News item: (quotes from “Liberals Unite” website)
The headline read: “DEA AGENT PREDICTS DOPE-CRAZED RABBITS IF UTAH PASSES MARIJUANA BILL”
“The State of Utah is considering a bill legalizing the use of edible forms of marijuana for certain debilitating medical conditions.”
Um…ok…soooooo what’s the big deal here?
Besides rabbits being crazed out on pot.
“A DEA agent testified before a hearing of a Utah State Senate committee last week that if the state passed the bill the state’s wildlife may “cultivate a taste” for marijuana and lose their fear of humans.”
Ok….so rabbits and other animals may get stoned on pot because they may decide that they enjoy being stoned, sooooo?
Step up front and center Jeremy Roberts, president of a company called, “Medical Cannabis Payment Solutions” who replied to a statement by Matt Fairbanks, a Special Agent for the Drug Enforcement Administration, who said, “The deforestation has left marijuana growths with even rabbits that have cultivated a taste for marijuana. One of them (a rabbit I assume) refused to leave us, and we took all the marijuana around him, but his natural instincts to run were somehow gone.”
To which Roberts replied, ” I was kind of shocked to find out the killer rabbit of Caerbannog from Monty Python and the Holy Grail is actually in the Utah mountains.”
Because obviously this story is about Utah, which may pass a law legalizing marijuana sales in some circumstances, most likely medical marijuana sales. Like if you’re a doctor you can buy pot….I guess.
Roberts continued, “Evidently we hear that it makes rabbits go crazy if it’s grown in Utah, in the mountains, so one of the things we want to do is make sure we don’t have any crazed rabbits any more in Utah, and actually bring that into control into the Department of Professional Licensing.”
From what I can determine, that DEA guy is afraid that rabbits will have access to marijuana if it is legally grown in Utah thereby, because rabbits multiply like crazy, we could have gazillions of stoned out rabbits roaming the Utah countryside. And Gawd knows what would happen then.
More rabbits perhaps. Because you all know what rabbits like to do, and, if they’re high on pot, holy cripes, Utah will have rabbits comin’ outta their ears.
Not to mention what could happen when Easter rolls around and we’re all looking for some nice colorful Easter eggs and instead get psychedelic painted eggs instead.
Now I don’t wanna say that the DEA is jumping the gun, or rabbit hare…um…..”here” folks, but ya gotta consider their track record. Especially this DEA guy Fairbanks.
“The Washington Post” reported that Fairbanks, (I assume because he is an expert on what marijuana looks like) sent some of his colleagues out to conduct a raid on such plants growing, in all places, a retiree’s garden.
Can’t trust them old seniors ya know.
Soooooo. What exactly did the Gestapo marijuana experts confiscate? How about a bunch of okra plants. Yep……seized them all.
Boy, bet they were surprised when they tried to smoke that stuff.
Anyhow, in spite of Fairbanks testimony, which I assume was “OMG…doom, gloom, stoned rabbits, maybe even Smokey the Bear, or worse Yogi bear getting high on weed,” the Utah Senate committee voted 3-2 to approve the bill and send it to the full Senate, (full of what I have no clue) after nearly a two-hour debate about the legal and moral dangers of allowing a medical marijuana program in Utah.
And letting rabbits who may have a medical condition legally purchase marijuana.
The article actually read, “after a nearly two-hour debate about the legal and moral dangers of allowing a medical marijuana program in the heavily Mormon state.”
Now what all this has to do with marijuana and Mormons is beyond me. Guess they figured if they threw in a Mormon or two perhaps, fearing they might not go to Heaven, legislators might vote that law down.
Unless…..Mormons smoke pot too. Ya never know.
After all, isn’t Mitt Romney a Mormon? And, maybe, jusssst maybe when he made that remark that “Corporations are people too,” that perhaps he was smokin’ some really good stuff.
And if he wasn’t, cripes his running mate in the last presidential election, Paul Ryan, sure as hell was.
I mean….come on! Look at this guy. Does he look stoned out or what!!!! How many rabbits has THIS guy been hangin’ out with in the forest?
In conclusion, ya can’t rule out that Mormons do not smoke pot. Or that because there are a lot of Mormons in Utah it means they’ll vote against legalizing medical marijuana.
Or that all rabbits will get stoned and Utah will be overrun with drug crazed rabbits.
Is it me, or does the DEA have waaaaaay too much time on their hands.
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