needed to be done as soon as the weather got better.
As we men all know, when it comes to Spring, we immediately think of things like sprucing up our vehicles after a long rough winter. Baseball, golf, firing up the barbecue, and in general just relaxing out in the yard doing enjoyable stuff like…………………WAIT!!!!
WTF IS THIS?????
Yes…..it’s the one thing all men cringe at the site of…..the dreaded “Spring To Do List.”
All Winter long. while us men are either watching football, or frolicking in the snow, (otherwise known as shoveling our butts off) women are sitting comfortably in the house compiling a list, (usually several pages long) of things that need to be done come Spring.
This “list thing” comes from a gene that is implanted in all women upon birth.
Soooooo……..before I tell you what’s on my “to do” list, a look at women’s logic once again.
WHY? Because if you’re a man, and you get that “to do” list you obviously study it intensely and arrange things that your other half wants you to do in order of “importance.” Which…of course, is using what we men laughingly refer to as “logic.”
Soooooooooooooo. On my list was what “I” thought was of immediate “importance” considering the boss went into a ballistic state of panic if THIS were not taken care of immediately, which, during the Winter was totally impossible, which, almost drove me insane. Not the problem, but HER!!!
Ya see, we had water coming into our basement from our outside stairs which are level with our driveway sidewalk and therefore the melting snow and a good rainstorm allowed water to find its way down the stairs, under the basement door and into the rest of the basement.
Now, to ME, being totally illogical, THAT was FIRST on my “to do” list.
So, I sez to her, “Yep, as soon as the weather breaks and the 50 feet of snow is gone and I can find our shed, I’m gonna build a riser on the sidewalk so the water can’t come in.”
“To which she replies, “But I want the outside windows painted first.”
Once again thoughts of where to bury her body crossed my mind. Perhaps submerged in two feet of water after the next rain storm and claiming that she must have tripped while in the basement and drowned and I didn’t know it because I was busy outside painting the windows.
So ya see women logic there in order of importance.
Now, just to vent about what’s on my list.. Other than those windows and water problem. In no particular order.
1, Paint the entire kitchen. Why? She doesn’t like the color that SHE picked out when I painted it 3 years ago.
2. Go up on the roof and clean all of the leaves out of the drains. Actually this one I don’t mind at all because she’s terrified of climbing ladders and I can basically dog it for hours up there in peace and quiet without her bugging me. Good place for a snooze too.
3. Fix a piece of the ceiling that water managed to seep in thru back in 1985 and never has had water come in again. (NOTE) In my defense, I waited to fix that for a bit just to make sure water would not come in again. Like 15 years.
4. Take all of the stuff that I’ve accumulated over my lifetime to the Goodwill Store. This is so that she can have room for all of the stuff she’s accumulated in her lifetime.
5. Add shelves to that new shed I built in the yard last summer just in case after getting rid of all my stuff that I took to Goodwill she still doesn’t have enough room for her stuff in the house.
6. Plant new grass in the front of the house. Which I’ve done for the past 8 years. Which never grows. Nor does anything else. BUT…it makes her and the people who sell grass seed happy.
There’s more things to do on her list but I’m not going to list all of them because my eyes are bleeding now just writing about what I have to do. AND….for any women reading this, I don’t wanna give them any ideas…..lest I get death threats from their husbands.
So, the next time you run into any guy who’s not married, or is divorced, and he always has a big smile on his face………..now you know why.
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