For instance, why is it I can walk into a store to buy something, swipe my debit card, (yes, I’m still a dinosaur using a debit card instead of an app) and SHAZAM! by the time I get back home and check my bank account via my stupid phone, (I don’t own a smart phone) my bank shows the amount I paid already deducted from my account.
AND…….if I use the same method to pay for something I ordered on-line……. SHAZAM AGAIN! it’s immediately deducted from my bank account.
BUT……say for instance, I receive the item I purchased and I am not satisfied with it, or it malfunctions, and I wanna return it, so I call the company and they IMMEDIATELY send me a postage paid return label via the World Wide Spider Web, and I affix it to the package and send it on its way and then sit back and wait for my refund.
How long does a refund take? Oh…..give or take a month or so. WTF is with THAT!
Am I missing something in this electronic payment world here? Like we can pay for something with all kinds of apps and gizmos instantaneously, but ask for a freakin’ “instantaneous refund” and any representative you talk to on the phone doesn’t have a clue or speaks gobbledygook to ya.
“Hello, is this Framus Enterprises?”
“Yes, you’ve reached Framus Enterprises customer service hotter than hot hotline. Press 1 For your account balance. 2 For billing questions from our representative Bill. 3 If you wish to place an order. 4 If you can’t find the prompt you’re looking for. 5 If you pressed that last button (4) which then requires you to press a combination of buttons 4 and 5 at which point we really don’t give a rats ass why you’re calling and you’ll get a dial tone. Have a nice day.” (click)
Which by then, smoke emits from your ears and your eyeballs glaze over and you, as I do, yell into the phone prior to that click as loud as you can, “REPRESENTATIVE!!!!!” Which usually works.
So, as you’ve probably figured out by now, my mind gets kinda fuzzy when things don’t make sense to me. As in instantaneous transactions but only cash going to merchants and NOT back to you. Which, in that case 99.9 percent of the time takes, as they like to say in the corporate merchant business world, “four to six weeks” to get a refund.
WHICH, because apparently there are no resources for REFUNDING your cash immediately, as in deference to taking YOUR cash immediately, usually means, in merchant gobbledygook, a month.
Or, as they like to point out………business days. Which means you can’t count weekends as part of your refund mail out cycle. Because, as we all know, no one works on the weekend, including the postal service. So, ya gotta cut them some slack there.
Although, some can find some solace in weekends while waiting for a refund check to arrive….in vain.
So the point to all this is that you can have the mother of all apps on your iPhone, computer, tablet, ham sandwich, and it’s still gonna work that way. Instantaneous payments for all of the goodies your heart desires paid to merchants in a New York Minute.
BUT……in reverse….if ya want that cash back…….heh, heh, no freakin’ app is gonna help ya get it back any quicker bunky.
The reason for this?
Beats the f**k outta me.
But…I DO have a theory.
Which is that all merchants, obviously wanting to make as much money as they can in their lifetimes, gazillions maybe, have not updated their computers to accept dishing out refunds to consumers post-haste.
The only updates with those new nuclear apps to zap money out of your pocket “post-haste” is an incoming function only.
Which, in answer to my friend Bobby’s question, “Hey, how come ya don’t have a smartphone…..whaddya stoopid?”
I wouldith reply, “Now Robert, why would I want faster stuff like an iPhone with all kinds of apps, or high-speed Internet, or any of that stuff to make things go faster…….when…….the entire retail refund business operates on “MS DOS”….DUH!”
Besides……do I really want ANY device to be smarter than me?
Um…..with the exception of my Microferndock 5000 radar detector.
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